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Pitch Black is the second arc of The Underground series

Chapter 20 of 22

Worth Fighting For

I've seen the worst this world has to offer. I've been down the roads of hate and contempt and have almost lost myself when it tried to swallow me. But no matter how bleak everything around me became you were there to illuminate my path in my world of perpetual darkness. You were there for me when all other lights failed.

The blue brace held tight against his black paw. It was uncomfortable and itchy, but it kept him from moving his paw around. Alias was pretty sure his paw wasn't broken, but it hurt like hell. Without thinking, Alias had grabbed the door handle to the SUV, which caused a white-hot pain to explode through his whole arm. After that he dug out the medkit from his bag and taped his paw from the wrist up.

Looking over at Mick, they both shared different cuts and bruises, battle scars from their assault on Waverly Hill. This time at least, it wasn't a complete failure. He had more leads now. With his injured paw, Alias let Mick drive back to Arcadia while he studied what they had found. Points on a map with names all with "ARES" written out next to them. He wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but Alias was sure there were answers out there somewhere. He was closer now than he had ever been before. But Alias was far too tired to be concerned with that now. Right now, he needed a shower, a strong ibuprofen, and an even stronger drink.

Especially since Alias was fairly certain he was coming home to an empty apartment.

"So what's the game plan from here, chief?" Mick asked, as he pulled into a spot along the curb of the street.

Alias folded up what was basically gibberish to him, and stuffed it back into the manila envelope. "No fucking idea." He replied, in a low, dark tone.

"You going to talk to Jenna?" Mick asked, shutting the car off.

Alias shook his head. "Honestly Mick, I don't know if she's even up there. It's..." Alias paused for a second, leaning his head against the window in exhaustion, "it's a complicated situation."

"No it isn't." Mick replied.

Alias raised an eyebrow, looking over at the mink.

"Alias look, I know you don't want people in your business. I get that." Mick explained. "So, don't think I'm trying to pry in here. If all this means that little to you, where you can just let everything fall apart, then what the hell have we been fighting for?" Mick paused for a second, considering his words. "The Lazarus Institute, Waverly Hill, what's any of it meant?" Mick shook his head. "What have you been fighting to save if you've burnt every bridge behind you?"

Alias didn't know what Mick expected him to say. Especially when Alias knew Mick was right. He had been fighting so hard to protect both Mick and Jenna he had missed the forest for the trees. Alias exhaled slowly, as it all depended on if he still had a roommate or not.

"Look dude, I know you do things your own way, but Jenna's a nice girl. She doesn't understand how everything works down here, and you can't expect her to." Mick looked over at Alias. "And say what you want, but I know you don't want to lose her either."

Alias looked over at Mick, scowling angrily. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked in his dark tone.

The mink smirked. "As much as I know you love me, I know all your valiant effort in all of this wasn't because of me. Alias, I've seen you a lot of things, but I've never seen you as scared as you were when you thought that asshole shot Jenna."

Alias felt cornered. Not cornered in the sense like he was threatened and he was about to go berserk, but rather Alias felt like he had no place else to go and he was tired of running.

"You know, it's okay to care about people, Alias." Mick said quietly, looking out the driver's side window. "No one ever said you had to go this alone." Mick looked over at Alias.

The black fox simply sat there, almost blending in with the ambient darkness that engulfed the SUV's interior. Alias took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I could use a drink right now." Alias stated quietly. "What about you?"

Mick smiled slightly. "Thanks, but I think I'll head over to Delirium. It's not too far."

Alias raised an eyebrow. "A little late for a victory celebration, isn't it?"

"Good atmosphere." Mick corrected, nodding.

Alias looked down at his watch, confirming the fact that it made little sense for Mick to be heading to Delirium. It was about a quarter till four, the hour of last call. Alias let out a little laugh. "Yeah, ok." He replied sarcastically. "You can pick up your gear later if you want."

"Thanks." Mick replied. "Not having to drag it around town tonight will make life easier."

Alias extended his uninjured paw. "Thanks for coming along tonight, Mick."

The mink shook Alias's uninjured paw and nodded. "You kidding me? I can't tell you how great it felt giving those bastards a swift kick to the ‘nads."

The pair exited the SUV, Alias grabbing the gear they used and slung it over his shoulder with his good paw and Mick straightening his jacket, making his way down the blocks to Delirium. Locking the SUV, Alias turned to his building, looking up at the many darkened rooms.

Now for the moment of truth.

The only sounds that could be heard in the apartment was the sound of Alias's boots making their way across the wooden floor. Where there was usually the sound of activity coming from the far bedroom that belonged to Jenna, everything was now saturated in a blanket of silence, which had almost become painful to Alias. He remembered when they had first started playing roommates quite a few months ago, and how he didn't quite know how to handle Jenna and her blatant disregard to the decibel level coming from her room. However, like everything else, Alias had soon adapted to this, and the noise from her music or television had soon become about as annoying as a constant light rain outside. In fact he almost took comfort in it when he would arrive home, knowing there was another soul around.

But now everything was silent.

Alias knew why. He wasn't an idiot. She had witnessed things that Alias had never wanted her to see, but knew it was a matter of time before she had. She had seen such an ugly side of him lately that he wondered if she could ever see him as anything else. Alias had tried numerous times to explain to her what she would experience if she followed him into his world of darkness. There were sides of him that he knew he could never have warned her about, because she wouldn't understand. The only way she could possibly know was to have seen it emerge, which she had. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had been having flashbacks to her own interrogation at the paws of Xen Hets; something that had not been easy for her to recover from. Then having said those horrible things to her only added insult to serious injury. Alias had been in the wrong, and he knew it.

The black fox felt the need to say something, but he wasn't sure what. He wanted her to understand. Understand that he hadn't done those things for his own personal vendetta. He hadn't done that to innocent people. He wanted her to know that if there was another way, some other option, he would have gladly chosen that route. But if it were between their safety and some scum banker, he would gladly choose them. More importantly, he wanted her to know what he said to her that day, all of it, wasn't true. However, as he set his bags down in the dark, silent apartment, Alias could only guess that he was too late. If Jenna was gone, he knew it was all on him and that he couldn't blame her in the least.

Knowing he couldn't avoid finding out forever, his feet slowly found their way to her bedroom door. Alias felt his hopes rise as a beam of yellow light escaped through the crack in the slightly opened door, reaching out into the heart of the apartment. The old white door's paint was cracked, the lines branching out like tree limbs. It was closed most of the way, however, not latched. There was a thin sliver where Alias could see in her room. Alias let out a deep sigh as he welcomed the sight of the familiar blue vulpine figure lying on her bed; indigo hair falling down to her neck. Now it was time for the hard part. If she hadn't closed the door, then it meant that she wasn't completely shutting out the world.

The very tips of his paw slowly pushed the door open, which let off an obnoxiously loud creek; amplified by the lack of ambient sound. Looking into her room, he saw Jenna on her bed, which was against the far wall. The blue vixen was curled up in the fetal position, ears lowered, facing the wall. The only illumination came from the light from the city outside which came in through her window that she was facing. Her tail, tipped with its pale white end was curled up around her. She didn't look up, or even acknowledge his presence, but rather just lay there in silence.

Alias slowly moved one foot in front of the other until he came to the side of her bed. Looking down at her, he felt his own ears lower knowing all this had taken a harsh toll on her. Alias, almost feeling slightly out of his body, did something that even surprised him. Removing his pistol from his belt, he carefully set it on her nightstand that was next to her bed. There was enough room on the bed where Alias sat and then carefully lowered himself down onto the sheets next to Jenna, facing the same wall as her.

"I know what you're thinking..." Alias finally spoke after laying in silence with her for several minutes. His voice, although containing it's own dark element, held another quality that was different. It was something that would let her know that he wasn't upset with her for the way she reacted, or that he even blamed her. Something that would convey his remorse for what she had seen.

He added comfort.

"I tried to warn you, Jenna..." He whispered softly to her. "I tried to tell you why you shouldn't come with me that last day in Palamont. I knew you would be exposed to stuff like this... interrogations, assassination attempts... all because of your connection with me..."

Alias sighed as he rolled over on his back, facing the ceiling. Not for a moment was Alias sorry for what he had done to Plaz Preston or any of the others for that matter. That dirty son of a bitch had tried to kill Mick and Jenna, and the others had played their part. Plaz had been the key person standing between Alias and his Shadow Player. Alias had gotten what he needed from Plaz. In Alias's mind the steps he took in extracting the information Plaz held was justified by the fact that he was not an innocent bystander who had gotten caught up in their world. Alias didn't feel sorry for Miles either. The remorse and regret was that he let a side of himself show that he was not particularly proud of. Worse, someone who meant a great deal to him in this hell of a world, he had treated terribly. All Alias could assume was that recent events had perverted her mind's view of him to the point where Alias wasn't sure if it would recover. Sadly, he knew he had only himself to blame.

If she couldn't trust him, what else did they have?

Alias rolled his head over, looking at the blue vixen. "It sucks, doesn't it?" Alias asked sincerely. "You can't unsee things, you can't unhear things, and the irony is it's always the things you want to forget that you can't let go." He said, moving his arm behind his head as a prop. "I still hear the screams, like a faint echo that perpetuates through my head."

Jenna still remained silent as Alias attempted to reach her. Maybe this was all it took. Maybe Jenna didn't believe Alias when he tried to warn her of what The Underground was really all about. That the world Alias described to her was far removed from the one they had spent the last six months together in. Maybe the gloss was finally smeared away enough for a glimpse of the disgusting nature of life in the Invisible War.

"I know you think that what I did was monstrous, that I'm no better than the people who did stuff like that to you and Mick." Alias exhaled slow and silently. "Maybe I'm not..."

Jenna still said nothing.

"I just want you to know, what you've seen these past few days, everything... that's not who I am. I know the stereotype: assassins so desensitized they don't feel anything anymore. It's not like I pride myself on all this. I go home feeling like I'm that much more lost in this whole thing now, and I'm more like the bastards I despise." Alias paused, letting out a long sigh. "But we got what we needed. Miles wasn't an innocent man, neither were any of the others. Plaz was going to kill you, and would have gone through with it had he had the chance. He wouldn't have hesitated... not in the least." Alias swallowed hard. "The things I said to you that day, Jenna... God only knows I didn't mean it. Sometimes we hurt those we're closest to, when all we really want to do is make sure nothing happens to them. You being here, I just wish there was something I could say to let you know how much it really does mean to me." Alias paused. "There's no excuse for how I treated you, and I'm not going to pretend there is. I was an asshole and... and I'm sorry for that."

Alias felt like he was running out of things to say. First of all, how could he expect her to understand? A Milk Carton six months into all this, there was no way Jenna could see things the way he, Mick, or even Abby saw them. His image would be forever tainted in her eyes. Alias gave it only a few days, a week at most, before he started coming home to an empty apartment. Why would she stay, especially now that he had become the enemy and basically told her to get out of his life?

Seeing that there wasn't much else that could be done, Alias slowly rolled himself toward the edge of the bed. As his feet hit the floor, he heard a soft voice behind him.

Her voice was not strong and vibrant like usual, or even loud and obnoxious like she could be. Instead it was as if she had switched voices with another. It sounded like someone who was timid and shy. It sounded like it would break if Alias wasn't careful.

"At what cost?" She asked him, still turned away, curled into a ball.

Alias ran his paw through his hair, thinking about her words.

"What would have been the cost if I hadn't, Jenna?" He asked her sincerely. "I ended the life of one guy who was out for blood to keep a secret for an employer who's a known threat-"

"At what cost to you, Alias?" Jenna cut him off, her voice gaining a little of her energy back. "Where do you draw the line before you cross over and become one of them?"

Alias lowered his head. "God only knows how long I've been doing this for. Sometimes there's a tough call to make where either way you go you can't win. I'd rather that someone be me rather than you. Guys like Plaz work day and night to take away what little decency we have left in our lives, and I wasn't about to let them take the only redeeming quality I have left. Besides, who's to say I haven't already become what you hate, Jenna?" He asked her, looking at the floor

The weight on the bed shifted, as he felt Jenna move around.

"Alias, do you honestly think that I'm upset over some creep who was going to have both Mick and myself killed?" She asked him, now sitting upright on her bed, perpendicular to Alias.

Alias's brow furrowed at her question. Why else would she be upset if it wasn't because of what he had done to Ian Miles and Plaz Preston. "Isn't that what this is all about?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jenna shaking her head slowly, eyes closing. "I've killed people, Alias. Don't you remember?" She asked him, voice still held that fragile tone, but lacked the quality that would make her sound regretful of her actions. Alias did indeed remember seeing her take control of her life that night in Lazarus Plaza. "I know what it's like to take a life. And if I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing." She continued, letting out a slight sigh. "What killed me that day was when I saw you becoming the people we fight against, sinking the their level, using the tactics that they do. Plaz Preston?" She scoffed, coldly. "He had that one coming to him, and it was his pride or greed, or both that got him killed."

Alias continued to look down at the floor. This was a new experience for him. He had never been held accountable for his actions before. He had never been questioned on his tactics before now. On one hand, he felt that he should simply dismiss Jenna. That she had encroached on his turf, so who was she to tell him what he did was wrong?

"Jenna..." Alias replied quietly. "I can't sit here and lie to you. I can't tell you that I regret my actions, because the truth is I don't."

"I'm not asking you to, Alias." Jenna answered. "Say what you want, but I know you. You don't just live with someone for nearly a year and not learn anything about them." Alias listened intently. He hadn't ever heard anyone say they "knew" him before. "I've seen a lot of sides to you, but the thing is you're not the pitch black figure that everyone makes you out to be." She turned her head; Alias feeling her piercing blue eyes cutting through him. "The dark figure you decided you could only be."

Alias turned slightly, looking back at her.

"You aren't because I can tell you truly want to change, Alias. I wouldn't be here if that wasn't true..."

Alias nodded, remembering what she was referring to.

"It just kills me when I see you fall back like that." Jenna paused for a second, biting her lower lip in thought. "I know about what happened to Nikki..."

Alias felt his insides squirm as she said this. Thinking about how he found her that day after those assholes had gotten through with her. There had been so much blood everywhere. When he had seen Jenna, covered in what he thought was her own blood, his mind rebelled against him and suddenly he saw his past repeating itself. Even though she had been alright, Alias could only think about what would have happened had that not been simply a spilled cocktail. God, there had been blood everywhere...

"I see you've met Ethel."

Jenna nodded. "I've never pushed you for details about your life, Alias." Jenna sighed. "One of the first things I learned here was that you accept things for what they are, and I accepted you for who you are. But when Ethel told me about Nikki, it's like I saw a whole new side of you that had been shrouded in mystery." Jenna paused for a second, Alias heard her sniff. "I had no idea you had been worried the same things might happen to me.

"You took me in as an act of generosity. I'm on a courtesy pass down here. After everything you've done for me, I know I have no right to say anything about what you do. If you want me gone, just say the words and I'm gone. I don't want to be excess baggage you carry around out of a misguided debt of obligation for something you've made up for a long time ago."

Alias shook his head at how wrong she was. Her presence here had nothing to do with that at all. He felt his throat tighten as he realized the full extent of how much he had belittled Jenna that day. Alias had never felt much in regards to shame before, or none that he could remember that is. This was truly a novel experience.

"Do you really think that's how I feel about you? Do you really think that I'm keeping you around to pay penance for what happened to Nikki?" Alias asked her, looking at the floor in shame. "Jenna, I make a living at hurting people in the worst way. I was reaching for what I knew would cut you the deepest, and it worked." Alias paused for a moment, knowing his next few words were critical, and if they came out wrong, he could lose Jenna. "I never should have said those... awful things to you."

"We both said things we didn't mean." Jenna replied, focus dropping to her bed. "I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving thinking I was mad at you. I mean, if something had happened-"

"But nothing did." Alias confirmed in a calm reassuring voice. "You were upset." Alias replied understanding. "So was I. Thing is Jenna, I'll always feel guilty about what happened to Nikki. It's just one of those things that sticks with you. But that was nearly five years ago now; half a decade." Alias turned and looked over his shoulder at the blue vixen. "You're not her, and I don't see you as some kind of chance for me to atone for what happened. But I wasn't going to let them take you from me. I was so focused on that, I didn't realize how I was driving you away. The only thing I could think about on the way back was what it was going to be like coming back to an empty apartment." Alias couldn't believe the words spilling from his mouth. He had never been one who got emotional; there just was never room for that sort of thing. He could pull off an act well enough. But unlike when he talked to Jenny, his words were sincere. "All I could think was this was something else I had single handedly destroyed because..." he paused, "because I'm me. Sometimes I feel selfish that you stayed with me, because that means that I'm not trapped in this world alone anymore."

Looking at the ground, Alias didn't see her paws come around and gingerly take him by the muzzle. At her touch, Alias flinched, feeling a shock flash through his body. Jenna's paws retreated slightly, then made full contact with him, guiding his face to where she desired. He soon found himself looking back into her crystal clear blue eyes. He felt her thumbs move in a caressing motion across his face as she kept her eye contact.

"Alias," she whispered in a soft tone, "I chose you for a reason. And maybe it's because you've been on your own so long that you don't understand other people's emotions. But I stayed because I wanted to." He felt her paw's turn palm up as if in question next to his muzzle. "What kind of lame ass excuse did I give your for staying anyway?" She asked him, shaking her head slightly at herself. "Alias, I stayed for you, because you grew to mean so much to me in that short amount of time, and I still don't want to leave..."

Alias felt a small smile grow over his muzzle, and a warm feeling begin to grow in his core. It felt like a bowl of hot soup on a cold winter day, warming him from the inside out.

"Did I ever tell you, you're a royal pain in the ass?" Alias asked her, only his tone was affectionate.

Jenna let out a laugh, as a tear escaped her eye. "Part of my charm." She replied as she sniffed, a smile on her face as well. "I think we just know a little bit more about each other now."

Almost without thinking, Alias's paw moved from the bed to her cheek, catching her tear with the greatest of care, and brushed it away. Jenna leaned her head towards his paw brushing her velvety coat against his of black.

"I'm glad you stayed..."

Jenna locked eyes with him, a crystal blue shimmer reflecting back at Alias. Before he could react, she leaned forward, dropping her paws to his neck, and wrapping her arms around Alias, pulled their bodies into an embrace.

Alias was taken so aback, his arms were still extended in midair in confusion. Unsure of how to react, Alias sat there for a moment. He felt her grip around him tighten and her head rest on his shoulder. Cautiously, Alias moved his arms around her back, and brought her closer to him.

As the two foxes sat there, holding the other, Alias finally realized that this is what he had been fighting for. Mick was right. If he had pushed her away, then what was anything he had done worth? He couldn't always protect her from the ways of The Underground and she had much learning to do in that area. But apparently Alias had learning to do as well in his own respect. Maybe that's why they complemented each other so well. Feeling her hold on to him, Alias realized that everything would be all right.

Somehow, they would be okay.