A Silent Soul- Chapter 10
#10 of A Silent Soul
Chapter 10! :O
Hey furs! We're back for the next installment of A Silent Soul. Now I left you guys hanging by your fingernails last time with Jasper's bold statement, and it's time for the big reveal. What has Jasper been hiding this entire time? Will it affect the relationship further between Elijah and Jasper? Why are you reading all these rhetorical questions? You should be reading! I'll see you at the bottom of the page! :D
"I think I'm ready to talk." Jasper said shakily. It was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth but I nodded reassuringly for him to continue.
"You don't have to if you're not ready yet. Don't let me force you into making you do this." I told him, even though I was direly hoping he was going to finally share his problems with me so I could try to help him.
He shook his head, "No, I need to get this off my chest. It's been weighing me down for too long and I'm ready to move on. I'd like to go from the start if you don't mind?" He asked nervously, seemingly recalling the past events that haunted him. I nodded encouragingly at him. He drew a shaky breath before starting.
"My name is Jasper Collins McHugh. I'm an 18 year old gray wolf, just like my parents. My middle school time was spent with my nose in the books making sure to soak up as much knowledge as I could, as my mother said it would be very important for me to know these things later on. I followed these rules to a point up until 8thgrade when I met a girl named Amber. She was a fiery orange fox with eyes to match her name. I instantly fell for her and we dated for about a year, we got along great and it seemed like the relationship was going steadily before she decided to dump me for one of my best friends, another wolf like me named David. David and I had been friends for so long, and I couldn't believe that he'd go behind my back and do something like that to me. For almost a month I was heartbroken at the loss of my best friend and first love. I eventually recovered and found new friends as I moved into high school, and my newest best friend was a cute golden retriever named Stephanie. I was always afraid to date her because I didn't want to risk ruining the relationship that we'd built. She kept pressing it on me however and eventually we started going out. We were both very happy in the relationship, it lasted from mid freshman year to almost junior year. We were supposed to be meeting for our second homecoming at the school, but she never showed up. I tried calling her over and over, but she never answered. I grew extremely worried that something had happened to her. A few days later she showed up at school holding hands with the new kid who had just transferred here. I couldn't believe it had happened again, almost the same thing as last time. When she met my broken gaze from down the fall, I could see the regret in her eyes but she just mouthed sorry and kept walking. This dump hurt even more than the last, as it took me all summer to recover." He paused for a moment, seeming to hesitate for a moment before continuing.
"I... I resorted to self-harm for a while. It took me away from the grief in my mind for a few moments which was just enough for me to cope." He said quietly. He turned his arm over to show me, and I could see the faint scars of the slit wrists, only barely visible. His face was cast downwards, and I could tell he was struggling to control his emotions.
I reached out and put my hand on his scarred wrist, "Jasper, you don't have to continue if this is too much for you. I won't be upset, I promise." I tried to convince him. He offered a pained smile before continuing.
"I hate myself every day for sinking so low, but I didn't know what else to do. My parents never found out thankfully, and I eventually was able to pull myself out. But the scars were permanent, both physically and mentally, and I was scared to jump into another relationship. But I couldn't help it, I needed something to fill that empty hole in my heart that was occupied for so long. But I wasn't just looking for another band-aid to patch it up for a few weeks, I wanted to repair my torn heart with legitimate stiches that wouldn't come loose after a few days. Up until just a few weeks ago, I was sure I'd found that person to fill that hole. Her name was Emily. She was a shy little beagle who seemed to open up to me, and we hit it off immediately. I found out she'd had similar experiences to me, and we were able to help each other work through hard times. We mended each other's hearts and a beautiful relationship blossomed. I was convinced that I'd found the one... when everything decided to crash down around us. One morning she ran up to me and threw herself into my arms, sobbing loudly. I asked her what was wrong, and her response was the killing blow to my nearly mended heart, the stiches being forcibly removed from it. Her father had been offered a job across the country, and she was going to have to leave. I was shocked at this and I became so upset at this that I just kind of... snapped. I took out all my previous frustrations out on the one person who actually cared about me and I did the one thing I swore I would never do. I laid my hands on her. A physical push, enough to knock her down. The hurt look in her eyes was enough to make me regret the decision tenfold, but what was done was done. I tried to help her up but she screamed for me to stay away from her. She never wanted to see me again, and she called me something that still haunts me to this day... she called me a monster. I still hear it in my dreams, it never goes away, a decision that I have to live with for the rest of my life."
He sobbed out, unable to contain the grief any longer. He took in one final shaky breath before finishing.
"Elijah. My name is Jasper, and the reason I've treated you so terribly is because I'm a monster with severe abandonment issues." He choked out.
My heart melted at his statement, and I rushed to his side to console him. He kept whispering "I'm a monster, I'm a monster" but I refused to let him think that. Every time he said it I shot the statement down with comforting words.
His trembling continued for nearly 30 minutes as he released all the emotion he had to offer. He eventually curled up on his bed in a tight ball and I sat cross-legged behind him, playing with his fur as I waited for his episode to end.
Finally the shaking and sobs that racked his body subsided, and he simply laid there and allowed me to toy with his fur.
"Elijah?" He asked me quietly.
"Hmm?" I replied.
"Did you really mean it this morning when you said you liked me?" He questioned. My white face blushed solid red as I recalled my blathering from this morning.
"Well I mean... kind of? I think y-you're really a-attractive and all and... yeah." I stuttered embarrassed about the whole situation. He was silent for a few minutes to the point where I could stick my tongue out and taste the palpable tension in the air.
Finally he sat up from his laying position to face me as he spoke, "I think you're really cute Elijah. I've never really thought of myself as gay but... I'd be willing to try if you're willing to have me." He said shyly.
My heart soared and I wrapped my arms around him, "I'd love to." I told him. He chuckled nervously returning the hug. He awkwardly broke the hug and stared at me.
"So... now what?" He asked me. I blushed as I thought of all possibilities that could now happen between us. I shook my head and blushed again at his inquisitive gaze.
"Sorry, just thought of something. I mean we can take it as slow as you want, there's no rush." I told him. He nodded appreciatively. I glanced to his digital alarm clock and read the time 10:24 p.m.
"It's getting kind of late, you should get some sleep. I know it's been a long day with everything that's happened today." He said to me. I nodded, mood dropping slightly as I was reminded of the funeral. I pondered something biting my bottom lip before speaking.
"Jasper... I know this is a bit sudden for you but do you think I could maybe... sleep with you? I'm still really shaken up from the funeral and I really don't want to be alone." I had to restrain myself from begging as I popped the question.
Without hesitation he answered, "Of course. I know it must be hard on you. It's the least I can do for how I've been acting these past couple days." He replied, smiling.
I nodded in response, "Thanks... it really means a lot to me." I said quietly. He stood off and yanked his shirt off and pulled down his pants, leaving himself clad in only his black boxers. I had to restrain from staring as I changed into a pair of sweatpants and an overly large t-shirt.
He crawled into bed and held the covers up for me. I blushed madly as I crawled in next to him.
"Good night." He said softly.
"Night." I replied. I rolled over on my side facing away from him and expected him to do the same with this likely being his first time sleeping with another guy. But he completely took me by surprise when he assumed the position of the big spoon and wrapped his arms around my stomach, pulling me closer to him. I let out an involuntary sigh of appreciation and he chuckled softly behind me. Pushing back into his strong form I quickly let my exhaustion overtake me.
P.O.V. Change: Jasper
As I cuddled the light blue and white form in front of me I couldn't help but question my motives for making such a daring move. I guess I just wanted him to feel safe and let him know that he could trust me from now on, as trust is a huge key to a relationship.
A relationship with a guy huh. Who would have ever thought...
I let the pleasant thought create a peaceful buzz in my mind as I wrapped my arms tighter around the sleeping form in front of me, inhaling his scent before drifting off to sleep.
Well, well, well! I hope you guys were satisfied with that! I know it was a very short chapter but I had an 8 hour drive back from South Carolina at 3 o'clock this morning and I really wanted to get to sleep. This should be enough to curb you guys over until tomorrow when the real fun begins. I hope you all enjoyed, I'm off to bed more than likely! Night you furs! :3