FSE

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>Dear GOD

>You look forward on the bus, desperately trying not to stare

>He'll think it's because he's a Kobold

>The aftermath of that wizarding accident had been hard for everyone, but more for the Fants than the natives. Lot of adjusting to do.

>No need to make him feel uncomfortable

>Even if he did seem to have adapted pretty well. He is wearing a fucking hoodie, obviously he's getting over the culture shock

>Still, it's rude to stare

>Kobolds traditionally don't wear clothing

>There's nothing weird about it. Their genitals stay internal most of the time, so you hardly even notice they aren't wearing close

>Or, at least, you normally don't notice.

>This guy, though...

>Those balls

>They're the size of a fucking cue ball! How are you not supposed to-

>"Is something wrong?"

>Oh christ he caught you

"No, it's-"

>"If you were wondering, I'm a kobold. Yes, we also ride the bus."

>There's a strange amount of venom in his voice, but also this weird sorrow

"No, dude, it wasn't like that!"

>"Then why the fuck are you staring at me?"

>You swallow

"Uh. You're not wearing any pants."

>"So? Kobolds don't wear clothes."

"But you have a hoodie on."

>The kobold locks eyes with you for a moment, then sighs and hangs his head.

>"Yes. So?"

"So, you know, I figured you'd probably complete the outfit."

>The kobold looks away from you.

>"fuck off."

>Wow, that was a lot angrier than you expected

>He turns away from you

>You consider dropping it for a moment

>No

>That wouldn't be right

"Okay, fine. It was the balls."

>The kobold turns his head, slowly

>"What?"

"I'm just going to be honest, here. You have really big testicles. It's, er, hard to ignore."

>"Oh, I see."

>And now he's angrier?

>"Staring at the fucking freak. You know what, go ahead, look."

>He turns on the seat, facing you, then dramatically spreads his legs

>The testicles flop downwards, swinging like two pendulums

>You suck in a deep breath

>Today is the best fucking day

>Holy sh*t

>"Yeah, get a good fucking look, pal. Post on facebook about the fucking weirdo you saw. You know what, snap a picture, show it to your friends and laugh, why don't... Uh, dude?"

>You manage to draw you eyes away from them.

>"You... You okay?"

"Yes."

>"You have this... weird look on your face."

>You look up

>Car is empty

>And this is the express, so you have...

>You quickly check your phone

>Fifteen minutes

>No, wait, who cares?

>This idea is too crazy, you can't-

>"Dude, what the fuck is with you?"

"Do you want a blowj0b?"

>"WHAT?"

>The kobold scurries back in his chair, closing his legs

>"WHAT---What the fuck---you know, this really isn't funny."

"I'm serious."

>You lean forward, wanting to show commitment without getting rapey

"Consider it an apology for staring."

>"Dude, what---is this some kinda joke?"

"It's not."

>You lean forward just a bit more

"I was staring because your 'freakish' testicles are one of the hottest things I have ever fucking seen, and I want you to empty them into my fucking throat."

>He raises an eyebrow

"Okay, fair, too far. But my offer stands."

>"There's... There's no way you're serious."

"I am."

>"Alright, wise guy."

>He positions himself towards you, spreading again

>"Go ahead."

>From his smirk you can tell he's calling your bluff

>You smirk back, get off your seat, and lean down in front of him

>Your mouth is tantalizingly close to those sweet, succulent orbs before you feel a scaled hand push you back with surprising force

>"DUDE, WHAT THE f*ck?"

"I'm going to suck your dick. That's what you wanted, right?"

>"WHAT? NO, NO, YOU CAN'T..."

>He heaves two breaths

>"What... seriously, can you explain what the fuck is going on?"

(The direction I'm going with this is okay, right?)

"I'm trying to suck your d*ck on a train. It's weird but not complicated."

>"Are---Are you a fucking serial killer or something? Who does stuff like this?"

"Me, apparently."

>"Do you do this a lot? Just assault the hideously deformed?"

"I asked first, asshole."

>"Whatever, proposition them."

"Well, no, I don't. In fact I'm usually not outgoing at all. So I have no idea what's going on, but, dude, I just... Yeah, whatever, this is happening. If you want it to."

>"But---but why? Why me?"

"You have giant fucking balls, and that's hot."

>"How is that hot?"

"How is that not hot? It's a universal sign of---"

>And then it hits you

"Wait, wait. I think this might be like, a kobold thing."

>The kobold glares

>"A kobold thing?"

"Are big balls a bad thing among kobolds?"

>"Yes! Yes, of course they are! They're garish and ugly and weird and horrible!"

>You shrug

"Humans like big balls."

>"But... why?"

"A sign of fertility, I guess?"

>"I... I don't know."

>The kobold scratches his head

>"I mean, we literally just met, and you're... I don't even know what the fuck you're doing."

"Dude, me neither."

>"So you're serious?"

"Dead serious."

>"I... Look, I'm flattered, but, I mean, you're a human, and I'm---"

"So?"

>"Well, that's just---it's just---"

"It's just what?"

>"It's weird!"

"A train blowj0b is always weird, I think."

>"Well, yeah, but..."

>He looks at you

>You look at him

>You smile, because you can see the exact moment when he gives in

>"I can't fucking believe I'm doing this."

>He turns back to you and spreads his legs

>And now

>Well

>Now

>Uh

>You're having trouble thinking at this point

>Not only are his absolutely massive balls hanging down, but there's a new player

>Specifically, his cock

>His cock isn't quite as proportionally large as the balls, but it's still probably seven inches, which is really fucking impressive for somebody who's three feet tall at best

>It pokes out of his slit confidently at this point, oozing precum

>You're just about to pounce it when you remember something

>You quickly check your phone, just to verify

>Holy f*ck, that argument took five minutes?

>Seriously?

>You sigh

"fuck. No way we're going to be able to finish on the train. Next stop is only ten minutes."

>"W-what? Dude, you---Oh, my god."

>He closes his legs again

>"You actually had me going, you really---"

>You sigh

"I was just about to invite you back to my place so we could do it there, but---"

>"Oh, yeah right! Like I'm going to believe that."

"I do have every intention of sucking you off. I'm just concerned about time, which---"

>"Bullshit."

>You sigh again

"You want me to prove it?"

>The kobold looks at you

>"Prove it?"

"Spread it again, please."

>The kobold looks skeptical, but follows your instructions

>You don't wait this time

>You pounce the little fucker, placing your palms on his inner thighs and spreading them a bit further apart

>Slowly, you open your mouth, and take his tip within

>He tastes different

>There's a warm heat to it, not quite spicy, but definitely not human

>Maybe it's the draconic heritage

>Whatever the case, you're a fan of it

>You move your head slowly down his shaft, savoring the taste as you go

>He lets out an extremely cut moan, leaning back on the chair

>"Holy..."

>You rub your tongue on his tip

>Instantly, you feel a lot splash of fluid on the back of your throat

>It's followed by two more

>What the fuck

>Already?

>Seriously?

>You pull off his dick with a pop, looking at him

"That was quick."

>"W-what was quick?"

"Didn't you just..."

>"No."

>You blink

>That---that wasn't---

>Oh

>My

>God

"How the fuck was it so big, then?"

>"I mean, uh, you know."

>He gesture down at those sweet, sweet orbs

>Right

"So how big's the main event?"

>"Uh, large. Very large."

>You take a deep breath

"I---please. Please."

>You hold your hands together

"I am literally on my fucking knees begging here. Come home with me."

>"Dude, are you kidding? fuck, I'd be begging you if you weren't offering. I mean, I've never-"

>And then he shuts up, blushing

>You arch an eyebrow

"I'm that good?"

>"Uh, yeah. Yeah, never had a blowj0b like that."

>That was a lie so obvious it's pathetic

"Never had one like that, or never had one at all?"

>"Uh, well. You know."

>He cups one of his balls with a hand

>"Hard to get females interested, you know?"

>You suck in another breath

>This just keeps getting better.

"I'm the next stop. You're coming home with me."

>"I'm... I'm fine with that, yes."

>You move on the seat, holding an arm around him

>He looks a bit surprised by the affection, which is weird considering the fact that you had his cock in your mouth a few minutes ago, but whatever.

>Eventually, however, he snuggles into you

>You slowly reach a hand downwards and cup his balls

>Or, rather, his ball

>It takes up your entire palm

>You massage it gently

>The little kobold trembles in your touch, but not in a scared way

>At least you hope not

>You smirk, and lean down close to his ear

"I am going to drain these monsters."

>Eventually, the train doors open, and you stand up

>The kobold stays sitting, tightly crossing his legs

>"I, uh, it's---"

>You take off your jacket and toss it to him

>"Tie this around your waist

>He does so, fairly discretely

>You guys are a bit late getting off the train, but who fucking cares

>You have other things on your mind

>The walk to your apartment is short

>You greet the security guard at the desk and step into the elevator, hardly able to contain yourself

>The kobold looks around

>"Nice place."

"Yeah. Where do you live?"

>"The Merlin Building."

>You blink

"The fucking Merlin building?"

>"Yeah."

"The five thousand a month for a studio Merlin building?"

>"...Yeah."

"How the fuck---"

>No, wait

>Bad

"Okay, not like that. Not, uh--"

>"Because I'm a kobold?"

"No, seriously, not because of that. There's a kobold at the company I work at, she kicks fucking ass. Better than fucking Jeff, at any rate. But, uh, if you don't mind me asking, what's your j0b?"

>"Wizard."

>You blink

"Wizard? Seriously?"

>The kobold looks up at you

>He blinks once, and then you're suddenly blinded by a flash of light

>When you look back, there's a large image of Saturn floating in space in front of you

>You take a step back, squinting

"Huh. Impressive."

>"Thanks."

"Almost as impressive as the fucking heat you're packing. Speaking of which..."

>The elevator door opens and you both step out into your hall

>You're the third door on the left

>You struggle with your key, a bit too excited to think straight, but eventually manage to get it in

>You look down at the kobold, to see him standing rather proudly and looking up at you

>He's ditched the sweater around the waist

>It's a good look on him

>"Uh, if... if you wanna get to it."

>You grab his hand and practically yank him in the door

>"Oh... Okay, where are we---"

>You put both hands underneath his armpits and lift him off the ground

>He only weighs sixty pounds or so, giving you no trouble

>"Hey, what are you---"

"Shhhh."

>You set him down on your table, hearing the door swing shut behind you

>Time to get to work

>You quickly descend to your knees and approach his cock again

>The tip is once more completely soaked with precum, which slowly drips off and onto your floor

>You stick out your tongue and lap it up, teasing him

>"That... Oh, mannn..."

>The kobold leans back, his need increasingly apparent

>For a moment you consider torturing him a bit more

>...No, f*ck that

>That would just be terrible for both of you at this point

>You need this just as bad as he does

"Gimmie a second, dude."

>You stand up, leaving the poor kobold behind

>"Where are you---"

"One moment."

>You go to your cabinet and reach behind the plates, eventually retrieving a small vile filled with bubbling purple liquid

>You pop the cork and swirl it around in your mouth for a while, before swallowing it

>It bubbles against your throat as you're done

>"Was... wait, was that---"

>You smirk and kneel in front of him again

>You lick up that glorious sack, then up the shaft, before opening your mouth and slamming his cock as far into your throat as you can

>Gag reflex suppressant

>Magic is fucking great

>"Oh gods..."

>The kobold throws his head back, and you feel his cock spasming

>Another splash of pre shoots down your throat, warm and delicious

>Once again, it's almost as big as a normal person's load

>You close your eyes and swallow it

>You need the full thing

>Right now

>You start moving back and forth on his cock, trying to keep a rhythm at first, but then desperately losing control and just sort of moving as fast as you can

>Wet sucking noises fill the room as you desperately, desperately try to pleasure him

>You need it

>You need it so, so bad

>After a few minutes of this, you feel his body tense

>His breath increases in pace

>This is it!

>Greedily, you slam him back, feeling his shaft down the length of your throat

>C'mon

>C'mon, just empty those sweet, sweet---

>And then he's cumming

>He's cumming.... actually, uh, actually a lot more than you expected

>It flows down your throat like it's out of a fucking firehose, actually, and it only takes three seconds before you realize that this load is probably a bit more than you can take

>Especially since your stomach already feels full

>You pull back off him a bit, trying to hold more of his succulent semen in your mouth, but that too quickly fills

>Eventually you give up and pop off his dick

>Somehow, he's still not done, dick twitching as it shoots hot, sticky ropes all over your face

>You grin and grab his shaft with your hand, milking him for all he's worth

>Which turns out to be quite a bit

>By the time he's done you're so covered in semen it looks like you just fucked a decently-sized dragon, clothes absolutely drenched

>Well, at least most of it avoided your floor

>"Holy... holy fuck..."

>The kobold lays back on your table, panting

>For a minute you're afraid he's passed out, but he eventually looks meekly up at you

>"So... was I up to snuff?"

"Were you up to snuff? Dude!"

>You grin and wipe your face

"Dude, that was fucking ridiculous. Are they always that big?"

>"Not... not quite that big, no."

"Holy fuck, man. That was awesome."

>Some semen drips off your shirt and onto the floor

>Oh

>Right

"Uh. I think I need to shower, though."

>"Yeah, yeah. Right. Well, uh, yeah, you do that. I can find my way back to the station."

"Wait, you're leaving?"

>"...You don't want me to?"

"Want you to?"

>You rapidly shake your head

"f*ck no, dude! Stay as long as you want."

>"Uh... mind if I use your shower, too?"

>You smile

"Yeah, you can use it. You can use it with me, if you want. Would be a lot easier to clean up a mess in there."

>The kobold looks at the ground

>"Uh, actually, I'm not gonna be able to do that again for a while."

"A while?"

>"At least a few hours. So if you want me to leave, I completely understand."

"Hey, I don't just want you to stay for your dick. I mean, I fucking love your cock, don't get me wrong, but I'd also sort of like to get to know you a bit better as a person."

>A moment passes

"I mean, I'm absolutely soaked in your jizz, dude, and I don't actually even know your name. So if you wanna stay and just hang out for a while I'd love to. Unless, uh, unless you don't want to."

>The kobold shakes his head

>"You fuckin' kidding? Of course I'd like to stay. You're the first person to be even a little friendly to me in weeks. And, uh, you sort of went above and beyond on the friendliness part, to be honest."

>He blushes

>Oh my god this is so fucking adorable

"Hey, happy to help. I'll go shower, then maybe we can order a pizza or something?"

>"I'd like that."

"Great!"

>You stand up, lean forward, and plant a kiss on his cheek

>The blush intensifies

>Awww

"See you in about ten minutes. Feel free to raid the fridge or whatever."

>"S-see you."

>You're on your third shampoo (cum is hard to get out of hair) when what you did just hit you

>There is a fucking stranger in your house

>Not just a stranger, but a stranger of a different species

>And you just sucked him off

>What the absolute fuck is wrong with you?

>What the fuck are you doing?

>He is kind of cute, sure, but this is fucking insane

>You sigh and lean against the shower wall for a moment.

>Well, you know, something had to happen sometime

>Kobolds and dragons and orcs and elves have been real for almost a year

>You were starting to go fucking crazy

>Eventually you had to snap

>You finish up showering, pull on your clothes (a comfy pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt), and walk out the door

>The kobold is sitting where you left him, still looking a bit dazed

"Sup."

>"Hey."

"You got next shower, right?"

>"Uh, I guess."

"All yours."

>The kobold walks past you

>You spend the time he's in the shower cleaning up your kitchen

>The mess isn't that bad (most of it was on your face), but you need to take your mind off things for a minute

>After about a quarter hour the kobold appears again, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist

>"Hey."

"Yo."

>You both avoid looking at each other for thirty seconds of painful silence

>Eventually, it becomes too much, and you break it

"That was something, huh?"

>"Uh, something. Yeah."

>Ten more silent seconds

"I didn't actually get your name."

>"Kyzon."

"I'm $NAME"

>"Nice to meet you."

>Five more seconds

"So, uh, imma level with you---I am still sort of in shock that we just did that. You?"

>"Likewise."

"Great. So we're both on the same page."

>"A fucking weird page to be on."

"Yeah."

>Ten more seconds

>"So, you, uh, never mentioned what you do for a living."

"Software. Not quite as cool as magic, but---"

>"Wait, like---writing software?"

"Yeah."

>The kobold gets a weirdly enthusiastic smile, eyes widening

>"Are you kidding! That's awesome!"

"Awesome? You're a fucking wizard, why would you care?"

>"Dude. A year and a half ago, the most modern technology I owned was a book. One book. I have a Galaxy Sixteen and a pretty good desktop setup now. Do you know what kind of a jump that is?"

"Almost as big of a jump as going from a boring non-magical world to getting a fucking dragon as my new boss?"

>"Well, true, but it was still huge. I've actually kinda wanted to quit the wizarding thing to try to work with this stuff."

"Really?"

>"Well, maybe not quite, but I'd like to work with the stuff. So what kind of hardware do you have?"

"Hardware?"

>"What kind of computer. Uh, if---if you don't mind showing me."

"I just spent twenty minutes washing your jizz out of my hair. I don't mind showing you my computer."

>You walk into your back room and quickly go over your hardware

>You don't have a crazy rig or anything, but he still asks a bunch of questions about your setup

>He's also weirdly impressed that you have Linux dual booted on your computer, which is even more adorable

>After the brief tour, you both just stand there

>"Wow."

"Yeah, kind of neat."

>You check your watch

>Five O'clock already?

>Wow

>You look down at the Kobold

"Hey, you wanna get dinner?"

>"Dinner?"

"Yeah, like---go out. Not to anyplace too fancy, but just go out."

>"Are you asking me on a date?"

"...Yes?"

>He shrugs

>"I feel like we're doing this out of order, but still."

>You chuckle

"Yeah, maybe."

>You try to call an uber to get to the place, but he insists on doing it himself, cracking a joke that he owes you for the blowj0b

>The instant regret on his face after that joke is a bit adorable, but you have to admit this entire situation is still really fucking bizarre

>Then again, your Uber driver is a goblin lady who won't stop talking about her punk folk band

>The entire world is strange now

>You guys make it downtown and step out

>He's wearing one of your T-shirts, which is more than enough to cover him

>It looks a bit odd, but whatever

>"So, where you wanna go?"

"Uh... Big Harry's?"

>His face falls immediately

>Hm

>Guess he's not a fan of burgers

>"Uh, yeah, sure."

"We can go somewhere else if you want."

>"Nah, nah, Big Harry's is fine."

"You sure? You looked a bit concerned."

>"Nah, it's nothing. Let's go."

>He starts walking forward, just a bit too quickly

>Oh well

>Within ten minutes you're sitting at a table

>Big Harry is actually working today, which is always fun

>The Satyr goes around to tables with a lute, playing covers of popular music at the guest's request

>Kyzon requests Africa by Toto, which Big Harry immediately launches in to

>You can't help but raise an eyebrow at the kobold

>Normally Fants requested stuff from their homeworld, or at least recently popular songs

>Old 80s stuff is a bit weird

>Not bad weird, though

>You both clap after the song is done, then turn back to each other

"You been here when Harry's playing before?"

>"No, actually."

"Been here before at all?"

>"...Yes."

>You raise an eyebrow

"That's not a good yes."

>"I'd rather not talk about it."

"What, does the wait staff have something against Kobolds? I don't want to pay them any cash if---"

>"It wasn't that."

>Two seconds of silence

"Fair enough. You sure we can stay?"

>"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

>You both order food, and then begin to talk

>You intended to ask him some questions about being a wizard, but you can't really get a word in edgewise

>He's too busy bombarding you with all sorts of inquiries about your j0b

>He's really enthusiastic about the entire computer thing

>Almost weirdly so

>Most of the fants you'd talked to had a weird suspicion of the inner workings of technology

>They'll use a phone or a computer, sure, but they don't like talking about how it works

>Hell, the other Kobold at your workplace was obviously uncomfortable whenever she even had to talk to the programing department

>Kyzon has no such hangups

>His enthusiasm is adorable, actually. He really seems to be interested in everything, even the tangential rant you went on about some weird caching behavior on a certain line of processors

>Most people start yawning way before that

>Food comes and the conversation gradually moves to other topics

>You find out that he's a big fan of drone music, which is somewhat surprising

>Perhaps moreso is the fact that he regularly goes to movies. You see the occasional Fant at the theater, but only on occasion.

>The more he talks, the weirder it gets

>If you didn't know better you'd assume he was another human

>There's almost no cultural baggage, no hangups, nothing

>It's odd

>You're just wrapping up when he suddenly jerks upwards, then ducks below the table

"Kyzon?"

>He doesn't respond

>You lean your head down and look at him

"Buddy?"

>"I---We need to go."

"We need to go?"

>"Now."

"Now?"

>"Now!"

"What, is something wrong?"

>"Yes."

>The kobold is huddled up in the corner, between the bench and the wall

>He looks fucking terrified

"What is it?"

>"There's... There's people I know here."

"People you know?"

>You look around the restaurant

>Nobody suspicious you can see

>There's the orc Gurmash, who looks terrifying, but you've seen him and Big Harry doing a duet of an Elseworld song about a sick Elven boy, and he cried like a fucking baby afterwards

>Dude's really a big softie

>Nobody else you see around looks even a bit threatening

>You look under the table again

"I don't see anybody."

>"Look, just---can we just go?"

"Sure, I guess."

>You grab the cheque off the table, then walk towards the counter

>Kyzon follows close behind you, keeping his head down

>He doesn't look terrified, but he does look a bit scared

>You're waiting for your card back at the counter when you hear another voice

>"KYZON!"

>You look around, not seeing anybody

>Where the hell...

>"Never thought I'd see you here again."

>Oh, downwards

>There's another kobold standing in front of you

>Three of them, actually

>They have similarly red scales to Kyzon, although they lack the light blue streak that he has down his back

>"Who you here with? Some kind of social worker?"

>Kyzon sighs, stepping out from behind you

>"He's a friend."

>"Yeah, like you have fucking friends."

>You blink

>Christ, these guys are launching right into turbo asshole mode, huh?

"I am a friend, actually."

>"With this guy?"

>The dickwad gestures at Kyzon

>"Look, trust me, you don't wanna be. He's cursed. Have him lift up that shirt, you'll see."

>"Fyonkak, please---"

"I've seen under the shirt."

>Kyzon whips his head up at you, surprised

"What the fuck does it matter?"

>"I mean--- You seen ain't 'em, right?"

"If you mean his, uh, package, yeah. So?"

>"And you're still near him?"

"Yeah."

>Fyonkak shakes his head

>"Look, buddie, I know you're a native here. So let me let you in on a thing about koboolds. You see this?"

>He gestures to his own crotch

>As usual, nothing is visible

>"This is normal. People who look like him are fucking freaks, and if you stay around him too long, pretty soon you'll look like him too. It's a curse, you see."

"I see a fucking moron, but not a curse."

>dickwad glares

>"Hey, buddy. Watch your words."

"Oh, a kobold, I'm terrified."

>"Hey! What the f*ck did you say?"

"I bet I could punt you across the f*cking street, is what I said. Don't threaten me."

>"Oi. You wanna fucking take this outside?"

>"$NAME, please-"

>You sigh

"Look, we're just leaving, so---"

>"Leavin' with him? Really?"

"Yes."

>"fucking idiot."

>The kobolod brushes past you, further into the place

>"Enjoy being cursed, Tipie."

>He and his buddies go and sit down

>You smirk

>"Tippie", which was supposed to be an insulting form of "typical", was probably the funniest word you ever heard

>Technically it's a slur for normal humans but it's just so adorable

>You and Kerzon walk outside

>He uses his phone to call an Uber, and you stand in awkward silence for a moment

"dicks."

>"Yeah."

>The kobold sighs, sitting on a nearby bench

>You join him

"What was that even about, anyway?"

>"Hey, like I said, man They don't like me very much."

"No, about the curse."

>"Oh. That."

>There's a weird amount of venom in his voice

>"Superstition. Bullshit hogwash, if you ask me."

"Aw. I was hoping I'd get a nice pair of monster balls."

>The kobold chuckles, looking up at you

>"Well, sorry to disappoint."

"Eh, it's fine. I'll just have to make use of yours instead."

>The kobold blushes, sinking back into the bench

>"I'd be cool with that."

>You stare forward, waiting for the uber

"So, uh. Are we dating?"

>"I think?"

"Yeah, I don't know. We have this all backwards, I think. Normally certain things are supposed to come, ah, later."

>"I don't think you had the patience for that."

"Nah."

>The kobold adjusts his posture, and you get just a glimpse of those balls underneath the shirt he's wearing

>Mmmm

>"So, what's your story?"

"Hm?"

>"Not many humans would consider doing anything like this with a kobold. Interspecies shit is weird, y'know."

"Says the guy that painted my face with jizz."

>"Hey, I've got an excuse. Nobody's wanted to f*ck me before, I'll take what I can get."

>Wait, nobody?

>Nobody

>Huh

>So you sort of took his virginity there

>If a blowj0b counts

>Really the concept of virginity is sort of arbitrary anyway, but---

>Wait, that's not important

>Right

>Back to reality

>"You got no excuse. Not-not that I mind, of course. So, why'd you do it?"

>You exhale, looking at the street

>A dragon crosses across from you

>He's got a nice facial structure

>Good teeth, too

"You want the truth?"

>"Sure."

"I'm sort of a freak."

>"A freak?"

"I found some, uh, questionable things early in my sexual development, with the end result that I'm down for a lot of shit other people wouldn't be."

>"So you added us to that list when that accident happened?"

"Before, actually."

>"Oh."

"Significantly before."

>"Oh."

>You keep looking across the street, not wanting to see his reaction

>"I like that."

"Really?"

>"Yeah."

"Why?"

>"It's... Ah, well. I've always had some issues controlling my libido, so, uh, the other species had a certain appeal to me as well."

"You'd also fuck anything that can consent to it?"

>"Pretty much, yeah."

"Awesome."

>Two orcs walk in front of you

>You notice them give you a weird look as they pass, but they don't say anything

>After a minute, the car pulls up, and you get inside

>From there it's a short ride back to your house

>You step back into your apartment, checking the time

>Eight

>Man, you guys were actually at Big Harry's for a really long time

>The conversation was good, you guess

>"So, uh."

>The kobold stands in the middle of your kitchen, looking a bit sheepish

>"What do you wanna do now?"

"What do you wanna do?"

>"I dunno, whatever. We could maybe, uh, watch a movie?"

"I'm down. There's a computer in there with a bunch of sh*t on it, pick what you want. I'll make popcorn."

>You do your respective tasks

>He winds up selecting "The Blues Brothers", which he's apparently never seen

>You watch the movie in relative silence

>He laughs at all the funny parts

>You approve

>As the movie goes on, he slowly moves closer to you on the couch, and you eventually put an arm around him

>For a moment you consider making a move, but this is the Blues Brothers

>He deserves an uninterrupted viewing experience

>After the movie is over, he sighs and snuggles into you

>"That was really fucking good, $NAME."

"I'm surprised you haven't seen it."

>"Haven't got around to it yet. I have a lot of human media to get through, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

>You sit in silence for a long time

>"fuck. I'm so glad the merging happened."

>You pull the kobold a bit closer

"Me too, man. Me too."

>"So. I should probably get going."

"You don't have to leave."

>"I don't?"

"You could crash in my bed."

>"This... this is happening a little fast."

>You instantly let go of him

>fucking

>Yeah, of course you'd f*ck this up

>Of course

>"Isn't it?"

>Doubt

>Doubt is good

"Uhhh..."

>Now is the time to speak from the heart

"Who the fuck cares? You're a cool guy, you got an awesome cock, and you're ridiculously cuddle-able."

>"That sounded faggy as fuck."

"Yeah, no sh*t, asshole."

>Kerzon laughs

>"fuck it, why not. Let's go."

>You lead him into the bedroom

"Gimme a minute."

>You go to brush your teeth

>When you get back, he's already snuggled into the bed

>You can't help but notice that the shirt he was wearing is on the floor

>Hmmmm

>You get in bed next to him

>It's a little cramped, to be honest, but whatever

>He immediately presses into you, wrapping his tail up and around your stomach

>"You don't mind if I do that, right?"

"Nope."

>He's naked, but you're not sure if this is sexual

>Kobolds rarely wear clothes, after all

>"Goodnight, $NAME"

>Oh

>Okay, not sexual

>fuck

>Whatever, you'll destroy that ass later

"Goodnight, Kerzon."

>It doesn't take you long to fall asleep

>Today was a good day

>A very good day

>You wake up the next morning with the kobold still snuggled in a ball next to you

>This actually does a fair amount to soften the blow of your alarm, which is still as loud and annoying as ever

>You yawn and stretch out. Kyzon does the same, moving away from you, which sort of sucks.

"Good morning."

>"Hey."

>You smile and sit up, yawning again

"Last night was awesome, huh?"

>"Very. Funny movie, too."

"Yeah."

>You run a hand through your hair, getting it out of your face somewhat

"Unfortunately I have work."

>"Same here. We could meet up again tonight, though."

"Sure."

>"Here, lemme get your number. Before I forget."

>The kobold reaches out to grab his phone, and you exchange contact info

>"Awesome. So, like, at five?"

"Sure."

>The promise of getting to go on another date with your new boyfriend(?) makes getting ready a bit less annoying

>You don't actually hate your j0b, but you hate the fact that it starts at fucking 7:30

>Pays pretty well, though, so you can't complain

>The kobold takes a shower after you do, and then asks to borrow some clothes

>You loan him another shirt, which he also wears like a weird dress type of thing, like he did last night

>He looks surprisingly good like that

>Or maybe you're just infatuated, hard to hell

>After a breakfast which consists mostly of a protein shake (which is unfortunately not a euphemism in this case), you're both standing at the door

>"Thanks for letting me crash."

"No problem."

>You hesitate for a moment, then lean forward and plant a kiss on his cheek.

"See you tonight."

>You walk off

>He follows you

>Right

>Right, you take the same train

>That's how you got into this in the first place

>So that goodbye wasn't as cute as you thought

>Oh well

>The train ride proceeds without incident, and you spend most of the time talking about a variety of bullshit topics

>He gets off at the stop right before yours, and you ride the last five minutes with headphones in, a smile on your face

>You get into work about five minutes late, as usual

>Your boss is waiting in your cubicle when you do, which is kind of strange

>The dragon barely fits, actually, and she has her tail awkwardly curved upwards, where it almost touches the ceiling

>"$NAME, just the person I needed to see."

"Oh, hey. Sorry for being late---"

>"You're always late, $NAME. At this point I am far beyond caring."

>She has a weird smile on her face, which is terrifying, considering how huge those teeth are

>Kinda hot though

>In a dangerous sort of way

>"Our average response time dropped by twenty percent last night, right after you merged that commit."

"Twenty percent?"

>"Yes. The board was quite impressed."

"Oh. Uh, cool."

>"I just wanted to congratulate you on the work. It'll be reflected in your quarterly performance review, I can assure you."

>You smile

>This really is the best day

"Wow. Uh, thanks, I guess."

>"Oh, no no, $NAME. Thank..."

>The dragon freezes, head in the air

>Her smile falls

>"What is that smell?"

"Uh, smell?"

>The dragon advances on you, sniffing

>She gets uncomfortably close to you and takes a deep whiff, which makes you incredibly uncomfortable

>"What did you do after you left work yesterday?"

"Uh, it was kind of personal, so---"

>"You smell of magic."

>She takes another step towards you, speaking in a low voice

>"Draconic magic."

"Uh, well, I... I, uh... May have been around a wizard."

>She shakes her head

>"Mere proximity could not do this. Even bathing in the blood of a wizard could not cause this strong of an odor."

>You raise an eyebrow

"That's pretty graphic."

>"Perhaps."

>She steps backwards a bit, finally giving you some personal space

>"I suppose it is your personal affairs, and that human resources may be displeased with me if I continue to pry."

"Maybe a little."

>"Still, I do encourage you to do some independent research on what has happened to you. Possessing such a strong scent, without even being magical yourself, is highly, highly unusual."

"I'm not gonna, like, get cancer or something, right?"

>"I cannot say, unfortunately. If I had to guess, I would say it is unlikely to harm you---but, again, I am not qualified to make that assumption."

>The dragonness brushes past you, exiting your cubicle and walking away

>She gets a few steps before turning back towards you

>"Good j0b again, $NAME. And... do be careful."

>You nod, then walk into your cubicle and slump down on the seat

>Well

>That got weird fast

>Scary weird, too. Not good weird.

>You're pretty sure you know why you smell like magic

>I mean, there was a lot of semen, and he already said he was a wizard

>Still, you can't help but think about the curse thing those other kobolds mentioned

>You thought that was entirely bullshit, but, well, apparently his cum actually did something to you, so...

>You know what?

>Might as well just ask him

>You whip out your phone and quickly compose a text

Yo Kyzon. Just got into work, dragonness boss said she smelled a bunch of magic on me, told me it could cause me harm. Is she just being an asshole or did something happen?

>You sit quietly and look down at your phone for five minutes

>When you get no response, you sigh and try to get to work

>Three unproductive hours later, your phone buzzes

>You lunge for it instantly, dropping what you were doing

>You quickly open it up, to see that Kyzon has indeed sent you a message

>Can you talk?

>You tilt your head

like on the phone

>yeah

>Shrugging, you give him a call, starting the unit test suite on your machine to give you an excuse for not working

>That thing still takes a thousand years

>You really have to fix that

>He picks up on the first ring

>"Yo, who the fuck told you that?"

"My boss."

>"Dragonness, you said?"

"Yeah."

>"That's kind of weird. Hey, uh, you mind coming over to my place tonight?"

"That's a weird transition."

>"Not---not for that. Well, not for just that. I want to run some tests on you."

"Tests?"

>"Magical tests."

>You look back at your computer screen, taking a deep breath

>Christ, if this somehow gets ruined for you...

"Yeah, sure. I'll just meet you on the train?"

>"Of course. Oh, uh, and if you could avoid any contact with magical spells or items while you wait, that would be great."

"Sure, dude."

>The rest of the day you're surprisingly productive

>In fact, you actually fix that retarded caching issue you complained about last night to Kyzon, speed up the tests relating to interactions with the file system, and close four different issues

>You do this pretty often when you're stressed

>Just dive into the j0b and think of literally nothing else

>Eventually, though, you reach the end of the day, clock out, and make it to the train

>You whip out your phone and text Kyzon

car 5

>sh*t dude im gonna be late

>can you just wait at the station right after yours

sure

>You get out and sit on a bench for a few minutes until a scaled hand taps you on the shoulder

>"$NAME."

>You look behind you to see the kobold in the same shirt you gave him

"Yo."

>"Let's go."

>The walk to his apartment building is short

>Very short

>Its really more of a complex, several different buildings all next to each other

>There's a private pool, balconies everywhere...

>It's a fucking nice place

>Kyzon lives on the third floor

>You both take the stairs to get up, since it's so close

>You actually go an entire flight before you realize the handrail is levitating

"This place was a LBI project, right?"

>"Yeah."

"Looks nice."

>"Hell of a lot better than anything we had back home, let me tell you."

"Neat handrails."

>"Yeah."

>You keep walking, slightly disappointed

>You love LBI buildings, and normally take a bit of time to explore when you find yourself in one

>The fusion of magic and technology created some fucking great architecture, especially considering how quickly they had to be built

>Oh well

>Right now you're the one fusing with magic

>Gotta take care of that first

>"Sorry, okay. Here it is."

>Kyzon stops in front of the second door down from the staircase and puts a palm up to the wall. The door opens immediately.

>You blink

"Is that a palm scanner?"

>"Magical footprint, actually."

>He walks inside, and you follow him

>The first thing you notice is the 90-inch flatscreen that takes up most of the wall of his ridiculously huge living room

>The second thing you notice is an impressively large dildo and sex-toy collection spewed about on his couch, which you notice consists almost entirely of human-shaped dildos

>Or elf-shaped

>Probably not dwarf-shaped because it lacks the hair

>Anyway

>Then, of course,you notice the next room, where the kitchen has a bunch of weird, bubbling potions everywhere

>Including a few jars of a strange white fluid you're pretty sure is his jizz

>He inhales

>"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry, I..."

>He waves his arms a few times, and all the dildos float out of the room and into a closet, which he quickly closes the door of

>"Didn't get a chance to clean up."

"Its fine. Uh, is that boiling jizz?"

>"Yes."

"Why?"

>"Science."

>The kobold motions for you to follow him as he enters his kitchen

>"I've done, uh, a bit of research on my own seed. Since there's so much, and rumors of a curse, you know."

"Yeah?"

>"Well, the thing is, it's all normal. So if you smell like magic, then..."

>The kobold suddenly stops

>"Uh. Oh. Wow, I can smell it too, actually. Now that I'm thinking of it."

"Is that bad?"

>"Kobolds don't have a sense of smell anywhere near as good as a dragon's. In fact, I think it's barely better than a human's."

"Is that bad?"

>Kyzon clenches his teeth in the least reassuring smile you've ever fucking seen

>"I can't even smell magic at my work."

"...You're a wizard. That sounds pretty bad."

>"I work with a class one magical reactor on a regular basis. So... Yeah."

>f*ck

"Does that have something to do with it? Do you have magically radioactive jizz or something?"

>"No. No, it can't be that. My, uh, my seed wouldn't do this. I know that for a fact. I've done research on it. You were contaminated in some other way."

"Like what?"

>"I dunno. That's what we're going to find out."

>The kobold grabs a white stick from the table, then points to the center of his kitchen

>"Stand there, please."

>You step where he points

>Immediately, he sets to work, walking about you and drawing shit on the floor

>Oh, that stick was chalk

>Okay

"What are you doing?"

>"Magic."

>You uneasily stay standing, looking down at what he's drawing

>There's lots of loops and weird bits of verse, including what you're pretty sure are lyrics to "The Bad Touch"

>You step out of the circle

"Okay, dude, can you please explain what the f*ck is going on?"

>"I... I need to check for something."

>Kyzon motions with his hands to step back

"Dude, I just met you, and now this is happening."

>You take another step back

"How am I supposed to know this isn't going to hurt me?"

>"How was I supposed to know that you weren't going to hurt me, when I went back with you?"

>You bite your lip

>The kobold puts a hand on your back

>"Look. Something fucky is happening here. I want to find out what."

"And you're sure it's not just because you have magic jizz?"

>"Of course not!"

>The kobold takes a step back

>"I swear, I didn't do it. Something else did."

>You bite your lip

>You don't know magic, so it's pretty much impossible to tell if he's lying

>You're sort of inclined to believe him, though

>Those eyes are wide enough to seem genuinely worried for your well-being

"Alright, fine."

>You stand back in the circle

>The kobold nods and leans over

>"This is just a diagnostic. I promise."

>He continues writing runes for five minutes before standing up, looking you up and down

>"Alright. That's---wait. Take off your clothes."

"Huh?"

>"Improves the diagnostic."

"You sure you don't just wanna see me naked?"

>"I do. But it also improves the diagnostic, which is my main concern."

>You follow his instructions, somewhat reluctantly

>He actually hasn't seen you naked, and you're a tiny bit self-conscious

>Still, you slide off your shirt, drop the pants, and pull off your underwear

>He doesn't make any comments, all business as he cracks his knuckles

>"Okay, this is gonna tingle a bit."

>Immediately, the runes light up, and begin dancing around on the floor like some kind of light show

>It also tingles quite a bit

>Not unpleasantly so, though

>After about a minute, everything stops

>Kyzon sighs

>"fuck."

"What? Is something wrong?"

>"Uh. Well, not really, but... it's my magic."

"Your magic?"

>"Yeah."

"Is it on the fritz?"

>"No, it's inside you."

>You take a deep breath

"If you mean I'm fucking pregnant I swear to god I will---"

>"What? No!"

>Kyzon rapidly shakes his head

>"f*ck no, dude! That doesn't even make sense!"

"Well, then what?"

>Now both of you are raising your voice

>"You have the same magical signature as me."

"So it WAS your jizz!"

>"...Yeah, okay, yeah. Probably."

>You step out of the circle, suddenly breathing hard

"I'm---this isn't gonna fucking kill me, right?"

>"No! The opposite, actually."

"Make me immortal?"

>That gets a laugh

"SO WHAT THE fuck DOES IT MEAN, THEN?"

>Oh

>That was loud

>f*ck it, you're scared as hell right now

>"It, uh, basically... basically means you're a wizard now."

>You blink

"I'm a what?"

>"A wizard. Also, that was a reference, wasn't it?"

"Kind of. Subconsciously. Sorry, this is a lot to process."

>"Well, transferring magical power like that violates most of Merlin's laws, and the second law of thermodynamics, so..."

"Is that bad?"

>"Maybe?"

"But not immediately bad?"

>"No."

"Awesome. Okay."

>You stand there

>"...Sorry, by the way."

"Sorry?"

>"For doing that. Even though I don't know how I did that."

"Hey, uh, accidents happen."

>You playfully punch him on the shoulder, smiling

>He arches an eyebrow at you

>"You're scared shitless, huh?"

"Oh fucking totally."

>"Don't be. We'll figure this out."

>You somewhat clumsily sit down on his couch

>It feels surprisingly good, even on your bare ass

>Must be an expensive fabric

"So, uh, how do we figure this out?"

>Kyzon shares at you and smiles, but it looks more like he's clenching his teeth.

>"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

>"I mean, I guess I do some more scanning, but I'd need industrial components that. Not just chalk."

"Industrial components?"

>"Gold, pure platinum, unicorn tears, that kind of thing."

"Oh."

>You swallow

"How are we going to get those?"

>"I have them at my work."

"Can you bring them home?"

>"Well, no."

"So... What are we going to do?"

>Kyzon sits next to you

>"I could take you in."

>You are not sure how to feel about that

>On one hand, you want to learn more about what the f*ck is going on

>On the other, the idea of a bunch of people inspecting you like you're a fucking animal is not something you want

>You run a hand through your hair

"I dunno, dude."

>"Yeah, I know."

>Kyzon looks at the floor

>"I'm sorry."

>You lean back on the couch, still keeping your legs closed

>You feel weirdly exposed

"You really have no idea how it happened?"

>"No idea."

>You turn to face him

"Really?"

>"Really."

>You continue just staring at him

>Eventually, he manages to glance at you, then turns to actually face you again

>he has tears in his eyes

>"I---I swear, I didn't---"

"Wow, dude."

>You hold up a hand

"I'm not that mad."

>"You---you seemed mad."

"More scared."

>He looks down again, still crying

"Hey, c'mon."

>You wrap an arm around his neck, and you can feel all the muscles in his body pull taunt instantly

"It's fine, man. Really."

>The kobold shakes his head, closing his eyes

>You lean in on him a bit more

"Man, c'mon, what's wrong?"

>He just shakes his head further

"Kyzon?"

>"They were right."

>You can barely understand the words, they're so thick

>"I am cursed."

"Wow, dude, don't say that."

>You pat him on the back

>"But---but it's true."

"No it fucking isn't."

>"It is."

>He moves to the side, brushing you off him

>"And... and I hurt you with it."

>Something wells up inside you, and the next thing you know you're jumping him

>You easily manhandle the kobold into a tight hug

"Stop thinking like that."

>He doesn't say anything

>You take a breath and continue

"Look. I am not... entirely thrilled about this. But it's not a curse. I'm a fucking wizard, right?"

>You feel him nod

"That sounds pretty awesome to me, dude."

>You hold him like that for a while

>Eventually, he taps you on the shoulder, and you pull off

>He's still sniffling, but not crying

>"Thanks."

"Yeah."

>You just look at him for a while

"That was kind of sudden. You sure you're alright?"

>He shrugs, eyes drifting away for a moment

>"It's been... a weird couple of days."

"Good weird?"

>He smiles, blushing

>"Yeah. Mostly."

>He makes eye contact again

>He really has nice eyes, now that you're looking at them

>They're a remarkable shade of green, bright against the dull yellow of his scales

>"It's been a lot to take in, man. All of it. This entire year, really."

"Well, if you wanna tell me about it, I'm all ears."

>"It's not anything, uh, huge. It's just..."

>Kyzon shakes his head, slumping back into the couch

>"I was afraid I fucked this up."

"This?"

>"Whatever we have."

>He shakes his head again

>"Which, to be honest, I'm still not sure about."

"Not sure about?"

>"About what this is. That was never clear."

"I think we're dating, right?"

>He blushes even deeper at that

>"I... I guess so, yeah."

"Yeah. Well, you didn't fuck it up."

>"But I thought I did."

>He shakes his head, looking at you

>"You know, you're..."

"I'm what?"

>"This is gonna sound stupid."

"I'm fine with stupid."

>"You're fucking unbelievable."

"Huh?"

>Normally that word means something negative, but the way he says it is almost filled with awe

>"I mean, like... if I go back a bit, right? I was laying alone in a cave on day, and I woke up and I'm suddenly in this entirely new place. Not only that, but it's a good place. It's a fucking paradise compared to the old world. So that, right there---that was half my fantasies."

"Yeah?"

>"Yeah. And everything since then has just been so good, you know? I have this awesome apartment, I have a j0b where people respect me, everything. Except, well, the one bad thing was that I'm still a virgin. Or, uh, w-was."

>He takes a moment to pause after that

>You slowly realize what he just said

>You

>Oh

>...Nice.

>"Then you come out of literally fucking nowhere and start begging to suck my dick on a bus. Like, do you have any idea what that was like? That's the kind of sh*t that even the pornographic novels I could get my hands on wouldn't do. Nobody would believe that, even if I wasn't a freak."

>He swallows

>"But I am. So my fantasy was always kinda, you know, somebody who would tolerate it. Who would close their eyes and do it, for me. Then all of the sudden you're... well, you're doing what you did, you know?"

>He takes a breath

>"So that was just insane, but then I talk to you, and you're a person I could actually be friends with."

>"So it all seemed, uh, too good to be true. And I was afraid that reality would come crashing in, and just f*ck everything up again."

>He exhales

>"Sorry."

>You shrug, leaning back in the couch as well

"It's alright, man. It's fine to get emotional."

>He sniffles and nods