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The Gift

Edward's Storyline, Chapter 6.4

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Despite my frustration with the Spirit I was surprised by just how much I didn't mind being coddled-- some primal joy of being babied or something? I couldn't say; I wasn't babied much as a kid. Finally surrendering if for no reason other than to encourage Green to get to the point, I asked what I'm sure he wanted me to ask. "What are you going to show me, Green?"

I was truly surprised when his voice turned surprisingly warm and compliant. "Whatever you wish to understand, Son of Sofia. You are our Seeker. I will hide nothing from you."

It wasn't the first time I'd heard The Ancient One use the term 'Seeker', and I could tell there was something special in its meaning. It was obliviously important, but I still wasn't exactly sure HOW important. Determined to put that to the test, I went straight for the throat. "You keep saying how nobody and nothing matters to you, but every time we talk about my mom you get quiet like she's different. Why?"

True, I expected any sort of response ranging from a philosophical 'Every Human is different.' to a much more down-to-earth, Green-style jab of 'You think too much.'. What I got instead, though, was something that surprised me: an honest answer. "She was the first Human I found worth knowing."

Green's answer was just in-character enough for me to accept what he said at face value, but it didn't really explain his mindset. "Why? What about her makes you say that?"

He was quiet for a lot longer than I'd ever heard him be when faced with direct questions but, just when I thought he wasn't going to answer, Green shifted beneath me, his tongue lashing out of his muzzle into the air in an almost snake-like way. "She listened."

Yet again he offered a direct answer that didn't really give me any understanding so I pushed onward. "Listened? To what?"

The Dragon shrugged in a way that didn't disturb his wings, which remained wrapped around me. "To me-- to us. We have had Humans Bound to us before, and we have been Bound to Humans, but never before had I found one who listened more often than spoke."

It was a true enough statement and it really did describe my mom. My earliest memories of her involved long discussions where she asked a few questions and spent most of her time listening; it was practically a ritual every afternoon when I came home from school. I honestly don't think there was a single day that went by when I wasn't thinking about what I'd tell my mom when I got home from classes.

Maybe that could have changed when I became a teenager, but I never got to find out; she went into managed care for her mental illness when I was twelve. That thought snapped me out of my musings and a much more personal question came out of me. "Did the whole bonding thing with you make my mom go crazy?"

The wing tightened ever-so-slightly around me as the Dragon tensed and took in a deep breath. He held it and me for a few seconds before slowly exhaling. "No... and yes."

That wasn't enough information for me. "You said you wouldn't hide anything. Are you gonna explain what you mean or do I have to ask?"

Green's tongue flickered in the air again as he lowered his head back to the ground, staring at the ceiling. "Very few Spirits can be Bound with a Human without sharing their essence. I do not know enough about it-- I do not know enough about Humans... but when that happens a Spirit's Inner Light turns Blue. We are not Blue."

I could tell he was trying to explain and I forced myself to be patient as he took whatever path he needed to in order to get the words out. "Okay... so you were Bound to my mom even though The Ancient One-- none of the three of you, have Blue Inner Light."

A grimacing-snarl pulled his scaled lip up and he let out a grumbling growl of frustration. "I cannot explain this. Red... tell him how we Bind ourselves."

Red's voice emerged from Green's muzzle but the fuzzy Dragon courteously did not bother changing The Ancient One's body. "Edward... very few Spirits can become Bound to a Human with whom they share no emotional ties, but we are an exception. Out of all of the Humans that are, were, or ever will be, a minute number were, are, or can become Seers. Among Humans, very few can become Bound to a Spirit unless they are Seers. Some, who should not be able to be Seers can still be made to see and hear Spirits and, in limited cases, are capable of bonding with one, or being bound to one."

I tried to connect the dots. "So... this whole bonding thing... is that what you meant when you were talking about 'The Gift'?"

It sounded like Red was about to answer but Green muscled his way back in. "Yes-- but no. 'The Gift' is spirit sense that some Humans have without a Spirit doing anything. Some Humans have it but don't know how to use it until a Spirit awakens it-- like with you."

His assessment made me pause for a few seconds. "So... you mean I had 'The Gift' thing, and you just had to hit the 'on button' or whatever?"

He tried his own metaphor. "A man cannot light a fire if there is no kindling, and a Spirit cannot awaken Spirit Sense in a Human without something already being there. Unlike many other Humans we have Bound over the centuries, you had kindling."

I thought about that several seconds. "So... you did something to awaken my Spirit Sight stuff-- and that's 'The Gift'?"

He nodded his large snout affirmatively though his statement didn't sound as certain. "I think so."

"And you did the same thing with my mom?"

Green recoiled as if struck, and he laid his head backward so that he was looking away from me. Red spoke for him. "No. Sofia was not a natural Seer. She was given The Sight through her illness."

I felt my whole body tense up at that explanation and I had to fight to keep my voice even. "So did you make her go crazy so she could see you, or did she go crazy because she could see you?"

Green fidgeted, saying only "No."

It wasn't much of an answer. "No what? That isn't telling me anything."

The Dragon's voice was barely above a growl; I was surprised at how much emotion was in it as he objected. "We did not take away Sofia's mind, and she didn't lose it because of us. We were her relief-- we were her escape from her pain."

I recovered quickly from the surprise and couldn't help but push back with another assessment. "Even though you had her raped."

The growl came from much deeper in his chest after that. "She forgave us for that... there is no reason you should not too."

Green's word, coming from such an impossible direction caught me completely off guard. She knew? They'd told her? She FORGAVE The Ancient One? Some part of me knew that I would never completely understand their relationship with my mom but, at the same time, the fact that I was denied mine entirely made it sting even more. With so many impossibilities surrounding those thoughts I was surprised that even one question managed to get out of me. "Why in the fuck would you actually TELL HER you were even PARTLY responsible for her getting raped?"

Green slowly unfurled his wing as he sat up, depositing me gently on the ground before turning his back to me. "I do not lie-- I speak the truth, and Sofia understood that. She said it was something she loved about me."

The way he finished the statement made me pause. "Something she.... loved-- about you?"

Although the Dragon offered no clarification, Ch'upikaq's voice came out of his open muzzle. "Your mother loved us, Edward. She thought of us as family, and she cared for us in a way that few Humans would ever consider doing for a Spirit that had changed their life so dramatically. She was a fantastic woman, and we are saddened at no longer having her with us. She loved us, and we loved-- and still do love her."

Red's monotone voice clarified "I respected her; I admired her; I appreciated what she was able to do for us and how hard she tried to do things even if she was unable."

Green's voice grumbled as a response to his 'brother' "You cannot stand to admit that you are capable of love."

The voice of the furry Dragon almost sounded chiding "Love is an illusion-- I have said as much before. Humans enjoy the sensation of how another makes them feel about themselves, and they call that love. They say love is selfless, but it is, in fact, the ultimate expression of self-possessed egocentrism."

The scaled Dragon, who still had control of the body stood up, rising as he folded his wings across his back. "Well I loved her, and I think you did too."

Hearing those words come from Green made me rethink everything I knew about The Ancient One, and Green specifically. Not everything with Spirits was straight forward and very rarely were Spirits exactly what they seemed to be. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was a lesson that ended up being invaluable pretty soon after.