Ander - Part 5: Subchapter 35
35
The world was black. Even the small, blurry spot of vision the Cora had seen fit to leave her was smaller than ever before, showing nothing but empty whiteness. Sometimes it would flicker, and then it would be white again. She supposed it must be the snowflakes falling past her nose, but Shekka had more important things to worry about.
Such as her idiotic son.
She struggled through the snow, navigating mostly on memory, until she finally found the black bars again. There was a heavy pelt cradled in her arms, soft and warm, and she hoped this would be enough to get her drisa to stop treating her so coldly.
"Hezzi, I've got good news for you. Here, take this." She shoved the pelt through the bars and heard it drop to the floor. "That should keep you warm for the night."
"Did you bring one for Danado, too?"
The stupidity of that question threw her for a loop. "Wh- Why on earth would I bring one for him!?"
She heard her son sigh, and then the sound of him picking up the pelt. "Do you want this, Dan?"
No answer from the hunter.
Shekka squinted into the grey gloom beyond the bars and the darker shadows moving around inside. She heard Hezzi cross over to the opposite side, heard him offer the pelt to that crazy, clawless creature, and then -
"Get away from me!"
- a flutter as his gift was slapped away.
"I guess neither of us will be using this, then," Hezzi said and went back to his corner, the pelt reduced to splotchy black puddle in the middle of the cage, where it won't do anyone any good at all.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Shekka said. "Can't you see I'm just trying to help?"
"I know you think you're helping, Mother, and I am grateful. It's just... the things I need right now aren't pelts or medicines."
"Then what? Just tell me and I'll get it for you!"
"I want my friends to be safe. I tried to protect them myself, but... you saw what happened. Quite frankly, Mother, I don't care if I freeze to death. Wardo will try to pick them off, one by one, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it from here."
Again with those 'friends' of his. They were nothing but a bad influence on her naïve, impressionable little drisa. Shekka rattled the cage and pressed her muzzle between the bars as far as it could go. "Listen to me, Hezzi. You don't need them. They're dangerous heathens, the lot of them. All you need is your mother by your side and the Cora watching over you from above. If you have those things, you don't need to worry about anything else."
"You're saying a lump of wood is better than my friends?"
"Hezzi!" Shekka was shocked to hear such blatant blasphemy, and right in front of the sacred statue, no less! "Watch your tongue!"
"You think this ugly thing is going to lift a finger to help me, or you, or anyone else when Wardo goes on a killing spree? Or that the mountain it represents will come alive and smite the unworthy? The only reason you worship a piece of wood and stone is because you have no one else. You've pushed them all away."
Shekka stepped back from the cage. It felt like her son had taken a blade to her heart.
"Mother, wait, I didn't mean that."
"You..." she said, pointing a shaking finger in the direction of his voice. "One day you will learn to be grateful for everything I've done for you.Everything. The only reason you're still alive is because of me. I'm the one who saved you! You should be on your knees, thanking me!"
"Mother, just listen! I -"
"I convinced Wardo to let you go."
"Huh?"
"He agreed to keep you in that cage no longer than one night. First thing tomorrow morning, you will be set free. That's just one more thing you should be thanking me for, but I know you won't."
She heard him come closer and curl his fingers around the bars. "Really? Mother, that's... Thank you. Seriously, thank you."
She turned her back and started down the path that would eventually take her back to her empty tent.
"Mother?"
"One day you will understand," she said. "Everything I've done, all the pain and suffering I've inflicted and suffered through, all of it was for you, my little drisa."
"Mother, wait! Mother!"
She kept walking, counting her steps until she was so far away even her keen ears couldn't hear him anymore. The snow was still coming down, and that can sometimes do strange things to sound, but she thought it far more likely he had simply given up. Hopefully he would also give up on his pointless martyristic attitude and make use of that pelt once the sun went down. The Cora knows how cold these winter nights can g -
She walked right into something hard and solid, something that should not be there. She squinted her eyes, but all she could see through the vague flicker of snowflakes was the shifting outline of a large Wolf. "Watch where you're going, you oaf!" she scolded. "You've got a perfectly good pair of eyes on you, so try using them!"
She expected the shape to start blubbering apologies and slink away, but it just stood there, towering over her, glaring down with shadows for eyes.
Who is this?
Shekka gave a quick sniff, and the scent that rode in on the frigid breeze made her take a frightened step back. "Nilia?"
"I saw what you did, Shekka-Kai."
Those words made her heart drop down into her stomach. The darkness all around her seemed to grow thicker, more invasive, strangling the very last threads of light she so desperately needed. "I didn't do anything," she stammered.
"No one else could have done it as precisely as you did. Isn't that right?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Get out of my way!"
"You did it in just the right spot. You pushed it just deep enough to stop him from fighting, but not so deep that his life was in danger. I guess all those years of doctoring must have taught you some very valuable tricks. Shekka-Kai."
Her fear briefly gave way to righteous anger. "You know nothing of the love I have for my son," she said.
Nilia took a step closer. "You're right, Kai. I do not have any sons of my own, or little brothers, or any family at all, but I do know that Hezzi loves you very, very much, and that is why I am giving you this warning." She bent down and whispered: "If you ever do anything to harm Hezzi again, I will kill you."
Shekka stood stunned, unable to move as Nilia simply went on her way, her footsteps slowly fading away to nothing.
Finally, all that was left for her was a circle of flickering white in a sea of black, drenched in the sounds of the falling snow.
Shekka broke through the paralysis and staggered from tent to tent, squinting at the shapes and colours, trying to make sense of it all. Never in all her life had she felt as blind as this, so helpless, so completely and utterly alone. The shapes of Wolves sometimes passed her by, and she could feel them staring at her with eyes filled with light and colour; judging her, condemning her.
None of them understood.
She finally stumbled into her own tent, the familiar smells and shapes and blurry colours coming together to welcome her home. She closed the flap, tied it, and collapsed onto her bedroll, panting in the dark. It took a long time for her heart to slow down.
"She doesn't understand," she whispered to no one. "I had to do it. I had to. It was the only way..."
Her bony fingers reached into her clothes almost of their own accord, and pulled out the long iron needle Ander had forged for her one summer's day so very, very long ago, to help her pick out splinters from arrow wounds.
It still had Hezzi's blood on it.
"It was the only way to save him..." Tears spilled from her cheeks and landed on the needle, mixing with her son's blood, re-awakening the scent of her crime, her betrayal.
She flung the needle away, screaming in horror. It struck the far side of the tent and, like a bloody, accusatory finger, it landed exactly where Kadai used to sleep.
"I had to!" she screamed at the empty space. "I had to! It was the only way!"
She couldn't bear this anymore. It was too much. She needed to go away for a little while, away to a place where it wasn't so dark, so cold, so lonely. She needed...
She stuck her hands into her bedroll, digging right down to the very bottom, and pulled out a handful of mushrooms, her special mushrooms, the Cora's mushrooms. They would let her calm down. They would let her know that she had done the right thing. Everything would work out in the end. She just had to... to...
She stuffed them all into her mouth at once, mashing them between her teeth. She let the earthy taste slide down her throat, and then...
She was feeling better already. Calmer. At peace. Everything was... just... as they should be...
She had done no wrong.
She lay down on the ground, feeling. Just feeling.
She closed her eyes and shut away the dirty light of the waking world.
The ribbons of pure light would come for her soon.
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