FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Disclaimer: The following text contains scene of dead bodies, regrets, homosexual relationships and swearing. If this in any way disturbs you I advice you to return to the last page you saw, otherwise enjoy your reading. If you have any comments and/or pointers I would gladly welcome them. The lead crown belongs to @comidacomida , Joshew Helix belongs to @FruancJH and Roland Silverfang belongs to me.

---

I felt tired, empty and outright defeated, the weight of the situation heavy on my shoulders, my mind working hard to understand what my body already knew. I knew it from the painful vice on his heart, from the way every breath was harder than the one before, from the hot tears that coursed my muzzle the moment I closed the door and from the numbness that had invaded my limbs. It had all happened fast, way too fast for him to do anything, one moment Shew was by my side, vibrant of energy, the next... he was gone, there was nothing I could have done, jexcept watch the life dissipate from his body.

I couldn't remember much of what had happened, and I blamed myself endlessly for it. There had to be something to warm me from what was about to happen, a shadow on the alley, a subtle sound, a sign, there had to be something I had missed. Yet no matter how much I tried there was nothing, and I hated myself for it, I hated my memory, I hated the world, but above all, I hated the Mechanists. They had started this death parade, countless victims had been claimed for their purposes, innocent lives had been lost at their hands, just so a group of power hungry assholes could satisfy their egos.

I didn't know how long I had cried, the room I had locked himself in didn't provide any help when it came to telling time, it was larger than my quarters at the UPU, about the size of one of the small alchemy labs of the UPU, though unlike the dangerous and usually worn labs, this one was elegantly decorated. Only a handful of light passed the dark curtains that covered the windows, casting a ghostly appearance to the quartet of sofas forming a c near the windows. The only thing that seemed out of place was the sturdy table in the center, it looked bland compared to the rest of the furniture, or perhaps it was the dead body on top of it that sucked all the life from it. The human was laid on his back, his eyes peacefully closed, almost as if he was sleeping. But his hands showed the truth, the were at his side with some smears of blood on his fingers, his blood exclaimed a voice inside my head. I knew his white shirt was now tinted with the red of life around his wound, just like mine, though my own spoke of tragedy instead of dead.

I could feel the uncomfortable way my shirt clung to my fur, the patches of dried blood on my paws and the tell tale smell of blood that hadn't left my nose for one second, his blood that voice reminded him. I tried to move towards him, to be by his side, but for a moment my body didn't want to move, it was like I was a sculpture, soulless, unmoving, detached from all worries, left to disintegrate by the passage of time. It took a supreme effort to close the distance to my dead lover, there was still some of his brisk essence clinging to his body, thought it was already fading fast. I wondered how long I could still smell the familiar combination of musk and a myriad of chemicals that had always clung to him so naturally.

"What should I do Shew?" I asked him softly, not really expecting an answer "You never really spoke of what we should do if one of us died. What should I do Shew?"

It was hard to think about the future right now when I was so hurt, but even so I knew I had to do something, the rest of the world wouldn't wait for me to mourn before I had to make a choice. Even now, a part of my mind was busy trying to figure out what to do next, should I follow Alarice's plan, or should I honor my lover and give him a proper burial, or should I return to the UPU on my own. I couldn't decide, it was hard to focus on something like that when I had just failed again to protect someone dear to me, I don't know how people could do this, how my mother could do it back then. How do they deal with the emptiness that is eating my heart?

---

It was an awfully hot day at the UPU, the hallways felt like they were part of the heather Professor Thain talked about in class, just that this heather wasn't turned off for examination, but it was working at full potency while cooking the unlucky scholars within. My fur was wet with sweat, making me feel a way heavier than I was used to and they way my shirt clung to my body was not helping me feel any better, damn crazy weather. Even as I hurried down the hall, the disastrous consequences of the weather could be seen, most of the windows were wide open and crowded with scholars yearning for a cool summer breeze, the usual chatter was notably absent and some of the most daring furs had chosen to go shirtless, not that I was paying them any mind, especially that horse I passed a couple of minutes ago.

"Focus Roland, focus" I chided myself in a low whisper. I was getting close to my goal, only a few turns and I would be out of this infernal heat, and I could focus in the project I had to do for Alchemy. I had tried to think about it at the library, but the heat there was even worse than the one in the hallways, if it could be possible.

It only took me a couple of minutes to navigate the maze that was the UPU to get to my goal, a small sense of pride swelling inside me as I no longer needed to ask for directions. I breathed out a sigh of relief as I neared the shadowy corner between the Water and Earth's wing, it had been one of the few quite corners I had found during the many times he got lost in his first year, but this one was special, as it always remained cool even during the hottest day of summer.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one that had thought of this place, resting in the shade was a human. He was remarkably tall for a human. about 5'7'' I guessed and an almost perfect slim body. He had a fair complexion, nicely contrasted by his light brown hair and what seemed to be the beginning of a beard. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of darkened glasses and his full lips seemed to be mumbling something to himself. He was dressed in a simple white shirt with a equally simple black vest on top that laid open on his chest. A pair of worn brown pants covered his legs and a pair of sturdy black boots protected his feet. He wasn't the hottest human I've ever seen, but he was handsome in many ways.

I slowly approached the human, deliberately making a lot of noise in case he was asleep, I didn't want to cause him a heat attack as most human had far less acute senses than most furs. I stopped about 3 steps from him, so far he hadn't moved an inch or showed any sign of recognition. I cleared my throat loudly, hoping that it would be enough to wake him.

"You need something?" he said with the common irritation most scholars showed nowadays, and I reminded myself it wasn't anything personal.

"Can I sit next to you?" I asked him, more out of politeness than real need, as the UPU had not rules against sitting near their walls, as long as no sponsor saw you,

"Sure, it's not like I own the place" he replied sharply, his hand moving dismissively in a strange way, like he wasn't used to the gesture. I decided it was just my imagination, and took a seat a couple of feet away from him, humans could be pretty picky about their personal space some times. It didn't matter that much in the end, the air was still cooler than inside the oven that was the UPU and there was more than enough shade to hide me from the unrelenting sun and its evil rays.

Time seemed to pass by quickly after that, not a single word shared between us as we both immersed in our thoughts, it was better that way, I really needed to get started on this project or it could really affect my grades and reputation after wards. We remained that way until the afternoon was letting the night set in and the sky was wearing its read and orange dress to prepare for the night. only then did my companion rise with a bit of difficulty, but I assumed it was for sitting that long in the same position. Only when he seemed to be going on his way did I remember I had not introduced myself to my taciturn companion.

"Hey"I called out hastily, I could practically picture Mom's lecture on my manners if she ever found out about this. Fortunately the human heard me and slowly turned around, a brow raised in question. "I'm Roland, Roland Silverfang. Nice to meet you"

"I'm Joshew, Joshew Helix"

---

There was only a handful of times when I had manipulated dead bodies in any sort of way, and most of them were during the mandatory body treating classes in case one of the scholars died outside the UPU and the body couldn't be retrieved immediately. Back then I had hoped to never had to do anything of the sort, not because felt any revulsion towards dead bodies or its contents, but mostly because I didn't want to cut up or manipulate some scholar's body, extract certain parts to avoid a fast decaying and undesirable odors and then stitching them back up, they had been people and something inside me just felt wrong about doing that.

Yet here I was, about to perform said procedure on my dead lover nevertheless. If I could, I would have entrusted the task to anyone else, damn, I would have gladly paid to have it done if that was what it took. unfortunately he was the only one he trusted with Shew's body, Alarice and Inigo were discarded as soon as he had thought about them, Alvis could barely handle looking at corpses, let alone manipulating them, he had seen as much when Shew had died. The templar most likely had no idea of what to do, and the rest, he didn't know them that much. And so the task had felt on him to do with no other choice in hand he would have to be the one to honor Shew's wishes, after all he had always had a thing for fire.

At first he hadn't know how he was going to create such a complicated explosive, he had some knowledge of alchemy, sure, far beyond most air studies, but in the end he was an air scholar, so he excelled at combining branches of study, not at mastering one. That problem had plagued him for a while, at least until he decide to rummage through the other bag Shew had given to him just in case they ran out of explosives early, yeah, typical Shew a beg full of explosives wasn't enough for him, the thought brought a bittersweet smile to his face. Inside the bag were many dangerous reagents, and thankfully, a handful of decently written recipes for many of Shew's favorite concoctions.

" Okay, one of these must be, now, what was it called?" I asked myself reflexively, slowly browsing through the small stack of papers. It had been too long since I had to do this, with shew any bomb was dangerous, so there was no need for names" Dragon's breath, no, this one neither, no, no, no. Firecrackers, seriously?"

It didn't take long to find the right recipe, though by then I had already started to lose hope, and the actual content on the paper didn't do much to improve my mood. It wasn't because I didn't have them, it was mostly because they were particularly hard, and I was sure to regret at the very least 50% of the smells my nose would be subjected too.

"Shew, I don't know where you are now, but when we reunite after I die you will owe my a big one, you hear me."I mumbled irritably, this was going to be a long night, a damn long night.