Ander - Part 5: Subchapter 32
32
The iron bars were colder than ice against his back, so cold they almost seemed to burn. Hezzi could feel their blocky pattern even through his fur, eating into his flesh.
"Sit still," Mother ordered, and Hezzi did his very best to comply, but when she stuck that vile mixture of animal grease into his wound to plug it up for good, he couldn't keep from crying out.
"I said be still!"
Hezzi gritted his teeth as she filled up the hole, working it deep inside his flesh with her finger. When she was done, she covered it with something smooth, probably Wolf's ear leaves, and handed him a length of cord through the bars.
"Loop this around."
Hezzi did as he was told, pulling the cord across the stomach and then handing it back on the other side. Mother grabbed it and pulled it so tight it felt like she was trying to slice him in two, and she wasn't being particularly gentle with the knots, either.
"Don't let this come loose," she cautioned him. "I doubt our new Chieftain will let me treat you a second time."
"I know, Mother."
"Why did you have to be so stupid, Hezzi? I told you to step down, but you wouldn't listen! Now look what happened!"
"I did what I had to."
"And what do you have to show for it? A great big hole in your back! And what of him?"
Hezzi didn't want to look, so he kept his head down, but Mother would not allow him to look away. She stuck her hands through the bars, grabbed him on either side of his face and forced him to look at the creature huddled in the corner of this cramped cage, her bony fingers digging painfully into his cheeks.
Danado hadn't spoken a single word since the incident. After they threw them in here, he simply went straight into the corner farthest away from the bloodshed, curled up his legs, rested his head between his knees, and that's the way he stayed.
"You did that to him," Mother whispered in his ear.
"No. Dorin did it, not me."
"You should have left well enough alone. Then maybe Lana would still be alive. It's because of you that poor boy has no family left."
"No! I was only trying to help!"
"Then stop trying to help!" Mother yelled, gripping him so tightly her claws were starting to puncture his skin. "You'll only end up causing even more pain and suffering for the Wolves who love you! Just stand down and forget this foolishness! Forget whatever debt you believe you owe these so-called 'friends'! Forget whatever 'lessons' you believe you may have learnt from the traitor you once called a brother! Forget it all and return to me! Be my drisa once again! Be my Hezzi!"
Hezzi reached up and carefully pulled her hands away. "I was always afraid of you, Mother. But there are far scarier things in this world than you. I see them every day; walking, talking, eating, drinking, laughing, fighting. Most are Wolves, just like me, but some of them are like Lana said. Animals. Wild, monstrous animals. The thing is, you can't always tell which are which."
"You foolish, foolish boy..." Mother wrapped her arms around his middle, very gently, barely touching out of respect for his wound. "You are the last family I have left. Don't do to me what you already did to Danado. Don't leave me all alone in this place..."
"I'm sorry, Mother. That decision was taken out of my hands the moment they locked me up in this cage."
"I will fight for you, I will make Wardo see reason. You are guilty of no crime, the Law says he must let you go!"
"I don't think the laws will count for much anymore. From now on, it's just about survival. You better get going, Mother. You promised our new Chieftain you'd see to Dorin next."
"So that's it? You're pushing me away just like everyone else? Well... you can try, Hezzi, but I'm used to this kind of thing. You'll see. Not today, or tomorrow, but some day, maybe years from now, you'll look back and you'll realize that the only reason you're still alive and able to look back on all your mistakes is because of me. Everything I do, I do out of love, but do I expect any gratitude from my only son? No. I give and I give, all for you, but in the end, I'm just another 'animal', aren't I?"
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to." She stepped back, and Hezzi suddenly found himself missing her touch, strange as that sounded even to himself. Because any kind of contact, even from a Wolf such as her, was better than none at all in this cold, hard cage. "I will get you out of there, Hezzi," she said. "I'll beg if I have to. Then you'll understand that I really do know best. We'll be a family, just you and I. We'll get through this winter together, I promise."
"Mother, I..." He listened to her walk through the snow. Without anyone to guide her, her footsteps were slow and small. He tried to think of something to say to her, but no matter how hard he tried, no words would come. He didn't even know what he was feeling anymore. Misery? Anger? Helplessness? Maybe even guilt? What did it matter anyway? It didn't matter if he rattled the bars or screamed to the heavens or curled up in a ball, because he couldn't go back and undo the past, and that was the real cage. His failure.
He watched Mother finally make it to the doctor tent and grope around for Grandmother's skull, barely more than a grey shape amidst the falling snow. Her fingers lightly brushed against the permanent gap-toothed grin and she slipped inside, vanishing from the world, leaving him all alone.
Except for...
"Danado?"
No reaction. He just sat there, not moving, collecting snowflakes all across his body. Hezzi thought about saying his name once more, even if only to get him moving. Staying so perfectly still with all this snow coming down couldn't be good for him, but in the end, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew what it felt like to lose family, and he knew that sometimes all you wanted to do was cover your face and make the world disappear for a few minutes.
And he was afraid. He was afraid that what Mother had said was true, and he was afraid of what Danado might say once he found his voice again. He knew it wasn't his fault. He knew it in his heart. But he could still see Lana staring at him, staring and staring, with that knife sticking out of her chest, twitching in time with her heartbeat, staring, staring... as if to ask... Why?
Hezzi looked straight up. Above his head were more bars, slowly being topped with snow like little dunes. Every so often a dune would grow too big and the whole thing would slide down and fall to the bottom of the cage, making a newer, bigger one. They'd eventually have to sweep the floor clean, otherwise they'd end up buried.
Above the bars was the hulking form of the Cora statue. Just looking at it from a distance was imposing, with its freakishly long arms and claws of stone, but when you're trapped right underneath it, looking straight up, it made you feel like an insect about to be crushed. Its face, with those three blood-red eyes staring down into your soul, judging every wrong you had ever committed, was enough to drive you insane. Red eyes... burning like fire beneath the cold, grey sky.
Unable to look upon that thing any longer, Hezzi shut his eyes tight. "I'm sorry, Danado," he whispered, not sure if he could even hear. "I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm just... I'm so, so sorry..."
When he opened his eyes again, Danado was staring right at him, his eyes just as red and bloodshot as the Cora that now stood guard over them. He opened his mouth, and what he said shook Hezzi to his core.
"It should have been you, Hezzi. It should have been you..."
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