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It was quite heavy, weighted and energy consuming, enough consuming to make you exhausted inside if you kept talking about it. I was wondering how I could still go on and chit-chat about it with my boyfriend who was a victim of these kinds of thoughts; suicide and suicidal thoughts.

I loved my boyfriend, truly and thoroughly, even though it can be tiring for me inside to keep trying and help my boyfriend from these kinds of demons. Jonas was his name and he slept heavily beside me as he really needed it while I was awake and reflected over the situation.

My name is Michael and I was a white tiger. I would describe myself as a steadfast and faithful person who had fallen in love with a quite depressive wolf. When I ponder about it then it was really weird to love someone who was heavily troubled while I was an excellent example of a successful business man who also could potentially be a victim of a part of depression that was quite common in world of business; it's known as manic-depression. Fortunately my company managed to be unaffected by the ravaging economic crisis that had shaken the world.

I couldn't fall asleep because my Jonas had just confessed to me yesterday (it was about 2 in the morning) that he for the first time in years had suicidal thoughts. It stuck to me and struck me with lightning force as I couldn't do anything else but to worry and be supportive. I wished that I could be more useful than just that when it came to such demanding things. We were both still young; I was 26 and he was 23. He just started his study to become a psychologist even though it was slightly late to start for his age. Anyway, I endorsed his will to become such an ambitious position but in return it required many resources to go through the subjects that were in the study if you were a troubled person as my Jonas was. I, myself, was a successor (and a great of that) of my deceased father whom I inherited the family's company from.

I sat up, pressed my face with my strong paws and sighed silently. When I was about to stand up I looked over my shoulder to view my fast asleep lover and thought much about his situation and expressed a worried sick face. It wasn't me who was in trouble, yet, but it felt terrible to witness ones lover to experience these kinds of situations and thoughts and this wasn't the first time.

We had been a couple for 3 years now and it was still going smoothly when it came to get along. In few days it would have been 3 and half years ago we came to know each other through the sport handball. A day we would celebrate like we would celebrate the date we officially became a couple. We both thought that both the day of bonding acquaintance and the day of bonding as a couple were equally important. I had a little but meaningful gift in mind to that affair.

Finally I stood up and even though I couldn't fall asleep I felt left out of energy. But as I was about to go out of the bedroom I felt cold breeze: Apparently the window was still open. One of us had forgotten to close it before we went to bed. Weird. I went over to close but looked shortly out of the window and saw that the moon was full and shone its gloomy light over the city we lived in. The night sky was free of clouds where shimmering stars could shine their small glimmer of beautiful lights. The cold air added a crystal clear view over the horizon where stars would touch it with playing lights. I had told Jonas many times that this was my favorite nature phenomenon of all time; so simple yet so remarkable and fantastic. Jonas gave a mutter in his sleep. I went over to his side and gently kissed his cheek. He muttered again. I liked the reaction and put little smile on my face. I loved him dearly.

I went to the living room and moved the curtains to the sites so the moonlight could shine in and took the book that was lying on the eating table, a book I've been reading to occupy myself when I was alone and had spare time. Even though the moonlight had en gloomy effect outside it instead gave a romantic atmosphere in the living room, I liked that. Better was that the moonlight was so bright that I could read the book in the moonlight on the sofa so I did. I started to read the book; a quarter went, then half hour, then an hour. As I was about to lay the book aside I heard soft clinking sounds from the door from the other side. It was Jonas.

"Hey, hun" I said with a soft and gently voice.

"Hey" he murmured back tiredly, rubbing one eye.

"You need to cut those nails on your feet. I can hear miles away" I giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do it today" he sounded slightly irritated because I've been keeping suggesting it to him and he kept procrastinating about it.

"What are you doing in this time of the night?" I asked and held the book so it wasn't closed yet I knew where I left.

"That's what I'm asking" I saw that he showed a little smile but it quickly faded away.

"I couldn't sleep so I just... went to read the book. Sorry if I made you wake up because of that"

"No, no... I woke up because I had... a terrible nightmare"

"Aw... again? You want to tell me about it?" my voice was clearly worried and he knew that.

"I don't know..." Even in the darker light I could see he expressed a now saddened face.

"Come, lie down and tell me" I patted beside me and sounded enthusiastic. I added one more "Come on, hun" when his body language hesitated.

"Alright, but... it's a nightmare" he went over, lay down on the sofa and laid his head on my thigh. I started to caress his head and since my paws were so big compared to his head I could caress his head with just one paw. This was my ultimate method to make him relax and sometimes I was able to make him do what I wanted, like, do dishes or go over to buy something in the market.

"You're relaxed, hun?" and when I saw the nod I gave him a muzzle kiss.

"Okay... I dreamed that I was here in the house and you were reading in the spare time as usual. Then I heard a knocking on the front door but you didn't react so I took it"

I could see on his face that the coming information wasn't going to be nice.

"I opened the door and saw... my dead mom holding a letter in hear paws"

Even though he tried to restrain his feelings I could see he was suffering.

"She crumbled into sand and bone meal. The letter was lying on the remains. I hesitated and wanted to call you but I decided to read the letter instead. I opened the letter and saw your handwriting"

"Not looking good" I thought but continued to softly and gently caress his head.

"I... read the letter and... you wrote that you hated me, didn't want to be with me anymore and that I should not be part of anyone's life"

There was an awkward moment of silence where I said "Continue" with a sympathetic and empathic expression.

"I went inside to show the letter and ask you what this was about and you sounded so cynical and said that you meant every written word. Then it suddenly changed into night where there was a full moon and the moonlight hit you where you just... faded away into nothingness. I was left alone. I couldn't take it anymore so I went out to the cliff and... jumped out. Then I woke up..."

He was having tears stored inside his saddened eyes. As he was about to shed the first tear I made sure that I caught it with my thumb while having my paw resting on his chin.

"Michael, promise that you'll... never leave me" he laid his paws on mine and closed his eyes.

"Of course, I will never leave you, hun, never ever" I answered dearly and made my head closer to his so I could kiss his forehead.

"You're my sun of the day and moon of the night - you... shine the way for me and guide me through everything. I don't want the light from you to extinguish because who else would I turn to?"

I was quite surprised by these comparisons even though it shouldn't surprise anyone who's in these kinds of relationships, but still. I replied:

"You are good with words, a great lover, hun, and I will guide the way for you, always. But it seems that the... suicidal thoughts have quite the impact on you" I sat up but still caressed his head with my paw.

"Yeah, I guess so..."

The moonlight shone through his shedding eyes and I kept drying his cheek so my hand got wet from tears.

"And it also seems that you're still troubled with your loss of your mother" I didn't want to sound too serious but these subjects, his mother and his suicidal thoughts, needed to be dealt with "She was a lovely person and I sure miss her as well but you have to let it go. It has been nearly for two years now. We need to focus on the present and take care of the future"

"I know..." sounded he a bit irritated and frustrated thus looking away from my worried but caring look. I knew really that it wasn't easy to do at all because I had my share of bad experiences as well but if there was a will there will be at least one way to do it and the ways to do it will expand as the stars expand into the infinite universe if you had the right mindset.

"We should go to sleep, hun, it's quite late" I teased him by placing my big paws on his eyes, blocking his view.

"Hey!" he said and tried to take off my paws but I was stronger than he was. I let him removed them but as he was about to stand up I began to tickle him on the sides of his body; it was tuned but not much as mine.

"Hey! Hahahaha! Hey, stop it! I can't breathe!" I heard his wonderful laughter and he was powerless against my tickling "Come on; give me a break, Michael!"

I stopped but had a great smile and so did he.

"You made me so I don't know where I left in the book, you silly" I thudded him as we walked into the bedroom and he thudded me into the bed as an answer to mine. He laid himself over me and expressed a sad and happy smile.

"You always make me smile even in my darkest times, Michael and you succeed brilliantly every time"

"As you said, I'm your sun at day and moon at night, I'm here to help and guide you whenever I can" I placed my hand on his back of his head and pressed his muzzle closer to my own. He unresistingly went into the kiss: We both felt the wonderful sensation of our presences and felt the momentous happiness of what love could provide for each of us. I always compared it to the beautiful night sky with stars, my all-time favorite. We cuddled together some time before we finally fell asleep, tired but happy; at least that was what I felt.

I woke very early as usual, far from rested because of the happening last night but I had to because of my status in company as the boss. I gave Jonas a soft kiss before took my business clothes on and went into the kitchen to have my daily breakfast which was made of 3 rolls, equally 6 half rolls, with cheese and marmalade on top and two bottles of milk (quite the kitty weren't I?) and started to read the morning newspaper which I gathered before I started my breakfast. The news was decent but not breathtaking; the terrorist group, which was formed several months back, had attacked a camp near the allied base. Some journalist that wrote about the bright future for the world concerning the economics (bah) and a newly published inquiry that said the tendency for suicide in certain country was among the highest in the world.

"What a coincidence" I thought briefly and laid the newspaper aside and finished the breakfast. I wrote the usual, comforting note to Jonas as I always had done from the beginning. He thought it was a bit stupid to keep doing it but it would continue throughout of our lives. I quietly closed and locked the door to our house which was lying on a high hill and afterwards I drove to my work with my car which was neither cheap nor too expensive. The weather could had been better I thought; it was grey cloudy where there was a thick fog on the seaside where our house was placed nearby and droplets fell from the sky.

It was supposed to be an usual day at work where I would text to Jonas with loving words time to time but at the midday I received a fateful voice message from Jonas which in itself was quite out of the ordinary:

"Hey, Michael... First of all I would like to say that I really love you..."

"Not a good sign"

"... and I would like to thank you for what you've done for me. You've kept supporting me with those notes you always write to me and you seem always to have time to listen what I have to say. You're an extraordinary boyfriend..."

"No!" I knew exactly what this message was for and I didn't want not to lose my first boyfriend to such as suicide! I looked at the time when it was received it luckily it was just received right now so there still might be time. I yelled to my employees that I urgently needed to go and demanded my secretary to momentarily take over. I ran through the company and into my car while I listened to his dying message:

"... you were my light and you still are. My path had always been clouded by ominous and dark incidences and even though I would be very depressed you would always be there to cheer me up and try to make me see the light you gave me. But always I have considered myself to be a burden, a burden that you and my family and friends have to bear and I deeply don't it to be that way..."

I drove far beyond the limited speed and irrationally tried to find signs of Jonas' wellbeing by looking around to see if I could spot him, of course there were no signs of him here on the highway.

"... I don't... sniff... consider myself to be any worth for you. Not worth to exist in the world that's against me; my mom and dad got divorced and right after my mom died. My dad got depressed as well and had as me had suicidal thoughts. My studies keep getting me to think that I was a victim of depression and time after time it showed it was right. My friends did not appreciate me as much as they used to... sniff... I kept having these awful nightmares which resulted in barely any rested sleeps. I envy many people because they were worthy for their lives and I'm not. You're far too worthy to have me as your boyfriend..."

"What triggered him to act like this? He didn't seem to be that troubled this night!" I thought and plead that he hadn't killed himself yet, that I was still in time to save him.

"...I just heard the message from my dad who had just killed himself by hanging in his own home because of depression. I can't take it anymore...!

"What?! His father hanged himself?! He seemed to be fine...!"

"...I don't want to be anyone's burden, especially not you and you'll surely have a greater life without me..."

"What are you talking about?! I won't be able to live without you, you silly, selfish idiot!"

"... therefore I've decided to throw myself out of the Cliff of Fame where I will die quickly. Thank you for everything again Michael and thank you for your love... sniff... Goodbye..."

"NO!"

I drove immediately towards the highest cliff that was around our neighborhood which wasn't that far away. It was often filled with tourists but at this time of the day the tourists tour hadn't even started yet and Jonas could probably throw himself unnoticed. NO! THIS MUSTN'T HAPPEN! I immediately called for the emergency line and said them to come as fast as they could to the cliff. As I drove near the cliff I instinctively left the car not parked and ran towards the specific cliff that was known to be many famous people's suicide jump spot. I looked over the edge and saw a body float on the water and didn't move. I ran down the stairs that was placed beside the Cliff of Fame and nearly tumbled over the stairs as I nearly jump several steps over to gain the much needed speed. At the bottom of the cliff I ran towards the floating body and it unfortunately looked familiar...

"NO! NO! JONAS! PLEASE, HE MUSTN'T BE DEAD!"

I swam to get to the seemingly lifeless Jonas and dragged into the land. I felt a really weak pulse and he didn't seem to breathe regularly. HE WASN'T DEAD YET! I heard sirens and soon the emergency doctor and his helpers declared Jonas to be alive but he was floating between life and death and needed to be sat in coma.

"Will he survive?!" I asked in big desperation and hoped a "yes"

"It's unlikely but there might be a slight chance that he'll survive from it all I'm sorry, really"

"No! He must survive! He has to!" I began to seriously panic and felt extremely helpless.

I tried to get close to Jonas but got removed as the doctor said something that Jonas needed air and rest.

Jonas survived the fall and the time being under the water but he was laid in coma. There was a big chance that he wouldn't make it after all... Please, let him live!