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The day I talked to Tarik changed everything for me. Hearing what he experienced during the war and sharing our stories was difficult but it opened my eyes... All these years, I felt guilty to have survived it and tried to forget what happened there... But listening to him made me realize that I didn't felt guilty to have survived it... I felt guilty because I was afraid to move and to forget... I was given a second chance and I was wasting it by dwelling in the past and neglecting the present... I should never forget because it only makes me see the true value of life... So I had to live my life as best I can... To love those who truly care for you... But most importantly, to make a difference in someone else's life in any way imaginable, no matter how small and inconsiderate it might seem... Because even the smallest of gestures can mean the world to someone... After all, isn't that the point of our existence...? To live our lives as best we can in our short existence here on earth...? To give a meaning to your own existence...? What else is there to do besides that...? People always say that you shouldn't change who you are... But are those changes not necessary in order to become a good person...? Isn't that what you get to decide for yourself...? It takes a lot of strength to break through old habits and even though it's not always that easy, it's still necessary sometimes... And I realized I couldn't continue to live my life the way I did... But talking to Tarik opened my eyes... It wasn't until then I finally understood what my father told me all these years ago... We're too busy to live our lives that we forget what it means to be alive... It inspired me to make the most important change I ever had to make for myself... But no one can ever expect to make it through without the help of others...

Feeling the warm sun shining on me almost made me doze off in a relaxing sleep... A soft cool summer's breeze gently swept over me as I heard the sound of trickling water across the waterfront... The sound of kids playing at the playground up ahead... Birds chirruping in the trees above... Wiggling my toes in the cool grass... I haven't felt so relaxed in ages... For the first time in my life, I felt I was able to start all over again... I was there that Saturday morning in the park, just to relax... Found a nice spot near the lake where I placed down a towel and wrote several things down for myself... Some sort of a check-list, if you will... But after a while, I stopped and lied down, resting my head on my backpack and felt myself dozing off in the warm sun... After a while however, someone or something was blocking the sun and I heard an all familiar voice... 'Hey...'

I slowly opened my eyes and even though I already knew who it was by the sound of his voice, I couldn't see who it was at first... But once my eyes adjusted to the light, I kept staring at him with a smile on my face... 'Hi, Blain...' 'How are you doing...?' 'Not too bad... Just enjoying the nice weather while it lasts...' 'Can't blame that you do...' 'Hehe... How about you...?' 'Yeah, I'm okay... I thought you might be here... Took me an hour just to find you... I know you need time alone but uh... I haven't heard from you in a while and I was starting to get worried so...'

'... You feel like keeping me company then?'

'Always...'

I stood up and placed the towel sideways so that the two of us could sit down. Once we did, Blain and I were staring at the lake... I saw these cute fluffy little ducklings, swimming after their mother... Just up ahead was an old feline lady feeding the ducks with her grandson presumably, and that's where the ducks were heading... I couldn't help but to smile when I saw that... I got snapped out of it when Blain broke the silence and I turned my head to face him...

'Listen, uh... Ever since that night, you've, uhm...'

'Heh...'

'I-I just want you to be okay and if there's anything... Just let me know, okay...? Talk to me... Please...'

'It's okay...'

'No, it's not! I shouldn't have gone through with it that night...! I should've known what it does to you a-and-'

'It really gnaws on you, doesn't it...?'

'It does, yeah...

'Hm...'

'Isn't what's on your mind...? Why you need time alone...?'

'No, not really...'

It stayed silent between the two of us for a while as we kept staring ahead... With everything that was happening, I should've kept in touch with him, seeing as he still felt guilty...

'Blain...?'

'Hm...?'

'You really think that's the reason why I needed time alone...?'

'I haven't heard from you since so...'

'Well yeah but... What happened that night made me question what I really look for after I saw you doubting...'

'Really...?'

'Yeah... I went to the park the next day to get several things on paper in order to find out and to clear my mind... But I met a little girl that day who was going through very difficult times... And yet she was very cheerful and content with her life...'

'Oh...?'

'One thing led to the next and talking to her made me wonder why I never was able to be content with my life as well... So I had to set something straight for myself...'

'You went to see Tarik, didn't you...?'

'I did... I talked to him about the war... And in all these years, I was striving for answers and tried to forget what happened there...'

'I see...'

'Tarik gave up his search for answers long ago and I just couldn't understand why... Because living with the hope that someone can answer it for you kept us going for all these years... So why would you give up hope when you know it's the only thing that keeps you going...?'

'Because no one can answer it for you...'

'And I never wanted to believe that... All these years, I thought I felt guilty to have survived it but... Talking to Tarik made me realize that I was afraid to let go... Afraid to move on and to forget about them... I tried to forget what happened there for so long but I realize that I should never forget... Because Tarik and I know the value of family and friends like no other... And I seemed to have forgotten about the family and friends I have now...'

'Heh...'

'I was neglecting a second chance that was given me by looking for answers in the past...'

'I see...'

'Tarik and I shared our stories and uhm... It wasn't easy, I can tell you that...'

'I can imagine...'

'But it really opened my eyes... He told me to live a good life... That I owe that to my loved ones... To those who didn't make it... And that's exactly what I'm gonna try to do... I just have no idea where to start...'

Blain looked at me and had a weak smile on his face the moment he placed his arm around my shoulder... I leaned towards him and rested my head against his cheek as I sighed quietly...

'So that's why you needed time alone...'

'Yeah... But I appreciate you came looking for me... I really do... It means a lot to me...'

'Hehe...'

'But I should've stayed in touch with you... I know you felt miserable about it and I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression...'

'I don't feel miserable about it, it's just... I thought I might've done or said something that made you upset...'

'No, you didn't...'

I looked at Blain and smiled at him once more when he sighed in relief...

'Okay so...'

'Soooooooo...'

'What's gonna happen between us now, Ceylan...?'

'What do you mean...?'

'Are we gonna pretend that night never took place...?'

'I can't pretend as if nothing ever happened...'

'Oh...'

'And I don't really see a reason why I should... Because this is what I want... I want us to be together whenever we feel the need to... As long as we're on the same line...'

'I suppose, yeah...'

'I mean, we pulled it off before back when we were teens...'

'Because we were young, stupid and naïve...'

'And we're still young and stupid... We're just not that naïve anymore...'

'Hehehe... Maybe... But it shouldn't stop us from seeing other people...'

'Exactly... We just got to let it happen whenever it happens...'

Blain smiled at me and kicked back to relax. But when he did, we both heard a crunching sound of paper being torn. Blain looked down and he noticed he sat on my piece of paper. He quickly got up and handed the piece of paper over to me but it already torn the moment he sat on it. Blain looked at me a little worried but the piece of paper itself wasn't that important... Nothing that couldn't be replaced... I smiled at him as I took the piece of paper out of his hands...

'Damn it...'

'It's okay, no big deal...'

'What were you writing?'

'Hm... Have you ever seen The Bucket List?'

'No?'

'It's a movie with Morgan Freeman about two guys who are terminally ill. They share a bucket list together and do things they've always wanted to do before they die.'

'Ah...'

'It had me thinking really.'

'Did it?'

'Hm-mm... When Tarik said that I should live a good life, I was wondering what really makes me happy and what I need to do in order to live a good life... The only way for me to find out is to write it down for myself...'

'Can I see it?'

'Sure...'

I handed the piece of paper back to him as he carefully read it. There weren't a lot of things on it yet but it'll come...

"Sharing a mutual love with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

'Hehehe...'

"... Skydiving??"

'Yes! Haha!'

"Travel the world."

'I've always loved the idea of travelling but I never got around to it.'

"Watch the sunrise at the beach."

'Hm-mm...'

"Share a passionate kiss underneath the starry blue night sky..."

'Uhm, yeah... Hehehe....'

"Write a book"... Now there's a nice one. You know what it's going to be about?'

'Naaah... I'll find something...'

'Awwww... "See my loved ones accomplish their dreams..."

'Hihi...'

"Attend a cosplay??"

'Haha! Yeeeeeeah... Not sure if I'm gonna scrap that one...'

'Who'd you go for?'

'Uhm... I'd love to cosplay as Kitana from Mortal Kombat... Or any other female character from a fighting game.'

'Hehehe... You've got the moves though...'

'Yeeeeeeah, but I'm pretty sure Kitana isn't a tigress... Also, not quite sure if I'd feel comfortable wearing those skimpy outfits.'

'Ling Xiou Yu from Tekken or Chun-Li from Street Fighter would suit you better though.'

'Oh yeah! I'd definitely go as either one!'

'Hehehe... Let's see, what else do we have here?'

'I'd really love the next one.'

"Ride all the rollercoasters at Chamberlain Heights" ... For real??'

'Yup.'

'Even those scary ass rides?'

'... Yup. And you're coming with me.'

'Ah hell no, I don't want to end up sitting next to a puking kid again.'

'Everything went fine the last time we went to the fun-fair!' No one was puking on you!'

'Yeah, but this is different. This is like, a big ass amusement park with big ass scary rides.'

'Would wearing a poncho make you feel better?'

'... No. Moving on. "Go snowboarding." Nice, I'd like that.'

'You'd come with me then?'

'Definitely.'

'Sweet...'

'And that's all of them.'

'For now, Things will undoubtedly be added as I go along...'

'You forgot one thing though.'

'What'd I forget?'

'Gimme that pen.'

I handed him my pen and Blain started to scribble something down on that piece of paper. Once he was done, he handed that piece of paper back to me. After I've read it, I couldn't help but to smile at him...

"Enjoy an ice-cream together with Blain at the park..."

'Hehehe... My treat.'

'Awww... I'd like that...'

'Come on...'

I quickly packed my things and we were on our way. There's a kiosk on the other end of the lake where they sell all kinds of snacks and ice-cream. Blain and I walked over the wooden bridge that spanned the lake in order to get to the other side. While we were walking, the two of us were talking about all sorts of things. Once we reached the other side of the lake, I noticed it was relatively quiet near the kiosk. Blain went ahead to buy us ice-creams and I sat down at a table at the picknick area, overlooking the lake. It's a beautiful sight, I can tell you that... The water shimmering in the bright sun... Lush, green trees in the distance... Birds singing everywhere... I loved coming to Highmeadow park... Things seem so much more peaceful here... People are way more relaxed... And even though the park itself wasn't too far outside the city, the whole atmosphere was just so much different... Almost perfect... People here seem so much more friendlier than in the big city... But I suppose they sometimes need to relax and unwind and appreciate the beauty around us... I was staring in the distance until I got snapped out of it by a gentle nudge...

'Here you go.'

'Hm? Oh! Thanks, dude.'

'Cornetto, right?'

'Yeah, they're my favorite. Thank you...'

'Don't mention it.'

Blain sat across me at the picknick table and as we both unwrapped our ice-creams, the two of us were looking in each other's eyes... I couldn't help to giggle nervously when he smiled right back at me... It's funny because we've known each other for well over fourteen years now... And yet I still seemed to be a little shy whenever he looked at me the way he did...

'Talking to Tarik seemed to have done you some good.'

'Yeah... Yeah, it did... Although it wasn't easy...'

'I can imagine...'

'You know... Tarik said that I reminded him of his daughter... And for him to see me reminded him what it was like to be a father, what it used to be and what it could've been... And, uhm... Heh... It was very moving to hear his story...'

'Hm...'

'But in order for him to live his new life here, he had to let go of his old life... Something I was never able to... I always kept dwelling in the past and neglecting the present, neglecting the second chance that was given me... And I always thought I felt guilty to have survived it but truth is... I felt guilty because I was afraid to move on and to forget about my family...'

It stayed silent for a moment as I took a bite from my Cornetto... Blain however, kept staring at me, waiting for me to continue...

'Tarik told me there once was a time where he felt guilty as well... To have survived it... We both know what it's like to lose everyone and everything... But now we're here, surrounded by other people who love and care for us... And they need us just as much as we need them, even though it might not always seem like that... I should be thankful that they've shared their lives with me... Grateful that they're still part of my life, even though they're not with me... And Tarik said that I should never forget that...'

'Heh...'

'But what really got me was when he told me that I need to live a good life... Because I owe that to my loved ones...'

'Right...'

'That's when my eyes were opened... In all these years, I had to pretend that everything was fine... Trying tostay positive isjust sodifficult whenthere's so little to be positive about... But I suppose that's just me being cynical about the world and everyone who inhabits it... Sometimes, you need someone who points you in the right direction and shows you that the world doesn't have to be a bad place to live in...'

'Hm...'

'All I can do is to live my life as best I can... The only question is how...'

'You'll find a way...'

'Maybe... But ever since I talked to him, I feel the need to search for them...'

'To search for your brother and dad?'

'Yeah... I know it's meaningless but... I think it'll help me... And I'm thinking about contacting the Red Cross, like you told me to...'

'It wouldn't be the first time a family got reunited after many years...'

'I know but... I think it's best for me not to cling on to the idea that they somehow survived...'

'So you're gonna write the Red Cross so that it gives you closure?'

'Yes... It's the least I can do...'

'I see...'

'It might help me to move on but... I'm scared, you know...?'

'What are you afraid of...?'

'Afraid of things still to come... Afraid of things that might happen...'

'Is that why you need time alone...? Why you isolate yourself...?'

'Heh...'

I saw from the corners of my eyes that Blain kept staring at me when I averted my eyes from him... Blain sighed quietly and then kept staring ahead of him...

'You know... What happened at O'Malley's shouldn't stop you from going out...'

'The guy had a knife, Blain...'

'And yet you fucked him up pretty good. You could've run that night and fled the scene but... You didn't... You came back and stood by me... I don't know what would've to me happened if you didn't...'

'You make it sound like it's a good thing...'

'It WAS the right thing, considering the situation.

'I'm not so sure about that...'

Blain shook his head and sighed quietly... It stayed silent for another and I could see him thinking whenever I was looking at him... At some point, he placed his hand on mine and I stared right back at him...

'Do you remember when I got involved in that car accident several years ago? I only had my drivers license for two days and a car was backing out from a parking space. I came in his blind spot and I didn't hit the brakes in time. The whole rear end was damaged because of it.'

'Yeah...?'

'I knew it wasn't my fault but despite that, I didn't want to drive anymore because I was afraid I might cause another accident again. But my dad told me to get back at the wheel and drive home, even though I didn't want to.'

'Why?'

'I didn't understand at the time but he later explained why he made me drive home. If I didn't, I probably would've never got behind the wheel ever again. But when he told me to keep on driving, I conquered my fear of causing another accident. Up to this day, I'm still driving.'

'Heh...'

'You see where I'm getting at?'

'Yeah...'

'My mother once told me something when I was little and it stayed with me ever since. I got bullied because I was short and fat and I'd rather wanted to stay most of my life indoors, where it was safe.'

'That's how I feel...'

'You know what my mother said to me when she found me crying in my room one day?'

'What'd she tell you...?'

'She told me that a ship is safe in its own harbor but it's not meant to stay there. And even though I was scared, I still ventured outside, trying to make friends and have fun. That's how I met you all these years ago. Because I recognized something familiar when I first saw you, something that I've experienced as well.'

'What'd you see in me?'

'You were alone, just like I was.'

'Heh...'

'If my mother didn't tell me to go outside and make friends, I would still be lonely... And I'd stare out of my window at the foreign girl next door, wondering who she is, afraid to talk to her...'

'I see...'

'Listen... Don't let some assholes and a bunch of bad experiences take you down... I know you've been through a lot in your life... You've been through a lot of things in your youth most people don't get to experience in their entire lifetime... '

'Heh...'

'They say old people are the wisest because of their life experience but what good does it do if they've stared outside a window all of their lives, wondering how it should've been and how it could've been? What are they supposed to tell you if you ask them for advice?Life is measured in experiences and not in years alone...'

'True...'

'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... And you're stronger than you think, Ceylan... I saw how you've isolated yourself before and I don't wanna see you going down that same road again... Because I fucking love you and you're the best girl anyone could ever wish for... Don't ever let it bring you down... Because I don't know what'd I do without you....'

I looked Blain in the eyes and what I saw was heart wrenching... This is what Tarik meant when he said to me that we have our lives here, surrounded by people who love and care for us... That we need them just as much as they need us... I got a little emotional myself when I heard him speak up his mind about me... And at that point, I got up and sat next to him, holding him close and kissed his cheek... Blain puts an arm around my shoulder and held on to me... I can't tell you how that made me feel... Just another reassurance that whatever was thrown at me, I wouldn't be alone and I had someone who had my back... Someone who stays with you no matter what happened... I had a weak smile on my face as I rested my head on his shoulder as he gently caressed my hair...

'You really mean that, Blain...?'

'Of course... You're my girl... And I'm here for you just as you've always been there for me...'

'Thank you...'

'See to it that you finish that list and that you'll be able to check everything off... Only then will you be able to say that you've lived your life as best you can...'

'Yeah...'

'I'd like to add something to that list, if you don't mind.'

'Sure...'

I grabbed my sheet of papier and pen and handed it over to him... Blain quickly scribbled something down and when he handed it back to me, I saw what he wrote down... "No fear"... I looked at him and had a weak smile on my face... When he handed my pen back to me, Blain kept looking at me...

'It's in your hands now...'

I kept staring at it for a while... But that's when I did it... I checked it off... "No fear"... Up to this day, whenever things look down and I'm scared of things to come, I look at that list and be reminded of what he said to me that day... It reminded me that I had to keep on going and push through, no matter the odds... It helped me more than he would ever realize... And up to this day, I'm still grateful... I gave Blain another kiss on his cheek and held him close... As I was cuddling him, I could see an old couple sitting on a bench up ahead... The two of them were smiling at us and at each other as they were holding hands... I supposed they saw everything... Perhaps the two of us reminded them of their love for each other when they were young... And all I could think of was how much setbacks that old couple experienced in their lives... And yet there they were that day, smiling at each other and holding hands... They've managed to overcome every obstacle that was ever thrown in their way and yet they've made it through... When the old woman looked at me and smiled, I couldn't help but to think that I wanted to accomplish the same things in life that she did... And I knew I could... All it took was a smile... That day was the start of a new life for me... The start of the second chance that was given me...