I'm Still Normal, Right?
I'm still normal, right?
A pair of gray furred ears perked suddenly as a loud buzzer went off, adding to the noise level of the classroom above and beyond that of the clamor produced by the students. The wolf release a small sigh before he turned from the board he'd been writing on. "Sit down!" He barked as he saw a number of the students attempting to gather their belongings and race for the door. "You know the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
Thorn waited until each of the teens were back in their seats, repressing the urge to smile as he noticed some of them glaring at him, as if their were able to threaten him, before he continued speaking. "Homework..." His attempts to keep from smiling failed now as a number of groans filled the room. "Sections one, two, and three are due tomorrow at the start of class. And don't tell me it's no much work, there are only ten questions all together." He nodded toward the door. "Now you're dismissed."
As the students began to file out of the room the wolf returned to his desk, at least for the time being, and sat down in the rather wobbly, old, wooden chair there. As one paw reached for the latest stack of papers to grade, the other reached up and tugged at the collar of the navy blue button down shirt he wore so as to loosen the necktie as well. Able to now breath a bit more comfortably he picked up the red pen that sat in the little desk organizer and began to look over the work before him.
A small frown began to curl his lips as he continued to make corrections and notes in the dreaded red ink. He could remember how much he had hated the sight of red ink as a student and found it somewhat ironic that he hated that same ink as much now, if not more so, as a teacher for an entirely different set of reasons. "What the hell is the regular teacher doing most of the day?" He questioned in a whisper as another poor grade was marked into the record books. "These are smart cubs...they shouldn't be getting grades like this."
He shook his head and continued on through the other works. He'd been acting as a substitute for this class for the last two weeks, as the regular teacher had suddenly gone out on leave due to the birth of her first litter, so he knew the students fairly well at this point. To see such poor effort on the papers from a month ago when the more recent assignments were much higher distressed him, but with the end of the school year right around the corner there was little he could really do about it at this point other than try to play catch up with whatever time was left.
By the time the papers were graded almost an hour had passed and the school had long gone quiet. "Guess I'll call it a day." He spoke to the empty room, his mind already drifting to how to set up the lab experiment for tomorrow before he shook the thoughts from his head. "Bah, tomorrow." He muttered as he picked up his black, leather jacket and messenger bag. "Got plenty of other stuff to do for now." He smiled as he prepared to lock the door to his classroom only to notice that the hallway was not as empty as he had believed it to be.
Just opposite the door a lone husky leaned up against the lockers with his head bent forward and his ice blue eyes focused intently on the ground between his brown and white furred foot paws. He was dressed like most of the students his age, simple blue jeans and an oversized tee shirt. The husky's paws gripped the sides of his shirt, tugging at the red fabric anxiously so that the yellow print patterning distorted making the logo even less recognizable.
Thorn paused as he looked over the boy, recognizing him from one of his classes, and gently cleared his throat. Despite this the boy showed no reaction of any kind, causing Thorn's ears to flatten back nearly as much as the husky's currently were. "Dagan? Everything alright?" Again the wolf got no response, reinforcing the idea that something really was off with the normally outgoing husky. Thorn took a few steps forward and waved a paw through Dagan's line of vision, finally getting the boy to look up. "You ok Dagan?"
The husky's head jerked upright as his senses finally full alerted him to the situation he was in, his eyes widening and his fur visibly bristling as panic seemed to set in for a few moments. "Y-yeah, I'm fine Mr. Blackbriar..." He paused and cleared his throat, attempting to regain some composure in his voice for all the good it did him. "I, uh, I was...that is, I wanted to ask you something but..."
Internally, Thorn sighed as thoughts of meeting up with his friends for a round of drinks evaporated. Outwardly, the older canine simple smiled and motioned for the pup to follow him into the classroom again. Whatever was on Dagan's mind was clearly an embarrassing subject to the boy and Thorn couldn't very well throw the boy to the winds, especially after criticizing another teacher earlier...even if it was only in his own mind. "I told you pups when I started this job you could come to me if you had questions." The wolf spoke as he set down his jacket again and sat behind his desk. "What's on your mind?"
The husky sat at one of the student desks, sliding it across the floor to be nearer the teacher's desk, but still didn't say anything just yet. The way in which his eyes flicked from the floor, to the wolf, and to the door of the room made it abundantly clear that Dagan was worried about someone over hearing the conversation. "You can't tell anyone about our conversations right? There's the, what's it called? Privilege or something, right?"
Thorn chuckled lightly and shook his head. "For better or worse, there is no such thing as student-teacher privilege." His tone turned more serious as he saw Dagan's ears flatten back again. "But, unless I think you're a danger to yourself or others, I'll do the best I can to respect your privacy." The teacher sat apprehensively for a moment, worried that the husky before him would suddenly run off before they had a chance to get to the root of his problem.
Dagan seemed to consider this for a moment before he nodded in agreement. "Ok." He sat back in the chair slightly, one paw atop the desk, the other nervously clenching the fabric of his jeans. "You remember...that lesson we had last week?"
Again Thorn laughed lightly, hoping to break the tension a little bit. "I taught a lot of lessons last week Dagan. Could you give me a bit more to go on?"
"The one about genetics and stuff." The brown and white furred canine leaned forward a little. "You said, that our genetics were responsible for the way we look and the way we act. Right? Is that true?"
"Partially." Thorn nodded, through his brow furrowed in concern at where this conversation was headed. "I said that genetics influenced physical appearances and behavioral pattern formation. That's a long way away from being responsible for who we are and how we act." The wolf stopped as he saw confusion wash over the husky's blue eyes. "Right...college speak is bad for high-scholars..." He muttered as he ran a claw through his neck fur. "Why don't you tell me the situation you were confused by first? It'll be easier to explain with a concrete example."
Again Dagan's eyes fell to the floor, or rather tabletop now since it was in the way, as silence returned. "Like...for mate selection." He whispered. "Our genetics control...what type of mate someone would be attracted to. Right?"
Fuck.
That was the single word that ran through Thorn's mind at that moment. He was now in an empty school, after hours, alone with an underage male student, essentially talking about mate selection and sex. Plus, he was only a substitute teacher. If he said one wrong thing and it got back to any of the higher ups, his career would be over before it even began. For a brief moment Thorn found himself cursing his luck that he was the teacher Dagan decided to come to for this, rather than one of the protected and tenured teachers.
The moment passed quickly though as he watched the face of the distressed teen before him, remembering all to well the various questions he'd had at that age when no one had been willing to talk to him. It also occurred to Thorn that his temporary status was likely why Dagan came to talk to him. In a few weeks time school would be over, and Thorn would likely never be seen around the school again once his assignment was up. Anything that Dagan said or did would be lost to the ether. With a curt huff of a sigh, Thorn mentally steeled himself and answered the question as best he could.
"Not quite." The wolf shook his head. "Our genetics provide some influence in our mate selection, but that's not the only thing. Think of it like..." The wolf trailed off as he tried to construct a working example. "Like having a choice between a red coat fox, a gold coat fox, or a snow coat fox. Genetics may give a Furred a slight preference for one over the others, say the gold over red or snow, but the individual can actively choose the red or snow and go against his instincts. Do you understand?"
Dagan fidgeted in his seat. "Sort of..." He replied in a tone that clearly indicated he was more lost than ever.
Scratching behind his ear, Thorn sighed and closed his eyes. He was clearly missing something here. "Dagan, I get the feeling we're getting pretty far away from whatever it was you wanted to talk about. Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you?" He opened his eyes again to make contact with the husky's own pale blue orbs.
The room turned very quiet for a long time, neither party saying a word as the student evaluated how much trust to put in his instructor. "I've been looking...at other guys." Dagan admitted quietly. "In the locker room, and online." He shifted about uncomfortably. "I hear the other guys talking about girls but...it's not the same for me."
Fuck.
The thought returned to the wolf's mind. He'd studied and been trained for a lot of situations that he might encounter as a teacher, but this wasn't one of them. "I see..." He replied cautiously at first. "But I have to say, I'm confused why you broached the topic with a question about genetics."
Dagan's head tilted questioningly as the teacher replied so calmly, as if he'd been expecting a completely different reaction. "Well, cause...when I started to think that I might be...that I might like guys I went online to do some research. Like you taught us for that project, you know?" His expression seemed to brighten as the wolf nodded. "So, I found this web site that says that homosexuality is a genetic disorder and in time it could be cured medically but I didn't believe it until we had that lesson about genes and stuff in class." He looked at his teacher hopefully. "So, is it true? Can I be cured?"
At the moment, seeing as Dagan had seen fit to give him so many issues, Thorn was trying to figure out which topic to correct first. "Dagan? Why do you think you need to be cured as you put it?"
"Cause my parents say that it's a sin and gay Furred are going to burn in hell." The husky trailed off and suddenly looked embarrassed for a moment. "Um, sorry. No offense intended Mr. B."
Thorn silently griped as the infernal trifecta of parents, religion, and sexuality made itself known to the conversation. So lost in thought about this new development he almost missed the husky's apology. "Huh? Why would I be offended by that?" He asked before he thought it through.
This time Dagan looked confused. "Cause, you're gay...aren't you?"
"No, I'm not." Thorn shook his head.
Dagan laughed nervously and looked down. "Oh, sorry. Its just...there's no ring on your finger and no one has heard you talk about a girlfriend so the rumor around the school is that you were gay."
Thorn openly sighed and pinched the corners of his eyes. He didn't even bother to pursue the topic that by that logic most of the school's male population was gay, there were more pressing matters at paw right now. "Anyway, back to your other comments. First off, there is no ‘cure', as you put it, for homosexuality simply because it is not a disease."
"I know it's not a disease." Dagan nodded. "But, it's still bad, not right, since it goes against nature and all. And it's caused by genetics so it can be treated with gene medicine."
"First, it would be gene therapy." The wolf corrected. "Second, there's a very limited number of diseases that can be treated with gene therapy. Third, homosexuality is not a disease, and it would not be treatable by gene treatments anyway. And finally, perhaps most importantly, there is still no conclusive, scientific reasoning to the causes of homosexuality to base such claims on."
Dagan sudden boost of confidence and familiarity seemed to deflate just as quickly as it arrived. "But...but the web site said..."
Thorn nodded slowly, and a bit sadly, as he began to get an idea of what Dagan was clinging to in terms of hope. "Do you remember the warning I gave you with that research project I assigned? About how not all information on the Internet can be trusted?"
Dagan nodded slowly. "Y-yeah...so if...if my genes aren't what's causing these feelings, what is?"
"Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you on that Dagan." Thorn replied with an apologetic shrug. "There are a lot of Furres out there, each with their own opinion of what causes the someone to be gay or straight or any other gender identification."
"But! But...there have to have been studies!" Dagan insisted as he leaned over his desk. "Someone has to know why I'm all messed up!"
"You're not messed up Dagan." Thorn spoke reassuringly.
"But I am!" Dagan yelled. "My parents and my religious teacher are always saying how gays are evil and are going to burn! I don't want to be like that!"
Thorn paused as Dagan recovered from his out burst, now understanding where the pup was coming from better. "Ok, Dagan. It's ok."
"How's it ok!?" Dagan questioned with a hint of anger. "You just said you don't know why I'm like this."
"That's true." The older canine agreed. "But I didn't get to finish either." He waited patiently until Dagan calmed down. "Like I said, there are lots of explanations out there for how someone's gender identity forms. It's because of all those explanations that no one can agree on any one explanation."
"I don't understand." Dagan shook his head, his paws once again clenching at his jeans. "How can there be lots of explanation and no explanation?"
"That's a good question, but not one that's easy to answer." Thorn smiled. "Think about it this way, the scientists who put up the website you saw believe that genetics are the reason behind sexual selection but another group of scientists believe that the experiences a Furre has as he grows up is the reason."
"Then, which is the real reason?" Dagan questioned as his head fell forward slightly.
"Both and neither." Thorn continued to explain. "There's a lot of other explainations as well, but no one really knows the exact causes." He scratched behind his ears again. "That's why there's so much fierce debate on the issue nowadays."
Dagan let his head rest on the desk before him. "So, I'm basically stuck the way I am?"
The wolf leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to figure out a way to help out his student when there was no clear-cut answer. "Dagan, let me ask you something. What do you think about Furres that are gay?"
The husky's head tilted a little in confusion. "I told you already."
"No, you told me what your parents and your religious teacher thought." The wolf reminded the younger canine. "I want to know what you think."
"Well...I..." Dagan brows furrowed as he frowned and thought about the topic for the first time. "I know there are a few guys on the football team who are supposed to be gay, they seem like ok guys." He shook his head. "But, that's not for me."
"You think those other guys are going to burn in hell?" The wolf continued along the lines of conversation from before.
"No, I mean...the teachings say they will but...they're nice guys." Dagan's voice trailed off. "It's not like they really hurt anyone." His head jerked up. "What are you getting at?"
"You're a smart pup Dagan." Thorn smiled, practically able to see the wheels turning in Dagan's mind. "One of the more objective students I've seen in my science classes. I just want you to look at this situation with the same eyes that you look at the lab projects with."
"Following the facts using both logic and intuition? How is that going to help me?" The pup complained. "I need to figure out how to stop these feelings so my parents don't throw me out of the house."
Thorn nodded. "Yes, I can only imagine the stress of that kind of situation must be on you." Sitting forward again the wolf rested his arms on his desk. "There are some programs through the school that might be able to help with that particular facet of life, but let's come back to that later." His eyes glanced to the back of the room at the windows. "I wish I could give you some quick answer, but the truth is everyone has to find their own comfort zone with this aspect of life. That's the bad news." He sighed. "The good news is that there's more acceptance now then in the past to give you the time and space you need to figure it out."
"Figure it out?!" Dagan growled. "That's it? I want to be normal! There shouldn't be anything to figure out!" He stood quickly, nearly toppling the joined desk and chair in his haste. "Figures! You're just like every other teacher! Talk some meaningless talk but you could really care less!" He glared at the teacher, but found himself unable to storm out as his eyes met his teacher's.
"I could care less?" Thorn asked quietly as he kept his vision squarely locked on his pupil's. He hadn't wanted it to come to this, but he was not about to be beat in a dominance contest with a pup half his age. "Caring less would have allowed me to walk away when I saw you in the hall. Caring less would have let me say ‘I don't know anything about this, go talk to the school counselor'. Caring less would let me allow you to walk out of this room right now and washing my paws of it all." He let a moment of silence hang between them for a brief second. "Have I done any of those things Dagan?"
The husky's ears flattened and his fur bristled. At his sides his paws clenched into fists and relaxed, only to clench again a moment later. Finally, he turned his face away, breaking the stare, and released a growl of annoyance. "No..." A moment later his anger began to abate. "Sorry."
"It ok." Thorn stood up and circled around the desk. "There's a lot of things for you to consider right now, its only natural you'd get frustrated from time to time." He leaned down, craning his head to look at the boy who was still turned away. "It's your life, you have to be the one to make the choices about it. As long as you're comfortable with it and you're not hurting anyone else, that's really all that matters in the long run." The wolf gave a small smile of reassurance. "No harm in asking for advice from time to time though, so you come find me if you need someone to talk to. Deal?"
Dagan nodded. "Yeah, deal." Turning away from the larger male Dagan began to walk towards the door where he paused just before exiting. "Hey? Mr. B?"
"Yes Dagan?"
"I'm still normal, right?"
"Yeah, you're normal Dagan."
The husky looked back over his shoulder, smiling for the first time even if it was a small smile. "Thanks Mr. B."
The wolf simply nodded as he watched the teen run from the room, listening to the fading sounds of heavily falling footpaws in the hall until the familiar catch of the exit at the end of the corridor. Moving to the rear of the room he looked out the window, watching as a lone husky ran out of the school and off into town. "Hope it works out for you pup. Whatever you decide to do."
Turning around again he grabbed his belongings and headed for the exit as well. "Normal...Wonder what counts for normal these days?" He mused quietly with a smile. "Didn't think anyone was normal anymore, nor wanted to be. Who knew? The heavy door clicked shut, cutting the conversation from going any further, letting it vanish into the nothingness from which it had originated.