FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I stepped out of the wide double doors that led to the backyard of the estate, instantly knowing that my decision to come here was the right one.

There was a large pool off to the right at the base of the high stone wall that separated this property from the next that looked like it could hold well over twenty people at once and still have plenty of room left over. Beginning next to that was a small forest that covered the entire back half of the grounds for a few hundred yards, much to my excitement.

The forest had always been a favourite place of mine, and while this small garden was nothing compared to the sweeping greenery I had travelled through to get here, it still caused my tail to twitch happily.

Along the left wall of the estate about two hundred yards from the veranda upon which I now stood were the stables; a two storeyed wooden building that looked big enough to house a dozen horses. The lack of any noise coming from the open doors and windows was likely proof that the beasts had been taken to graze in a nearby pasture.

There was more staff working here than I had originally expected. On the one hand, it made prospects for finding multiple batteries that much greater, but on the other, it made infiltration easier for a determined hunter. I didn't know what kind of screening the general put his household staff through, but it didn't do much to soothe my paranoia.

"You're late." Thomas's voice cut through the silence of the beautiful early morning, shaking my mind from its worries.

"A teacher is never late." I retorted as I walked to the right side of the veranda where the fox leaned against the wide stone railing. "But it is good that the student is early. Now, come with me."

I led the fox out onto the grass and towards the small forest covering half of the backyard. Truly we could have done our lesson on the veranda, but not only would being surrounded by combustible materials keep Thomas focused, but I would also have more freedom to toy with the young man.

"Father takes me out here sometimes to train." The fox said almost conversationally. "He'll release some game and it would be my job to hunt it."

"How remarkably skillful to hunt wildlife in a cage." I said, rolling my eyes as we walked deeper into the forest. "I assume you know if there is a clearing around here? Bring us to it."

Apparently my comment had struck some kind of chord with the fox, as he remained silent for the rest of our journey as he took the lead. It gave me a good chance to survey the beautiful birdsong that my other home was never afforded given its location.

After another ten minutes of walking, Thomas led me out into a clearing about ten feet in circumference, covered in pine needles but nothing else.

"Perfect." I said. "This will be where we train every weekend. I expect you here at the same time for every lesson, and I expect you to heed every word I say unless you wish to burn this beautiful patch of forest to the ground."

"Why must you act so superior?" The fox asked with a snort of derision. "You're barely a man yourself."

"Because I am superior." I shrugged before pulling off my tunic, folding it and setting it down next to a pine tree, followed quickly by my pants and underwear.

"W-what are you doing?" Thomas asked, seeming to be truly thrown off and uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Controlling your magic comes with personal comfort." I said simply, ignoring his roaming eyes as I stood there completely nude. "If you are not comfortable being nude, keep your clothes on. Magic is best done in your most comfortable state. Sit."

It took the vulpine a few moments to follow my lead and sit on the thick cushion of pine needles that carpeted the ground, but when he did, he still looked uncomfortable.

"Consider this conditioning." I gave him a tight smile. "If you become distracted by your surroundings you won't be able to focus on your magic. Detach yourself from everything around you, think of something to calm you down and we can begin to meditate."

"Meditate? I want to be able to shoot fire from my fingers, not ponder the meaning of life." Thomas sounded agitated, which at least meant that he was no longer focused on my nudity.

"Control of the mind is paramount to control of your powers." I was beginning to lose what little patience I had. "If you received the training I did, you would be howling in pain if you so much as twitched while meditating, even worse if you were caught complaining or talking back. Be thankful I do not believe in that level of punishment."

His complaints seemed to die right then and there, clearly not wanting to earn the ire of someone who was more than capable and willing to inflict at least some amount of pain to keep him focused.

"Who trained you?" He asked quietly. "The guild here would never punish its students in such a way."

"Then why are you not going there for training?" I growled, beyond annoyed that instead of trying to meditate, Thomas was actually trying to pry into my past. "I have many better things that I could be doing right now if you are uninterested in proper training."

"I'm scared." Well now, that took me off guard.

"There is nothing to fear from the guild here, apparently." I said, maintaining the sharp edge to my words. I supposed it was the bitterness of all I had been through getting the better of me... I couldn't recall my birth name or what was even true about my past any longer, but my time at the guild where I was born was something that no amount of lying could change. Had I even been born at the guild itself?

"I'm not skilled. The other students would..." The fox took a breath as he looked down at the ground, almost drawing a feeling of pity from me. "I'm better than most with blade and bow. But magic is where I'm weakest."

"Your bedside manner is where you are weakest." I said, shaking my head of any thoughts that may have led me to feel sympathy. "If I had not taken this position, you would have gone on to do whatever it is you plan on doing with your life without building your skills to their fullest potential, all because you fear what children would think of you."

"It's not-" He began to protest, his earlier bad attitude and sense of superiority snaking its way back into his words.

"It is weak. It is cowardly." I cut him off. He should have been thankful I wasn't like my old instructors. "If you fear ridicule, you will never have the self-confidence it takes to control your power. You will make mistakes, you will likely injure yourself, but in so doing, you will learn and the mistakes will become fewer and farther between until it becomes second nature."

I was glaring at the fox, who sat there stupefied, likely unbelieving that someone from no noble background had just cut him off and was now chastising him and calling him a coward.

"If you fear making mistakes, then I will not waste my time teaching you anything." I hadn't noticed that my fur was bristling in agitation, so I took a few moments to calm myself. "If you wish to prove me wrong, then be silent and learn to clear your head."

I closed my eyes, no longer caring if Thomas stayed or left, but intending to make the most out of my time in this serene location. Rather than hearing cursing and footsteps moving away from me, I instead heard absolute silence. It would appear my harshness had gotten through to him, at least a little, or perhaps he just accepted my challenge and wanted to prove that I was indeed wrong about him.

Either way, it would make teaching him easier.

After a short time, likely only an hour, my thoughts were interrupted by a quiet gasp of shock. When I opened my eyes, Thomas was staring at me as if I was an angel come from on high.

Surrounding me were dozens of glowing runes, floating in circular patterns around my body and pulsing in time with my heart. Their blue light had traces of red in it, but it was barely noticeable to anyone who wasn't looking closely. Seeing his reaction to them put a smile on my muzzle, albeit a very faint one.

"When you meditate properly, you are able to do this." I explained as I dismissed each rune one at a time. "You draw the runes in your mind, then push them beyond and into reality. It is an easy way for instructors to keep an eye on their charges. The colour of the runes indicate your emotional state, the size and complexity speak to your skill and focus."

As I dismissed the last rune, I stood up and brushed the pine needles from my fur. Thomas was still looking in my direction, though I couldn't be certain he was looking directly at me, so I decided to toy with him a bit by turning to the side and leaning down to touch my fingers to my toes, murring happily at the pleasant burn the stretch caused in my legs.

The fox suddenly began to find interest in things around him, swivelling his head to and fro until I straightened myself up.

"This will be how we begin every session." I said as I straightened myself. "One hour of meditation in the morning, and while it is not absolutely necessary, half an hour before bed, or at least as long as it takes you to clear your mind and display a rune. Now, we move on to the theory portion. Do you know what powers magic?"

The fox visibly deflated as my show ended, and stood up, giving himself a few stretches to pop his sore joints. He seemed to be unaware of the answer, focusing entirely too much looking for a response that would keep him from looking ignorant.

"Life energy." I sighed as I conjured a ball of fire in my left hand. "Small spells like this do little to drain your energy, but using them often without rest will cause adverse effects that could lead to exhaustion or injury, even death."

"D-death?" Thomas looked frightened all of a sudden, though I had to give him credit for almost being able to hide it.

"I once witnessed a fellow student try so hard to prove themselves to our instructors that the amount of energy she used left so little in her body that her heart simply stopped." I shrugged, again not recalling if that was an actual event or just part of one of my many lies and embellishments. The knowledge that did remain constant and unchanging though was the cruelty of the guild and the fact that students were indeed tortured, some to the point of death.

I would never let myself forget that.

"Always be aware of your physical and mental state when using magic." I continued after shaking my head to clear those thoughts away. "If you start feeling drained, take a moment to rest. More often than not, when you over exert yourself, you will simply black out and regain consciousness after a few hours. Now, show me what you can do."

The fox seemed hesitant to say the least, likely a result of knowing that overuse of magic could lead to death, no matter how rarely that actually happened. After a time though, his arrogant confidence began to get the better of him and he sighed, closing his eyes to focus.

A small burst of sparks appeared in the air before him, taking a few moments to coalesce into an actual ball of red and orange fire. It was mildly impressive that he didn't need to conjure it over his hand or make any other movements to goad the flames into existence, but any mage could learn to do that after some practice. It certainly spoke to some level of focus on his part.

"Good." I said, stepping up to him to inspect the fireball, noting that his eyes were still closed in concentration. "Open your eyes."

"I-I can't." He said, his voice sounding strained.

"The ability to conjure a fireball is absolutely useless if you can't see where to throw it." I said, already anticipating a possible loss of control. "You will have to learn to focus better if you are going to be of any use as a mage."

Seconds ticked by while Thomas twitched, causing his fireball to spark and flicker wildly. After a few minutes of crackling silence, one of the fox's eyes split open.

"Close enough." I shook my head. "You'll never get any better if you continue to fear your power, however."

The fireball turned a brighter orange and surged in power, giving off quite a bit more heat. 'Apparently I've struck a chord." I thought to myself.

"I'm not afraid." He growled, though considering he was still concentrating so hard on keeping control over his little fireball, even a child likely wouldn't have been intimidated.

"Then open both eyes." I shrugged, stepping in front of him so he could see me with the one eye that was still partially open.

Upon seeing me, Thomas's fireball exploded outwards, doubling in size and putting out enough heat to make me sweat. I wasn't entirely sure if I should have continued with goading him, having never instructed or overseen any initiates before, but when the needle-covered ground at our feet began steaming from the heat, I decided that this clearing didn't deserve to be burned so soon.

I conjured an invisible sphere of kinetic energy around the flaming orb, shrinking it and suffocating the flames until they died out, causing Thomas to let out a gasp before falling to his knees. I surveyed our surroundings for any damages before I walked over to the fox and knelt beside him.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, not entirely disinterested in his health; he was the son of my employer after all.

"N-no." He snapped, leaning away from me. Thomas tried to stand up, but suffered from a sudden bout of vertigo that brought him back down to the ground with a thud.

"Then I will leave you to care for yourself then, shall I?" I asked as I sat down with my back to a tree beside the panting fox. "Come."

Thomas looked up at me, confused. I wasn't entirely sure if it was his exhaustion making him overly susceptible to suggestion or if he truly believed that listening to me and doing what I said would lead to him getting better, but either way, he crawled over to me. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against my naked body and cradling him with his head resting on my chest.

"Focus on my heartbeat." I said. "The rhythm will soothe you and help put you at ease."

"I... I wasn't afraid." He grumbled, but made no move to pull away.

"No, you weren't." I agreed, idly wondering just how put off he was at that moment considering he was being held by another male. A naked one at that. "You did, however, let your other emotions get the better of you."

Thomas growled again, but it sounded pathetic.

"Emotional states can drastically alter the balance of power in your own mind." I explained, rubbing his strong arm in an attempt to help calm him. "Do try to leave emotions out of the picture until I begin letting you into more advanced realms of magic. I realize this is a tall order for you, but unless you do this, you won't get any better and you certainly won't leave your sessions unharmed."

"Not all of us can be emotionless assholes, you know." He said. I replied by shoving him to the side and standing up over his still weakened body.

"If you haven't noticed, I am quite emotional." I looked down on him with utter contempt. "I just don't let it get the better of me. But, if you feel like you are strong enough to take care of yourself with no aid from others, then this will be how your sessions end from now on."

The fox's ears were flat against his skull, and he didn't seem able to meet my gaze. The redness in his cheeks was a sure sign that he was still angry, but that just solidified my resolve.

"One hour of meditation every day. Work on creating and maintaining the runes, then we may continue." I walked over to my clothes and pulled them on, doing up my tunic before stepping back over to Thomas. "I am a product of a dismal upbringing, one that I have learned to deal with in perhaps a socially unacceptable way, but until you live through it, I will not suffer your judgement."

I stood and brushed the needles from my clothes before leaving the fox alone in the clearing. He would be fine in an hour or two, and the relative silence of the forest and the fact that he would have no one to converse with would give Thomas some much needed time to mull over his attitude. I may have been going mad, but I still had my dignity and enough self-respect to not want to put up with being treated like dirt.

Unless I was in the mood of course...

Serena was lying on her back on one of the squat stone fences that lined the veranda, her tail and red sash gently swaying in the breeze as I exited the small forest and made my way back up to the mansion. She turned her head when I was a dozen paces away and gave me that smile she had worn when I first saw her.

"How did the young master's first lesson go?" The mouse asked, seeming to be truly interested.

"He is presently recovering from overuse of his powers." I shrugged, stopping by her feet. "I felt it would be good practice in humility to leave him to fend for himself until he recovers."

"Oh he won't like you for that." She sat up and shook her head, but still she chuckled. "In all honesty it is his mother that disciplines him. The general, while a great commander in war, is not nearly as experienced or confident when the battlefield is parenthood."

"I have no qualms with being strict." I leaned against the stone, figuring I was still better off playing the part of someone who had at least some interest in the people around me. "If he hates me for it, I won't lose any sleep."

"Still, I'm duty bound to keep him safe since it's my turn with him today." The mouse rolled off the fence and stood up, her eyes just barely reaching the level of my muzzle. "I'll have to go ensure he doesn't get devoured by squirrels or something while he recovers."

I let out a short laugh, surprising both Serena and myself. She gave me a gentle smile, one that seemed genuine before moving off to walk across the lawn to the forest. I stood there for several more minutes, unsure of how to handle the realization that I had just genuinely laughed for the first time in... months? Years?

I felt truly dismayed that I couldn't remember exactly when that had happened last, but quickly crushed the thought. Little memories like that meant nothing when it came to keeping myself out of the hands of the Guild.

Shaking my head in agitation, I hurriedly made my way inside, intent on spending another hour or two meditating in order to regain my wits and sharpen my mental defenses so another slip up like that would never happen again. Unfortunately for me, when I ascended the stairs and turned down my hallway, Davian and the twins stood by the window next to my door, chatting quietly amongst themselves until the tiger spotted me.

"Good morning, Alexis." He said, the twins bowing their heads slightly in a likewise acknowledgement. "How was your first night?"

"Like any other." I said simply, stopping just outside my door, giving them all a polite nod. "What can I assist you with?"

Davian held out an amulet shaped like a fiery sword, the blade of which seemed to be crafted from ruby. The twins each held out two identical amulets as well, and it took me a moment to realize what was going on.

"One amulet from each of us, as you mentioned at lunch yesterday." The tiger said as I took each one, hanging them off of my upturned hand. "I don't mean to sound impatient, but when do you think you could have them ready?"

"Two days." I replied as I held my hand up to inspect the expensive trinkets. "I will begin work on these immediately."

"Thank you." Davian smiled and bowed politely before making his exit down the hall, followed soon after by the wolf twins.

"Let us know-" Said one.

"-if you need recharging." Finished the other as they passed me, for once bringing a blush to my face; an occurrence that was almost as rare as honest laughter.

I entered my room after the trio left, closing the door behind me quickly as I tried to steady myself. Twice had my walls been breached, within a single hour no less! I dropped the amulets carelessly on my bed before I moved to the foot of the bed, sitting down in front of the trunk. Closing my eyes, I attempted to soothe my mind.

'It was a simple offer of assistance.' I scolded myself. 'You've dealt with far more than that, and you've heard things more entertaining than Serena's comment. You've laughed only when it was necessary or expected, the same with blushing, but you did them on command to get what you needed. Why are we breaking down now?'

I had been to parties, I had been to shows and circuses and never had my body betrayed me in such a way. Everything I did was calculated to get me what I needed to keep myself safe in the moment or for the short term future. Perhaps it was the familiarity I've already been subjected to with all of these individuals in the mansion? 'Nonsense, we've been around the same people for several weeks at a time without this level of corruption.'

I kept a tight leash on my powers as I crafted a rune in my mind, forcing it out into the real world to hover before me. Instead of the calm blue of the morning, the watermelon sized rune was now a tumultuous storm of red, yellow and grey, but perhaps most distressing was the presence of dozens of black cracks in its surface. If ever there was an indication of my mental stability, that was the worst sign to see.

"What is going on..." I spoke aloud. 'Oh wonderful. We're talking to ourselves now. Does it still count as madness if you respond to yourself in your head as opposed to verbally?'

I stared at the rune floating before me, not entirely sure if I should have felt comfort in the fact that it was now mostly just a pulsing grey. It seemed I was at least accepting that there was something wrong, but how would I possibly be able to fix it? Meditation was the obvious answer for the time being, but if these outbursts happened again, I would need to explore other options.

I dismissed the rune and stood up slowly, moving over to the bed once again to retrieve one of the amulets that had been given to me. There was no use wasting time worrying about these things when I could easily put it out of my mind by doing the job I had been hired to do. Work would put me at ease and give me something tangible to focus on.

Lunch came and went, and the dinner bell had tolled almost an hour ago, but I didn't leave my room.

I rested on the edge of my bed, stripped to the fur of all clothing with a cold sweat sending shivers across my body. Everyone manifested symptoms of overreaching with their powers in different ways; some got emotional, some got incredibly hungry, while others like myself broke out in sweats.

It wasn't appealing in the least, and it made me irritable because I always took pride in my appearance, but it made me feel strangely proud to know that I had worked hard enough to get to that point.

Now, though, I just wanted food. The idea of interacting with the others, however, was not a pleasant one, least of all after my breakdown earlier in the day.

I had considered ringing for service, but my aversion to any interactions at all made me shy away from it. Conjuring food wouldn't help either, as the energy required to actually make it far outweighed the energy that it provided when ingested. I felt trapped, but perhaps I could manage to go visit the kitchen in a few hours when fewer people were out and about to grab a snack.

'You're still affected by this morning.' I thought. 'We've never been one to shy away from interaction, even when our mood is dismal.'

"Fear of the unknown." I answered myself, internally cursing for validating my theory of madness before switching back to my internal monologue. 'You've worked so hard to become so many different people that you don't know which one of us is the real you.'

Oh great, now I was switching up my pronouns.

A timid knock came from the door, which I barely noticed. It didn't sound like the kind of knock anyone I had become familiar with would give, it sounded small and quiet. To that effect, I decided to play it safe and threw on a pair of pants.

I opened the door just in time to see the lady of the house, Adrienne Galavar, and her daughter Diana step away, the small brown and white equine girl carrying a large tray of food with a sad expression on her face. I should have let them continue on their way. I should have kept quiet so they wouldn't notice my presence.

"My ladies." I said, my voice coming out cracked and weak. "I apologize for my tardiness. It has been an exhaustive day."

They turned to me, Diana's small ears standing straight up with an immediate smile, while Adrienne retained her aristocratic look, giving only a small smile and a nod.

"Alexis, you shouldn't work yourself so hard." The elder vixen spoke in a calming voice, one that both criticized and comforted. It made me duck my head in timid apology, a move I had never done before when I wasn't acting. "It's not good to neglect your health by skipping meals."

"We brought this for you." Diana said, holding the tray higher in offering.

The tray was full to the edges with several plates, each one almost overflowing with steaming food. Strips of turkey, steak, pork chops resting on a thick bed of mashed potatoes, all smothered in dark brown gravy sitting next to a plate with three bell peppers, each stuffed with cooked rice, vegetables, ground beef, cheese and what smelled like chicken sauce. To top everything off was a third plate with several pastries, brownies and a large slice of lemon cake drenched in cherry sauce.

I am not ashamed to admit that I had to actively force myself to not drool. It looked like the young girl was having some difficulties holding the tray up for so long, so with a forced smile I reached down and gently took it from her.

"My sincerest thanks." That was honest enough. I truly wanted food, but I was too proud to leave my room to get it; these two went out of their way to ensure I was taken care of. It certainly wasn't something I was used to. "I did not intend to worry or inconvenience you."

"It's not an inconvenience to ensure that our employees are taken care of." It would appear as though the lady of the house was far more forward thinking than most of her noble counterparts. The few that I had dealt with in the past largely ignored their staff, and weren't afraid to remind them that they were, in fact, mere servants that could easily be replaced.

"In any case, we hope you recover soon." Adrienne gave me a critical look, much like a mother silently scolding her child; or at least that's what I thought a mother's scorn looked like.

"Of course madam." I said, bowing my head in embarrassed shame. "I promise I will not--"

"Your food is getting cold!" Diana piped up, her voice raised in a parody of adult aggression. "Go eat or you can't have dessert!"

I stared at the young horse, absolutely dumbfounded while Adrienne covered her muzzle with her paw to hide the fit of chuckles at her daughter's outburst.

"O-of course my lady." I bowed deeply, some previously forgotten about part of my mind making me play along with her childhood fantasy of having authority. I couldn't prevent a smile from spreading across my muzzle when Adrienne gave me a pleased nod before turning away, so I backed into my room, keeping myself bowed low so as not to incur the wrath of the ever-watchful Diana.

The last I saw of her was her pointed ears perking up and a bright smile on her muzzle, something that almost made me feel entirely content with my new life. That was, until I set the tray of food down at my desk.

"We're getting too close to them." I said to myself as I kicked off my pants so I could at least try to feel comfortable again. "You're actually getting emotionally attached, and it's only going to serve to bring everything you've worked for to ruin."

The pleasant warmth I had felt in my chest at having made Diana happy was quickly replaced by confusion and cold as my old, or was it current self, worked to regain control. "If the hunters found us, they wouldn't hesitate to use this family to their own ends. You can't afford to let your feelings get in the way of your survival. Not again."

I slumped back against the trunk at the foot of my bed, the tray of food entirely forgotten as I tried to clear my head. The green orb floating above the enchanting table was pulsing quick and erratically, matching the turmoil of my own heart and head as I rubbed my temples in a vain attempt to soothe the headache that had suddenly taken me in its grip.

"So this is the kid that's been giving the Guild so much trouble." With my eyes screwed shut, I couldn't tell whether or not the voice was from a memory, some current delusion, or if it had actually been coming from someone in the room with me.

"Why won't they just leave me alone..." I whimpered pathetically, the splitting migraine bringing tears to my eyes as I slowly opened them. Two figments of my imagination had manifested themselves as hyenas, garbed in full black leather and standing before me with disappointed looks on their faces. "Is this what madness feels like?"

"Probably." The hyena on the left said as he knelt down and tied my hands together, surely some metaphor my subconscious was trying to share with me. His voice seemed slurred, but I found out why when I turned my head to look at the other dream. He knelt beside me and reached out to my neck, plucking something from my flesh.

A small, inch long dart.

A roll of cloth was shoved roughly into my muzzle as my drug addled mind finally started realizing that this wasn't some paranoid delusion of a broken psyche, the hunters had found me.

Cold fear seized me as I tried to struggle against the hyena's grip, but my limbs were paralyzed and my vision was fading. A dizzying feeling of weightlessness took a hold of me as I was hoisted over his shoulder and we began moving towards my bedroom door. I tried to scream, but even my vocal chords were sluggish; even without the cloth filling my muzzle, I wouldn't have been able to manage more than a moan.

That's when I saw the strings by the door. They were hard to focus on, but I knew that the strings attached to the bells in the staff room were my only hope of escape. I reached out with what little mental power I had left and frantically tried to tug and pull at them all, desperate to alert someone, anyone, to what was happening, but as we left my room and turned towards the open hallway window, I could see no one coming to my rescue from down the hall.

No one knew what was happening; no one would find out until it was far too late.

The second hyena followed behind us, closing my door to keep up the appearance of normalcy and keeping watch over the hallway as the one carrying me hopped up onto the window sill, turning to climb down a rope ladder and giving me the overwhelming sense that at any moment, I could fall and break my neck.

Once we reached the ground, I was carried across the front lawn, skirting the wall of the property in the darkness of late evening before I was unceremoniously rolled off his shoulders and onto the ground. The last thing I recalled as my vision swam into blackness was the all too familiar sensation of a collar being clipped around my neck, then nothing.