I Need a Sign!
#2 of Don't Leave Me - Seasons One & Two
This is a Mini Episode and a semi-prologue to Episode Two. It is not required to understand the story but it is one of my more "poetic" pieces.
Rubbing my eyes I carefully slipped out of bed trying not to disturb my partner still sleeping softly next to me gently snoring.
Looking out the window I could see trillions of glimmering stars all staring back at me. It seemed like there were more thoughts in my head than there were stars. How did I get here, to this point? Could it really be true? Did I really just do that? Am I in love?
Always saving the most important for last. Don't I ever.
I looked back up into the deep abyss of the night asking for some sign to tell me anything. That I wasn't completely mad for falling into this so quickly. That it was really, real. Was I in love?
LOVE! Me... could it be?
Right now I'd settle for anything, even the answer for whether or not my sister was cheating on her boyfriend. Anything! I'm waiting!
Waiting... huh...
Why does the universe love to be so God damn cryptic!
Okay I'm in love... I'm in love!
But with whom? I barely know anything about him. His last name? Favorite color? What kind of music does he like? Was he still a virgin?
There I go again! Putting the most important for... for last... again. Was he a virgin...?
I know I was and still am... in some departments at least. Well... maybe I was or is it still am?
Could one night, one time really change something that important? Have I lost the thing I was saving for the right person? Does that make him...
HIM!
But him? He seemed like he knew what he was doing a little bit too well. Could it just have been instincts? Am I reading too much into this?
CRAP!
I'm thinking myself in circles... I'll be a paranoid wreck by morning at this rate.
DAMN YOU!
Why!? Why? Why...? Why can't you tell me what I want to know! I doubt the universe really cares if I ask nicely or not. Does it? Is that what I'm missing? Was I missing... was I just missing him? Is he the keystone of my life? Is he the answer? Is he the answer to all my answers... questions! Uhh! I can't even think straight anymore!
STRAIGHT!
Or gay... Is this really the bi-polar world we live in? Straight... or gay... do we really decide for ourselves or is there some bit of DNA, some God above, or... or some cosmic force that decides for us? I'm still waiting for that sign!
SIGN! Don't you think I forgot!
Did I really just say that? Can I still get back in that bed tonight? Can I still love when I'm afraid?
Ugh... no time to be quoting song lyrics I have more important things to think about. Will he think any different of me if I didn't get back in that bed?
Of course he would, I'm not that far gone yet. Remember....
Remember our promise...
Okay. Here's the deal my friend...
NO!
Not friend.
Okay here's the deal MY future mate. I'm going to keep our little promise from earlier and all I ask of you in return is that you never leave my side. Okay. Here I go.
Promises. Questions. And...
And an awful taste still lingering in my mouth.