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Chapter 15

Alex p.o.v

The words rang in my ears. "Why?" I balled my paws into fists and punched my bedroom wall. It hurt, but I could barely feel it, I just kept hitting the wall, tears rolling down my fur. "Why do I do it to him? Why am I such a horrible person?" I think to myself, it isn't Skylar, or Ryan, or Zach. It's me, I'm the one at fault. But I can't stop myself from being a bad person, it's all I am.

I look down at my paws, they're bleeding. I swear to myself and try to find something to stop the bleeding. I pad down the hall softly, my tail drooping between my legs, tears still slowly falling off my face. I finally find a bandage and begin to wrap them around the gashes on my paws. I wince when I see how deep they are, I might need to go to a doctor. I sigh, it's funny how much pain I cause to everyone, including myself. Especially my parents, I remember the day they split up so well.

I was 10 years old, my parents were fighting again and I was in my room, afraid of what they were going to do to each other. I listened at the door, trying desperately to pick up what they were saying. I couldn't quite make it out, I snuck out of my room and over to the stairs, trying to be as quiet as I could. I tip-toed down the stairs and stood just out of eyesight of my parents, but I could hear them now. They were talking about a lot of things I didn't understand at the time, but the last thing my dad said before he walked out was, "It's all that stupid kids fault! Our marriage was fine before he showed up, but now everything is different and, I'm leaving you because of him!" I was stunned, I didn't know what I'd done wrong, but it was my fault, that was clear. "You don't think I know that?!" Came the voice of my mother, "I didn't want him just as much as you! He ruined our relationship, but you can't leave me because of him!" She yelled, "Watch me." He barked. I silently ran up the stairs back into my room, I heard the door slam. I looked out the window and saw my father, he was going to his car, but before he got in, he took off his wedding ring and threw it at the front door. He sped off down the street and that was the last I ever saw of him.

My mother then turned to alcohol, and became very abusive. She died about two months later in a car accident when she was driving while intoxicated, I hate to say it, but I was so happy when she died.

I look back down at my paws, now wrapped in the bandages, and cry. For the first time in years I can't hold it in. I just let go, and cry loud long sobs. I let my head fall between my arms, and keep crying. I don't know a way to get out of what I've done, I don't know how anyone could ever forgive me for what I've done. And that's when I finally realize it, no one will ever forgive me, and I know what I have to do.

I pull out my phone and look through my contacts, I scroll to the bottom to find Zach's number, I still have it from when I had him try to ruin Skylar and Ryan... I open a tab and send him a quick message. I make my way over to my closet to find a rope, all I can find is a belt. Close enough, tears are pouring from my eyes now, but I know that I'm helping everyone by doing this. My desk chair is brought to the middle of my room and I loop the belt around my ceiling fan, my ears are ringing, I can't hear anything except the blood rushing in my ears, my paws go to wrap the belt around my neck and I take one last look at the world, when suddenly I am knocked off the chair. I look up to see who knocked me off, it's Zach.

Zach p.o.v (About 15 minutes ago)

Ryan and I were working on his song, but I was a little distracted with my previous encounter with Alex, something felt wrong, I just didn't know what.

"So I have the song, and a few friends who can help me with getting it all together. Now all I need is Skylar to show up, do you think you can make that happen?" Ryan asked me, I nodded, "Yea, that shouldn't be too hard." He smiled at me, "Thanks man, for all of this, I couldn't have done it without you!" I smile back, "Don't worry about it." I say, "It's really no big deal." He shakes his head, "Well it is to me, if you need anything just ask." I laugh, "Sure Ryan, I'll keep it in mind!"

My phone buzzes in my pocket, I pull it out and see I have a new message, and it's from Alex. It says, "Zach, I'm really sorry for all the horrible things I've done to you and Ryan and Skylar. I can't forgive myself for the things I've done, and I don't expect you to forgive me either. I think the only way for me to get what I deserve is just to be gone, it'll be better for everyone this way, but please tell Ryan and Skylar that I'm really sorry, and you too. Words can't express the guilt I feel for the way I've treated you, well I guess this is it, goodbye. -Alex"

"Ryan!" I yell. "What?" He asks, "is everything okay?" I shake my head, "I don't have time to explain, but I need your car keys right now!" He throws them over to me, "What are you doing?" He asks, "No time! I'll tell you later!" I yell as I sprint out of the room.

I drive the car down the road trying to remember which house is his, I should be able to remember, I spent so much time at it when we were kids. We didn't have the best families, but we had each other. Maybe that's why I felt so scared of him, he was like family, and he betrayed me. It caused me to forget how I felt about him, and I knew I couldn't let him die. I finally found his house, jumped out of the car and ran inside.

"Alex!!" I yell, I ran through the house looking for him, I can't find him, when suddenly I hear something upstairs. I run up as fast as my legs will carry me, tears cascading down my face, fear building up in my chest. Am I too late? I burst through the door in his room, I see him standing on the chair. I jump onto him, knocking both of us to the ground. He looks dazed but when he sees me he can't hold my gaze. He looks ashamed, broken, hopeless...

Suddenly he shouts, "Why won't you just let me die! I don't deserve to be here, you know what I've done!" I can't hear him talk this way, "Stop." I tell him, he sobs, "Why do you still try to help me, even after all the things I've done to you?" He asks, I sigh, "I don't know, I guess I care about you, just a little..." Now he looks at me, a puzzled look on his face. "What do you mean by that?" He asks. I'm not sure what to say, I'm not sure how I feel. He puts his paw gently on my shoulder, "Don't be afraid to tell me." He says, I take a deep breath, and I just say it. "I love you."