Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 13
13
Kiana thought things would have calmed down after the house emptied out a bit, but clearly she was wrong. Hezzi wanted to go outside and have a look around, so naturally Mother was blocking the door, yelling at him to get back in bed before he tore his stitches. Renna was going the opposite route, trying to gently persuade him to listen to reason. Hezzi's rebuttal was that he was feeling absolutely fine, and that they were both crazy. Layla was going for some kind of hugging record with that Wolf with the bandaged hands. Dondodo, she thought his name was. Or was it Dodato? Tomato? No, that couldn't be it. All the Wolf names were so weird.
She poked and prodded the bubbling mass of needles with a long pair of tongs, absolutely hating that screeky noise of metal scraping against metal. It always made her fur stand on end. How long has it been anyway? Ten minutes? That should be long enough. She pinched a needle between the tongs' grabby fingers and pulled it out, letting it drip a little before depositing it on a tray next to the fire.
Kiana bent backwards and cracked her spine with a grimace. All this bending over was doing a number on her back. A chair would have been nice, but it just seemed kind of rude, sitting in a chair when their guests were forced to stand because of their size.
Mellah poked her head in from the kitchen. "Hello."
"Hello, Missus Mellah."
"Can I help with anything?"
"Oh, no, I'm just boiling these for Mother real quick. Have to keep them nice and clean, you see."
"Shekka would've just rinsed them once and been done with it."
"Well that's not very hygienic," Kiana said, trying her very best not to shudder at the name. She remembered the way that hunched old crone had looked at her with those white, milky eyes, seeing and yet not seeing at the same time.
Yup, that did it. Kiana shuddered as if caught in an icy wind, despite the heat of the fire. Even the memory of that place was cold enough to give her goosebumps.
Mellah ducked her head, stepped inside the living room, took the tongs from Kiana's shivering hand, and started to fish more knives and needles from the boiling water.
"Oh hey, you really don't need to do that," Kiana said. "You're a guest."
Steam issued from the pot in a soft plume, bending around her gently smiling face. "I'd like to help," she said. "Having something to do, even something small like this, makes me feel like I'm not just in everyone's way." She sat down right there on the paving stones, and it was with some amusement that Kiana saw she was quite tall enough to look into the pot even from down there.
By the gods, this place must seem like a dollhouse to them...
The commotion in the kitchen was starting to reach a boiling point, too.
"I just want to have a look around!"
"You can look out the window all you want. From bed!"
"I bet Ander never had to deal with this."
"Ander had the decency to remain unconscious while he was on the brink, unlike you!"
"It's not like I'm suddenly gonna keel over and die!"
"You very well might!"
And the - whatever the hell it was Layla and that Tomato Wolf were doing - didn't seem to be dying down either.
"Will you let go of me already!?"
"Nope. Not until you smile."
"Why are you so obsessed with that!?"
"Smile for me and I'll tell you."
"You're insane, you know that?"
Kiana swept her dress under her legs, sat down next to Mellah, and gave her an apologetic little smile. "I'm sorry, things usually aren't so crazy around here."
"I think it's wonderful."
"Eh?"
Mellah carefully picked one of the needles out of the steaming pot and began to dry it on a piece of cloth. Seeing her up close like this, in the revealing light of the fire, Kiana realized for the first time how tired she looked, how worn out.
"You probably don't even realize it. You don't question or second-guess it. For you, it's all so normal."
"What is?"
Mellah looked up from her work and smiled so warmly. It made all the weariness in her face just melt away. "Everything, dear girl. I'm talking about everything. When Ander led us down that wide path to your home, I was so scared. I kept thinking a hail of arrows would fall from the sky at any moment. I must have squeezed Renna so hard it's a wonder I didn't break any of her bones. There were so many Foxes staring at us, but the more I looked from face to face, the more I realized..."
"What did you realize?"
"I saw shock, worry, fear, suspicion, all completely understandable. But I did not see any hatred, and that's something that went so against my own idea of 'normal' it practically slapped me in the face. There were so many children running all over the place, craning over fences and peeking around corners, and all of them were smiling and laughing. Not a single one of them had a bruised face or a broken arm. They were happy, all of them. Every time we rounded a corner, I'd see groups of Foxes talking to each other. None of them were arguing or fighting or clawing each other's eyes out. All of them were getting along so well. When they saw us coming, the women grabbed the children and the men stepped in front to protect them, just in case. That I could understand, but then I noticed how different they were from one another. Some of them even had completely different fur patterns. They were clearly from different families, and yet it didn't seem to matter. Their first instincts were to keep each other safe, regardless. It's so different from what I'm used to, and yet I recognised something in it, something I've felt inside myself so many times, but could never let out. But maybe I'm just being strange. It was only a few minutes, after all."
"I don't think it's strange," Kiana said. "We here in Grovenglen are like one big giant family. We look out for each other."
"And that's why I said it's all so normal to you. The way I felt looking at all the faces, I instantly felt how different it all was. I suppose it must have been the same thing you went through, only the opposite."
A big heavy stone suddenly dropped in the pit of Kiana's stomach. She didn't like to think of that time.
Mellah nodded, reading her expression like a book. "Yes. I remember the day you came to us. Or perhaps I should say 'wheeled'. Sorrin and I were in the crowd that day. A Fox in living flesh was something unheard of. I remember thinking to myself how lucky I was not to be you, not to be locked up in a cage while hundreds of Wolves threw stones at me, screaming for my blood. But it seems fate has a cruel sense of humour, for I was locked in a cage, too, except I didn't even know it." She dropped a needle onto the tray with a soft tink and went to work on the next, slowly drying it with that same, gentle smile on her face, as though she was enjoying it in a way known only to her. "You only saw the tip of the spear, Kiana. To actually live among those people... every hour was a quiet struggle. I'd go about my day, trying to stay out of everyone's way, because if I angered the wrong Wolf, I knew I'd get hurt. There were other she-wolves, too, of course. Friends and neighbours. They had torn ears, broken fingers, scars all over their bodies. Women who had lost their eyes, their teeth, women who had been beaten to within an inch of their lives, all because they had angered the wrong Wolves. And it was normal. It was perfectly, horribly normal. Sorrin protected me. He was always there, like a shield, keeping us safe. But even he couldn't be everywhere at once. Ander told us it was Banno that killed my daughter, and I believe him, but looking back on it now, I think it was more than that. It was all the evil in every Wolf's heart that killed my Vallah. I think that's what Banno really was. He was the darkness that lingered in every soul, given flesh and blood. It wasn't just him that murdered my baby girl. It was a collective evil that gave birth to that monster. Was it any wonder it went after the most innocent? That's the difference between your world and mine, Kiana. Mine takes everything you hold dear, one by one, until you have nothing left. And it's normal. Oh so normal. That's what terrifies me the most."
Mellah kept on working, fishing the long, curved needles out of the pot, one by one, drying them, one by one, and dropping them back in the tray, one by one.
She was still smiling, ever so gently. Still smiling...
Kiana couldn't do that. She was sitting so near the fire, and yet she felt so cold, like she had been grabbed by gigantic, icy fingers, intent on squeezing the life right out of her. She could barely breathe. "Y- You...?"
Mellah looked up from her work. "Hmm?"
I wish I could explain it to you. The sounds she made when I bit into her. The way she tasted...
Every word had been engraved into her memory. If she closed her eyes and thought hard enough, she could even see his teeth moving up and down in the darkness, dripping with rain water. "You're her? You're...?"
The way I could feel her heartbeat in my mouth, slower and slower...
Kiana put her hand over her mouth, not sure whether she intended to stifle a sob, or stop herself from vomiting. It felt like she could go either way.
"Kiana? Are you all right? Oh, I'm sorry I upset you. I should have known that wasn't the kind of talk for -"
I remember the look on her parents' faces when Father told them we still couldn't find her. The way her mother just... went to pieces. I could smell her tears... They were the same as her daughter's...
"You're Vallah's mother? You're that poor girl's mother? And Sorrin, he was her father?"
Mellah looked confused. "Yes, she was thirteen when she went missing. But why are you so -" And then it dawned on her. "Oh... You were there. When Ander and Banno...?"
Kiana nodded.
Mellah's face darkened, turning into something almost feral. "What did he say? What did that sick bastard say about my daughter?"
When it was over, I looked into her eyes. Do you know what I saw there, brother? I saw peace. I saw serenity. I saw acceptance. I saw bliss. I saw gratitude. She was more beautiful in death than she ever was in life. And I knew why. It was because I had allowed her to fulfil her purpose. She was put on this earth just for me. She was a gift, Ander. I don't know whether it came from the Cora or something else, but she was a gift.
"I- I can't. Please don't make me."
Kiana could see the tips of Mellah's fangs shining from behind her trembling lips. Her eyes caught the glow from the fire and reflected it like sparks in the gloom. She seemed larger than she was before, more dangerous. That was when the reality of the situation really struck home. It was just her, her mother, and her sister in a house with four strange Wolves. Ander had given them the vouch, but no Wolves were exactly like him. They were fools to assume otherwise.
"They never found her body," Mellah said. "We never had a pyre. I never got a chance to say goodbye..." She leaned in closer, and Kiana suddenly felt like she wasn't sitting by a nice, warm fire in her cosy little home, it felt like she was back in that cage, shivering in the rain, with dark eyes staring at her from beyond the bars. "Now you tell me, Kiana, what did that monster say about my daughter?"
Was no one else seeing this? Mother was still arguing with Hezzi, and Layla was still talking to the Wolf with the cut claws. She wanted to get up and run to them, but her legs were like tallow. She slowly shook her head and whispered, "Mellah... I don't think this is right. It'll only hurt you, and I don't want to do that."
"Tell me! I have a right to know what happened to my baby!"
"No!"
"Tell me! Tell me now, Kiana, or I swear I'll -"
"The same thing that nearly happened to me!" It just burst out of her, without warning, and Kiana clapped her hands over her mouth, shocked that we would say such a thing.
Mother and Hezzi were still shouting at each other in the kitchen - "I will chain you to that bed, young Wolf! Don't think I won't!" - so her little outburst had gone unnoticed.
But not by Mellah. Her face had changed completely. Her lips were still trembling, but not with fury. The glow from the fire was still shining in her eyes, but not because of hatred. She wasn't some monster. It was never like that. She was just a grieving mother still searching for her lost child, even after so many years.
"I- I'm sorry," she said and wiped the tears from her eyes before they could get a chance to spill. "I didn't mean to. I don't know what came over me." Mellah's breath hitched as she tried to keep herself under control, but she finally lost the battle and her tears just spilled out, falling past her palms in sparkling droplets.
Kiana didn't know what to do, but luckily for her, there was someone who did, someone who showed up at the exact right moment, as if summoned by the sound of her tears striking the floor.
"Mellah-Kai?" It was the little Wolf girl, Renna, standing in the doorway. "What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing, dear," Mellah said and wiped the tears from her eyes, smiling broadly. "I'm just happy to finally get a moment's rest, that's all. You can go on back to Hezzi now. I don't think Beth-Kai was joking about the chains."
Renna didn't even hesitate. She crossed the living room, dropped down to her knees and wrapped her arms around Mellah's shivering body. "Last night was the darkest, scariest night of my life," she said. "I'm not even talking about the Wolves who chased after us. For me, the scariest part came before all that. It was when I was still inside the walls, crying in the snow, feeling like a worthless piece of trash, something so wretched and pathetic my own mother wouldn't even look at me anymore. I felt like the world would be better off without me. I don't think I would've gotten up again if it weren't for you. I would have just sat there until I fell asleep and froze to death. But then you came and hugged me, and you told me you'd be there to catch all my tears from now on, and that made me feel so happy. I want to be able to do that for you, too, Kai. I want to be there to catch your tears, too. I... I know I'm not Vallah, and I know I can't possibly talk for her, but... she was your daughter, and I know that if she felt even a tenth of the happiness I felt in that single moment when you held me and told me everything would be all right, then she must have been the happiest Wolf in the entire tribe for every moment of her life that she could look at you and call you her mother."
All Mellah's resistance pretty much fell apart after that. She broke down and sobbed, holding that little girl to her chest so tightly it looked like she might snap her in half.
Kiana felt the gentle sting of tears well up in her own eyes as well. She lowered her hands and touched the gentle curvature of her belly, thinking how immensely powerful the bond between a parent and child can be. It had sent a dying vixen over the mountain and back again, and it had given a Wolf the courage to stand up against his own people. And for Mellah, it was so strong it could still break her heart even decades after being severed, but that did not mean new bonds could never be forged to bridge the gap between the broken ends, new ties formed to piece the broken heart back together. It frightened Kiana more than anything else that had happened today, the idea that she might come to love something so unbearably much that losing it would be even worse than losing her own life. Having something like that on the inside, growing in her heart as well as her womb... It was as terrifying as it was beautiful.
Feeling like she was intruding on a private moment, Kiana got up to leave, but before she could get to her feet, Mellah grabbed her and pulled her in as well, squeezing her so tight she could barely breathe.
"Mellah, Mellah!" She tapped her giant tree branch of an arm, trying to get her attention.
"Oh, sorry dear."
She eased up and Kiana gasped for air, kind of laughing as she did so. "It's okay, I'm quite used to it by now," she said, thinking of all the monstrous bear hugs Ander was so fond of.
"It's not good to stifle the little one, though."
That made Kiana laugh even harder. "I'm sorry, it's just that I find it so funny when you refer to Renna as 'little'. I mean, she's almost as tall as my sister."
"What? No, I mean your little one. When are you due, by the way?"
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