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For how long I've been crying, I don't know. The sky was already painted with shades of purple, orange, and grey by the time I noticed. I expect that this was all a bad dream, that I was going to wake up soon. But no, his framed image of him was still in front of me, and the smell of incense still lingered through my nostrils. There was nothing I can do to go back in time. The world doesn't revolve around me, after all.

As I turned away from his gravestone, I tried to wonder what was his final moments were like. Was he regretting all of this? Did he have another choice? Was he also wishing the same thing as mine? I don't know. But I can tell that he was so sure of it. He didn't want to make more mistakes, and yet the biggest mistake he ever did was taking his own life.

I somehow wished that I can be with him again.To be able to greet him every mornings with a beaming smile. To be able to express how I felt towards him before I could make my own mistake. To live with him under the same roof. To see him again, that is my wish. But I guess it was now too far-fetched.

I walked away from the site, unsure of where I was going. I may not be a man that openly show his emotions to anyone, but damnit, I couldn't conceal it much longer. Tears were running again across my cheeks, gritting my own teeth, and fist clenched. My hand cupped my mouth as I knelt in the middle of nowhere. "I-I feel like there is more that I can tell you. So much that is flooding my mind. I wanted to get things out of my chest. And yet, you were the one who was building walls, high enough so no one can reach you. Did you ever wanted for someone to break those walls for you? To have someone by your side?"

The more I spoke, the more tears I have shed. The nagging pain in my chest couldn't be any worse than seeing his own body lying in a casket, being lowered deeper into the ground.

"Did you need someone to share your pain with? Or hell, did you ever think about me?! Why didn't you tell me you were hurt so I can make it better for you? Why didn't you tell me from the start? Why do I only get the chance to ask these questions after the fact that you are gone? You are making it worse for me. You are hurting me as much as you're hurting yourself! But I hope you're happy. Happy that you've accomplished doing this to me and to everyone else. Happy that you won't be experiencing any of this grief. And I hate myself more that you'd even know.

I hope that you're watching from wherever you are. I hope you can see what you missed out on." At this moment, I was certain that I let the things out of my mind and chest. Using the sleeves of my jacket, I proceed to wipe the tears on my face. And there, I stood from my position and continued walking home. I looked up to the sky and see the rising moon being placed up in the sky painted in hush twilight, and there I spoke for one last time.

"Sorry. I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope you heard me, Torahiko."