Ander - Part 5: Subchapter 68
68
There was no light save for the pale glow of the moon. No flicker of orange flames shining through the gaps in the trees, no beacon to guide him. He was sure they would have made a fire by now, but there was nothing, only emptiness. All the colour had drained away from the world, leaving only white and black.
White and black together makes grey. Snow in the dark was grey like ash. Bitter cold. Would something real and something not real together make grey ash like this, too? Ash was dead wood. Burnt. Used up. The wind catches it and tosses it into the sky. Finally, it drifts down like snow.
Snow...
Banno didn't know where he was anymore. He knew the mountain was to the west, but he couldn't see the mountain anymore. He had followed the river for a while, but that was gone, too. Where did it go? He couldn't remember. Did he simply leave, or did it disappear? It wouldn't surprise him. Everything in this world disappears eventually. Maybe even the earth itself wasn't really there unless he was looking at it. Maybe all that existed was only there inside his cone of vision, constantly shifting around as he moved his head from side to side, limping through the snow and the gathering darkness. Maybe everything behind him was just gone.
Until he looked at it.
Banno turned around.
Vallah was sitting in the snow, clutching a swollen, bleeding ankle. There were tears in her eyes and snow in her hair. "Sai..." she said, looking up at him with those gorgeous, brown eyes. "Please help me..."
"Vallah? What are you doing out here? This is no place for a little girl like you."
"I'm lost. I just want to go home, but I can't find the way..." She wiped her arm across her eyes, trying her very best to keep the tears at bay. She was always such a brave girl. So brave. "I've been alone for so long... I can't take it anymore. Please, Sai! Please, please save me!"
Banno reached out for her. It felt like he had gone through all of this before, as if time had folded back upon itself. But there was something different, too. Something terribly wrong. Why did he feel so uneasy? Was this not supposed to be one of the happiest moments of his life?
He slid his arms underneath her slender, delicate little body and picked her up, holding her against his chest like a baby. "It's okay, Vallah," he whispered in her ear. "I've got you now. Everything is going to be all right. Let's get you back home."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered back, "No."
Banno stopped dead. "Vallah?"
"I'm lost. Please find me!"
"What are you talking about? You're not lost anymore. You're right here. I've got you."
"It's cold and dark and I'm afraid. Please come find me!"
"I already did!"
"I'm so alone... Please save me!"
"You're not alone! You're a part of me! That means you'll never, ever be alone again, Vallah! I'll -" She pulled back and looked at him with eyes as blue as the sky, because the girl in his arms wasn't Vallah. It was Valery.
"Please Banno..." Unlike Vallah, she didn't try to hold back her tears. They spilled from her eyes like drops of melted silver. "Please find me!"
"Where are you!? Just tell me!"
"I don't know. It's cold and dark and I'm afraid. I'm so sorry..." She covered her beautiful blue eyes and cried into her little black palms. He could feel her shaking in his arms with every sob.
"No, Valery. I'm the one who's sorry. But don't worry. I promise I'll find you."
"H-How?"
He hugged her close, feeling her warmth against his body. "Do you remember what you told me the last time I held you?"
"I said that, you and I... we are the same."
"Yes, that is exactly right. We are the same. We are real. Right now you are lost and afraid, just like Vallah was, and just like Vallah, I will find you and make you whole. I will make you a part of me, and we'll be happy together, all three of us, forever. I will put my mouth against your neck, just like before, and I will bite down, ever so gently. I will feel your blood flow over my tongue and I will listen to your heart beat slower and slower, until we are one."
She hugged him fiercely, pressing her body against his so tightly it was as if she hoped she could merge with him right then and there. "I love you, Banno," she whispered. Her breath so warm against his cheek.
"I love you, Valery..." His tongue snaked out from between his lips and dragged its way across her neck, making her shiver with delight. "I love your taste... I love..."
She was gone. He was standing in the deep, dark woods, all alone, surrounded by snow on all sides.
Please... Find me...
Banno turned in a slow circle, his eye shifting over every tree and shadow. He would find her, because they were the same. He would find her, because they belonged together. He would find her, because, by tasting her death, he would grant her eternal life.
And he would start with that old log among the trees, half-buried in the snow.
Banno's lips peeled into a hideously asymmetrical smile, splitting the cut in his cheek wide open. Blood slowly leaked all over his teeth and down his neck.
"I'm coming, little Valery..." he whispered. "I'm coming to taste you..."
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