FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Robin took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as she prepared to walk out into the auditorium. This was a good moment in her life, after all. Right? She closed her eyes and just walked herself through the calming routines she had been... well, forced to learn over the years.

In her memory, she drifted back to the last time that she'd come out onto this stage in front of the school. It had been to receive an award for winning a martial arts tournament for the school. She'd been dressed differently for that day. She'd had her gi on, though the actual competition had been days before, wearing her coral belt with pride.

The main blemish on that memory had been the... generally mild enthusiasm that the other children at the school had exhibited. Jiu-jitsu was hardly one of the more revered sports, but still. Her victory in it was one that she had taken great pride in. At least her victories for the school on the football pitch and on the track had gotten more enthusiastic responses. The only downside for Robin had been that she hadn't really been able to take personal pride in those victories. Those had always been part of a team victory. But this tournament had been her personal victory.

She opened her eyes once more, looking out into the auditorium, scanning the rows for Sister Caroline, who had become the closest thing to a mother that she'd known for... several years now. She'd been the one who had advocated for Robin to remain at Saint Sophia after her mother's passing. That memory caused her jaw to clench as she forced back the tears that came with it.

She'd come to the convent to be cared for by the sisters when her mother had been diagnosed with cancer. She'd fought against it, begging for them to find another way, but at fourteen, she had no other family to go to. None who could take her in, and none who could allow her to be within visiting distance of her mother in the hospital.

Sister Caroline had been the one to comfort her and care for her as she processed her anger and frustration. The other nuns... and the Mother Superior in particular had been far less tolerant of her tantrums and outbursts, but Caroline had the patience to see her through all of those, and in time, she had come to accept the convent as her home for the time being... as much as she knew that it would only be a temporary home. She wasn't the kind of person who could ever be comfortable living as a sister herself when she was old enough.

Memories of her time at the convent caused more memories to flood in over her. In particular, her mother's funeral. Leading up to it, she had all but been a jibbering wreck, and many of the things in her room had suffered in her outburst. However, by the time she made it to the graveyard, the fires of her rage and grief had burned down to ashes, leaving her somber and cold... the way the nuns expected her to be.

Though, the graveyard itself nearly caused another surge of rage and would have if she hadn't been so emotionally burned out at that point. The headstone next to her mother's grave had a name on it that she had come to hate over the years... even before his passing when she was twelve. Her father... had been a drug addict. He'd been brilliant at many things, but almost all of the money he had earned went into fueling the addiction that, in the end, had claimed him.

She'd refused to go to his funeral when he had passed. The fires of her rage were entirely too hot at that time, and there was no way that she would have been able to contain the inferno for the decorum that would have been expected at the church or the yard. It was a small mercy that his passing had largely been handled quietly by the church. Likely out of shame at the means of his death... from an overdose of heroin. The bare minimum had been done for him... but he was still buried in the yard.

And her mother was being buried next to him. Robin... really wasn't sure how to feel about that. But there was nothing left in her that day to really complain. Besides, what use would it have been... she was still just a child. A “misanthrope" as she'd heard the Mother Superior refer to her a number of times when she didn't know that Robin was in earshot.

Robin understood that she was a misfit. Her vivid red hair was usually hidden under a hoodie, which also served to hide the piercings she had in her ears, thankfully. Still, it wasn't proper for a young lady to dress in so much black on a regular basis. And her boots were... well, those were the kind of boots that one would wear into combat, not around the streets of Nottingham, let alone Saint Sophia.

The nuns had even come to... begrudgingly respect her athletic interests. Lacrosse had been one of the easier ones for them to accept. Football had also been... easy enough. Those were at least sports suited to a driven young woman. Even track had been... acceptable.

Especially compared to some of the other sports that Robin had delved into. Jiu-Jitsu had been a hard pill for them to swallow, as had archery. Initially, the Mother Superior was all but ready to forbid her from practicing those sports, but Sister Caroline had advocated on Robin's behalf, and after a few months, it was clear that they were providing the young woman with focus and discipline. And so the Mother Superior had to begrudgingly admit, in private, that they were... acceptable for Robin to continue practicing.

Her skateboard, though... well, Robin had needed to hide that outside of the convent when she had been forbidden to bring it onto the grounds. Still, it had been a trusty companion beyond the walls of the convent, allowing her a greater degree of freedom around the city. It had even allowed her to engage in pastimes that she... never even told Sister Caroline about.

Especially the activities that she enjoyed after lights out for the convent. She'd quickly found a weak spot in the convent's security after being... consigned here after her mother's hospitalization. She'd needed the outlet... the breathing room away from the disciplined confines of the church. They were kind to her, and all, but it just wasn't her... natural environment, even at fourteen.

She'd found her people among the late-night crowds, and made sure that those same crowds learned to respect her. After a few run-ins with real punks, it became understood among the community that Robin was not one to mess with and that you would never know where she had a knife or two tucked away on her. What they could be certain of was that Robin knew how to put those knives to very good use in defending herself, or anyone else in the vicinity who she felt needed it. Usually, other young women who would otherwise have been easy prey for the... less scrupulous members of the community.

Another thing that came to be understood about Robin was that she was a skilled card player, and one to be respected. Still, even with that respect, it didn't stop her from earning a pretty penny playing poker in the evenings. She was careful not to advertise how well she did, especially not to the nuns, though she did tithe fairly well on Sundays. It had also, mercifully for the sisters, allowed her to purchase some good headphones so that they wouldn't have to share in the music that she enjoyed, which was decidedly far removed from the liturgical music that was favored in the convent.

Robin took one more deep breath as she opened her eyes, waiting only a little longer before it was her turn to step out onto the stage to receive her diploma. This was where her traditional education would end. She hadn't gotten the grades to go on to any kind of A-level, let alone university... not that she'd have been able to afford uni even with sports scholarships. But that didn't bother her, because she hadn't expected to go any further than this. She would be alright. Lots of people got along with jobs that didn't need college.

---

She'd been out of school for a couple of weeks now, and the nuns had let her stay in the convent until she got things together well enough to move out. It definitely changed the mood of the place, though. It was clear that some of them still regarded her, fundamentally, as a child, but there was an extra level of respect from a number of the nuns. She wasn't sure if some of them thought that she might take orders and join them, but that was never really an option for Robin.

She'd at least managed to get a job at a store in the town, and she found it... actually modestly enjoyable, except for all of the amazingly entitled customers that came through. That was easily the most painful aspect of the job. That... and how pushy the management was. I mean, sure, she was fresh out of secondary school, but that didn't mean they needed to treat her like shit. But, then again, watching the way that they treated the other employees... her junior status didn't seem to put her at much more of a disadvantage than the others.

Still, she just breathed and stuck it out, understanding that this was just part of life now that she was out of school. She plugged away, doing her job as best she could through the days, and at the end of her second week, she went and got her paycheck from her boss. She resisted the urge to open it up right away, and took it back to the convent. Rather than go to her room, she went to find Sister Caroline and found a room where they could sit together and open it up.

She knew that it wasn't a high-paying job - that kind of thing was just beyond her, but she at least had hope that it would be decent. When she looked at the bottom line, her heart sank down into the pit of her stomach. She felt sick. She scrambled to pull out her phone, pulling up the calculator, and quickly set to work doing the math.

Caroline could see the horror on her face turn to hot rage as she pulled out a notebook she kept on her and flipped through the pages, finding some of the notes she'd prepared. She scribbled down some math in the margin and then stared at it blankly. “I would need... two... if not three jobs... just like this... just to survive..." she said, her voice cold and flat. Caroline had known her long enough to recognize that didn't mean an absence of emotion from Robin... it meant that she was in a very dangerous place of anger.

Seeing the math and everything, she could tell that Robin was right, and her heart broke for the young woman. “I... can't argue... because that's... the apartment place you were looking at, and it isn't... a fancy one... but you barely make enough to even pay rent... never mind everything else..." she said, feeling pretty angry, herself, though she was much more subdued about it than the already normally quite fiery young woman she was sitting here with.

Robin stared at her math so hard that it would be remarkable if the notebook didn't catch on fire from the intensity of her glare. She took a long, slow breath, closing her eyes and working to think the situation through. She rested her elbows on the table for a moment, just letting her brain work before she picked the notebook up again, flipping backwards through it, looking over the pages where she'd taken notes over the last several years.

As she did, her expression relaxed, her mind running the calculations without needing to turn to her phone. She might need to find a different place to stay... and she'd need to find a less soul-draining job than the one she had... but if her numbers from the last few years were correct, she might actually be able to pull all of this off. It wouldn't necessarily be... legal... definitely not above the board. That's why she'd need somewhere else to live. Somewhere that didn't expect proof of your source of income to pay rent.

It would be a step backward to a certain degree... but she couldn't just stay here at the convent forever. Not without taking orders, and she wasn't cut out to be a nun. She closed her eyes for a short moment once more before she looked up at Caroline, a smile on her face. “I think I've got a plan."