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I never thought that death could be so...liberating, even as the pain was splittling through my chest and reverberating off of every bone in my body.

Time had slowed down as my legs gave out from under me, I could vagely feel the pressure as I was guided down to the ground; muffled screams and frantic sobs were all that I could hear. The last thing I saw was his face, as tears were streaming down his cheeks, I managed to smile and place a paw on his cheek and mumble something incoherent to me. But it seemed to comfort him.

Slowly my vision began to fade, my paw began to slip; my ears ringing with the sound of my love, as he sobbed the word "No!" over and over, as my senses...died.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I blinked as the afternoon sun blinded my eyes. I yawned and went to stretch, but my paws hit the roof of the truck. Growling, I glared at the truck roof while gently rubbing my paws.

"Getting mad at the roof won't change anything. You know that Right?"

I stared over at the wolf in the drivers seat

"It makes ME feel better." I pouted.

He chuckled and turned down the a/c

"Well whatever the case, we aren't going to go back," He said keeping his eyes on the highway, "Mom and everyone else think it's better for you to spend a year away from home after what happened."

My ears fell, and my eyes began to sting.

"I told you not to bring that up," I siad quietly, "It was hard enough packing up all of my things without finding something of his."

"Bro, it's been over three months.We know you're hurting, we all just want to see you happy again."

"Yeah, by renting me an appartment in a big city, where we have no family. Leaving me to suffer by myself." I looked at my big brother,"It's not exactly the most practical thing to do when when I'm in such a fragile state, Chet."

The older wolf sighed and turned off the radio, "Alec, you need some time to be alone."

"In the City??"

"It's a fresh, new start. Rather then being surrounded by everything that reminds you of him." Chet told me.

I folded my arms against my chest and turned my head towards the passenger side window, as a tear slid down my muzzle. I figured it best if I left the conversation as it was.

'It doesn't matter where I am, everything will remind me of him.' I thought as I sobbed silently, trying to go back to sleep, the city being another four hours away.

************

"Alec...Alec!" I heard as I was jostled awake, groaning I turned towards the drivers side seat.

"Dammit Chet, what do you want?" I mumbled gruggily.

" We're here, bonehead. Get out and help me with your stuff." Chet said tossing two over stuffed duffle bags filled with all of my electronics and other *ahem* personal items."You know know I'm not going to touch anything in those bags."

I let a smile come across my muzzle, more for Chet's benefit than my own. Slowly I got out of his truck and started helping him unload my dressers, and furniture. Once they were out of the truck, Chet went to go get the landlord so we could get into the appartment. While he went to go do that I pulled my phone out of my pocket and fliped it open.

'Five thiry? Damn. This is going to take forever.' I thought to myself. I stared at the screen for a minute, at the last remaining image of his face. I touched the screen hoping I'd be able to feel him, all of the memories started coming back to me and I couldn't let them.

"No! Not now!" I said slamming my phone shut, and throwing it into a duffle bag. "I can't think about that! I don't want to remember!"

I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to fight off the memories, then I heard Chet call my name.

"Alec! Snap out of it!"

I looked up towards him and smiled in relief. Next to him stood a brown stallion in about his fourties, he had a nice build and his head fur was unusually short for a horse, he was wearing a green tank top and light green plaid shorts. I looked back at Chet.

"Is this the land lord?" I asked putting my arms at my sides.

Chet nodded.

The stallion smiled and held out a paw, "I'm Mike."

I took his paw and shook it, "Alec, nice to meet you."

Mike looked at Chet and handed him a key, "I'm going to go get the lease agreement, the third floor appartment on the left is yours, I'll help you bring up your things when i get the agreement. Alright?"

We both nodded and grabbed the lightest things first and went into the building, up two flights of stairs, and unlocked the door. The appartment itself was nothing too extravagant: two bed rooms, living room (which would have to double as a dining room too), and a small kitchen with fridge, and a dishwasher. We begn to pile boxes and things that didn't need to be taken care of right away, in the living room. Mike came up soon after and broght the agreement with him, the stallion put it on the counter and came back out to help us go get my bed and dressers. It took about two and a half hours to get everything out of the truck, and another hour to set up my bed and furniture.

---

It was about 9:15p.m. when Mike left and most of my stuff was taken care of, and Chet had started to go over everything my family wanted me to do, which was mostly calling each evening to check in and say that I'm okay (Which would be a lie), and to call for groceries.

"You understand what mom wants?"Chet asked. He was asking like I was I second grader, not a 17 year old.

"Yeah she told me before we left, Chet." I said dryly, I still wasn't happy about this whole situation.

"What's your problem?" his tone was sharp enough to cut.

"You know what my problem is!" I raised my voice, a growl rumbled deep in my chest. "It doesn't matter what I want, the whole family is assuming that this is something that I want! You don't get what it feels like for me!"

By the time I finished that sentence, the growl had turned into frantic sobs and I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. I stared into Chet's eye; I could feel the pain inside me, crushing the air out of my lungs.

"You think that I don't understand that you're hurting right now?" I turned my head despite his softer tone, "This isn't my idea of helping you."

"Then take me home." I said just short of whispering.

Chet sighed.

"You know if I could, that I would," he started, "Mom wouldn't have it any otherway."

I sighed sadly. He was telling the truth, Chet had always been there for me, and had always been more of a parent than my mothercould ever be; to me he was the perfect brother.

"I tried to convince her to let you stay over at my place," he said as he placed a paw on my shoulder, "She said that I'm not trustworhy, that I'm not responsible enough to take care of myself let alone you."

I sighed and placed a paw on top of his on my shoulder, I could hear the pain in his voice as he said that; I figured at that moment that I would try to make this work, for Chets benefit more than mine. I hated seeing him sad.

"Chet?"

"Hmm?"

I sighed again, "I'll try to make this work, okay?"

I could feel the slight smile cross Chet's muzzle. At least he was glad he was glad that I'd give it a fair chance. Slowly, he took his paw off of my shoulder, and patted my back.

"Just to get the old hag of a mother off your back and to shut up, 'kay?" he told me more than asking of me. I actually laughed lightly at the diss on our Mom, she WAS a hag. "But if you need someone to talk to who will actually listen, I'm only a phone call away."

"Y'know thats not something you'd expect to hear from a straight guy, " I joked and thanked him for the offer. I looked back at the digital clock we managed to hang on the wall before quitting for the night, "You aren't planning on leaving NOW are you?"

I heard a slight chuckle come from him.

"Miss me already?"

I looked at him, slight annoyance in my eyes, but he was right, I didn't want him to go yet.

"I just know how bad of a night driver you are, I don't want you to fall asleep at the wheel and end up in a corn field. AGAIN." I half lied, I liked being able to use his old corn field incident against him.

Chet rolled his eyes, and gave me a look that said, 'Shut up and go get ready for bed.'

"I'll sleep on the couch okay?" he said as he grabbed the extra comforter off of the arm of the couch. I couldn't help but grin in relief, Chet had always been like my security blanket. My protecter from the world. He was the first person I told I was gay, he didn't scream and yell and throw things at me like Mom did, he hugged me and told me that he loved me and that I'd always be his little brother, that nothing would change that.

I flicked on the light switch in the narrow bathroom and grabbed one of the duffle bags Chet had me bring up, and unzipped the outside zipper pocket and pulled out my toothbrush and my tooth paste. I turned on the cold water and ran my toothbrush under it for a second and spread the blue tooth paste on it and stuck it in my mouth. I stared into the mirror, trying not to think too much and to keep my mind from wandering, and I couldn't let that happen yet. I was met by a black wolf with midnight blue head fur, and light green eyes. My normally spikey head fur was laying flat on my head like it just died there. I hadn't really given a damn about my appearance since what happened, a shower and brush my teeth, that was good enough to me.

I had barely run my toothbrush over my teeth when I figured i was done, and spat out the blue foam. I turned on the water again and I stuck my muzzle under the running water and rinsed out my mouth.

"Hey Alec."

"What?"

"There's someone at the door." Chet called from the couch.

Rolling my eyes I walked towards the door, "You can't get up for just a second to answer the door?"

"I'm sleeping." He replied, I could hear a sarcastic smile in his voice.

I rolled my eyes again and opened the door. I was surprised at the sight that was on the other side of the door. As I opened the door a tall, muscular Doberman came into sight. It was easy to tell by his cropped ears and his coat pattern. I could feel my heart beat faster in my chest as he smiled.

"Hi there, my names Vance," he introduced himself and offered his paw to me, "You must be my new neighbor."

It took me a second to realize he wanted to shake my paw. I mentally shook myself to snap myself out of it, and put out my paw, smiling as nicely as I could without being a total idiot.

"Yeah I'm Alec." I said as he shook my paw, "I'm sorry if we made too much noise bringing up my stuff."

"Oh, no its alright. It's Friday night, a house full of drunken idiots makes more noise than you made bringing up your stuff. Most of the other tenants are out either getting laid, or geting plastered." Vance replied. I noticed he had long head fur, because it was tied back into a ponytail. It's color was truely interesting, the roots appeared to be dark brown, but it faded to a lighter caramel color than the caramel on his throat and belly.

"Why aren't you out partying?"

"It's not really my scene, y'know?"

I looked up and down his body, getting a good look at his clothes: tan flip flops, knee length blue plaid shorts, and a tight fitting white deep v-neck tee shirt was what I found. One thing popped into my mind while I was doing this. (Okay, two) Two words...

PARTY. BOY.

He saw me raise an eyebrow, and he half smiled and scratched the back of his head.

"Heh, yeah, I know I look like a party boy. But honestly, the idea of getting wasted every weekend is just stupid to me."

I chuckled.

"Exactly, only idiots think its what you're supposed to go do every weekend."

Vance laughed lightly.

I felt a paw on my shoulder , and turned my head towards it.

"It's late and you've had a long day bro. You should go get some sleep." Chet instructed.

"But I-"

"That'd probably be a good idea." Came Vance's voice, I turned back towards him. "We can talk another time, since we're neighbors now."

He peered through me and Chet, and saw the mountain of boxes in the living room.

"By the looks of it you could use some help unpacking. Would you mind if I came over tomorrow to help?"

I was about to answer when Chet stopped me.

"That'd be great! I'm leaving early tomorrow so I can't stay to help unpack. I have to go home and change before I go to work."

The two bigger canids continued to chat, then my exhaustion suddenly got the better of me. I could feel my eye lids getting heavier and I couldn't stop yawning.

Chet and Vance both looked at me and shook their heads. I felt a wierd turning in my stomach- the same feeling like when you are on a roller coaster- as Chet picked me up and slung me over his shoulder.

"You're going to bed right now Alec." He said as I hung there as limp as a rag doll. I could hear Vance chuckle.

"Should I go?" the Dobie asked.

"Nah, I'm just going to put him to bed then come back out." he said getting a better grip on me, so he wouldn't drop me.

"Okay," the Dobie said, then he chuckled, "He looks so pathetic just hanging there."

I lifted my head and looked up at Vance, then tried to look up at Chet.

"Can you put me down? All the blood is rushing to my head." I mumbled, the words sounded muffled because I'd been upside-down so long. The other two just laughed, aparently my awkwardness was funny.

"I'll be right back, come on in and take a seat on the couch." Chet said as he took me to my room.

"Don't you mean 'take a seat on my bed'?" I mumbled with a small chuckle. I couldn't see it but I knew that Chet rolled his eyes.

"Oh hush." he said as he tossed me onto my bed. I let out an "oof" when I landed. Chet chuckled and turned on the desk lamp next to my bed, as I fumbled for my covers. The moment I slid my legs under the covers, a welcoming warm greeted them. I have a heated blanket that I keep on at all times 'cause nothing feels better when you're cold than a nice warm bed.

"Couldn't you just move into the 2nd bedroom?" I asked as I hid my muzzle under my comforter, "So I won't be alone, you know how easliy my mind wanders. I need someone to help me snap out of it."

Chet sighed

"I already tried that. Mom's voice about broke the sound barrier."

I sighed heavily and pulled the covers over my entier head. I hated my Mom so much for this, she's trying to suffocate me with her overprotection and what she felt was "good for me".

"I hate this Chet. It's like I'm being punished for what happened to him. That its my fault he's-"

"No! It's not your fault!" Chet said shushing me before my thought could materialize, "There was nothing anyone could do, you did all that you could. Mom just doesn't know how to deal with your situation either." I looked over and saw the look of sorrow on Chet's face as he finished his sentence. He walked over to me and gave me a gentle scritch behind the ear.

"Good night bro, try to get some sleep, no nightmares?" He stated more than asked.

I mumbled something about trying to do that, as the comfort of my bed began to sink into my body; the warmth of my covers, the softness of my pillow, making my eyes droop and close. I heard the "click" of my desk lamp as Chet put it on it's dimmest setting. It's the only way we knew that would give me a fighting chance against the nightmares. Then sleep overtook me, as Chet closed the door to a crack.

*****

"What do you want for dinner, Kri?

There was a smile on his muzzle as wrapped his arm around my shoulder and put his free paw in his pocket.

"I don't care love, you said that you would surprise me for my birthday dinner."

We kept on walking through the crowded market, his paw slid down my back and rested on my waist, to which I blushed slightly. I could feel a few glares from the people around us, but, they were the furthest thing from my mind. I thought for a couple seconds as we passed by the seafood counter, and their huge, plump, shrimp caught my eye.

"How about Cajun food?" I asked leaning into his chest.

"Mmmmmm, yeah!" He grinned and patted his chisled belly, "Shrimp Etoufee 'n' dirty rice." I loved it when his Lousianna roots came through, that accent just made me smile from ear to ear.

I giggled, "You got it love, how about you get the shrimp and I'll go get a hand cart, okay?"

Kri smiled, nodded, and turned to the seafood clerk and asked for the shrimp; while I went down the chip and junk food isle to go get a cart. When I reached the front of the store and grabbed a basket, a single gunshot echoed through the store. I ducked to the ground and rolled towards the safety of an empty checkout station, and as I peered out form the safety I saw a black blur dashingout of the doors. It looked like he came from--my heart sunk--The seafood counter. I got up and rushed down the nearest isle and ran towards where I left Kristofer, dropping the cart behind me. I could see a cricle of people gathering around someone, and then I saw his tufted tail,in a puddle of blood. Tears began streaming down my face as I ran to the crowd and pushed my way through.

There laying on the floor with a hole in his chest lay Kri. I remember screaming "No!" over and over as I cradled his head, and bawled. I felt a paw on top of mine and I looked down to see it was Kri's sandy brown paw. I turned so I could see his face.

"Kri?!"

"...A-alec, I'm sorr-r-y."

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

"For what?"

"I-I can't hold on much longer."

My heart sputtered and stopped as he said that, and a whole new wave a tears washed over me.

"No! Kri, Please!"

He smiled at me and moved his paw to touch my cheek.

"I love you."

After he said that, his hand slipped, and his eyes closed. A smile spread across his muzzle.