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The Gift

Richard's (SF) Storyline, Chapter 2.5

copyright comidacomida 2018

Balam's eyes gleamed a rich Gold as he focused entirely and wholly on me; there was a strange sense of trepidation in his gaze that seemed counterpoint to his seemingly endless confidence. "The ritual is not done until you say 'yes'."

The fact that he said 'yes' in English was not lost to me. Having the first actual moment to think for myself rather than follow directions, I knew I'd have to ask for clarification before committing. "What goes into being bound to a Spirit Guide? I want to say 'yes', but I need more information."

His face remained neutral but I could see the obvious wilt to his whiskers. "Then we are done for tonight."

Having said apparently all he intended to for the conclusion of the ritual, Balam stood and, as he did so, the circle of items faded from around us; I also noticed that all of the pigmentation painted into his fur likewise flecked off and disintegrated before my eyes. Glancing down to myself I saw that I was also devoid of the colors, which meant that I was just plain naked. Nudity never really bothered me except for the understanding that it wasn't done in polite company, but something about the way Balam was watching me left me just a little unnerved, and being naked and unnerved meant I felt even more vulnerable.

Unable to do anything being unnerved I knew I could do something about being naked so, considering it was already well into the night, I went to my dresser and began pulling out my night time clothes; I usually slept in an old t-shirt and a pair of loose sweatpants so they were the target of my attention. During my search I hadn't realized that Balam had approached until I heard him speak up from behind me. "What do you think of the other spirits? I do not speak with them so I must understand them through you."

It was hard to tell whether he was asking purely out of a casual desire to know or if there was some pointed reason behind his question. I couldn't help but feel that my unwillingness to blindly trust him and follow his request for me to agree to have him as my Spirit Guide may have somehow offended the Jaguar; considering his stoic demeanor and his lack of forthcoming input I was pretty much in the dark. I decided before answering that my response should be non-specific and generalized, requiring him to clarify if he wanted something more. "They're okay. Sabhana tells amazing stories-- I'm sorry you can't understand them. Treboada is really different from anyone I've ever known. Jack..."

The pause lasted longer than I had planned and he noticed. Balam looked at me, ears perked but face still neutral. "You are worried for the bird-cat?"

Although it wasn't technically his business I could honestly say that I was interested in his thoughts on the Gryphon. "Yes. He said that he chose me to have him as a Guardian spirit because it's what my friend would have wanted and--"

It was surprising how hard the emotions struck me and, for a moment, I felt the lingering pain in my ribs much more strongly than a physical pain. It had been less than a week and I hadn't even had a chance to properly grieve. I felt a strange kinship with Jack because of that; we had both lost something important in the car accident and, one of those people for me was THE person for him. Balam spoke for me. "You feel a duty to your dead friend and want be thankful for her gift of the bird-cat."

The Jaguar said his piece bluntly but, despite how much I didn't want to fully agree I could also not really argue the point-- not in Spanish anyway. Then again, it wasn't HIS native language either so it was possible that his apparent lack of empathy could have been due to his inability to voice his thoughts effectively. Settling for that as a possibility I tried to elaborate. "Jack and I are both hurting. I don't want to hurt and I don't want him to hurt either. We share that."

Balam nodded thoughtfully. "He wants to protect you. He wants to be your Guardian Spirit, but you do not need one; I am a Spirit Guide, but I am a Guardian Spirit too."

It was a very presumptive statement, but it brought up an interesting question. Fully dressed in my night clothes I sat on my bed. "You can be both?"

The Jaguar nodded. "Yes. I have been a Tribal Spirit and a Guardian Spirit and a Spirit Guide all-- many of them I have been at the same time. If you look, I have yellow eyes. That is the sign of a spirit who protects and guards. Jack has yellow eyes too."

The explanation, like the rest of our discussion was straight forward and for that I was thankful. "So you and Jack both have yellow eyes, which identifies you as Guardian Spirits? What color eyes does a Spirit Guide have?"

Rather than remaining on the floor, Balam stood and, still naked, came to sit on the bed several inches from me; although he sat down neatly on it there was no impression of weight. "I am a Spirit Guide and have yellow eyes... but a Spirit Guide who is not also a Guardian Spirit will have eyes of green or 'morado'."

I paused, trying to figure out what the last word was. I knew that 'verde' was green but the other one wasn't familiar to me. "What is 'morado'? I do not know that word."

He provided clarification without so much as a reproachful look. "It is a color. It is red and blue together."

I realized he meant purple. "Oh... so you and Jack have yellow eyes while Treboada and Sabhana have green eyes so they're... what?"

The Jaguar slowly shook his head. "It does not work that way. The Inner Light of a spirit comes from how they get their spirit energy. Jack and I protect so we have yellow eyes. The wolves do many things to get their energy and they do not do much to humans to get it so their light is green. If they guided humans or did things to humans or did things for humans then they would have purple light."

Something about the way he phrased that statement left me a little uncomfortable "What kinds of things? What do spirits do to humans?"

Bowing his head, Balam patted the mattress with his paw; I could have sworn I felt the gesture through the bed. "That is a good question, but I will answer it another time. It is late and you need to sleep."

The dismissal led me to believe that he really was angry with me for not saying 'yes'. I called him on it. "Balam-- I didn't say 'yes' but it isn't because I don't want you as my spirit guide... I just want more information. I didn't say yes because I couldn't say it without asking questions."

He nodded, his stoic expression completely unchanging. "Yes. I understand. You are a smart human. I like you, Richard Ford. I want to be your Spirit Guide and I want you to be my Weaver."

There was that word again: 'Weaver'. "So... will you explain it all to me then?"

The Jaguar flicked an ear, his golden eyes riveted to me as he patted the mattress again. "Yes... but not now. You need sleep."

It was a dismissal, but it didn't feel quite as cold after I received what I thought was his acknowledgement of understanding. "It must be nice to not need sleep. You can get so much more done."

One of his eyebrows raised slight and, despite the lack of change in expression the angles of his whiskers perked slightly. "It must be nice to sleep. Humans dream, and I would like to dream, but I cannot."

I shrugged, laying back in bed as I pulled the comforter over myself. "Sometimes, yes... but sometimes dreams aren't good ones."

The room was already dark so there was no need to turn off the light. Balam slowly rose from the bed and I tracked his movement through the room, not just thanks to my eyes being accustomed to the darkness, but because there was a faint illumination coming from his eyes. He settled down onto the floor, circling once, then again before folding into himself and, the faintest hint of moonlight was playing tricks with my eyes; for a moment I thought I saw a feral, four legged jaguar curled up on my rug. He rumbled out his statement "Dreams are the stuff of spirit made real in your mind. The more you understand of them the more you will realize there is no good or bad."

Yawning, I closed my eyes, laying on my back as I attempted to let sleep take hold. "Is that something else you will teach me?"

His response was a quiet one. "When you are ready to say 'yes' you will be ready to learn and then I will be ready to teach you."