Ander - Part 5: Subchapter 62
62
The rocks were slippery beneath his bare feet, constantly shifting over each other as if consciously trying to trip him up. They pushed painfully against his soles with every step, but he had no idea how long the feeling in his feet would last with the freezing river pushing past his shins like this, rippling out before him in twin V's. The water was so cold it was like trying to walk through a stream of knives, but there was something far more painful weighing him down.
Valery's tears, silently running down her cheeks to drip onto his shoulder, burning like fire in the cold.
He couldn't keep going like this. With snow blowing in his face and chunks of ice being swept into his calves even his tiny little sister was simply too heavy. He could feel her start to slide down his back, and his arms simply didn't have the strength to keep her up. She was still in her night clothes, her _bare feet_dangling by his hips. If he dropped her...
You'll take good care of them, won't you?
Luke gritted his teeth, hiked her further up onto his back and soldiered on, fighting through the pain. It felt like the water had seeped all the way through to his bones, but he kept going. There was snow and tiny pieces of ice crystals accumulating in his fur, but he kept going. He had to keep going, no matter what, because Dad had entrusted their wellbeing to him, and he would not let him down. He would not let Dad's sacrifice be for nothing.
Don't think about that. Don't think about the way he looked at you. Don't think about the way the fire had shone in his eyes. Don't' think about the way he had smiled before -
"Luke," Tim finally caught up, splashing beside him in an awkward, shivering gait. There was steam coming from the cut in his forehead. "We can't stay in here any longer."
"We can't get out yet. That thing is after us."
"We're gonna die if we -"
"It was your idea to jump in the water in the first place!" Luke shouted. His throat stabbed him from the inside with every syllable, but he couldn't stop himself. "If you can't tough it out then maybe you should just run back and get killed!"
"Luke...?" Valery whimpered against his ear and a fresh batch of searing hot tears poured onto his shoulder. She was holding onto him so tightly it was difficult to breathe, her thin, shivering arms crossed over his chest.
Is this my idea of taking 'good care' of them? Oh gods, oh please, please help me... I've never asked for anything, but just this once, even if only a little, please help us get through this...
"We'll go just a little bit further," he said. "Just past that bend up ahead and then we'll get out, okay? Just a little bit more."
Tim nodded, and in a small voice he said: "Okay, Luke." There were two small white spots in the corners of his eyes, shining in the dark, and it was with horror that Luke realized his little twin's tears had frozen solid onto his face.
Please, please...
The water surged around them, singing its bubbly song, filled with thousands upon thousands of swirling blades of silver - the broken reflection of the moon looking down on these three desperate children, running for their very lives.
They made it round the bend and clambered up the embankment. Luke had tried to keep their clothes as dry as possible, but every little drop of water that had splashed up now burned against his body like needles. Snow clung to the damp spots in a fine white powder as if to highlight every single failure, no matter how miniscule.
"Are you okay, Vee?" Luke asked. "Are you dry?" She squeezed him tightly, pushing her face against his neck, but she wouldn't answer. "Vee?"
"She's dry." Tim said, coming up from behind. "But what about you? Maybe I should carry her for a while?"
"I'm fine, I got her."
"But you'll tire yourself out. Just let me -"
"I said I got her!"
I just did it again. I'm so sorry, I did it again...
Tim didn't seem hurt by it, though. It was as if his tears had frozen in more ways than one. "Then let's keep moving."
"Where?" Luke turned around in a full circle, but every angle only afforded different views of doom. Open fields of white where they would stand out for miles on one side, and constricted patches of woods where anything could be hiding on the other.
"We have to go back to the house."
Luke was so shocked by the thought he almost dropped Vee. "Are you insane!?" Even with the burning sting in his throat and the occasional taste of iron on his tongue he was struggling to keep his voice down.
"Vee doesn't have the right clothes for this! She's not even wearing socks, Luke! How long do you think she can last out here like that? And what about us? I can't even feel my legs. We're in bad shape, and you know it! We have to get back home and into some dry clothes. We have to -"
"No!"
"But, Luke!"
"I said no! That thing might be waiting for us! Do you really want to take that chance?"
Do you really want to see our dead father lying on the floor with a fireplace poker sticking out of his chest?
"Then what do we do? Please tell me! I'll go along with anything you say, just tell me!"
Luke didn't have an answer for that, but Vee did. In a hoarse, tear-choked voice that didn't sound at all like her own, she whispered something in his ear, something that threatened to rip his already broken heart apart.
"I want to go home..."
You'll take good care of them...
"Please... I just want to go home!"
Won't you?
"Argh!" Feeling like a total jerk, Luke dropped her to the snow. He turned around and saw her staring up at him with those big, blue eyes of hers, hurt and betrayed, drowning in tears. "Listen, Vee," he said, taking her by the shoulders. "We can't go home."
"B- But -"
"We can _never_go home!" He shook her, their faces mere inches apart. "You hear me, Vee!? We can never, ever go home!"
"Stop it, Luke!" Tim said. "You're scaring her!"
Valery's face underwent a complete metamorphosis. She shut her eyes tight, the corners of her mouth turned down, and a series of explosive sobs burst out of her, so strong Luke could actually feel them convulse her tiny body with their sheer force. "Daddy!" she wailed. "I want Daddeeee!"
Oh gods... Please forgive me.
Luke grabbed her by the muzzle and clamped her mouth shut, forcing her to breathe through her snotty nose.
"Luke, what are you doing!?" Tim made to grab him by the shoulder, but something stopped him. He probably knew, deep down, that this was something that must be done, and that Luke was the only one strong enough to do it.
"Listen to me, Valery," he said, looking deep into her eyes. He could feel her muffled sobs travel through his arm in violent pulses, but he would not let them get out. "I know you need to cry. You need to. I know because I need to do it, too. Part of me just wants to sit right here and do nothing but cry, but I can't. I have to stay strong so I can protect you, and you have to stay strong so we can keep going. Do you understand? I know it's hard, and I know it's unfair..." His voice broke on the last part. "But we can't cry." He could feel the tears leak down his face: lines of burning fire turned freezing cold in a matter of seconds. "We can't cry," he said it again, maybe more to himself than his little sister. "Once we find someplace safe, you can cry as much as you need, but until then, I need you to be strong, okay? Please, Val."
She slowly nodded her head. There were still tears in her eyes, but her body had stopped shaking. Luke removed his hand and, after a few hitching breaths, she managed to regain control.
"Thank you, Vee." He rooted around in his pockets and pulled out his socks. Thankfully, they were still dry. "Put these on. They're not much, but at least it's something."
Valery only stared down at them. "But you need those."
"I still have my shoes, so it's all right. Take them." He stuffed them into her shaking hands, but when she still wouldn't move, he realized he'd have to do something a bit more drastic. "I'm not going to put on my shoes until you put on those socks, Vee. If I lose my toes, it'll be your fault."
Valery's breath caught in her throat and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, the four red puncture marks in her neck standing out against her golden fur like they themselves must be standing out against the pure white snow. Finally, she slipped his socks over her feet. Only then did he allow himself to put on his shoes. It felt weird, shoes without socks, and there was an unpleasant layer of dampness inside he was sure would only get worse over time, but just as long as he could walk, he'd bear it.
Tim kneeled down beside them and pulled off his gloves. "Here, Vee," he said, his voice shaking almost as much as his fingers. "You c-can have these."
"I... no, I'm..." She covered his eyes. "I'm such a burden! You're both going to freeze because of me!"
"You really think so little of your brothers, Vee?" Tim took her by the hand and slipped a glove over her slender fingers.
"I- I'll only take one. You can keep the other."
"No, you're going to t-take both," he said and pulled the other glove over her hand. "Th-There. Isn't that better?"
"Tim..." She folded her hands against her chest and then, quick as hummingbird, she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."
"It's nothing, Vee. Just try to stay warm, okay?"
"Okay." She turned to Luke. "You too, Luke, Thank you for- Wait, what are you doing? N-No, Luke! That's too much!"
Luke finally managed to undo the last button of his jacket and let it slid off his shoulders. "I'm the biggest, you're the smallest, it doesn't make sense for me to wear this thing."
"No! You need that!"
"Not as much as you do."
"But I can't!"
Ignoring her protests completely, Luke draped it over her shoulders. "Put it on."
"But, Luke!"
"Just do it!"
She looked at him, and Luke was sure she was going to argue further, but instead, she kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Vee. Let's just get the hell out of here, okay?"
She finally relented and pushed her arms through sleeves much too long for her, so that they were all bunched up.
Luke turned his back and crouched down. "Get on."
She sniffed and clambered onto his back, her hands and feet like chunks of ice, despite the new clothes. But she did not cry, there was that to be thankful for.
Luke looked straight up at the night sky, his back and shoulders aching, his neck burning like fire where Banno had tried to squeeze the life out of him. Some parts were clear, but mostly it was cloudy, making it look like the stars had disappeared without them even noticing, dying one by one above their heads.
Maybe the moon had swallowed them up.
"We have to get to Grovenglen," he said. "It's the only place we'll be safe."
"No," Tim said.
"We have to."
"What we have to do is stay alive. Grovenglen is four days away by foot. How do you intend we get there if we all die in the next hour? Right now our priority isn't Grovenglen, it's surviving the night, and that means staying warm. By the gods, Luke, look at Vee! Just look at her!"
Luke didn't need to turn his head to know what he would see. Despite their best efforts, he could feel her shivering against his back and he could hear her short, strangled breaths blowing past his ear. There were spots of snow clinging to her fur, slowly turning it white, piece by piece.
He knew Tim was right, but the idea of staying still in one spot for even a minute made his flesh crawl. Banno was out there somewhere, looking for them, and he would not stop until all of them were dead.
Just like Dad.
Luke would not allow himself to cry, not after the talking-to he just gave Vee. It would make him a hypocrite. So he took all those tears and he pushed them away, deep down inside himself, where they couldn't get out. But in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder...
What were they going to do?
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