Ander - Part 5: Subchapter 38
38
Nilia's face was as unreadable as ever. She did not so much as flinch when the snow blew against her face or stung her eyes, but she was nowhere near as calm as she appeared. On the inside, where no one could see, she was fighting a constant battle against herself, against the parts that made her weak.
It was only a hundred steps to her tent from the training grounds, but it felt like a thousand. The leather pouch in her hand was tiny, almost invisible, but it felt absolutely huge, and she clutched it tightly between her fingers, certain that every pair of eyes was looking right at it, wondering what could possibly be inside...
She walked straight. She did not look left or right. She did not deviate from her path. She acted like she always did, like she was exactly where she was supposed to be, even though she hasn't felt welcome within these walls ever since she finally passed the trials to become a warrior.
I am not suspicious. These Wolves do not see anything. They're just minding their own business, trying not to freeze on their way home. They do not see me. They do not see the pouch in my hand. They do not care. None of them care.
Her tent was so close now, she had to fight the urge the sprint for the opening. She looked straight ahead, she squared her shoulders, and she crushed that useless feeling with brute strength, forcing herself to be calm. She was al...most...there...
She slipped inside her tent, tied the entrance with good, strong knots so that it wouldn't fly open, and stepped back.
All right. She was alone now. All alone. Nobody could see her here. Everything was fine. Everything was all right. She could finally... just...
"By the Cora..." she whispered and sat down heavily on her bearskin pelt, clutching Dorin's pouch to her chest. If anyone caught her with this thing... "Calm down, calm down... Stay calm. You can do this. Plenty of time. You just need to think clearly, analyze the situation, and come up with a plan."
And it better be a good one, otherwise Hezzi and Danado will die.
Nilia put the pouch down and glanced at the entrance. She had tied each of the twelve eyelets with a double knot, so unless somebody decided to slash it open, she didn't have to worry about anyone barging in on her. All right. Now to think.
She pulled on the drawstring and shook out the key. It landed on the pelt with a soft little thud, a thin piece of metal with two sets of metallic teeth at one end, half-buried in black fur. Such a tiny thing, and yet it weighed so much more than just a bit of copper. The moment Dorin gave it to her, this little key took on the weight of her friends' lives, and that was a burden she didn't want to carry, not after what she had let happen to Ander...
She could still see it every time she closed her eyes, the way Wardo had charged them with that spear, intending to skewer them both. She could still feel Ander's grip on her shoulders, shoving her out of harm's way.
She had tried to protect him, and she had failed miserably. Hezzi still believed he was alive, but Nilia could not share in his blind faith, no matter how much she wished for it. In her heart of hearts, she believed Ander was dead, and that he had died because she wasn't strong enough to save him.
And then when Kadai, the true Chieftain of this tribe, fell ill, she wasn't able to do anything for him, either. He was the reason she was able to become a warrior in the first place, and yet all her skills, all her training, all her scars... in the end, they counted for nothing.
She wasn't strong enough to save any of them...
Nilia closed her eyes ground her teeth together, fighting against this weakness she could feel crawling around inside of her, the weakness she had trained her whole life to expel, but still lingered like some ugly, diseased bug, all legs and feelers and chomping mandibles. Maybe, if she hadn't been so weak today, Lana wouldn't have died. She was never very close to the girl, but still. She should have seen it coming. She should have been able to smell the bloodlust seeping out of her skin. Maybe, if she was stronger, if she was more aware, maybe then...
Maybe she wouldn't have had to listen to Danado scream and scream and scream...
Nilia sat in silence for a while, staring down at the key to that terrible cage, and she wondered what it would feel like to cry. She hadn't cried since she was a very small child: a weak, pitiful little child. She hadn't done anything but cry back then, and it was because of all her crying that her parents had ended up dead.
She had killed them with her tears, and that's how she had given herself the name of 'Nilia'.
She blinked her eyes, but she did not cry. She would not cry. She would never cry. Never ever again. Tears are a sign of weakness, and weakness can get the ones you love killed.
She would not let that happen again. She had had enough. She didn't want to see any more of her loved ones die. She didn't want to feel that feeling anymore, that feeling of tears building up inside without any way of getting out. And with this key, maybe, just maybe...
Maybe she'd be able to redeem herself, even if only a little.
She just had to be stronger.
She took a deep breath and picked up the little copper key, twisting it around and around, looking at the way the dim light bounced off its triangular teeth.
Something didn't feel right.
Why would Dorin simply give her this key? He was acting very strangely today. Was it because he felt guilty about killing Lana? Did he think he could erase his sin by saving her brother?
Think, Nilia, think. Best and worst case scenario. Go.
She was fairly confident she could take Hyker and Ivio. Hyker was just a wretch who liked to beat up innocent little girls and Ivio was an unfocussed mess of energy, almost like a swarm of bees. They might prove troublesome if they're armed, especially if they're smart enough to work together, but she had no choice but to defeat them, otherwise they would sound the alarm the moment they saw the cage empty. But, if she succeeded, she could free Hezzi and Danado, grab the others, and slip outside the walls. If they were lucky, they might get an hour's headstart. But would that be enough?
Nilia compulsively chewed on her bottom lip and thought about the scene she had just played in her head, but no matter how optimistically she looked at it, even the best case scenario was full of holes. What if she messed up and Hyker or Ivio managed to wound her, or even kill her? Even if she did manage to get her friends outside the walls, how were they supposed to move with any kind of speed with Hezzi and Danado practically dead on their feet? Hezzi might be able to power through it, but Danado could barely stand. If worse came to worst, they might be forced to leave him behind...
Nilia shook her head, furious that she would even consider such a possibility. Ander would never leave anyone behind, even if it cost him his own life, and neither would she. The very notion was an insult to his memory, a spit in the face of everything he had fought and most probably died for.
But still...
Hezzi knew the way to the home of the Foxes, but so did Wardo. There was a very real possibility that none of them would ever see the other side of the Cora, and even if they did, why would the Foxes offer them any kind of sanctuary?
Nilia thought and thought, but she couldn't see any practical reason for them to do so. Taking in a group of fugitives would only bring disaster upon their heads, and no one, no matter how foolish or trusting or good natured, would risk their homes, their families, their very lives, just for a bunch of strangers. And, to be perfectly honest, she didn't want to go over there only to discover that -
Nilia shut her eyes tight and gritted her teeth, but she was too late to stop the thought.
She didn't want to fight her way to the other side of the mountain, only to discover that Ander never showed up...
Nilia breathed in... and out. In... and out. She ran her fingers over the key. It had started out cold from the icy weather outside, but her palm had warmed it up considerably, and now it almost felt like a dying coal in her hand. She breathed in... and out... until she felt calm. Her emotions had almost flared up again, but she crushed them with brute force, just like always.
She was overthinking things. What point was there in thinking about everything that could go wrong if she took action, when_not_ taking action would result in death anyway?
If she did nothing, Hezzi and Danado would die. It's as simple as that. She would go out tonight, she would take Wardo's pair of puppets by surprise, she would free Hezzi and Danado, they would grab Renna and Sorrin and Mellah, and together they would escape this festering hell hole. That's the plan, so that's what she would focus on. No failure, no death, no tears.
No. Tears.
Feeling a little bit better now that she had committed herself to a course of action, Nilia took the key and made to drop it back into its leather pouch, but her hand froze just above the opening.
There was a thin, black line drawn on the inside, almost invisible among the shadowy folds.
"What the...?" She took the drawstring and pulled it all the way out, making it whisper through the loops. The pouch flayed open, blooming like a flower, unveiling something that made her gasp out loud.
It was a crude map of the village, obviously drawn in great haste. A big circle denoted the walls, and in the centre there was a picture of a cage. Towering over this cage was an oversized Wolf that could only be the Cora statue. Next to the statue were two spears, representative of Hyker and Ivio. That much she already knew, but there was more to this tiny little map. Much, much more.
At the Northern end was a small gap in the wall (probably the gate), bordered on each side by long rectangles to signify the watchtowers. Above them were two sets of bows and arrows, with lines of sight leading towards a dark shape in front of the cage. It was a dead Wolf with two arrows sticking out of its back, lying in a black smudge she could only assume to be blood. It was holding a tiny key in one crudely drawn hand.
Nilia realized she was looking at a sketch of her own dead body.
"By the Cora..." she whispered, her eyes slowly moving on to the last symbol on the map, drawn much thicker than all the others, carrying so much force it had actually scratched the leather beneath.
It was a picture of a snare inside a box.
The old Wolven symbol for 'TRAP'.
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