FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

A warm breeze.

The open road.

It was mid afternoon, the same old highway I've traversed down so many times. Why was this different? Why couldn't I react?

The feeling of complete helplessness. Out of control. The twisted metal. The broken glass. The pain, that pain that you feel in your very soul. Why? Why does this keep replaying in my mind? Make it stop!

"Is the patient awake yet?"

"I believe he's stirring now,"

The sounds of voices woke me up from my flashbacks. I kept waking up during the night, the accident kept happening again and again in my mind. Every time I tried to do something different, I never changed my actions. Now medical staff were once again in front of me. One of them noticed my eyes were open.

"Doctor! Russell is finally awake!"

Russell...my name. I haven't heard my own name spoken in so long. To be honest, I almost forgot what my name was. The two scurried around my bed, they were checking things around me. Probably the equipment keeping me alive. Two more people walked into the room. One was wheeling in a cart of some sort, a black box on top. Couldn't tell what it was. But it was wheeled next to me, the other fellow had a laptop. They both went behind my bed next, it started to make sense. Some box, a laptop, checking that thing attached to me, they were getting started. I felt my heart starting to beat faster, I just had no idea what to expect. I mean, I lived through a coma, how bad would this be?

"Russell? I see you're awake. We're going to start the process, we'll be perfectly honest here though, we don't know what you'll experience exactly. But When you wake up, you will be a brand new person. Literally,"

It was now or never. Not like I had a choice anyway.

One of the medical staff puts the sleep mask back on me, once more the familiar darkness of sleep surrounds me. But what I expected from the last sleep they gave me, didn't come. When the darkness lifted, it was familiar. A open road, I'm behind the wheel once more. No...no, no, no, no! I don't want this again!

Up ahead, the bridge wasn't there, but everything seemed incomplete. I tried to stop the SUV, but nothing. I drove straight into the white void. Everything just dissipates, my body, the SUV, the road, everything. The heat, the utter heat. I tried to look around, but I couldn't tell where I was. It was like I had been tossed into the opposite of the darkness from my coma. Before I could try and make sense of my surroundings, I felt a pull. Something was pulling me down, I felt like a liquid almost, just...flowing. Despite the feeling of movement, the white void surrounding me did not change.

The flow felt faster, I was speeding up. But I had no sense of speed visually, just nothing but white. As I felt myself speed up, the white void started to shift. I fluctuated from white to greys, then back to white. Just fading back and forth from grey and white, it was almost enchanting. What was it? I know they said I was going to be "downloaded"...was that it? I was just mesmerized, but I knew I would have no control. I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't. The flow picked up speed again, the grey around me started to become more constant. Flashes of blue and red would appear, but with nothing around me to tell me of my surroundings, I only grew nervous.

Grey, blue and red. I started to grow accustomed to the color shifts when I felt my movements stop. The grey now felt like a room, blue and red became pulsating lines around me. But that's when it all went dark. The darkness, had it found me again? I didn't want to think there was a failure. Maybe they had to stop? I didn't know, but being in darkness and physically separated from your body, you still can certainly experience anxiety.

In the darkness, I couldn't imagine anything. I had my thoughts, but only words. I mean, I can hear myself, but couldn't think of any actual images. It was strange. I started to wonder if I was forgotten, or something went wrong. It felt like it's been hours in the darkness. I didn't want to become used to something I have already overcome.

A blue pulse. Then a red pulse. Back and forth, the light lines pulsed. Faster and faster, the grey room came back. I looked around, something was certainly stirring up whatever I was in. Before I knew it, the sensation of movement returned. Upwards this time. As I moved, the grey room faded away. I looked up, a strange sort of hollowed out tube, but the reds turned to green, the blues stayed the same. They pulsated quickly around the tube I traveled in. I didn't feel like I was going very fast, nothing like the free fall. Up ahead, some sort of barrier. Everything in this place was just so strange.

The barrier passes over me, I feel strong vibrations and I look down...and outline of a body. I couldn't believe it, was this the process going on? Another barrier passes by, this time it hurt. More of my body outline became visible however. They were doing it! I had no idea why I was experiencing this, but it had to be working! But it wasn't going easily. Every barrier, the vibrations became more intense, the pain of passing through them increased. I struggled to keep my composure. I had to, this was a new body they were putting me into, I knew death would await me if this didn't succeed...

Dealing with the pain, I had my eyes closed, but one last barrier and the pain was intense. I was not going through! I open my eyes, the barrier kept me out. I reach out to push through, my arms, my hands they were...white! I was covered in fur! My hands, they had pads on them, like...an animal! It was working! I started tearing at the barrier, every ounce of strength I had, I put to use until the barrier started to give way. When I made a hole big enough, I was forced in almost instantly. That's when I felt everything become cool, wet. I feel my back arch as my eyes open. I'm in water!

I look around, it's the people from before. It hit me, I'm in the tank. I'm...in that body I saw. I move my arms, my legs, I can move! I have control! But my eyes started to hurt. I pointed to my eyes, the people quickly moved towards the tank. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed something on my face, it was helping me breathe. I felt a cable behind me, followed it and noticed it was to the back of my head. My god, they really did it!

The fluid level started to sink. The fluid dropped past my head and my eyes stopped hurting. as the fluid continued to drain, it brought me down to the bottom. My own weight was put on my feet, but I felt weak. I try and prop myself up as I keep myself from falling. The pads on my hands seemed to grip the wet glass pretty well. I was breathing rather heavily, but whatever that fluid was, it left my...fur all nasty. Fur, I gotta get used to saying that.

As I braced myself up, I felt the tension of the cable behind me. Wait, how were they going to disconnect it? I pointed to the cable. "We are already on top of that. Keep yourself braced, you're going to experience some slight stinging pain," she said. Uh oh, how bad was it gonna be? I felt a motor vibrate behind my head and soon enough, it backs itself out. A raw, cold and sharp pain ran through my back. I keep myself braced, it was quick, but it hurt. The cable slowly reels itself upwards.

One of the medical staff gets my attention. "We're going to clean you in there, okay?" she said. I nodded. The glass lifts up, but stops halfway. The staffer walks up and hands me a few things. "Here, shampoo and soap. That stuff is gross, but it's not a health risk," she says. I look at the bottle, it was dog shampoo. My head tilts to the side and I give her a look. "Hey, you wanna be clean or not?" I shrug and get the bottle open. The tank lowers again, and seals. A stream of water falls from the top. It was not too strong either, and as I rinse off, I see the staffers still in the room, I motion for them to shoo. I mean, come on. Don't be rude.

As I was cleaning myself off, I kept telling myself I wasn't dreaming. I was this animal hybrid creature alright, and when I turned around to get the soap from my ears, I see a bed with a bunch of equipment near it. I wipe away some of the steam to see better.

It was my old, paralyzed body. I felt my ears droop as I realised, there was no hope for my old body. I looked like a mess. I looked at my hands, my new hands. This new body, what would the world think of me? I didn't know what to expect. I finished washing up, and knocked on the glass facing the door of the room. I wanted to say hey, but I could only muster out noise. Wait, why can't I talk? "H-Hee-aaahhh-aayyy," I heard myself and was confused, why can't I talk? Whatever I did, it got their attention.

The tank lifted, I was wet and cold. I leaned down, and slowly lowered myself onto the floor. The staffers greeted me with blankets, I nodded to show I was grateful. Time to use body movements as a way to communicate with this talking issue. "I heard you before, dear. You probably noticed you can't talk right?" she said. I nodded, I would only imagine they were expecting this. "You'll have vocal coaching after some tests, first," she added. But as I was drying off, I saw my old body once again. I wanted to see it one last time. I tied a towel around myself and walk towards the bed.

The sounds of machines, the air pumping, the pulse beeps, and the lifeless body that once was me. As I just stare in amazement that I'm looking at myself from the outside, a staffer walks next to me, she had a pen and paper. "You okay?" I sigh, and put my hand out for the paper. As the staffer hands them to me, I found myself writing normally. Well, at least I got that still. I wrote down, 'What is going to happen to my old body?' and handed it back. She looks at my question, and shakes her head. "I can't really say, dear. They want to keep it alive for a few weeks. They're worried about some sort of connection you may still have to it," she tells me.

A connection? Still? But...how? Is that even possible? I know she said, 'may have' but it worried me. I would be rather upset if this experience was that short lived. "Dear, follow me. We have a new room setup for you, please follow me," as she escorts me out of the room. As I look back, a new life awaits me outside of this room.

Not everybody gets a reset button in life, may as well make the best of it.