Journal of Lonely Dog: College life...
#2 of Journal of a Lonely Dog
Trigger warning. This is not a happy story and I don't want to upset anybody. I am going to be giving my life story, my high school experience, and my college thusfar.
This is almost a year old, but oh well.
January 24, 2016
It's been a long time since I have wrote anything to you, Journal... Sorry about that, but I have been a bit busy, and I have had more than my fair share of hard, tearful nights. So let's run through quickly through my shit life for a refresher and then we'll talk about high school, and my first year of college. Being drunk has made me lonelier and lonelier because I feel like I will always be trapped in myself: that I will be pushing away all the good things in my life, fearing the past that chases my tail. Alright, let's get started.
My name is Morgan; my parents are Alexandra and David, who divorced when I was 3 years old. I also have two half-brothers named Christopher (Chris) and Michael (Mike). I am a Doberman-Akita mix and my brothers are Akita-wolf mixes. In the interest of time and getting to the present, I am going to quickly go over my earliest memories, the important memories, and the recent ones, but don't think that this is the only things that I experienced because I will probably omit both good and bad memories, depending on their significance. Underlined dates will note the current date of the entry and Italic dates will be the date of the event/memory.
June 23, 2000
I snuggled my stuffie, Luo. The movie, which Chris and Mike were absorbed in, was droning away as they watched from the floor. Daddy stroked my headfur as I sleepily leaned into his chest. "Such a good boy," he cooed. His ears laying slightly down as he smiled at me; he leaned down kissing the top of my head. He moved me onto his lap, cradling me in the crook of his elbow with my head resting on his shoulder. Daddy was surprisingly loving and kind for being a pure breed Doberman. I reached for his snout, barely grazing his chin. He chuckled and kissed the top of my snout, then tapping my nose.
"That's Daddy's mouth and if you wanna Dada kiss you need to ask first," the older doberman said. I looked at him with a smile that quickly faded into a frown, then into to teary eyes.
"What's wrong, Morg? Are you ok? Did you have an accident?" Daddy frantically asked, trying to sooth me quietly without interrupting Chris and Mike's movie. I sniffled, pressing my facing into his side, hugging him tightly. I whimpered softly into his side.
"What was that pup?" Daddy said as I cuddle closer.
"When are you coming home!" I yelled; tears streaked down my face, staining his shirt and my collar. Chris turned around, having been old enough to understand his father's divorce and understanding the divorce of his stepfather and mother. Though he was only 8, his wolfish eyes showed empathy and sadness. The Doberman had promised him that he would always be there for him and Mike though I was his only kin.
"Morg, I... Your mom and I well-" Daddy stuttered as he wiped the tears from my face.
"Morgan, sometimes Moms and Dads don't live together, and it's hard for everyone: Moms; Dads; Kids; everyone... But they still love us and each other, but it just happens sometime. It's sad, but no one's fault..." Chris said as he rubbed my legs. "Mom and Mike's and my Dad aren't together; Not all are."
I whimpered and whispered, "But mommy is a meanie sometimes and Daddy doesn't leave me at daycare. Can you and Mommy just be together again?" Daddy picked me up and started moving to the bedroom in his apartment.
"Thanks Chris, but you and Mike enjoy the movie and play one Mike's movie then we'll all have dinner, but Morg needs a nap. I'm going to put him down and then I come back." Daddy said as he pushed a pacifier into my muzzle. I squirmed and kicked, crying into Daddy's neck. He sat on the bed, humming and rubbing my back until I calmed down and became to tired to fuss.
"Dada, I-I wuv you buf I wann you fo be home foo." I whined as Daddy changed me into my footie pajamas with dinosaurs and a pull-up.
"Dada loves you pup" Daddy said with tears in his eyes. "Dada loves you so much and always want to be with you." He laid down on the bed with me on his chest and covered me with my blankie.
"Daddy loves his Morg-morg..." the man said with a broken heart and tears soaking his fur as I fell asleep curled up on his chest. He looked at his sleeping pup, feeling so far away from his pup even with him sleeping in his arms.
So Journal, that's my father, a kind-hearted man that's only crime was being entangled and falling in love with a woman that could never love another fur. Though today I don't really get along well with him, I only pretend for his sake, I still remember going to his apartment after he and my mom first got divorced. Another important thing about this memory is Chris and his inputs. Back then, my mother would allow my dad to take all three of us boys for his visitation weekends.
It was only a few years later when Eric, my brother's father, decided that the "three-way" parenting had to end. Of course, my father was crushed because he loved the two of them like his own. It was a long time ago now.
Anyway, my father and I's relationship held for most of my life thusfar, but we haven't ever been close for many reasons. Lately, things have gotten really strained between us because of drama going on between my mother and me. (I'll get to that eventually.)