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Chapter 21

"Keeper?" Night Star's voice came from the door to the hold.

Strong Soul didn't need to hear his voice to know that he was coming, either. She could feel his presence down the hall. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of the links, and she was finding it even harder as the days went by to control when they were in the front of her mind. Her head hurt almost constantly from the effort to keep her mind separate from the others. She never again wanted to feel the way she had when she'd taken over the Mrr'tani on the cruisers.

She heard his footsteps echoing through the hold as he came closer and closer. She didn't make any effort to hide from him, nor did she announce her presence. Their bond was such that it wouldn't have made any difference. He could feel her just as plainly as she could him, and she knew she only had a minute before he would be as physically close as he was mentally.

They'd woken Night Star only hours after their escape into the wave, and though she was overjoyed at having her companion back, she was almost more relieved and happy at not having to be the one that was making the decisions again. Things were going back to normal aboard the Pride, but nothing would ever be normal again in her head.

Night Star's hand fell on her shoulder and he sat next to her atop the stack of crates in the Pride's hold. He didn't say anything at first, he was perfectly content to just hold her against him. Finally, though, he spoke.

"We're a day out, love," he said quietly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular, just gazing out over the rest of the hold, almost mirroring her own gaze and posture.

"I wish we could just sail," Strong Soul said. "I wish we could just point the bow at the wave and see where it takes us."

"I'd say you don't know how often I've wished that, love," Night Star said with a smile, "but I know how far into my head you've seen, so I know just how well you understand that."

He held her tight and rubbed his hand along the fur of her arm and she turned her face into his chest, feeling his warm body against her whiskers.

"It wouldn't help, you know," he said.

"If I could get far enough away, maybe I wouldn't feel all of them."

"Tell me what you're feeling," Night Star said.

"I can still feel all of them. All of the Mrr'tani on the two cruisers. They're all still up here."

"Then you know that they haven't moved since we hit the wave. It doesn't matter how far away we get, you're still going to have to deal with them."

"You don't get it," she said, looking up into his eyes, desperate to make him understand. Even with the desperation, though, she was hesitant. Did she really want him to understand? Did she understand herself?

"I think I get more than you expect, Keeper. I get it more than anyone else on board. I was the only one that wasn't occupied trying to save our skins, so I got to watch and be there with you the whole time."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"It felt good," he said bluntly. "That's what you can't face. Taking over the Mrr'tani, exercising your power and your will, it felt right."

Strong Soul's eyes widened as he said it, wanting so badly to reject the notion that what she'd done was what she was supposed to do, what her mind told her it was there for. She couldn't deny it, though, and she found herself slowly nodding.

"See?" Night Star said, "I know more than you think. You can't just keep pushing everything down, love. The more you shove, the more that you give it power to shove back, and the greater the backlash is going to be."

He eased his embrace and then turned to face her, and put both his hands on her shoulder, thumbs lightly caressing through her fur.

"It's what you were literally born to do, Keeper of Hearts. That's the way of things. You either accept it and learn to live with it and control it, or it'll tear you apart. There's no middle ground. You can't be half a Frr'a'narr'ah, love. And you certainly can't be half a Frr'a'tan'lass'i'ah."

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked. "I don't want any of this. I never asked for it. All I wanted was to make father's hunt go well for the season. Now I'm taking over minds. Everyone's expecting me to be this legendary thing, but it's not me."

"You did alright when I was down," Night Star said softly.

"I didn't know what the hell I was doing!" she said. "It was one crisis after another. I just kept blundering through them."

"You think that I have it all figured out?" he asked, chuckling. "I just do the same thing. Try to get through as best I can, and near as I can figure, you're doing just fine."

She looked up with wide eyes and then smiled at his expression.

"That means a lot Night Star. Thank you."

"Just listen to me, love," he said. "You need to let this out eventually. It's not just you that you'll be taking down if you don't. The bond with you and First Spark goes much deeper than you realize. So does the bond with me and Stargazer."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"We can all feel what you're feeling, love. First Spark was in the infirmary in tears trying to get rid of her headache and Stargazer is as curmudgeonly as I've ever seen him."

"What about you?"

"I'm a void. I can handle more than they can, but even I'm starting to fray on the edges."

"What do I need to do?" Strong Soul asked, "Take over everyone's minds?"

"Stargazer says when the time comes, you'll know."

"Why isn't he telling me this?"

"He thinks you'll take it better from me. But he told me to tell you that you can't hold back when the moment comes. You have to let go. He said, and I quote, 'You must trust Flame Walker.'"

Strong Soul's breath caught in her throat and she shivered. Catcher of Souls would be the one that knew what she was going through and she'd be the one that would have the answers that she sought, but she had no way of contacting her, or even of knowing if it was any more than a vision the last time they spoke. If anyone was going to tell her Catcher's intent, though, it would be Stargazer.

"I guess I can't argue with that," she finally muttered.

"He didn't think you would," Night Star said with a grin.

Strong Soul was silent for a few, still feeling the drift of others thoughts pressing against all the corners of her mind. Her head still throbbed, and the future in front of them held none of the comfort it used to. It was a dark chasm that she was hurtling into and there was nothing that she could do to stop it.

But still, even with that, there was the brush of Night Star's arm against her shoulder, his hand on her arm, his chest near her ear. She could hear his heartbeat and in her mind, his thoughts were the clearest. Right beside his, though, there was First Spark and Stargazer, each one bright and warm. She could feel their fears and their worry, but over it all, there was the overwhelming support and love from Stargazer, and the absolute faith and trust from First Spark. If she was going headlong into the abyss, then she knew that they would be there right beside her no matter where she went.

She sat up again and wrapped her arms around Night Star's solid form, resting her face into the crook of his neck as she let him hold her just as tightly.

"Let's go," she said finally. "I've got some tea from New Mecca and a pile of cakes that I was saving for when you woke up."

"Don't have to tell me twice. What about the others?"

"They're already heading to the galley. It would be a shame to keep them waiting."

"Lead the way, love," Night Star said.

***

The mists of sleep swirled around Strong Soul, and though she couldn't see them, she could feel the presence of the others all around her. They were a constant in her life now, and she didn't know what it would be like any more without them there. It felt natural to have them in her mind, sharing her thoughts, sharing the burden that she constantly felt these days.

Her mind drifted easily through the haze, another thing she'd gotten used to. Every night, it seemed, she maintained some awareness of the minds around her and the thoughts going through them. Little snatches of dreams filtered through her visions.

From Night Star there were images and sensations that revolved around the Pride. They were familiar to her by now, with a recurrence almost every night, and since she started flying the ship and more since her stint as captain, she found them comforting.

Stargazer was still an enigma, even in his dreams. His were disjointed images and sounds from a number of different worlds that she had never seen before, and she doubted she would any time soon. The emotions attached to his dreams were something unexpected, though, from the normally stalwart and emotionless Mrr'tanou. His were the ones that buffeted her the most with feelings that she couldn't control and some nights she found herself waking with her hands clenched in the sheets, knuckles sore from the exertion of hours of holding on for what seemed like dear life.

First Spark held the innocence of youth, something that Strong Soul found that she missed more than she realized. The girl had never known anything beyond the servitude she was born into on New Mecca. She'd never been taken off the world, though sometimes there were little snippets of her life, disjointed memories of the humans on that world. Some revolved around her even younger years when the Council had sent their assessors to her family. Strong Soul watched and saw the fear in Sand Stalker's eyes when the assessors had arrived and she knew exactly why it was there, and why Marcus had done what he did.

The last, though, was something far more ordered and logical. Micah's mind never slept, and though his Mrr'ouwff was weaker than any of the others, it was still there, and when she let herself drift in the grip of sleep, it got stronger and joined with the others. She could watch his logical mind racing through everything that needed to be done to keep the Pride a functioning ship sailing the wave to wherever it would take them. If she let herself fall even deeper, sometimes she could feel her mind washing through the ship, following Micah's pathways, becoming the ship as it raced down the wave, sails full and crackling with energy, something she could draw on and recharge.

Among them all, she was surprised to find the most comfort from the AI. His mind was logical and orderly and she didn't need to wade through emotions and misremembered details. He looked at all the evidence that was presented and evaluated it with the dispassion of a computer. Sometimes she envied Micah, and though she could draw on his mind when she needed, she knew that she could never really tolerate being what he was.

Another presence slowly began to fade into her dreamscape, something intangible and invisible, but also something she'd felt before. She started to pull back from her drifting in the wave, away from Micah's uniformity, but she stopped when she felt a small nudge from the presence. With a smile and an internal sigh of relief, she opened her mind a little further, recognizing Catcher of Souls' mind touching hers.

<Hello, Keeper of Hearts,> she heard in her mind. There was still no form, but one wasn't needed here, within the dreamscape formed by the ships sensors.

<Catcher of Souls,> she replied, unable to keep the awe from her thoughts.

<Please call me Flame Walker,> Catcher said, <we're sisters of a sort. And I shall call you Strong Soul, for that is the name you prefer.>

<As you like,> Strong Soul said.

<You have questions. I can feel them in your mind.>

<Yes,> Strong Soul answered. <Why? Why me? Why now?>

<I asked those same questions many times when I walked the forests of Mss'delai, and even more times through my travels after the Night of Blood. No answer satisfied.>

<I can't do this,> Strong Soul said, feeling her emotions slipping through the link with Micah.

<Of course you can,> Catcher answered. <You were born for it. It is only your force of will that is holding you back. You must be honest with yourself if you ever expect to survive.>

<Fine,> Strong Soul said, letting her fear turn to aggravation in the short statement. <I don't want to do this. I don't want any of it.>

<You would prefer to be a slave?>

<Yes,> Strong Soul answered shortly. <I had a home. I was happy.>

<You've seen other worlds now,> Catcher said. <Would you go back to your own happiness and your own bliss knowing what you know? First Spark was days away from the slaughter. Even now, hundreds of Mrr'tanahn on dozens of worlds are being put to death while the Mrr'tani can do nothing.>

<What am I supposed to do about it?> Strong Soul demanded. <I'm just one Mrr'tanah.>

<Look at what you've done, Strong Soul. Feel the minds against yours. You've tamed Stargazer, something even I couldn't entirely manage.>

Strong Soul felt Catcher's amusement washing over her.

<Night Star was a drifter before Marcus sent you to him,> Catcher continued. <You've given both of them purpose, and you're already starting to shape First Spark into the Frr'a'narr'ah she is meant to be.>

Catcher caressed her mind and Strong Soul felt her flowing along the lines of Micah's Mrr'ouwff. She instinctively pulled back, almost ashamed of the link that she shared with the AI.

<The ship's computer?> Catcher said, astonished.

<I didn't plan that,> Catcher said defensively, automatically throwing up the walls in her mind.

<Do not lock me out, Strong Soul,> Catcher said simply. <I am just as intrigued as you. Imagine what you will be able to do given enough time and enough Mrr'tani.>

<The last time there were more than just us, I took over all of them.>

<In time, you'll learn to temper that. It is your mind reaching out. You keep an iron grasp on it and when it is allowed free rein you have no control.>

<How am I supposed to learn that control? Every time I let go, I reveal what I am.>

<Do you think that the humans don't know you exist? All of New Mecca was looking for you. You subsumed two cruisers worth of Mrr'tani servants. You're not a secret any longer.> There was a dry humor in Catcher's thoughts.

<What am I supposed to do, then?> Strong Soul asked.

<Draw on your companions. They know you and they care for you. With their wills and their thoughts to help you control it, you'll find it easier to simply exist where you need to be without taking control.>

Catcher of Souls began to fade and Strong Soul could feel Night Star stirring to wakefulness.

<Remember Strong Soul, you are the one who connects many. You need not control them, you must merely accept that they are tied together through you.>

The dreamscape faded and Catcher receded from her mind. As her vision cleared, she found herself staring at Night Star's midnight black fur and she smiled as she felt him opening his eyes. Behind her, Stargazer's breathing was slow and even and his mind held the peace of a deep, dreamless sleep.

She raised her head and listened for a moment, and from behind Stargazer came First Spark's slightly shallower breathing. First Spark hadn't even flinched when Strong Soul had offered her a space in what had become the communal bed. It meant that she, Night Star and Stargazer had less privacy, but the first night when they'd all curled up to sleep, they all knew that she belonged there and nothing was ever said about it. Having a second Frr'a'narr'ah with them seemed to even out and ease the mental burden on all of them and Strong Soul found herself relying on First Spark more often. So far, the girl had been more than equal to the task.

She knew from the awareness in Night Star's mind that he knew she was awake and she waited for him to climb out of bed before she slid out silently behind him, all her hunters instincts set on not waking the others. Together, they walked out of the room and down the corridor to the galley. Night Star started the kettle while Strong Soul brought down cups and spooned some of her favorite tea into the pot. She was ecstatic when she found that Night Star had a stash of Marcus' teas on board.

They spent the time while the water boiled and the tea brewed in companionable silence, neither feeling the need to fill it with words. Strong Soul was still feeling the aftereffects of her vision and she was trying to figure out how to do what Catcher of Souls wanted her to do. She felt Night Star's amusement, knowing that he could see right through her calm demeanor to what was churning beneath the surface.

When the tea was ready, he poured her mug first and passed it across the table, then filled his and sat, his eyes fixed on hers, calmly waiting for her to speak.

"I hate it when you do that," she murmured, lifting the steaming mug to her lips. The aromatic herbs filled her head with visions of Airgidbaile while Night Star chuckled softly.

"Sorry, love. I'm still getting used to being able to feel what you do. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Are we sharing dreams now, too?" Strong Soul asked.

"You and me, yes," Night Star said, nodding. "Not the others, though."

"How do you know?"

"I talked with Stargazer about it a while ago. He gets glimpses sometimes, but never the whole thing. Remember, love, I'm your Frr'a'narr'ou. We're bonded in a way that neither of the others can be."

"Stagazer comes very close. Especially when you were healing."

"He's your OuwRrrahr'a'tan'ou. His bond is quite close to ours, but different. He's your general, your protector and I'm your mate. Two different things, but both need love and trust."

"One of these days, I might understand all of this," Strong Soul muttered.

"It's not like you've had a lot of time to study since you came aboard. We've kept you pretty busy. Besides, I'd feel kind of useless if I didn't have to teach you all about our people all the time."

"Well, we can't have that," Strong Soul said through her chuckle.

"Pardon me, Jason," Micah's voice sounded from the speakers. "We will arrive at the wave separation point in thirty minutes relative."

"Are you picking up any exit nodes, Micah?" Night Star asked.

"No. This area of space appears untouched. The most recent charts in my data files date to over fifty Terran years ago. It appears that no survey vessels have returned."

"These are the coordinates, right?" Strong Soul asked.

"We will be within one light hour of the coordinates Morning Dawn provided," Micah answered.

"Well, I guess there's nothing for it," Night Star said. "Prepare to drop sail, Micah. And wake the others. They'd never forgive us if we let them sleep through this."

Night Stood with his tea in one hand and held out his other to Strong Soul.

"Shall we, then?" he said with a twinkling in his eyes.

"We shall," she replied, laying her hand in his.

***

"Sails retracted, wave separation complete," Micah intoned. Strong Soul smiled silently, reflecting on just how common that saying had become.

"Thank you, Micah," Night Star said, watching his monitor. "What's the best place to jump out?"

"It would appear that anywhere near is suitable to exit hyper. Without an exit node, there is no least-time point."

Night Star looked at Strong Soul and shrugged. "I guess now is as good a time as any. Are you ready?"

Strong Soul watched the wave fading off into the black of hyper and pushed the queasy feeling in her stomach off to the side. She finally turned back to face Night Star and nodded.

He smiled at her and then turned to look at Stargazer and First Spark, both of them crammed into the small seats behind the main bridge seats.

"First Spark, are you ready?" he asked.

She nodded in return and leaned back in the seat to close her eyes in preparation. Night Star laughed at her eagerness, the girl obviously not fazed in the slightest by her last jump across the hyper wall.

Strong Soul still remembered the first jump, though, and she couldn't help the little bit of anxiety that crept through the memory. It was worse knowing that on the other side of the wall was supposed to be the largest collections of Mrr'tani outside Avalon. She didn't know for sure what would happen when they crossed the wall, but she wasn't looking forward to it.

Still, there was nothing to be done about it. As much as she longed to sail past and into the void, it wasn't something she could do and they all knew it. She felt the silence descend over her once again and she reached out to Night Star's mind with her own, touching the ever-present tendrils of his thoughts. She brought First Spark along with her and together, the three of them enfolded Stargazer within their bubble.

She felt Stargazer recoil and Night Star's wonder when they both felt Micah included in their joining and the four of them sat back with their hands off their controls to give Micah all the control he needed, none of them feeling the need to interfere. It was a slightly alien feeling to Night Star, as used as he was to doing everything for himself. There was a cardinal rule among spacers that even he followed not to leave everything to the computer, but joined as they were to Micah, none of them could truly consider him only a computer any longer.

Space outside the windows flared brightly and the ship crossed over the border between hyper and real space, the stars shifting into view. Space around the ship was speckled with the boulders of asteroids, some small enough that they reminded Strong Soul of the rocks she climbed around her pool by the cottage, and some resembled planets all on their own hanging barren and lonely between the stars.

As soon as the shift was complete, the silence around Strong Soul seemed to press inward, as if the press of the minds around her was something physical against the heavy curtain of Night Star's void.

<Are you ready, love?> he asked in her mind.

Strong Soul braced herself for what she knew was coming and she sent a mental nod to Night Star. Catcher's voice startled her as she heard it whispering in her mind.

<Remember, just be open. You don't need to do anything, just be,> she said before fading away again.

Strong Soul didn't have enough time to acknowledge her before the curtain dropped and the wave of thousands of Mrr'tani minds crashed over hers.

But it wasn't just her mind this time. There were four of them joined together as one, and when the wave hit, there was more than just her, and the presence of the other minds right next to hers made the blow manageable. Together, they rode the wave and Strong Soul's mind reached out, touching the others, feeling the desperation that each one held, the longing for exactly what she presented.

Every single mind touched Strong Soul's and with every connection she felt her own mind growing stronger and stronger. Where she would have pushed back, frightened and wary, the words from Catcher in her mind almost forced her to accept them for what they were, and instead of a struggle, it was like nothing she'd ever felt before.

Her three companions joined in the symphony of the minds swirling around her, all of them joyous, yet some were guarded. Strong Soul understood the instinct to keep the mind separate from all the others, something the Mrr'tani had been conditioned over years to do, to be distrustful of one another and of everyone around them, yet none of them could fight the sheer pleasure and rightness that the links inspired.

Micah brought her mind back to the physical world after a few moments, though.

"Strong Soul," he said quietly and reverently, "there is a communication addressed to you."

She reached out and tapped the flashing indicator on her screen and it lit up with a Mrr'tanah's face. The face was old and regal and was covered in the spots of the jungle clan. When she spoke, her voice carried the accent of Duat.

"Welcome to Mss'ranaw, Keeper of Hearts," she said, her voice deep and respectful. "We've been expecting you."