FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It was a typical workless day for one small town resident in particular. Alex Westmore was a former college student now currently living in a southern small town. The frantic tic tacs of rapidly typing fingers filled job applications one cell at a time. With an exasperated sigh, Alex put his hands over his furrowed brow wondering what he was going to do. He was jobless, but it was apparent that no one wanted him. Sheer volumes of resumes were being pumped out in the age of covid nineteen only to fall off the printer with an audible swish; carried by the metaphorical workforce conveyer belt that would drop the designated forms through the metaphorical workforce shredder.

Alex had been eyeing the more meager positions, because the amount of rejected applications was teaching him to lower his standards when searching for a job. He was at a point in his life where he simply needed a stepping stone, but that made him question why he had gone to college in the first place. He thought about his meager associate’s degree, and how he had barely been able to pass. The mocking memory of his past momentarily stunned him. Alex viciously shook his head in an attempt to stay productive without getting side tracked by the task at hand.

The sky had been pitch black for quite some time. Still, the time of day hardly mattered as Alex would follow the same schedule less routine of the previous day. Time slowed down in a town grey shift of eat, sleep, clean, and look for work. He closed himself in his room in hopes that his family wouldn’t bother him, but he knew they would. It would only be a matter of time until they would find some uncleaned corner of the house; which would open a window of opportunity to discuss his shortcomings on income. Alex was a normal boy following the path of the exhausting American dream.

Essentially, Alex knew he had a lot of current issues to deal with in life but he was fortunate. All of these life problems related to money in some way. If his family was disappointed in him then all he had to do was simply find a sustainable income large to let him move out. His freedom would bring the opportunity to hang out with people he could comfortably open up too, and that freedom would remove the hindrance of his close relatives and their embarrassingly stuffy attitudes. The step to his financial freedom would lead to a life undictated by the whims of his parents.

Alex’s eyes were drooping open and his fingers fell silent across the keyboard for several minutes. He could feel the pulse of the blood between his ears throb with every irritating tick of the clock. He longed for rest, but realized he would fail to achieve any as he fidgeted with the first of many empty coffee mugs he had that night. A faint bitter yet sweet taste remained in the back of Alex’s mouth. The clock would skip ahead occasionally as his fatigued mind tinkered between a revved up state of not being able to sleep, despite a longing for one.

Alex took a step out of the house as a cold wind battered his face. The moonlight provided a faint outline of the path that would take him down the street. Fresh air steadied his pounding heart beat as he took deeper breaths. He clutched his arms tightly bringing his outer clothes closer to himself while the occasional passing car would momentarily blind him with its illuminating headlights. Alex walked a refreshingly lonesome path.

The long winding dirt road would lead to a small town eventually, but Alex didn’t intend to walk that far considering that the pavement was made for vehicles only. Other than the occasional streetlamp, his only company consisted of dense forest which blocked his right and left most routes. Moving forward, he eventually found an oasis of light sitting in the dark night. It was a neon sign boldly proclaiming “Convenience store ahead”. The bright blinking lights burned his retinas with an eye catching irritation. Alex paid the generic advertisement no mind and trudged onward.

More advertisements beckoned Alex who was now starting to suspect his mind was playing tricks on him, and he strolled past more neon signs. Really, it was all too much for a rest stop planted in the middle of a dense forest. Alex eventually stumbled upon the proclaimed shop. Surprisingly, the name of the company was actually just “Convenience store”. He wouldn’t have expected this to be the place where all the gaudy signs were pointing too, yet there was an unseemly amount of neon blinking arrows.

Reassured by the overly ambitious advertisement, Alex walked into the possible tourist trap only to be disappointed by an anticlimactic gas station. The rows were lined with the typical products of cheesy puff goodness and the triangularly salty snacks the reader would expect. Really, the only out of place feature was the lack of workers who should have been manning the register as the building was apparently empty aside from himself. Alex walked around the store expecting someone to eventually greet him.

The door behind the registered flung open as the occupant gave a welcoming “Welcome, how may we”. The strange man coughed before restating “How may I (singular) be of assistance to you fine customer!” The man was tall but had the kind of squeaky high pitched voice you would expect to see from a small child, or even a parrot. He wore a long trench coat with and oversized hat which was falling forward as to obscure his facial features. Alex put his hand to his chin and squinted at the man in an attempt to figure out what was up with this individual.

The strange man swayed over to the front cash register. His body moved side to side in an S shaped fashion, before using the counter, as his posture was worse than a lightweight drinker caught in a drunken stupor. While that was happening, the strange man had his arms outstretched in an extreme perpendicular direction from his body. Alex couldn’t help but give off a blank expression; wondering why the awkward man simply didn’t use his hands to catch himself.

Bewildered, Alex asked “Are you. Are you ok?” to which the man responded “Ok? Why I’m better than ok!” Recently I’ve been down on my luck but now I have my very own customer! Isn’t that exciting?” A loud pop could be heard as confetti shot out from the man’s coat sleeves, while the man gave a couple twirls in order to maximize the mess created from the glittering plastic storm. Alex looked around the isles in an attempt to see if there was some hidden Hollywood crew attempting to play a prank on him.

“Oh I’m just here to buy some chips” Alex stated as he reached for the nearest food item. Hoping to be out of the strange man’s hair soon, Alex scratched the back of his neck. The awkward man’s back seemed to snap in half as his faced smashed firmly into the counter causing the glass scanner to crack open slightly. However, that did not deter the man from his task as he grasped the chips with his jaws and flung them across the scanner, sounding off a successful beep. The chips were then tossed, before making a Bankshot off of a nearby basketball hoop situated above a readied take home bag.

The strange man was then attempting to shuffle back to his feet. Arms still outstretched, the man was commanding himself to “get up”, only to respond with a “give me a second” and “no, wrong lever!” Alex was catching on to the charade, but he still couldn’t quite figure out how the fake man looked so real. He reached out with a here “let me help you sir (singular).” He just smiled at the man while reaching over to hoist him up, hands now snapping off the artificial man’s shoulders. Alex failed to catch the man, and the fake man let out a shrill “wait don’t press that!” as the cashier’s arms sprung violently from their mechanical sockets. The projectiles ricocheted violently across the nearby walls. Metal springs hung out limply where the former appendages had been built.

Alex let out an apologetic “Wait, I didn’t mean to break your costume”. Now in a panic, Alex’s running shoes let off squeaks as he frantically collected the missing limbs. Meanwhile the fake man let off a frightened “Shoot, He’s on to us!” a heartbroken “Nuuuuuuuuu! That took so long to make.”, and a rancor “Pull it together you guis!” Although not completely in pieces yet, a mix of rubber bands and metal utensils were springing out of the machine man. Now struggling to move, the fake’s legs were caving in on themselves as it was now evident that the costume contained a jumbled mess of branches, duct tape, and kitchen utensils.

It was evident that the fake man was struggling to unbutton his trench coat, and therefore free the actual inhabitants as the suit wobbled around the room. Alex caught the man so that he wouldn’t fall and hurt himself, but in doing so the man accidentally dislodged his artificial top which could now reveal a headless torso. The false face fell to the ground with an audible thud. Next, the hairs on Alex’s arms raised in shock as a small fluffy face sprouted from the artificial torso.

Alex gave a dumbfounded stare the white and black furred critter. The fake man was now silently waiting for Alex’s reaction. There was a long silent pause, which gave Westmore the realization that he was looking at some sort of raccoon. Furthermore, Alex could only guess that there was a small child waiting to be discovered from within the confines of the off date Halloween costume. However, that wasn’t quite right as Alex gave a declaration of “Is that a pet raccoon?”

The beast’s expression raged with a dissatisfied fit of “Pet? Say that to my face again and see what happens human!” “Wait what?” was the startled response Alex gave as he couldn’t believe his ears. The human rubbed his eyes in an effort to wake up and come to his senses. “How is this even real? Am I dreaming?” Alex was pacing around the room in an effort to figure out how he hadn’t woken up yet.

The first raccoon paid the confused Alex no mind as he struggled to help two more identical looking figures out of the suit. The trio clumsily existed their vessel after being somewhat stunned from their previous fall. The first of the critters kicked pieces of rubble around the room with a tantrum shouting various non PG profanities. The disturbance brought Alex back to his senses. Reminded of his guilt regarding the broken contraption, Alex kneeled down to say “I’m sorry little guy”, before reaching out with a hopefully sincere head scratch. The first raccoon one gave a verbose “Little?” as his tiny jaws provided Alex’s hand with a revenge fueled chomp. Feeling the sharp bloodthirsting fangs and squealing like a young child, Alex tried to dislodge the firmly attached spite filled creature.

With chaos permeating the room, the two latter raccoons watched on in amusement as Alex flailed around the building while his noticeably smaller assailant thrashed with a feral rage. After several minutes of Alex’s pained cries, the first raccoon finally decided to let go. He felt as though the damage he caused had made him the rightful victor while Alex’s wincing only served to reinforce the small beast’s pride.

Alex rubbed his finger in a futile attempt to soothe the pain. He turned around to state the obvious “Well I’m definitely not dreaming” before asking the apparently idiotic question “Are you, Are you really talking raccoons?”

“Well duh, haven’t you seen talking raccoons before?” The second said. “Um, No? That’s not considered a normal thing is it?” was the quick response from Alex. “Oh, I see” said raccoon two who whispered into raccoon three’s triangularly shaped ear “Get a load of this guy. He’s clearly a bigger nutcase than the squirrels.” The third of the bunch was too busy holding back tears, and picking up scrap, to be distracted. Alex responded with an unamused “You know I can hear everything you’re saying right?” Racoon two responded by sticking his tongue out at Alex with a mocking “blehhh.”

Alex focused deeply in an effort to calm his nerves and pulled out his wallet saying “Here I didn’t mean it. Let me at least pay for the cost it probably took you to make that thing. I bet you worked really hard on it.” Racoon three put his things down and clutched the money with his tiny raccoon mittens, and replied with a sniffled “thanks”. He then took a deep breath and blew a much needed sneeze onto the green cotton.

Alex questioned the trio “So, um, you say I’m not dreaming, but you’re talking raccoons?” “Ugh, still hung up on that” complained the first mammal. “Well basically we are supernatural sapient beings who take on the forms of well, racoons.” Alex was confused. “Supernatural? So you mean stuff like ghosts and magic are real?” The creature thought for a moment. “Hmm, I guess you could say that. Although, were still trying to learn how do magic and we haven’t encountered any ghosts.”

The second raccoon interjected “Yeah, humans always ask us that question but it’s a bit nonsensical, because their all sorts of paranormal beings that humans end up interacting with in their daily lives. I mean, just because you guys don’t notice them doesn’t mean there not there.” Alex scratched his chin in an attempt to remember the last mystical coon he ran into but failed to recall any. The third raccoon rebounded with a cheerful “Let’s go show him, it’s always more exciting that way!” He was met with a “Yeah that’s not a bad actually” and an “Ok but if we going to do this can we at least introduce ourselves?” The three nodded in agreement.

The first and loudest of the raccoons stepped forward announcing “I’m Colt, and don’t you forget it or ill bite your ears off. Hehe, just kidding, probably.”

The second raccoon leisurely stood up with an “Oh I’m Caesar” before pulling the nervous third raccoon to his side with a teasing “and this is smelly.”

The third raccoon elaborated with an upset “Wait, no I’m stinky!” which prompted the second raccoon’s rebuttal “Yeah, you said it.” Stinky responded with a momentarily confused “Huh? No wait I mean my name is stinky, I don’t actually smell!” The now mortified raccoon put his paws to his face while the first two brothers giggled jovially. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Caesar said. A now irritated Stinky slammed his foot down with a resounding “NO!” His fur was raised on end.

Alex introduced himself to the group before trying to turn down their offer with a polite “Oh, you don’t have to do all that for me. Wow look at the time it’s getting late ah ha.” Alex was caught off by Colt who proclaimed “Nope, it’s too late, you already overpaid and you can’t expect us to just ignore that.” Alex looked at the twenty dollar bill that was still covered in green slime. Caesar interrupted; “Yeah plus it’ll be fun so we can’t just not go.”

Caesar jumped up onto Alex’s shoulder hollering “Onward Noble Steed, too adventure!”