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Broken Pieces

Chapter Eight

By Roofles

Reese body began to relax, his breath evening out as he looked at the human before him.

He was far younger than Alan was, pushing his late twenties at most. Logan had a charming smile, with a small dimple in one cheek. His hair had grown out since the last time Reese had seen him and he was wearing a casual Hawaiian shirt. It was ugly. Reese hated it. Just like how he hated that cocky smile Logan had plastered onto his face, interrupting him.

“Logan.” Reese growled the name out. He eased up, shaking his head as he rubbed his brow with one hand feeling the ache of these past several weeks catching up to him.

“What? You said it was a luau!” Logan showed off his shirt, pulling on it before spinning around and walking over to Alan with the same motion. “Alan. Hey there. How are you doing?”

“Logan. I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Alan got a strong hug from the other man who just slapped his arm several times with a laugh after, Logan defusing the situation just as quickly as it had begun.

“I heard you guys were having a party and so I thought I’d come for a visit.” He shrugged, glancing over at the wolf. Reese wasn’t looking at either of them. The new Alpha was impossible to read as he stared blankly to the side and, instinctively, Logan had placed himself between the wolf and other human.

Logan knew Reese would never hurt Alan, but the feeling was always there, lingering in the back of his mind. He knew what it was like to be attacked by a predator like Reese.

“And you just had that… shirt with you?” Alan pulled back to look at it in disgust. It was brightly colored blue with yellow pineapples and Alan, as a proud gay man, cringed at the sight. Even Reese wouldn’t have worn something so out there.

It might’ve been exactly why Logan had gotten it.

Everyone else began to ease up, clearing out and giving them their space. Reese had calmed down and it didn’t look like there would be any kind of punishment game done, this night. The Alpha would find someone to blame for this and everyone else could watch the spectacle of them being punished for disrupting the pack.

It was a game to the others that behaved, a reward for following orders. A cruel thing. A punishment game.

Something that his late father Mauler, one of the pack’s previous Alpha’s, had invented. Mauler would showcase these “games” during the midnight howl bonfire they used to have up near their mansion before it went up in smoke. He’d picked out the weakest member or the one who had fucked up the most that month, bringing them forward in front of everyone else to humiliate and mock.

It had been a monthly occurrence for the pack. Something even Bale, Reese’s brother, and another previous Alpha, had kept up as if it were some sick kind of tradition. Now, with Reese as Alpha several members were expecting the older brother to following in the twisted act.

Some had been waiting for it. Others had been trying to bait Reese into doing so. And now, finally, it looked like it might be happening. The true face of an Alpha and the warning such a thing would send to their enemies…

Just as Reese was about to give into the dark thoughts, Logan had stepped in and changed the course of things as if waiting for the right moment to announce his presence there at the party. His shirt caught several eyes, his attitude and voice lifting their spirits back up as if to say “hey, don’t forget this is a party” instead of the cruel game some of them wished it to be.

The two humans were lost in their own little world as they stepped aside, Alan already asking Logan a half dozen questions about where he’d been and what he’d been up to.

“It’s been ages since I saw you! I didn’t even think, or know, you were coming tonight.” Alan smiled at his friend.

“Reese insisted.” Logan just shrugged, playing it off as he kept one eye on the large wolf standing nearby. Reese hadn’t sat back down, just standing there. Standing there, perfectly still as if he were a statue instead. Everyone gave him space, staying far out of the wolf’s reach as he dwelled on whatever inner demons he was currently facing.

Logan just shrugged and gave a single nod to Barreth who eased up after seeing the human. The wolf had stepped up in Alan’s defense, waiting to drag the human away if need be to protect him. Barreth was the only one to notice that Logan had waited for that exact moment to defuse the situation, deescalating things from the violent course they were about to take. Barreth had been worried he’d have to get between his Alpha and his mate otherwise.

He wasn’t as good with his words as Logan was.

A man that had shown up at their club one night and had talked, and slept, his way into their ranks. Now here he was, an honorary member of the pack. Sort of. Logan was quickly given one of the bowls of chicken from the luau as if he belonged there, the other wolf bowing his head to him before scurrying off to the lower ranking members that kept off to the side.

Barreth wasn’t the only one, then, to notice the act.

Alan watched with a frown. Seeing how the others accepted Logan and welcomed him into their ranks so easily. Alan only knew a few things that Logan had done for them, for him and for Reese. Logan had earned his spot here. Alan had never been welcomed like that before, feeling like an outcast in his home.

Watching as Logan was welcomed with open arms and wagging tails.

Laughs were shared, others hugging the human as Logan played it off or played it up depending on who they were. Logan was so good at reading other people it was scary. Alan could never do that. To fit in so seamlessly. He was the odd one out here, not Logan.

Maybe it would be best if it were Logan here, instead of Alan…

Alan took a step away, turning back towards the house. Planning to retreat for the evening when he felt a touch on his arm. He paused at that, glancing back to see Salt standing there. His older brother Pepper was behind him, hunkered down as if to hide from the human’s gaze.

“Salt. Pepper.” Alan felt the tension leaving him as he smiled at the two brothers. “What can I help you with?”

“The pups are asking for you.” Salt said, ears splayed out as he kept his head low. He wasn’t meeting his gaze. Pepper grunted behind his brother, giving Salt an encouraging shove to get him to continue. “A-Alan…?”

“Yes, Salt. What is it?” Alan made sure to smile, even if he felt tired and drained from all this. It was becoming such a chore to deal with this wolf politics. The drama of it all. The social standings and rankings. Alan was growing tired of it all.

“Are you really planning on… On leaving us…?” Salt voice shook slightly, and he looked up at the human with large puppy dog eyes, whimpering softly. Alan instinctively wanted to reach out to pet and soothe his worries but resisted the overwhelming urge to.

You can’t treat a wolf as you would a dog. No matter how much they may look alike at times, a wolf wasn’t a dog and that made this all the harder.

“I’m not leaving.” Alan said and, at that, he could see one of Reese’s ears twitch. The wolf was listening into every word he had to say, ignoring everything else around them. “Yet.” He forced the word out and he saw Reese’s ears fold back. “There’s just… a lot going on, is all. Right now. I’m not abandoning you guys or leaving Reese or anything as dramatic as that… it’s just… just dumb adult stuff. Is all. I hope you both don’t have to experience any of this when your older.”

Alan hated saying it like that. Adult stuff. It was, in a way, true. But he remembered being young and his own parents telling him that. It was adult stuff, and he didn’t need to worry about it. To be pushed aside, hit if he acted out, and kept quiet and obedient.

Like a subservient dog to them.

The problem with that? Eventually, every kid grows up to become an adult. If they don’t know how to handle those problems and were never taught how to deal or cope with them, then what chance did they have in resolving them when they do grow up?

“It’s dumb and complicated and boring stuff.” Alan chuckled, rubbing the back of his head as he looked between Salt and Pepper. “You both go run on to help out with the pups. I’ll be over shortly. I need to talk with your brother. And keep the others away from them and… and PB…”

It hurt to say the name and the word stuck in his throat as if not wanting to come out.

“I’ll join you shortly. Promise.” Alan forced a smiled to his tired face and the two brothers nodded before running off, following Alan’s wishes in hopes of winning his favor in the future.

Alan didn’t need to raise his voice but did. He knew Reese was listening to every word he said. Everything the human did was the central focus and foundation for… all of this. Or so Alan had thought. Wanted to believe. To believe he was that special.

He wasn’t, Alan knew that. He never was. Alan was just the loser human that had gotten caught up in all of this. Swept away in the drama of a wolf pack all because he had wanted to love one of their members…

A wolf who didn’t love him anymore, he was sure.

It didn’t make this any easier as he waved Salt and Pepper off and headed towards the house.

Alan didn’t shut the back door. There was no reason to as he made his way over towards the basement, the one place they might get some semblance of privacy in. Heavy steps followed after him and Alan resisted the urge to shiver as the door shut behind Reese.

The wolf stalking after him and into the house and, soon enough, down into the basement. Following like a shadow after the human.

“Reese.” Alan didn’t turn around. “I need to talk to you.”

Alan stood there, before the dog bed he’d been using for over the past three years living here. It wasn’t that comfortable. There wasn’t enough support and he liked being able to flop back into his bed. This one, he had to lower himself down before doing so.

It was so dumb. How small these issue were. This dog bed. It was one of many and, when left alone, was just another festering problem Alan desperately needed to talk about and address. It was so hard to. Not just because of his introvert personality or his discomfort in facing a problem head on, it was also because the man he had ended up with wasn’t that kind of wolf.

Reese wasn’t a talker. His face usually a void, impossible to read. His hidden thoughts and feelings kept secreted away, locked away deep in the vault of his heart. A place that even Alan couldn’t reach. No matter how hard he tried at times.

There was no way of fixing what was broken. You just learned to live with it or… or you don’t.

The wolf walked over on heavy steps and Alan was soon draped in his arms, the wolf nuzzling down at his hair. Alan could feel Reese sniffing him. Over his hair and face. His tongue darted out, licking away a drop of sweat Alan didn’t know had been there before that whiskered muzzle nuzzle him lovingly. Possessively. Needily, wanting attention like a neglected dog.

Or, maybe, it was Reese’s way of trying to comfort him. It was impossible to tell with someone like Reese. Impossible to fully know what the wolf was feeling or thinking in those moments no matter how hard you tried, or bled, to know. You never would.

“Alan.” Reese growled the word lustfully and the human had to stop Reese from unbuttoning his shirt.

“Reese.” Alan let out his breath. He wanted the wolf to continue. It had been ages since the two of them had the luxury of burning off some of their sexual frustrations with each other. Wanting to give his body to the wolf’s hungry desires and be used as his chew toy again. “I need to talk.”

“After.” The wolf continued to nuzzle him, pressing against him, resting his weight against the back of Alan’s head and over his body. Reese chuckled as he undid several more buttons. “It’s been so long.” The wolf growled out as he pressed down on the smaller male. “I’ve missed you…”

Alan knew what this was.

The wolf thinking that these issues and problems were just because Alan and him hadn’t fucked for the past couple of weeks. Like a real good fucking. They had done some over the sheet stuff, some paw play, a BJ here or there but little else. Reese was convinced that a good boning could solve this.

A knotting would solve everything.

It would solve one of their problems but not enough as Alan took hold of the wolf’s large hands, stopping him, and pulled them away. Alan’s hands were so small compared to the predator looming over him. Yet, the smallest of touches from them caught the wolf’s full attention.

Reese didn’t ease up, but Alan managed to at least turn around to face him.

“Reese.” Alan said his name again. “This is serious…”

Reese took a second on that. His ears folding back as those large sapphire blue eyes searched the human’s face amidst the tangled depths of black fur covering Reese’s face. Trying to understand what Alan wasn’t telling him. Yet... Yet, preparing for the worse.

Reese wasn’t sure if he could take that. Not again. His own fears and discomforts made his fur begin to stand up. The wolf wanting to punch someone. To hurt them as he was beginning to feel. Whoever it was that had convinced the human to want to leave, Reese would make them bleed for it…

“Yes… Yes. We can. Talk.” Reese eased up, taking a step back and turned away from the human. “What happened back there… for that. I’m…” Reese struggled to say the simple word. “Why…?” His voice was no more than a whisper. A whine escaping him as Reese tried to keep it together. “Alan, I’m… I’m…”

To keep the pieces from breaking apart.

“Sorry. I know.” Alan let out his breath. He’d been with Reese long enough to finish the wolf’s sentences or at least understand his train of thought, somewhat. Alan might’ve been the only one able to. As far as one could with someone like Reese. Reese… wasn’t normal and it was something Alan would have to live with for the rest of his life. “We’ve both been overworked, under slept and just… fucking tired.” He chuckled.

The human saying the words Reese couldn’t for him.

“It’s been a lot. One thing after another. Wolves showing up. Helping Logan and Domino out. The clubs burning down… the city being attacked… gang wars. The fires. The sinkhole,” Alan just took a shaky breath. “Fuck. It’s been a lot. And now… now PB is here and just. Fuck. FUCK!” He shouted out.

It was good to let it out. Alan had to be the strong one in their relationship, being the emotional support Reese and his brothers needed to deal with everything happening. It was exhausting. It was a weight tied around his neck, threatening to pull him down if he let it.

It was good to shout. To express his anger about it all.

“Why couldn’t we have a single year go by without something, SOMETHING happening!” Alan shook his head, shaking his arms off and trying to shake it all off. “Just a single year, together. Is that so damn much to ask for? Now he’s here…”

Alan didn’t face Reese and, sometimes, the smallest of gestures were the hardest ones to ignore.

“Is this. Is this because he’s back…?” Reese had to ask. Had to know. To know if this was PB’s fault. That he could try and understand where Alan was coming on all this.

Reese didn’t have the other dogs here anymore to help him understand how others think or feel. If Togo and Clem moved out… Reese would have no one to support him in this. In his relationship with the human. With the other wolves. Reese wouldn’t know who to watch, to copy, to mimic and pretend to be.

Pretend to be normal like everyone was. They made it look so easy. To be normal… how they thought, how they felt, how they could express themselves… Reese would watch TV shows, studying the actors and copying the things they said, the way they said them. Inflecting his words and expressing his face to try and match how others did it.

Because, when he looked in a mirror, all Reese saw was the broken mess staring back at him.

“PB being back? Well, yes and no.” Alan said and quickly went on before Reese could jump on it. “I had planned to move out with Clem and Togo and Charles a while ago. Way before PB showed up on our doorstep…”

“Logan said…” Reese gritted his teeth and Alan stepped forward. A single hand brushed the wolf’s muzzle and Reese faltered at that. Freezing up at Alan’s touch.

To anyone else, it might look as if the wolf were taken by the human. Surprised by the gesture and lost in the feel of it. Alan knew better. Alan knew why Reese froze up like this around him…

The wolf was afraid to hurt him. Reese was afraid that, if he moved, he would hurt the only good thing left in his life and force it away. As he had done everything else…

“Reese.” Alan said his name. “Breathe.” And the wolf did. “Just take a slow, deep breath… then let it out. We need to talk about this. A lot of stuff. You need to let me finish, though. So, you can understand everything before you get lost in that beautiful dumb head of yours.”

Reese grumbled at that, glaring at the human from his teasing.

“What? The beautiful part? Or the dumb part?” Alan smirked and Reese poking his side with a finger making the human squirm. “H-hey, easy there killer!”

Reese flinched at that, but Alan didn’t notice.

“All I’m saying is, take a seat first. Take a breath. Let’s just ease up a bit and talk this over. Everything.” Alan licked his suddenly dry lips and was already walking over to the small minifridge to get a drink. “Want one?” He asked, already pulling one out for Reese.

The wolf just stood there, in the room, looking towards the side. Reese didn’t take a seat. He didn’t move or answer him. Just standing there, thinking.

“Reese…?” Alan lifted up the root beer bottle.

“I did all this for us…” Reese said the words spitefully. His right hand balled into a fist. It was shaking. Reese trying to hold back. “I thought. I thought this was what you’d want… what I was supposed to do. To make you happy… To make everything okay again.”

“Want?” Alan was about to get on him for that but stopped himself. Taking a breath, he let it out, easing down. Reese was a difficult and complicated person to deal with. Alan had years of practice and still struggled at times.

Getting angry at the wolf wouldn’t solve anything. Reese wasn’t like the others. You couldn’t just approach him the way you would anyone else.

Alan opened the bottle and walked over, bumping Reese in the arm with it before the wolf took it. He stopped, looking down at the bottle as if unsure what it was or what he was supposed to do with it. What would someone else do? What would someone on TV do or what would one of the other dogs do when offered a drink. Do you drink it? Hold it? Should Reese hit his bottle gently against Alan’s before the two of them toasted…

Laugh about it? Talking about it? Should Reese take a drink and then ask what he thought of it? What should he do? What would one of the other dogs do.

What do you do?

What do you do!

WHAT DO YOU DO?

“Reese.” Alan said his name and the wolf took a breath, not even realizing he hadn’t taken a drink yet.

“Alcoholic root beer…?” Reese glanced at the human. His lips pulled up in a smile, his ears relaxing, and the look fooled even Alan. Hiding his discomfort. Hiding the fact that Reese didn’t know what to do as he playfully distracted the problem with his words.

“Yeah, Clem got me into it.” Alan just chuckled, taking a much-needed drink. “Ah, not bad. Not bad. Not your daddy’s root beer, I think it’s called. A little sweet for my taste.”

“Too sweet for you…? I’m not buying it.” Reese lip twitch and, for a second, he smiled.

“Okay. Okay. These are delicious and I love them! I’m going to get fat off the stuff. The wolves tease me, though, when I drank them…” Alan brought up. It was a nice way to loop this back around to the main issue and problem they were having.

The outsiders calling this place their home and trying to change the way they did things here to fit their needs instead. Forcing Alan and the others out. The wolves had come into their territory and were strategically getting rid of the ones who had been here originally, pretending as if they were there first. It was a smart, if scummy, move to make Alan had to admit.

“Which wolves?” Reese instantly pounced on. Not wanting anyone to talk bad about his mate.

“I’m not going to give names.” Alan already knew what would happen if he did. It was a weight, in itself, on the human’s shoulders. All Alan had to do was point at someone and then, the next day, the wolf wouldn’t be there anymore.

Forced out of the pack and their new territory. There was a saying that Alan never forgot. Something Reese had once told him.

“A lone wolf was a dead wolf.”

Without a pack to protect them, anyone that was kicked out would have to fend for themselves. And… and that made Alan’s chest tight, and he tried not to let the tears show as he realized just how painful those words were.

That was exactly what had happened to PB in the end…

Alan wouldn’t wish that fate on his worse enemies.

“Alan. Who?” Reese gave a low, warning growl.

“Reese, it wasn’t like that. They didn’t… they didn’t say it directly to me. Not directly…” Alan took a second, just looking at Reese before turning away. “I can see it. I can hear them say it behind my back… you guys are extremely expressive. Despite saying otherwise. It isn’t hard to see what’s on their minds. Just watch the ears and tails and whiskers. Read their body language and you can… you can tell that I don’t belong here. Not with them… Reese, I don’t belong in this wolf pack. Everyone is uncomfortable around me. Awkward. Like I am around them.”

Reese just stared at Alan without a word. It was moments like these, that made the human worry because he never knew what Reese was thinking then.

“They don’t need to say anything for me to see that I don’t belong here, Reese. It’s not… that complicated. I’m a human among wolves. But I’m no wolf, Reese… I’m not even a wolf cub. I’m just… me?” Alan frowned at that, his own insecurities beginning to show. “When the other dogs were here, it was different. But I was like you always said… wolves and dogs don’t mix.”

“What can I… do. To make you feel… welcomed, here?” Reese took far longer to say the single sentence than anyone else would have. Every word was a struggle to find, searching for the right thing to say or do and coming up empty handed.

How could Reese make Alan see that this, all of this, was for their good? For him. Everything had been for him.

“It’ll just be for a little longer…” Reese added on, pleading, and begging with Alan. The human wouldn’t be surprised if Reese fell to his knees, begging Alan to stay with him.

“Oh, Reese.” Alan set down the bottle and walked over to touch Reese’s chest with a hand. “This isn’t for a little longer. This is our new life now. The wolves. The pack. The violence…” Alan didn’t meet Reese’s eyes, just staring down at the wolf’s feet as he rested his forehead against that expansive chest of his. Reese still worked out and it showed. “This isn’t the doghouse any longer. This place isn’t… home.”

Reese eyes widened at that. He showed no other sign that he heard the words. Just frozen there. Stiff. Afraid to move. Afraid who he would hurt if he did.

“I…” Reese wanted to say something, do something. He wasn’t sure what to say or do. How do you fix something after it breaks?

Can you glue it back into place? Use duct tape? Can you pick up the pieces and place them back into the mold they came from… Reese didn’t know. He didn’t know how to fix this.

“I know. You did this for them. For me. For everyone.” Alan just nodded, though, for him. Saying the words Reese couldn’t find. “You are a good person, Reese. That’s one of the many things I love about you. Despite… despite everything you have been through. You are a good man. You took in strays, the dogs, to begin with. Then me… Now… now you are helping these wolves out. To help them find a place in the world. To give them a home.”

Reese didn’t know what to say. So, he did what he always did when put in a situation like this. He said nothing. Silence was his bread and butter and the only comfort he could find.

“You did good. You saved them. You’re their hero! After everything they’ve been through, after everything they had to endure and every trial they had gone through… You saved them. Salt, Pepper, Barreth, Domino… Everyone. Reese, you are their hero…” Alan withdrew his hand, taking a step back. “They need you. They need this place.”

“But…” Reese just stood there, waiting for the other shoe to fall.

“But. This place, I don’t… need it.” Alan struggled with the words, letting out his breath and shaking his head to resolve himself. This wouldn’t be easy. His hands tightened at his side. He needed to say this. For the past year, ever since these wolves had shown up and taken over the place. For the past year he’d been holding it in.

Alan needed to say this.

“I don’t want to live here any longer.” Things change. Be they good or bad. Life isn’t stagnant and the world continues to spin, and the sun will rise and set even for those who wish it wouldn’t. Time can’t be frozen in place and, sometimes, change isn’t a good thing.

“Do you not… love me, anymore?” Reese asked, trying to understand. Trying to understand where this all was coming from.

He gripped his front pocket, unsure what to do right now. He could feel the small box inside the pocket. What it was and what it meant. Reese wasn’t sure if he should ask now or later or never…

“Reese. My sweet, sweet Reese.” Alan forced a pained smile on his face. “This doesn’t have anything to do with us. It’s bigger than us. You are their Alpha. Their king. You are their last hope in finding a place to call home…”

“And then… what about you? W-what about us…?” Reese reached out a hand but withdrew it just as quickly. “Where do you fit in all this.” Reese asked but his words were clear. Where does Alan fit into Reese’s life now.

“I… I don’t think I do?” Alan chuckled and it was a painful sound to hear. It hurt. This hurt and his chest tightened as he spoke. “I don’t… I don’t fit in here, Reese. I have you, sure. But… but, fuck, Reese. The dogs are gone. Our friend are gone!” He said getting worked up now. “Muffin, Hunter, Dodge… did you see what they did to Brigsby?” Alan choked back, tears burning his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that much blood before in my life! He. He had to go the hospital and…”

Alan couldn’t finish the sentence. Finish the thought. Since he had moved in, Alan had been warned since the very first day… wolves and dogs do not get along. He just never thought he’d ever see the end results of that in person. Directly in front of them. Alan could still seeing the haunting images of the mangled, bloodied golden retriever in front of him.

His body lying there still, lifeless. There was flashes of creamy brown fur instead of gold… It reminded him of what they had done to PB, even if Alan hadn’t been there to witness it. What these wolves thought were funny. How they treated others, even those in the pack. How they played their sick, twisted games…

“Brigsby… Brigsby, he… he will live.” Reese finished with, wanting to blame to golden retriever for being a horny fuck but unable to. Not after that. “That wolf isn’t here anymore…” Buried sick feet under. “He’s gone…”

“Neither is Brigsby.” Alan had to point out, looking at Reese. “Once Clem and Togo leave… then all the dogs, the original cast, will be gone…” Alan let out a slow breath. “And I want to go with them. Because, at least with them… I feel like I belong? That it’s a home.”

“I see…” Reese’s voice lacked any emotion as he said those two words.

“You have this place to take care of. The wolves here, to take care of! To help people, like PB, out. It’s what you always wanted, Reese.” Alan said without bringing up the fences or watch posts around their block of land. What this place had become. A prison. A jail for them to lock themselves away in.

Just as PB had done up North, in his new home. A place with walls and fences and gates. A place to lock out the rest of the world while you stayed inside safe and sound.

“You wanted to create a wolf sanctuary that people, like you, could’ve gone to in their hour of need. A place for them to lick their wounds and recover. To figure life out before getting back out there and trying to start again… Reese, you did it.” Alan forced a smile onto his face.

Reese’s ear flicked and he couldn’t meet Alan’s eyes. Looking to the side.

“It’s not fair, I know. But this… this was your dream, wasn’t it? That’s why you started the doghouse to begin with. Why you have so many places around the state! You like to help other people out Reese. I admire that. Helping other people, like you, that suffered because of who and what they were. Who they are! You are such a good person, Reese.” Alan said. “That’s why you didn’t just turn the wolves away when they showed up on your doorstep. Despite… everything they’ve done to us.”

Alan took a second, hand tightening on his left arm. Even without a scar, he could feel where that gray wolf had dug into it. Where the older Dice brother had torn his arm open at. The day he had lost everything and everyone he had known and cared for.

“I don’t know… if even I could be that good of a person. To forgive them. After everything t-they’ve done... After all they’ve done to us. To you. To me… to PB…” Alan choked on the words, needing a moment.

Reese didn’t deny it, he also didn’t add on that it was the overwhelming guilt that had stayed Reese’s hand when they were at his door. That he hadn’t done it out of the kindness of his heart but the guilt he felt from it. After everything Reese had done, after the blood he’d gotten on his hands, he had wanted to give something back to his family, the wolf pack. Or, at least, to those who were left.

He just never knew what he’d have to give in return.

“I can’t… lose you… again.” Reese struggled with the words, trying to express his feelings and make them sound as genuine as he hoped them to be. All he felt was hollow and empty inside. Unsure how to fill the empty pieces inside. How to feel whole again…

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Alan wanted to laugh but he couldn’t seeing the wolf’s face. “I’m not leaving. Like I told Salt and Pepper. I’m just… stepping out. Again. Like what I did the other year. When I went to the safehouse with Ralph and hung out with the others…” Alan sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you are thinking. I’m just going someplace… safe.”

Reese would, eventually, do this anyways. To send Alan away somewhere safe while they dealt with whatever this all was. Whatever was happening, again. Alan would be left in the dark, like always, and that would be that. He would worry endlessly about the wolf and his safety, only knowing everything was okay when he was allowed to move back in after it had been taken care of.

They treated Alan like a child, even back then. Alan was only three years younger than Reese was and yet they treated him as if he were a sixteen-year-old kid, again, like Salt and Pepper were.

Alan wanted some agency and control in his life. To not be some side player in it all. He didn’t want Reese to dictate where he could go and where he could live. Where he had to sleep and eat and crap at. Who he could talk to… Alan wasn’t a child. He was nearly thirty-eight years old.

He just wished they would see that. All because he was a human instead of a dog or a wolf.

“I still have a good thirty to forty years left, Reese. People… People think that once you reach the age of thirty, forty, that life, what? Just stops?” Alan did laugh at that. “It doesn’t. We both still have dozens of years left on this planet, Reese! I don’t want it to be locked in some cage you can look at whenever you have the time to. There’s still a lot I want to do before I kick the bucket. I can do that with Clem and with Togo and Charles! Hell, even with Logan if he stays still for two seconds. It doesn’t mean we’re breaking up. It’s more like… a vacation. One that I wish you could come along on with me.”

Alan laughed at that, and Reese’s face softened from the sound. His ears twitched as he watched the human. Every move Alan made, every breath he took. Reese would remember it. Not these harsh days or the shit that kept being dumped on their laps.

Reese would remember Alan. No matter how much time passed between them.

“Do I… Do I fit into that future; you still see?” Reese took a second, afraid to ask.

Alan snorted, laughing at that. He couldn’t help it. That Reese would think, after everything they’d been through, that he wasn’t the major player in it all.

Alan wasn’t the main character of their story. Reese was.

“Of course, you are, ya’ big lug!” Alan chuckled, giving him the biggest smile yet. “Sure, I mean, my dream is way different than it used to be. When we were kids… I used to dream of running away from home, making it big doing… something?” He chuckled, shaking his head at the fond memories. “I never thought of all the details but, even since I was young, I always knew one very specific thing I wanted above everything. No, one thing that I needed above everything else.” He corrected with a nod.

“And what was that, Alan?” Reese asked, still just watching him. No matter how well he knew the human, Reese wouldn’t be able to know without Alan just telling him. Being able to read someone didn’t mean you understood them.

Something Reese had never known, how to understand someone else.

“You, silly.” Alan chuckled once more as he walked over to give the wolf a kiss on the cheek. “Ever since I was young. I knew I couldn’t, I didn’t want to be alone.” Alan adjusted and fixed Reese’s tie for him. “I thought… I thought it would be with someone else, sure. PB… But that wasn’t how things went. I thought I’d end up with my best friend growing up… when I got older, I thought I might end up with someone like Ralph, after that. Hell, I would’ve if you… if you weren’t there. He reminded me so much of PB, the old PB. Not the wolf he became… What he used to be like… then there was you.”

Reese’s ear flicked at that, trying not to let the fact Alan was talking about these other wolves bother him as much as it did.

“This big, grumpy, stubborn, thick-headed man.” Alan patted his chest as Reese growled at his words. “That would go out of his way to buy me a garden… to put a plant in the office… to buy sweets and coffee for me. That would do all these things behind my back, not so that I… Not so that I took notice of him. You didn’t do things to get my attention or to try and win me over… You did them to make me happy. Unlike everyone else who did these gigantic gestures to be noticed and to get attention for… you did these nice things, just to make me happy. Thank you, Reese…”

Alan sighed, resting his forehead against the wolf’s broad chest. Reese took a slow breath of him, letting the warm gust of his breath wash over the side of Alan’s face.

“And…? Have I? Have I made you happy Alan…?” Reese asked, because, if he didn’t… he’d have never known. Unable to read his mate, or anyone’s, emotions.

Reese had always known there was something wrong with him. That there was something… broken, inside. That there were pieces he was missing. Like a toy that didn’t have all it’s parts, unlike everyone else. Knew that, because of these things he lacked, he couldn’t understand other people’s emotions as they could. He would have to ask to know but they, others, were too afraid to tell him anything. So, he would watch.

Reese would lurk in the background, in the shadows and watch how others interacted. How they would appear to be normal. And Reese would watch and learn, mimic their behavior to try and fit in. He would pretend to fit in, pretend to understand. Wear whatever they asked of him in hopes that, maybe, they would let him play this game to…

“Since the day I met you…” Alan took a shuddering breath. “Reese. I don’t want to break up.”

“Neither do I…” Reese nosed at Alan’s hair.

“But I don’t want to be trapped in these walls, either!” Alan closed his eyes, taking a shaking breath. “The other day? Going to the arcade? That shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as it was! Going outside shouldn’t feel that… freeing. I want to live the life that we dreamt of, together…”

“Alan…” Reese started but couldn’t even finish the single thought.

Alan had to admit that dream hadn’t been with Reese in the beginning. It was the dream that two young kids had thought of, on a hill overlooking the city. PB and Alan, sitting there together hand in hand as they dreamt of their future.

Life changes. Those you love and know come and go and others replace them, and that dream had shifted to be with Reese instead of PB. A dream Alan thought long gone until the wolf had shown up again in his life, resurfacing these thoughts and hopes and feelings of the future Alan had always wanted…

“I know. I know life isn’t so kind to just let us have our happily ever after…” Alan took a second on that. “When. When PB and I were together,” Alan brought up. It was hard not to think of the nutty brown furred wolf with him showing up like this in their lives.

The entire luau had been done for him and his cubs, after all. Reese had created a sanctuary here for discarded and lost wolves to come to. It was inevitable that one day PB would show up. No matter how much Alan tried to brace himself for that day, he wasn’t ready for it. Where else would a lost, lone wolf go if not to the only pack left on the West Coast.

“We dreamt of escaping. Not the city or such. Escaping our parents, our homes, escaping the restraints society put on us. A human and a wolf loving each other... To find our happy ending, together.” Alan said. “It was just childish dreams. We had no plans, no money… we had counted our chickens before they hatched. Or roosted. Putting all our eggs in his uncle’s basket and, praying, he would save us… I don’t even think he has an uncle.” Alan chuckled. Reese’s ear flicked but he didn’t correct him as Alan continued. “I didn’t do much after PB went missing… I searched for him. I tried so damn hard. But, maybe subconsciously, I began to plan for a future that I would be responsible for. That I had control of! Not to rely on others and just worked towards that end. Working for years and years to gain some control of my life again.”

Alan let go of Reese, pacing in the room.

“I worked my ass off! I went to college. Put up with my family’s shit before I escaped those fuckers. I swallowed my pride, bowed my head, kissed ass enough to get to a point that, FUCK, Reese? I have an amazing credit score! Did you know that?” Alan asked, looking at Reese.

One of the wolf’s ears twitched as he watched him without a word.

“I worked so damn hard to get where I am today. The dogs would go on and on about becoming famous or being super rich, but, fuck, that’s not realistic. I found what I could do. Pursued them and now… now I have the means, and money, to do them!” Alan was breathing heavily as he stopped, looking over at the wolf. “We could just… just run away. You and I.”

It was the very thing PB had said to Alan when the two had been reunited again. Alan knew that. It hurt to say the words aloud, feeling as how PB had in that moment. To run away from the responsibility of it all, so they could chase after their dreams.

“Alan.” Reese snorted, his muzzle pulling up slightly in a smile.

“I know it’s dumb! But, we could! I have the money saved up. I have a great credit score. My record is squeaky clean.” Alan chuckled. “I did everything… right…” And it was there that Reese took a step closer. “I did everything right… I did exactly what I was told to do. I did what my parents forced onto me. I have a horrible job that I hate, working in a cubicle nine to five… I have a 401k plan… I have everything and yet, why then, why am I so unhappy…?”

Alan tried to hold it in, but the tears were already burning his eyes as the wolf came over, scooping him up into a rough hug and holding him against his chest. Reese, at least, had learned this is what you were supposed to do when your mate cried in front of you.

“I did nothing wrong…” Alan closed his eyes, trying to will the tears from falling. “Why do I still… why can’t I just… why can’t we! Be happy, Reese? Why won’t they leave us alone. Why won’t they just let us be… happy? Just fuck off! And let us be happy…?”

“Sh, Shhh…” Reese growled the words as he pet the back of Alan’s head. “I know what you are getting at. I feel the same way. I’ve felt the same way for these past years… I’m… angry. I hate it. I hate this! I hate what they’re doing to us, and I want to howl and lash out and…” Reese gritted his teeth, holding Alan tighter. “I want to kill them Alan…”

Reese admitted.

He said the words aloud.

The darkest of his thoughts he told no one to. He did, then, and there in that room. Their room, in the basement. The last refuge the two of them had left. Their personal sanctuary away from it all that no one else was allowed to enter.

“I want to hurt them Alan. I want to hurt so many people… I’m just. Just so angry. All the time. Why won’t they just leave us the fuck alone!” Reese voice rose and he shouted the words out, snarling after viciously, showing his teeth.

Alan let him. He let Reese express himself as no one else did. He let Reese vent to him. Talk to him. As Alan had with the wolf. Acknowledging and not denying Reese’s feelings. To be there for the wolf.

The simplest of things can have the greatest effects and Reese had never known what that was like until he had met Alan.

“You feeling better?” Alan only asked a good five minutes later after Reese had let it all out with a terrifying howl that echoed throughout the house. Alan wasn’t mocking Reese but genuinely asking him about it as he touched his hand.

Huffing, Reese wiped his lips off on his suit.

“And this suit!” Reese pulled on it, ripping the fabric as he forced it from his arms and back. Tossing it onto the ground, he stepped on the jacket, rubbing it into the floor with his foot. “I hate these god damn clothes!”

“I always did like you in the brighter colors.” Alan chuckled as he watched the wolf bend down to bite and chew and shred the clothing apart with his teeth.

“I hate those clothes to.” Reese huffed but a smirk pulled up on his lips. “I hate all clothes. I wish I could just run around naked. On all fours. Fuck society. Fuck what other people think. Let me be a wolf again!”

“What?” Alan faked a gasp, covering his mouth. “Think of the children! Those big wolf nuts of your slapping your thigh as you run. Scare the children.” He laughed.

Reese growled at that, stepping closer as he pulled the front of his shirt open to let his fur air out. The worked-up wolf’s musk began wafting off his chest and Alan blushed at that. Something Reese didn’t miss as he stepped closer.

“Give you my children…” Reese nipped at Alan’s neck who squirmed in his grasp. “Fill you with my seed,” Reese groped Alan’s stomach. “Make you pregnant. Breed you as many times as it takes,” the wolf pressed his exposed chest fur against the human’s face. “Make you fat with my pups… then you could never leave.”

Alan giggled at first, but his hand reached up to grab hold of the wolf’s shoulder, holding it tightly. Using Reese for support as the wolf looped an arm around his back, bending him over.

“Reese.” Alan said his name and the wolf chirred low and deep hearing his name from his mate’s mouth. “I’ll never leave you… You know that, right?”

“I do…” Reese swallowed, taking a second before following it up with. “And I will never leave you, Alan. No matter what.”

“Reese…?” Alan voice was no more than a whisper.

“Yes, Alpha-mate?” Reese smirked at the dumb title. He hated that it did stroke his ego saying it, hearing others call Alan that. To acknowledge Alan as his mate, even if they were forced to.

“If you do go on a murderous rampage, could you spare your brothers at least? Salt and Pepper did nothing wrong.” Alan thought it over for a second. “And Barreth… Clem… Togo. Domino as well, or Logan would be upset. Oh, and Logan and Charles!”

Reese chuckled at that.

“I promise nothing,” the wolf pulled back to look into his mate’s face. “The only one, I can promise, not to hurt is…”

But Alan kissed him, interrupting his thought. He felt the wolf’s tongue probing at his mouth and Alan let Reese in as the wolf’s hand dipped down to grope his ass.

The two kissed deep into the evening with a lot of heavy petting and gropes but kept their clothes on. Reese covering Alan with his scent as the two fooled around just enough before going back to the party. Sure, that everyone else was waiting for them.

Even as they retreated back to the party, Alan needing to fix Reese’s shirt for him, the human didn’t let the wolf promise him something he knew Reese couldn’t keep. Didn’t let Reese promise he wouldn’t hurt him. For the only one Alan knew that could hurt him as much as he had been in the past, was the very man he had promised to stay with, as he held Reese’s hand back up to rejoin the party.

Together.

Forever…

“Until death do us part,” Alan said to Reese and the wolf wagged his tail at that. The human forcing a smile onto his face as he felt it in his chest. Words that were meant to be a vow, feeling more like chains around his heart.