Ander - Part 4: Subchapter 30
30
It was black, but it was also not black. Kadai could see shapes swimming in the darkness, moving from one side to the other like silver fish, leaving glowing trails behind them, constantly shifting in colour. Was this a dream? He wanted to reach out and catch them, but he couldn't see his arms. Did that mean he didn't have arms anymore, or was it just too dark? He wasn't sure. Maybe he was just another one of those glowing fish, swimming back and forth, no purpose, but also no worries. Was that a good or a bad thing? He wasn't sure about anything anymore, except for this gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach (did he still have a stomach?), telling him that he needed to move, that there was important work to be done, that his people needed him. But what could be so important it made him feel like throwing up just thinking about it?
Kadai didn't like this place anymore. It was pretty, but it was also frightening. It felt like he was being held here against his will, a cage without bars or walls or locks, just pure darkness.
He strained against this alien feeling and the darkness wavered. For a moment he thought he could see the walls of his tent flashing through the blackness, dyed a golden brown by the setting sun, and then the darkness was back, filled with those silent lines of colour, swimming back and forth so lazily, without a care in the world.
But it was wrong. It wasn't real. That brief flash of brown, the hazy rays of sunlight, that was real, that was where he needed to be.
Kadai opened his eyes, but the swimming colours were still there, swirling around the support post of his tent like spectral snakes, coiling around each other, their glow illuminating the hides and furs with swatches of green and blue and pink. They were even slithering all over his body, but they had no weight to them, no substance. They were like the phantom dots that danced in your vision if you glanced at the sun too many times.
Kadai blinked his eyes, and each time he did, the snakes became a little paler. Eventually they faded away to nothing, one by one, and he was left lying on his back, all alone in his tent, breathing heavily with sweat pouring down his forehead, wondering what on earth had happened to him.
He sat up and a wave of dizziness overtook him, making the whole world tilt beneath his body. He could actually see it happening, listing to the left, as if the Cora had decided to flip everything onto its side. Kadai shook his head and the feeling passed, but just barely. He still felt woozy, and his heart was fluttering in his chest like a hummingbird. He was so tired, like he hadn't slept at all. Was that really a dream? If it was, it wasn't like any dream he had ever experienced.
He looked around, but Shekka was gone. No surprise, really. She's probably by the Cora statue, or in her witch's tent. Is that why he felt such a strong need to wake up? Did he want to talk to her? He remembered there was something... bad... that happened... Did they have an argument?
Kadai rubbed his forehead. A pounding headache had sprung up completely out of nowhere, throbbing inside his skull as if a giant tree had taken root there, its thorny vines worming their way into the soft tissues of his brain. It felt like his head would simply explode and his brains would leak out of his ears, imaginary tree and all...
Kadai groaned and carefully stood up, moving very slowly because the ground was still listing a little, throwing him off-balance.
He didn't have time for this. Things were moving too fast for him, he knew that, but... what? Why did he feel like this? There was something... important... he had to do...
Kadai hit the ground before he even knew he was falling. The noise of the impact didn't sound right to his ears, more like the hollow boom of a drum than flesh against sand.
What was happening to him?
He grabbed a fistful of canvas and pulled himself upright, the sounds of his fingers brushing against the side of his tent amplified to that of a crushing waterfall. Each step he took reverberated through his skull, threatening to split it right open.
He stumbled outside and the yellow light of the dying sun was like a million burning spears, covering the sky more completely than even the darkest of stormclouds. They burned his eyes and scorched his very soul. He could feel the fur on his arms and legs singe and curl, the smell of it just like Garten on his funeral pyre. He was being stabbed by an infinite number of daggers, so bright they were practically invisible.
This can't be real, Kadai thought and started to walk. He didn't know where he was walking to, or why he felt such an urgent need to get there so fast, but he walked.
Sometimes things shone through the hellish brightness, dark shapes and forms, grey cones that might have been tents, or might have been mountains, fuzzy outlines that may have been faces, or may have been ghosts.
Where am I going?
There were sounds. Many, many sounds. But they all fused together with what was going on inside of him: the beating of his heart, the rush of blood in his ears, the pounding in his head, making them difficult to understand.
A voice, thunderous and loud: "Chieftain? Are you all right?"
That sounded like Chelda, but where was she? Kadai turned and the whole world turned with him, making it feel like he was barely turning at all. The shards of light left phantom afterimages across his vision, cutting up everything he saw, or thought he saw.
Chelda was standing right there, her head slightly cocked, her eyebrows raised. She looked worried, and she was right to be. There was something definitely wrong with her. Her fangs were much too long, and getting longer. Her ears were getting more pointed, as if her face was being stretched out, and her eyes were turning the deep red of fresh blood.
"Chieftain?" she asked again, her voice unnaturally deep. "You don't look well. Do you... need some help?"
Help? No... he wasn't the one that needed help. It was everyone else... his people... they needed him. They needed him to fix everything, back to like it was before, but better. That was his job. He needed to... do something. Very important. Speak with someone. Speak with...
Lana. I have to talk to Lana.
Did he say that out loud? He wasn't sure. Everything sounded like he was hearing it from deep underwater, muffled and distorted.
Chelda looked even more worried now. The massive red hole that used to be her face opened and closed, like she was trying to say something, but no words came out.
She didn't know.
Kadai continued on his way, walking down a path he could barely see, twisting and turning like a massive snake beneath his feet. But was he walking towards the tail, or the head? He'd probably find out soon enough.
So many faces staring at him, flitting through the burning murk, so twisted and misshapen he could barely recognise them.
"Chieftain?"
This face only had one ear, but it looked more like a horn sticking out of the side of its head, long and curved, ready to gore.
You tried to kill my son, Kadai tried to say, but did any words come out? All the noise outside and the thoughts inside sounded the same. He wanted to ask this Wolf if he had heard him with that broken ear, if he felt any remorse at all for his actions, if he had any idea what it felt like to watch your own flesh and blood brutalized before your very eyes...
But the face was melting.
Kadai watched in awestruck horror as the ear first drooped, then dripped right off with a wet plop.
Hyker... that's his name. This is Hyker...
His eyes boiled and ran down his cheeks in thick streams of red and white, pulling strands of fur along with it like a raging river might pull trees from the banks. Chunks of meat dribbled from his chin like tallow until there was only a red, dripping skull staring back at him with empty sockets, steaming in the golden rays.
"What are you staring it?" it asked, clacking its sharp teeth together. "Is there something on my face?"
No, Kadai thought. Nothing at all.
He kept walking, or at least, he believed he was still walking. His footsteps were getting numb, and since the whole world had been flooded with those evil rays of light, it was difficult to tell if he was making any progress. At least the skull was gone.
Lana... where's Lana? I have to speak with her. And Danado. Where are they?
Kadai turned in a complete circle, but he couldn't see anything through the blurred shards of light, coming straight down from heaven to pierce the earth, to pierce him. He felt so hot, like he might burst into flames at any second, turn into a bonfire, turn into a pyre, turn into ash, blow away with the wind.
The mountain... the mountain was bathed in it, saturated with it, reflecting it down on the village, filling the air with a white hot glow. Did no one else see this? Did no one else feel this? This was almost like... a judgement.
The moment that word entered his mind, the infinite rays started to dim. They faded away and winked out of existence, just as the snakes had, leaving long vertical slashes of pure blackness in the sky, like the clawmarks of a giant.
And right in front of him was the Cora statue, with its arms spread wide and its multitude of eyes staring down at the puny, pitiful creature he had become, only... this wasn't a mere statue anymore. It was moving.
The eyes in its hands and forehead were blinking, the stone claws curling, the lips pulling back into a massive snarl.
This is the god Shekka loves so much, Kadai thought. He didn't feel fear or anger, just sadness that the she-wolf he loved would resort to giving her heart wholly to a creature incapable of loving back. That much was obvious just by the sheer amount of rage emanating from its wooden body like a hot breeze, so intense it felt like he was being cooked alive.
Was he... dying?
A hot, bitter flood pushed up his throat and burst out of his mouth. He sank down to his knees, unable to breathe, his eyes and nose burning with the stink of it. He looked down and saw that he had just vomited a great big puddle of blood onto the ground. He could see his own reflection staring back at him from the red depths, the haggard countenance of someone who cannot be much longer for this world. Blood dripped from its mouth and flew up to the surface to meet with its counterpart, dripping from his own lips in perfect sync. They clashed, the ripples distorting the bloody face even further, turning it into the face of a red demon.
You were never there for her, Kadai, it whispered. It's your fault she became like this. Just as you were unfaithful to her with the flesh of an outsider, she was unfaithful to you with the wood and stone of an effigy. You left her all alone to find solace in the hands of a god who could never hold her, the imagined words from a tongue that could never comfort her, the vision of eyes even blinder than her own.
The ripples cleared, but the face that swam up was not his own. It was the Cora, staring up at him from wherever that pool led to, staring with the three lidless, unblinking eyes of a serpent.
How she wished it was you, Kadai. Just you.
Kadai opened his mouth to scream and another jet of bloody vomit spewed from between his lips and splashed all over his chest, burning hot, reeking of death.
The world suddenly tipped onto its side and pain flashed in his head. He could hear screams now, people calling his name. Was that real? He could feel hands, someone turning him over, making him stare into those claw marks in the sky, bleeding light and darkness, swelling shadows, growing night.
He could hear Shekka, asking what happened, and the dull throbbing noises of Wolves who must be very, very far away, but that didn't make any sense because he could see them, grey shapes standing all around him, shoulder to shoulder, like a wall.
Someone screamed. The voice sounded so familiar. Was that Hezzi? The poor boy, he needed his brother now more than ever, but Ander... was so very far away...
The wall of Wolf shadows split open and suddenly Hezzi was there, screaming, screaming, screaming...
"Father! What happened!? Father!!"
Find him, Kadai wanted to say. Forget this place. It holds nothing but pain and suffering. Find your brother, Hezzi. Find him...
But Hezzi was gone, replaced by the screams of many different Wolves, their words crashing into each other, making no sense.
"Let go of me! That's my Father! Let go!"
"Give him some air, pup!"
"Let Shekka-Kai do her work!"
"Father!"
"Kadai?"
A new face materialized before his eyes, breaking through the blinding light like a tree emerging from a thick mist. But why would he think such a thing? Such an odd thing...
It was Shekka bending over him, her brow furrowed in deep concentration. She pawed at his chest and his arms, feeling the hot, sticky blood covering him from neck to waist. She was saying something, but her voice was traveling so slowly, as if there was an abyss between them.
"Drink this, Kadai," she said. "It will make you feel better."
She put something in his mouth and a bittersweet liquid poured down his throat. He choked and coughed, but her hands were strong and she simply forced him to take in every last drop.
It burned at first, just like the light, but then there was... nothing. It was all just going away... going numb. That wasn't so bad. He was tired of all the pain, all the stabbing needles, the pounding headache, and most of all, he was tired of all these horrific visions. He was just... tired. Isn't that why he wanted to sleep in the first place? Maybe now he'd be able to get some rest. Without snakes this time...
The claw marks in the sky grew wider and wider until everything was black, but that was okay. Kadai didn't have to look at them anymore.
He closed his eyes.
And he rested.
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