FSE

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I'm afraid of the dark, y'know? I wasn't always terrified of it, a good night's sleep, a nice dark room while watching a movie...nothing like it...but I can't enjoy them anymore. The dark brings the darkest memories for me...let me explain exactly why it's so scary to me.

I was a wolf of confidence once...the best in my class, the most physically fit, I wasn't bad in the looks department either...(you didn't hear that from me.) Class was easy, but always boring as hell. Nonetheless I did my best always, as my dad didn't accept anything less. My family was a bit...disconnected. For starters, I'm an adopted kid; my dad found me on the outskirts of an American embassy in Germany when I was very young.Though he tells me this all the time, I can't exactly remember any bit of it. My dad was part of Navy Special Forces, so he was always travelling, never sitting in one place, leaving me and my sister alone most times. Solara, my sister, was always the louder and more outgoing of the two of us. Since my dad was always gone, she was always out; she'd go shopping with friends, party and have way too much fun...and would never study. My dad would catch wind of this and would always scold her for this; praise was always given to me though...but this seemed to give my sister a hint of animosity toward me.

Nonetheless I'd zoom through school, and as we got older, my dad stopped going out on tour less and less. I always admired him for it; going out for sometimes months at a time while keeping us safe on our soil. He'd usually regret this but I never truly minded, my sister did though and her life without our dad made her crave love from other guys. Many times I'd intervene between her and some no good rat she'd sneak in the house. She'd hate me for it, but it was always better than her being mistreated. Time and time again, she'd come home angry at me for this, but I'd hold my ground and only braced myself for whatever she threw at me. This wasn't even sophomore year when this started, though it'd become a regular occurrence.

Time would pass slowly and as I grew older and more artistic, I'd get into metal working...that stuff always made me feel good. I could make statuettes, small little trinkets, and crude knives; they sucked, but I was always able to vent and it made me feel as if I could always have something to do. Of course I had more to do...I always did. I'd always exercise and play sports; Vess was always with me then, and since he was one of my only friends, I was happy at least he was there. As junior year came to an end, dad would come home one day with a smile on his face; he bore news that both I and my sister weren't expecting: he was leaving the military. He was able to retire after over 20 years of service; it was great news for the both of us. We celebrated that night, it was probably one of the happiest days for me back then...and one of the last few I'd have for a long time. Senior year came, and I was determined to walk in my dad's footsteps: I wanted to go to the military. I never told him, but I'd prepare the entire year, scoring higher and a pushing myself past every limit I thought I had...and then some. My sister's life of hedonism never seemed to stop, and got worse even; I'd continue to shove away whatever trash she'd bring home...only to take more heat from her. My father would still think of me as the apple of his eye, and though I liked it, I wished he'd pay attention to my sister...she was his real child. After a school year of bumps, I'd prepare to submit my application to the Navy; that was a great moment for me. Passing the screenings and tests with flying colors, I was set up to do anything I wanted. Under their instruction Special Forces would a great fit for me; I'd fill my father's shoes, and pridefully continue to be the best our country had to offer. What could possibly go wrong...? Everything.

A week or so before graduation I got a letter in the mail, it was from the Navy. My father was out, and my sister was hiding a massive hangover from partying too hard so I was forced to open the letter alone. With eloquent wording, I'd smile as I read my acceptance letter to the U.S. Navy. Nothing could have made me happier, except my father and sister's support. I'd wait then, waiting for them to congregate in the living room as I wagged my tail, barely able to contain my excitement. Dad came in late that night after having fun with a friend of his. He was a bit buzzed from alcohol, but more or less he was alert, and noticed me sitting in a chair. "Hey, son," he'd greet me as he sat down across from me. "You seem happier than usual," he'd say with a cheery tone. My tail picked up speed as I began to speak. "Something came in the mail!" I'd say gleefully, as I held up the letter. "What is it?" My father would ask, a bit confused. I'd hand him the letter; as he opened and read it, his face darkened and he'd grow visibly restless. "The military...?" He'd ask as he looked up at me. "No, you're not going." That certainly threw me for a loop. "W-what?" I'd say, being confused and a bit hurt. "You're not going to the military..." he'd say again, firmly.

"But dad..." "I said no! What the hell are you thinking?" "I-I've wanted to go for so long."

"Not going to happen," he'd growl, balling the letter up and throwing it aside. As it fell, I felt my heart break. "I don't think you get how dangerous the life of a soldier...or a sailor, or any of that is. I'm not letting you do that." As he said this I could hear footsteps; Solara was coming down the stairs, her long hair, was wild and messy from a day in the bed. "What's going on down here...?" She'd ask as she held her head. " Your brother and I are having a talk..." He'd say with a low growl. She'd sigh, "of course you are, everything happens with you two." She'd say looking at the ground toward the ball of paper. She'd pick it up, and unball the paper up. As she read, my head was already hung low...my hero had crushed my dreams...I couldn't see how it have got any worse...then my sister looked up at my dad. "Military? You're gonna get mad at him for that?" She'd ask putting the letter on the table, walking closer to us both. "You let him have whatever the hell he wants...why don't you let him do this too?" Our father gave her a look, "what do you mean by that?" He'd say, his anger slowly rising. "Don't act like you don't know," she'd say, with anger in her voice, "everytime I look up, you're letting him do everything, giving him all the praise in the world without giving me anything! I'm your own daughter! You bring him into our house and you ignore me except when I do wrong or if i can't compare!" Our father growled angrily, "So you're jealous?" he'd retort; Solara's eyes filled with rage as she started up again, "yeah, I am! He's not your blood, I am!" She'd then look at me and walk over; "You aren't even my real family; you always must have thought you were better...well here's your chance. Get the hell out of here, you don't need us. You always get in my way and destroy whatever chances I get at being happy! You chase my friends away like they aren't good at all either, like you have half as many friends as I do!" I'd look down at her wide eyed and crushed that she'd say this; my heart was breaking more.

"You want to join the military? Good! Go, I hope you die there too." She'd then turn around and look at our father, who'd look up at me, then her in disbelief. With a heavy heart; and a mind clouded by pain, I ran upstairs and grabbed all the clothes I could and ran away. I'd go to Vess' home where he and his parents would attempt to console me as I cried my heart out for what seemed like ages.

I had no family anymore.

I was crushed, but I'd build myself back up then; my mind was numb and my emotions were deadend. When graduation came, I'd ignore everything, only looking ahead to my future. Two days afterward, I'd drive with Vess to the nearest base. As he and I exchanged a final, friendly hug, I'd get out of the car, and entrust him with my keys; I'd walk on the base and soon be sworn into the U.S. Navy.

Boot Camp was easy for me, being numbed by recent memories, the feelings of pain and stress were nothing to me. I'd finish boot camp soon enough and was sent to B.U.D.S. soon after...man that was hell. Barely had any sleep, and with days harder and longer than anything else, I actually felt the pain. I'd slowly get through the arduous training, and the mental toughening until I became what I had worked to achieve: a Navy SEAL. I was far stronger and smarter now; I had forged friendships that would probably last a lifetime, and I carved a path for myself and my future...maybe things would look up. How wrong I was.

A few years pass and once my 20th birthday rolled around, my friends and I got called in, it seemed something big had been found. A terrorist group, or something had been found, and they wanted us to go in. We didn't want to, but we were the best...we had no choice. I remember suiting up and loading out in a private flight of sorts. As we travelled, my mind flickered to my father and sister; though I silently missed them, they must have been doing better without me. I pressed onward without much thought. Soon we were shipped out; as we neared our target, no one expected what would happened next. A shot rang out, and one of my friends would fall to the ground, dead. Before we could reach cover, more shots rang out and another would fall to the ground holding his bleeding throat. My eyes were wide and my senses were on high alert; we were being ambushed. Though we'd fight hard, one by one we were picked off...my best friends...gone. I was shot in the leg, and couldn't go anywhere. No form of communication...no friends to help me, I was alone again. I remember being struck in the head after a struggle and waking up in a cell...my hands were tied behind my back. My leg was bandaged but the pain was still there. In walked a scientist straight out of a cartoon almost. He had a wide, psychotic grin on his face, wild hair, and dull blue eyes. I growled defensively, only to be kicked in the jaw by the scientist.

"Poor wolf..." he said, his grin widening even more so. "You're a strong one...let's see just how strong you stay." His tail swished and he'd walk out before turning out the lights in my dark cell. I didn't think much of it, but I had no idea of what was to come.

I'd be tattooed with two stripes on my left shoulder, signifying me being the second creature in their twisted experiments; as far as I know the first died. Then it began; I'd be fed only bread, bread that was laced with arsenic. Normally it'd kill me, but they'd put just enough in so they could save me...only to serve me more. I'd drink only water, and would regularly be beaten and tortured beyond my wildest nightmares. I'd slowly lose myself to darkness...being scared to see them, scared that I would never be rescued. I'd stop eating, eating very little, even then I couldn't keep it down and would throw it all back up. My body would slowly waste away; my hair grew matted and dirty, and my white fur would turn grimy and bloodstained. They'd leave my once pristine body, damaged and scarred. They showed no remorse, no feeling but pleasure in my suffering...it was truly hell.

For two and a half years I'd face the same torture day in and day out, with no rest. I could barely sleep; they'd just force me awake in the dead of night, or whenever I'd doze off. I wanted death, but it never came. It would seem that a hero would never come to save me...and then, a miracle. I was jolted awake by the sound of screaming and explosions. Gunshots rang out through the compound, it left me frightened. I couldn't control my body anymore; I'd hopelessly soil myself as the gunshots grew louder and my heart beat faster. Then my cell door would slam open and I'd fall to the ground, whimpering. A group of furs came in and ran over to release my chains. Then, a familiar face came in, it was Vess. He was wide eyed and filled with grief. He was followed by one concealed in a gas mask. The gas mask wearing creature was tall, far taller than anything I'd ever seen. He'd pick me up in his arms with a sort of gentleness I had never felt before; he'd remove the mask and reveal a face similar to my own. With extreme sadness in his eyes, he'd turn and leave with me in his arms. As I looked around, I could see that the scientists and his followers were all dead. The fur carrying me had a slight German accent when he spoke, "I have a lot to explain..." he'd say as he walked up a flight of stairs with Vess trailing behind, "but you'll have to trust me...brother." This surprised me...but I could only process what seemed like a dream. To be honest I thought I was being brought to the afterlife... the sound of helicopters lifting off and flying away with me inside them sounded like the sweetest music to my ears.

On a aircraft carrier I was cleaned up, treated, and disinfected while the large fur and Vess watched on. Vess' eyes were filled with tears as he watched them stitch my mangled body back together. I barely felt it...I couldn't even move then. An I.V. line was placed in my arm, and I was then covered by a blanket as we travelled to the States. When we got to the states, I'd be ushered into a military hospital where I could see, my "father," and "sister" were waiting. With teary eyes, and emotions running high, I would stare blankly at them as they gazed at my bony, emaciated body. My sister whimpered and buried her head in my father's shoulder, her quiet sobbing muffled more by him. My father was visibly shaken, his face grew more faint until he'd look away, unable to look at me any longer. The tall fur that rescued me was with me the whole time, as well as Vess who'd never leave my side. I couldn't sleep anymore and the constant nightmares kept me on the verge of insanity.

At times, the tall fur would talk to me. His name was Aksel and that the two of us had been separated from birth...I had a brother. A true family it seemed. As I'd recover, he and Vess would come frequently; my father and sister would never show up...i expected this though. As I slowly grew able to walk, and move around more. I'd slowly gain back a decent amount of weight. I wasn't bony anymore, but I was frail, and still a shell of my former being. Aksel would come constantly and would often help with my daily struggles; Vess would take care of other things for me, keeping my hair brushed, bathing me, and making sure I was in good condition at all times. With their support, I was honorably discharged from the military, and given a new home in a quiet location.

As I came to my new home, I'd be settled in and be visited by Vess almost every day; and Aksel almost as much. As I now sit in my new home, one question crosses my mind: will I recover fully? Only time will tell...; I've got a long road ahead of me.