FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Lost Paths Unveiled - The Lone Wolf

The sun rose high above the horizon, taking its place in tow with the time of day, shining brightly over the town and dispersing the darkness which ruled while our souls dived in a world of surreal beings. With the dreams scattered, now was time for the same routine to take its place...my routine.

The sun rays slowly crept through the gap in the curtains which cover the window of the room, as such light started to reveal the mess I've left last night when I crawled up to my bedroom only to engulf myself in the few things that keep me going in this world...drawing, writing...trying to forget and pass by with every sun that rises, with every day to arrive alongside it. There are moments when I wonder why I even bother to even leave this room...but I owe it to her, my grandma has been taking care of me since...I'd say forever, but that wouldn't be totally accurate.

With a loud 'sigh', I get up from my bed and open the curtains; only to reveal the garden my grandma is so proud of owning. She wakes up every day and takes care of it, before she leaves to take care of whatever she does while I'm at school. Though to my surprise today she's nowhere in sight...that kind of makes me wonder what she might have planned, still I'm too tired to even think about it.

This will probably be the last day of school this semester at least, guess it means I can finally just stop playing the social game for a while and pretending to be all fine...but this will not last forever, being able to just seclude myself from the rest of the world. Betraying the light outside and sitting in this room creating new worlds through colors and words, while on the other side walking down paths hidden past the shadows in an attempt to explore the outer world while undisturbed from my senseless thoughts.

Thus my life resumes to this house and the shadows outside, slowly creeping through without disturbing my surroundings, most people know me either from staring too much in my direction or the random chatter-chat of the old ladies, scattering stories with untruthful origins. The things I do inspire people to stay away, either due to my unapproachable stature or the fact that I tend to ignore most of their phrases or questions, simply replying with a shrug or a nod without so much as even looking their way and move on with a small wave...with that most conversations are done, though there tends to be some with a bit more of a persistent nature.

That aside I should really get ready to leave, thus I keep on with the usual routine...a cold shower to cover for the hot weather we've been through the last couple of days, clean clothes and setting up my backpack to cover the needed material for today's lessons and a bit of distraction for myself, my drawing notepad and the mp3 gran bought for me a while back, though I'd rather sit in a quiet atmosphere rather than listening to music, but in a way it helps and I do have some songs I enjoy listening to, thanks to the few hours I've spent searching for them. The technology advancements amazes me as the years passes, always appears something new - unexpected.

With that taken care of, I slowly creep down the stairs and stride towards the kitchen, but only to notice a particular happy humming from my gran. Now I am sure there is something going on and I am not particularly fond on finding out what exactly. Without a second thought I call out to her and simply say I'm running late, not even looking back - I quickly put on my shoes and run out the door.

Thus leaving the house I start at a slow pace down the road, searching for a thread of the million thoughts in the chaos within my mind to hold onto. The memory that popped up but a moment from long ago, one of which I hopped would flee from the trail of thoughts currently distracting me from yet another day within the shadowed path.

Although it has been so long and I was still but a child, somehow the memory of that day wouldn't fade, for some reason I kept torturing myself as if there was something I had to do...something I forgot...

A few years back, the life I was living was nothing but a lie...my family made it always look like we were happy and nothing could change that, but in truth it was never as such. My father changed bit by bit, I don't know when it happened or what 'caused the change, but he became more aggressive - it almost seemed like he hated me...no, I know for a fact he did. Mother became more and more distant, she did her best to hide it, but something in her broke...he hit her, threw meaningful words at her as if she was nothing and in the end...she grew more distant, like a shallow shell. Then it happened and I lost her for good...I don't know if I should say I was lucky or not...but that's when my asthma attacks first started. At first the doctors said that it was nothing, but due to my condition and everything that happened I was forced to leave to a more secluded town. That's why I started living with my grandma, so I could recover bit by bit. But before I was sent here...things happened, some of which I never told anyone, and while others my father told gran, so she'd feel forced to take me in. Not that she needed convincing after all.

But before all that happened...I remember I was exploring on my own one day, trapped within my imaginary worlds...the things I created in my mind and pretended like they were real. In a way, now I realize that they were but ways of self-defence from everything that was happening... But then I remember stumbling over a curious place, one which people avoided for some reason. At first I was a bit scared of passing that warning sign, maybe something hid in there...and things would get out of hand. Still scared a bit of what may I find, slowly I raised the "Do not Cross" band tied at the entrance and pass under it. Moving up the steps I reach a sort of "shrine", the kind that people go to in order to pray to the respective god of which it belongs to. But that felt a bit strange, for so long I never heard anyone talk about a god living there, n'or have I ever seen anyone go towards the shrine to pray. Everyone acted as if it was but a cursed place, but if that were to happen...wouldn't the God living there search for ways to get revenge on the people he aided for abandoning him...or at least that's what I've read from legends.

A loud crash took me out of my daze and brought me to reality. I remember I walked to the shrine's entrance and after opening it...everything went blank. The days that followed...I know for a fact I went back to the shrine. A face...an older man was talking, and then I think we promised something to each other. I can barely remember his face...bits and pieces of images flashing through my nightmares. Somehow I know he wasn't someone I feared, though I forced myself to forget...so many things that I ended up losing something...I don't know what to call it...but it hurts not knowing. Why does this pain keeps filling my chest?

I wish...I could...remember...

...the days I spent going to that shrine...what happened there...why did I forget...I kissed...him...?!...

That's not right...why would I kiss another guy? My mind must be playing tricks on me, right?

Maybe if I go back to that place, I'd be able to remember. But I can't tell my gran about it, she'd probably freak out and my father, he truly hates me that much I could tell. I think that if he'd have a chance - he would probably wish I wasn't born. Thus the last time I saw him was when he came too check up on me a few years ago, though I don't know if he did it because he wanted to simply tell me he'd be getting married or just that he wants to try and erase his mistakes from the past, but whatever he did and what little I remember, it cannot be undone any longer...in a way, I kind of wished he'd just forget about me.

Then it's settled, I'll have to find an excuse to not being at home for a few days. The little money I have will probably not last me longer than 2 or 3 days if I'm lucky and I doubt I'll be able to pay for an inn or cheap hotel. That just means I'll have to make do with staying outside, though I don't think it's gonna be much of a problem considering it's not yet as cold as how they predicted on the weather forecast a while back. But if worse comes to worst, I might as well rely on my father for a bit. Hopefully he won't mind me being there for a short while. Thinking back of that old dog and the house we lived in...It brings back at least some pleasant memories along the nightmares which haunt me every time my mind wanders that path.

That reminds me...I think I used to have a sort of journal back then, I might've hidden it or buried it along with a few other things somewhere in the back garden of the house...it might contain some clues. Funny, but for the first time in years a small smile spreads on my face as I remember how I liked writing back then; transforming every little detail I put on paper into a new adventure of epic proportions. But regarding the journal...that'd mean I'll still have to get back to the old house; that is if he didn't sell it yet.

*Sigh* "No more 'what ifs', I've been doing that enough the past few years and it never turned out to be a good thing. After I've put some things in order for my gran to not become suspicious, I'll move towards what may seem a new future. I've got enough to regret as it is...I'd rather not put this on the list as well."

With a new resolve I walk forward. This time I hope that I can at least get the answers I need. The years that passed since then...everyone did their best to hide everything.

The hours that followed passed by as if they never existed. My focus was not on what's going on right now, but on what will I discover once I go back there.

The route I usually follow kept me from unfortunate events; the few people I passed by barely noticed my presence. Once arrived at school I simply tuned out of the surroundings completely, lost in my own thoughts. Everyone was busy with making plans for the upcoming holidays or simply idly chatting with their friends on going on small trips, thus several people stopped me in my tracks to ask if I wanted to join them either on camping trips or after hours, but I simply shook my head and moved on. The classes passed by quickly and some of the teachers decided that it'd be best to finish sooner as none of the students were paying any attention.

As it was announced that classes were finally over, thus I rushed towards the school gates with one thought clouding my mind. And that was to recover what I've lost...to fill the void left by the pain within my heart...though I don't know what I'm to expect, for once I want to hope.

With a quick check on my phone, I took a mental note on the few trains leaving towards the direction I needed and whereas I had to switch. While poking my nose in the phone, my hearing failed to pick up any commotion ahead and thus I ended up bumping into someone...unfortunately whilst that occurred I lost my balance completely and stumbled to remain on my feet, but as clumsy as I am I ended up in the middle of the street with a car rushing towards me...taking into account the momentum, there was no chance that it could avoid me and no time for me to get to my feet and jump out, thus I prepared for impact as best I could and closed my eyes. Before the last second, I felt something tugging on my arm and my body was dragged forward.

"Are you alright?" that voice, it sounds familiar.

The voice aside, the embrace feels warm as though there is something or someone protecting me, but even so I can't get myself to open my eyes...too scared to know if I was dead...or not, funny saying that though since I did try to kill myself at least twice.

Something hit my head and dispersed my trail of thoughts, thus I slowly opened my eyes while rubbing my head only to stare at a curious face. The same one I've seen these past few years, right before I was smacked or pushed around. The same guy that used to bully others around just because he saw fit to do so, thus I panicked and quickly got up only to stumble on my own two feet and fall backwards. With a quick reflex he grabbed my hand and pulled me back only so I can fall face first and lock our lips in a kiss...in the middle of the street, unluckily for us...there were some people around, but apparently they were too focused on the raging drivers that started to argue with each other, probably from the accident I almost provoked. My face bright red, I pulled away only to notice that he was still holding my hand tightly. A bit scared of how he'd react, I tried forcing my hand free...though I may not be a frightened pup; there are still limits which I am scared to cross.

With a flushed up face he stared into my eyes and simply said.

"Stop struggling like that or you're gonna end up in the street again. Ugh...I just, get up!"

A little surprised I stood there dumbfounded as it was not the reaction I expected, what I thought of was more like another hit on my head followed by a kind of tantrum you see kids doing to their parents when getting something they do not like.

"Ugh, just get up already...don't make this more awkward then it already is."

I rise to my feet and stare awkwardly towards the ground, as I attempt to form some words to break this heavy atmosphere. This is too much even for me, on top of it all - it had to be with this guy. Truth be told, I don't know anything about him, just that he's a real troublemaker wherever he goes, got a smart-ass attitude and sure as hell never seen him actually dating the same person for more than a few days, at most a week. In my opinion Mr Scumbag-Extraordinaire with a king's crown to convey him to the top of the scumbaggery ladder in town. That aside though, I'd rather just move on and forget this ever happened. These kinds of things I do not need in my life, small distractions which I attempt to move past, even if people see it as a form of bonding through communication, socialization; however they wish to call this never ending scene from a theatre of the absurd, faces hidden between masks trying to put on a masquerade of sorts, just so they could pretend a little longer that they belong between other fakes just as themselves. One mistake and it all crumbles to pieces, just how unspoken words from a child can bring within the misery and failure of his family...

Without realizing it I puff the bit of air I was holding as with a loud 'sigh' which startles the big guy. The amused smile I let to show on my face triggers a shocked expression from the 'mighty dragon' before me.

"...ghh...uh..a..." that's too much to think of, putting those words aside this guy's goofy face...he looks more like an idiot rather than a 'might dragon'.

The curious look on his face says it all, he wants to find out what exactly I find so funny of this situation and truth be told he looks...this is just too much. Fortunately I only let out a small chuckle as I contain my laughing crisis, this only seems to annoy him only though. Ack, now my head throbs once again due to an unforeseen punch to the head from one seriously annoyed guy...

I turn my head to the right in order to avert my gaze, as I rub my forehead. Now that I finally regained my usual calm self I should just excuse myself and leave before he decides to lower that punch on my head again. However before I can do or say anything, he takes my hand and leads me down the road without giving me time to even process what was happening. Neither could I form a simple word, nor could I simply react, I was paralyzed by the sudden reaction - just as a predator's target freezes of fear for the unknown.

My gaze was stuck to his large back and even larger wings, the hazel hue colour of them with short accents of blue or red at specific locations about them. Though all I know of him is of what others gossip, I'd expect him to be rough on rather all he does, but the way he's holding my hand...it makes me feel somehow like I'd be lost within a cold area fog all around and all I could see within would be the sight of him in front of me, dragging me along...but within the core, through the connection formed by our hands warmth would spread through my entire body, transforming the frightening feeling that kind of place would offer to one of mystery with a feeling of safety within - without the need to see in front, but moving on instinct.

Somehow it takes me several minutes to wake up from the trance I was in and realize we were now sitting at a table. Shaking my head a bit I take a look around and find that we're at one of those types of cafes at which people either go to just so they could spend some time working on something, reading or simply enjoying the company of a lover. My look of confusion must have attracted his attention as he seems to fidget in his seat, he seems so innocent all of a sudden, like he isn't the same person people keep talking about...but why's he dropping his guard and to me of all people. This could only either mean trouble or that he actually needs help studying...that's pretty much the only two things people even bother to talk with me about anyway, as I am not really that much of a sociable person.

Slowly I raise my arm and place my elbow on the table, while I rest my chin within the palm of my left hand, as I lazily put my right arm on the table and stare towards him curious as to what exactly he wants. Seems like, while I was positioning myself, he stopped fidgeting and now his eyes gazed directly through mine, a red blush covering the bellow of his eyes.

This moment seems as if frozen in time and space, as if we are hidden within a bubble where nothing makes a move or sound while the outside world performs at its usual pace, everything changing within a few paces of our table, yet this moment...the moment our eyes met, we froze like statues undisturbed by the passing of time, two mountains within a jungle - side by side - unfazed by the harsh weather thrown through its path, the earth shaking, yet not a single rock moved on them.

What is to follow...I can't seem to move or say a word, yet he looks almost ready to break and make a run for it. What's he hiding behind those clear greenish eyes, with one tear leaning to the side!?