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Chapter Four

The Suicide

In a local mall at a relatively quiet time after school local kids walked about enjoying their freedom from school. Daily after school they would head to the mall and try to find activities to interest them.

Tyler was trying to convince a girl he had just met to go out with him. She had been ignoring him because nothing about him attracted her attention. His constant chattering was boring her and her patience was wearing thin as she tried walking away and he kept following her.

“Get lost, loser!” She finally shouted at him. He flinched then shook his head as he turned to walk away. He was getting bored with her anyway. Any girl that required as much maintenance as she appeared to was not worth it in his book.

He turned and saw a group of guys picking on a smaller one who was trying to get away from them.

“Come on Steve,” The one that seemed to be the leader of the group was mocking. He was the tallest of them and he had a jock’s sport’s coat on. His hair was cut short in the style that looked like a bowl was placed on his head and the sides were shaved off. Though his bangs had been cut extremely short.

Tyler recognized him from school and after taking a few moments to watch them closely he was sure they were from the same school as he was. It seemed to be that the school jocks were picking on a geek from school.

The rest had on football jerseys of their favorite teams and they were laughing loudly as John, their leader, led them.

“You wanna smell my jock?” John said and the group erupted in laughter.

“What’s sum’mater? You don’t like girls?! Or maybe you want to be one.” Kaitlyn joked as she leaned in close and she screamed loudly as she joined in on their laughter. She was a cheerleader and she dated quite a few guys on the team but currently was with John.

“I’m not gay! Just leave me alone!” Steve cried as he tried walking away but John grabbed him and prevented him from leaving. Tyler looked around and saw a few others watching nervously but afraid to step in and become the focus on the group’s attention.

“Ooooooh,” The group replied. John grabbed Steve harder and Steve winced in pain.

“My girl asked you a question,” John said angrily.

“Tell him baby,” She replied.

“Stop being a douche bag and admit you like cock. You little faggot.” John said and the group started chanting the word “faggot” over and over again.

“What’s going on?” Tyler asked a kid that was around his age next to him.

“John and his gang picking on Steve Pferpher after he was taking pictures for the school newspaper. You know he helps out Shelly Luciane, the girl that works at the school newspaper, and she’s doing this story about cutting the sport’s budget to fund other after school activities.

John and his cronies are taking the story personally and if they pick on her then they’ll look like their faggots so they picked on him instead.”

“Steve is a nobody that nobody pays attention to. Why bother picking on him?” Tyler asked.

“He’s an easy target,” The boy replied then he took a sip of the soda he was holding.

Steve struggled to break the grip of John and John gripped him harder then in a second he punched Steve in his stomach and the boy fell to the floor crying in pain.

“Aww the faggot fall to the floor? Poor baby.” John jeered.

“Maybe the queer wants to suck your cock?” One of the gang said and they all started laughing again.

“You gonna open your mouth and take the whole thing?” John said to Steve then addressed the group and everyone watching. “You better open wide unless you want to choke because I ain’t got a little thing like you do.” The group burst into another bout of laughter, jeering, and mocking. A couple of the onlookers began to join in as the fear that if they did not join then they may be picked on as well.

Tyler smiled but remained silent as soon everone around him was now picking on Steve and calling his names like “faggot” and “cocksucker.” He was thinking about Kyle and how he’ll be picked on if it’s ever discovered that he’s gay.

Steve attempted to crawl away but each member of the group ran up to him and kicked him while everyone cheered. Steve cried for help but this caused the enraged crowd to laugh louder.

“HEY!!! What’s going on here?” A security guard screamed as he ran up and helped Steve stand to his feet.

“Nothing… officer,” John said as his gang blended back into the crowd and vanished while the security guard was asking Steve if he was alright.

“I’m fine!” Steve angrily shouted and he held his side as he tried to walk away. The security guard looked around and disbursed the group as the onlookers walked away muttering to themselves.

Steve sat in his bedroom cleaning the blood from his face and wiping away the tears from the pain he felt. His grandparents were in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune, as they usually did. They ended up watching him while his parents were working late, as usual.

He never minded his grandparents and even liked them but unfortunately they had no idea what it was like for him growing up. They just watched television figuring he was studying or playing video games.

He turned slightly and winced as a bruised rib sent stabbing pain to the side. His thought drifted back to when he first returned that his parents were busy rushing around to get everything ready so they could leave for their jobs. His grandparents were talking to his parents getting any last minute instructions.

Nobody bothered to notice him limping in! He kept his voice low trying to hide the pain he was in. He didn’t want to cause an issue but he really hoped that someone would have noticed him. Everyone seemed to focus on his older brother when he was living at home but never him.

His older brother Carl had left to join the military and he had made his parents, and grandparents, very proud. No one ever cared that Steve had a gift in photography. Sure he was only important when someone wanted a picture but other than that he was just in the way.

He had been beaten up on several occasions and no one saw! Not the crowd as they watched the bullies, not his family, nor his friends if he actually had any. He tried thinking of a single person that would care if he went missing.

He wondered that if he had just suddenly dropped dead how long would it take anyone to find him. Weeks? Months? Maybe one day someone might stumble over his body by accident!

“I’d like to buy a vowel, an E” He heard the contestant on the television say to the host of the show. He crept out of his room and went into his brother’s room ignoring what Pat Sajak had said in reply to the contestant. His grandfather muttered something but he didn’t hear what he said.

He entered his brother’s room and smelled the stagnant air that filled the place. It had been months since his brother had last been here. and he pulled a locked box out from under his bed. He knew his brother had a gun when he was a member of a gang.

His brother had never actually used it but a run in with law enforcement had prompted the decision to join the military. His “perfect” brother needed to get his life together and needed to get away from the gang members that would want revenge for him leaving them without permission.

Their grandfather had fought in World War 2 and hearing his grandson was entering the military made their grandfather proud. The whole family was proud that their oldest was getting his life together and they held him up to Steve as an example of what he should be like.

No one cared that Steve had never been in any serious trouble. No one cared that he helped the school journalism club by taking pictures for their star, and only, reporter. They just either never saw him or cared.

He searched around to see where his brother had hidden the key to the lockbox. He searched under his brother’s bed but all he found were some PlayBoy magazines. He glanced quickly but looking at that did not make him feel better.

He reached around under his brother’s desk and he found the key taped to the underside. He looked at it closely and noticed all the ridges and bends. He went over and unlocked the box and stared at the handgun inside of it. A full clip was next to the gun but the gun was empty without a clip in it.

He had seen how they loaded guns in movies and he placed the clip inside of it. He heard a click and then pulled on the top portion to load a bullet into the chamber. It looked so easy in the movies but he had to use all his strength to pull the slider to load the bullet.

He held the gun as he walked back to his room and carefully placed it on his desk. He had an innate fear that if he was not holding it then it would go off on its own. He took out his camera and took several pictures of his face.

He looked at his mirror to see the sadness of each picture he took. He knew he’d never see the pictures when they were developed. He thought about all the things he heard about when people talked about death.

Was there a heaven? Was there even a hell? Was there even a God?? He doubted because IF there were then he would not allow things to happen to him like they had. He had never hurt or did anything bad so why should he be victimized while an uncaring god watched with indifference.

He thought about leaving a note but he wondered what he should say? No one really cared and even if he left one he doubted anyone would read it. He hoped the shot would not disturb his grandparents' TV shows. They’d be angry if him killing himself disrupted them watching Wheel of Fortune.

He placed the gun in his mouth and took a breath as he prepared for whatever was to come. A part of him wanted to turn back but it just seemed easier this way. He pulled the trigger and heard a god awful sound that made his ears ring briefly and an instant flash of light that silenced everything.

His body fell to the floor and unknown was the fact that his grandparents were jumping up and making their way towards where they thought the sound came from. His grandfather had heard gunshots all the time in the way and his heart pounded in his chest as they fearfully made their way to their grandson’s room.

“Steve? Are you alright?” His grandmother shouted weakly. They were trembling as they opened the door and found their grandson laying in a pool of blood. His lifeless expression with a gun in his mouth.

The students were somber as they entered Mr. P’s history class. Most were shocked by the news that a student had killed himself. Many were trying to figure out who he was because they could not recognize the name. The ones that did know remained silent to honor his memory.

Rumor spread over what happened and some more rumors were created for why he did it. Some said he was gay and killed himself after he broke up with his lover. Others said he was high and overdosed. More rumors that he killed himself after being raped by a teacher or somebody else. Still more thought he was playing with a gun and it accidentally killed him.

The school had made announcements that there would be counseling available for those that need it. A heavy push was placed in asking the students that if they, or someone they knew, were depressed to speak up so they can provide help and stop anyone else from taking their life.

“So the last time I saw him John and his crew were picking on him calling him a cocksucker and a faggot.” Tyler explained to Mike as they entered class and took their seats. Kyle listens to Tyler to hear what he was saying. Charlie turned to listen in as he heard how Steve was described. Those were names he had been called numerous times.

“Rebecca was saying he always said he was gonna steal a gun and shoot up the place,” Mike said.

“The place?” Charlie asked skeptically as he eyed Mike. It took Mike a second to understand what he said because of his lisp when he spoke.

“The school.” Mike said without looking at Charlie. He was still angry over Chalie beating him up but had learned to not antagonize him.

“Never heard him say anything like that.” Kyle remarked and Tyler shook his head.

“Good morning everyone,” Mr. P. said as the class instantly became silent and turned to face him in their seats. “I’m sure you’ve heard it numerous times but counseling is available over last night’s tragedy. See me after class if you’re interested.

I have an important question to ask everyone and I need your complete honesty regarding it. There’s an important reason why I’m asking you this but it will become clear by the end. I’ve been asking this all day and from the answers I have determined certain things about this whole situation.

The question I have is this: Did any of you know Steve Pferpher?” Mr. P asked and he casually observed his class as the students looked around at each other as if looking for direction. Tyler was the first to raise his hand and several students repeated his action. Mr. P looked around unsurprised.

“If you knew him, then you can answer these three questions. If not, lower your hand. Ready? What was his favorite hobby?” Mr. P asked and except for Tyler and two other students every hand went down. Mr. P smirked subtlety realizing his plan had worked.

“Interesting,” Mr. P remarked then continued. “Did he have any after school activities and if he did what were they?” The remaining hands went down except for Tyler who alone kept his hand raised. Mr. P looked around at all the other students then told Tyler to lower his hand. He had the answers he was expecting.

“The reason why I ask this is because I’ve been listening to the rumors that have been spread throughout the school. Only a handful of people were able to answer my questions, like Tyler, yet in the beginning everyone claimed they knew him. Why is that?” Mr. P asked as the students hid their embarrassment.

“So IF no one really knew him then why is everyone acting like they did?” Charlie asked smugly.

“Excellent question! That can be answered in two simple words, Fear of Embarrassment. Now not everyone has this and there are a number of students that really don’t care whatsoever that Steve killed himself. They go on as if nothing has happened.

Then there are those of us that suddenly realize that they missed something. The rumors get started because we are trying to figure out why something like this happened. Steve didn’t leave a note to help provide clues so people tend to make up the reasons because no one likes the thought that we may never have answers.

We as a species thrive on believing that we have answers to difficult questions even when there aren’t any. The ‘answers’ that are created to fill in the gaps in our knowledge get spread and soon Steve follows the literary path called ‘legend’ as his story becomes embellished in it’s retelling.

Let’s see what everyone has heard about this. What is a rumor you've heard about why he killed himself?” Mr. P asked, then he picked up a piece of chalk and stood ready to write what was said on his chalkboard.

“I heard he died of an overdose.” Mike shouted and Mr. P wrote it down.

“I heard he was gay and couldn’t handle it.” Another student said,

“I heard that he broke up with his secret boyfriend and that was what made him do it.” Another student added.

“I heard he was bullied mercilessly and couldn’t take it anymore.” Tyler said and Mr. P flinched. The class fell into hushed whispers because Tyler was the one to say it and everyone believed what he said was true because he was one of the few that actually knew Steve.

“What?!” Mr. P asked incredulously and he dropped the piece of chalk then scrambled to retrieve it.

“I dunno know what happened or why exactly. The last time I saw Steve was at the mall and a bunch of Jocks were bullying him because he helped a student reporter, I forgot her name, who wrote a piece for the paper.

What it basically said was that funds for sports should be cut and the money should be given to other school activities. The jocks didn’t like that so when they saw Steve was involved they began to pick on him non stop.

They were the ones spreading the rumors of him being gay as well as many other rumors just to degrade him. The last thing I remember about Steve was that he was crying and running to get away from the jocks as a crowd of people just watched. I even saw some join in because they didn’t want the jocks to turn on them.” Tyler began to tear up.

“Do you know why Jocks are named after jockstraps? I’ll tell you! Because they are old and disgusting and they only serve one purpose then they are tossed away. No matter how pretty you try and make them look pretty, they are diseased and reek of cock.

All they can do is pick on someone smaller because they need to convince themselves that they are me when in reality they are just little boys that are living their glory now and will have nothing after high school waiting for them.” Tyler concluded as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Mr. P remarked as the class looked around nervously at each other.

In the boys locker room Tyler finished changing into his gym clothes when Kyle went over to him.

“Hey,” Kyle said weakly but Tyler ignored him as he placed his belongings in his locker. Kyle glanced at Tyler as Kyle pulled off his shirt and he waited but remained in silence wondering why Tyler wasn’t talking to him.

“Wanna hang after school?” Kyle finally asked as he took off his jeans and reached for a pair of shorts in his gym bag. Tyler turned and glared at him and Kyle suddenly felt embarrassed as if he were naked in front of the whole school.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Kyle asked as he wondered why Tyler seemed angry at him. Tyler shook his head and slammed his locker closed ignoring that Kyle flinched.

Tyler thought back to the last time he saw Steve and how the jocks were picking on him.

“I’m not gay! Just leave me alone!” Steve cried as he tried walking away but John grabbed him and prevented him from leaving. Tyler looked around and saw a few others watching nervously but afraid to step in and become the focus on the group’s attention.

“Ooooooh,” The group replied. John grabbed Steve harder and Steve winced in pain.

“My girl asked you a question,” John said angrily.

“Tell him baby,” She replied.

“Stop being a douche bag and admit you like cock. You little faggot.” John said and the group started chanting the word “faggot” over and over again.

Steve struggled to break the grip of John and John gripped him harder then in a second he punched Steve in his stomach and the boy fell to the floor crying in pain.

“Aww the faggot fall to the floor? Poor baby.” John jeered.

“Maybe the queer wants to suck your cock?” One of the gang said and they all started laughing again.

“You gonna open your mouth and take the whole thing?” John said to Steve then addressed the group and everyone watching. “You better open wide unless you want to choke because I ain’t got a little thing like you do.” The group burst into another bout of laughter, jeering, and mocking. A couple of the onlookers began to join in as the fear that if they did not join then they may be picked on as well.

The scene had been playing repeatedly in his mind all day. The more he thought about it the more Steve’s face began to change into Kyle’s face. A mixture of fear and anger had been building inside and he was unsure what to do but he knew he needed to act in order to protect Kyle. No one could ever know that Kyle was gay or he’d be picked on and kill himself like Steve did.

Kyle was about to step into his gym shorts when Tyler finally spoke to him.

“You think it’s funny?”

“Huh?” Kyle asked, wondering what Tyler was talking about.

“You think you can do whatever you want to anybody and there are no consequences?”

“What are you talking about?” Kyle asked in confusion.

“It’s time you learn! It’s for your own good.” Tyler said and he pushed Kyle against the lockers throwing him off balance. Kyle was dazed as he leaned against the lockers in only his tighty whities. trying to right himself while Tyler opened a locker then pushed Kyle inside and closed it trapping him inside.

“You think about what I said and grow the fuck up,” Tyler said as he left ignoring Kyle as he protested to get released from the locker. No matter how much he shouted or banged no one came to his rescue.

I can't light no more of your darkness

All my pictures seem to fade to black and white

I'm growin' tired, and time stands still before me

Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save myself from falling

I took a chance and changed your way of life

But you misread my meanin' when I met you

Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me (Don't let the sun)

Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see

I'd just allow a fragment of your life (Don't let the sun) to wander free

But losin' everything is like the sun goin' down on me

-Elton John

To Be Continued…