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Stan really and deeply embraced his and Henrik's time together as lovers but it ended some years ago because Henrik grew up and drifted away from Stan where Stan deeply wished that it would have continued until their death would split them apart. It was precisely 14 years ago that they had committed their life together; Stan had turned 29 and Henrik was about to turn 30. A deep sadness had grown in Stan's being but he couldn't deny that a year and half after their commitment to their relationship something wasn't right; Henrik had never really and truly fallen in love with Stan and 4 years into their relationship Henrik told him that he wished the best for Stan but couldn't continue to live his life with him either as a lover nor as a best friend but just as an acquaintance.

As Stan remembered these words that were like ice spikes that pierced his vulnerable heart he was standing on the ferry that led to their former paradise, the island which was now owned by Henrik. He had heard that Henrik had settled down and had found his girlfriend of his dreams and had married her 1 year earlier.

"What did she give that I haven't? How could she be the dream of his life?" wondered Stan who stood in the summer breeze on the deck of the ferry as the ferry was about to ashore on the island, on their former paradise which was now a paradise for another couple. Stan knew clearly and obviously that this day was the birthday of his former lover and that his former lover was going to turn 30 years old, past a quarter of one hundred years. He knew that it would be indeed a really awkward moment if they would see each other again after this time being apart and he hated to turn up out of the blue uninvited but he couldn't stay away nor fight against this urge; he wanted to see Henrik turn 25. He got informed that Henrik was going to hold a party for his family and friends in the mansion placed on the hill of the island. For Stan it really felt that is was like yesterday they had their time of their life being together. He recalled all the soft and gentle touches Henrik did on his face and he deeply missed that feeling he got every time Henrik touched him; a sensation of enormous happiness. And their time together bathing and swimming in the sea water where they would look for crabs and then go to the sand to dry themselves. Apparently the glory of their past was still present in Stan's mind and he would happily go down in the memories in their time as a couple to feel the emotions and happiness it provided that time but today for Stan they felt bittersweet in both good and poor way. Back in the days Stan remembered that he said to himself that he would take the consequences of his choices no matter the outcome and he sure did but he never expected it to taste like bitter sugar. The day of Stan's confession of his love to Henrik was clear as pure water for Stan; he had taken Henrik to his secret dome of trees inside the forest to show how beautiful it was for him and hoped Henrik would think the same. He did but not the same way as Stan saw it...

"I guess it didn't work out after all even if we continued to be together. You said that you would try to make it last but you ended up hurting me instead but I don't blame you the slightest because... I still love you, Henrik. I guess that is how true love works; no matter how injured you turn out to be because of your crush and no matter how mad you can turn out to be at your crush you would still love him with the same passion and still wish him for the best"

The ferry hit the shore and after Stan paid the bill he went to walk on the path that led to the mansion. He could already hear some fine music and that the party had begun some time ago. It was evening and it was about dinner time for their past selves. Stan had dressed himself in his finest clothes; a light blue shirt with white vest covering some of it where the black suit jacket would cover the most of it. To top it all he wore fine black pants with dark leather shoes. When he could see the rooftops of the mansion, he halted and took a deep breath. No matter what it was going to be awkward, really awkward but Stan wanted to lay his urge to rest. A feeling of sad happiness just reemerged stronger than ever; he had felt this kind of sad happiness in the last weeks. He couldn't explain why he felt it that way but what he knew was it was a reaction to Henrik's birthday. Blinking few times as he felt the tears had begun to fill his eyes, took another deep breath and began to walk over to the mansion that came nearer and nearer. There was light inside and a lot of people could be seen through the tall windows. Stan's brain and sense yelled that this was very stupid and he should turn around and never consider doing this again but his heart and emotions cried out loud that they wanted to see Henrik, that it was necessary to confirm Henrik's wellbeing even if Stan would get hurt because of it.

His steps towards the open entrance of the mansion began to rebel against his will but his will was stronger than his limbs which resulted in a slow but determined walk through the entrance. Classical music had filled his floppy ears; a taste that Henrik adored but endured by Stan. He followed the music and walked through the corridors that were decked out with banners with the flag of the country they lived and festoons; they never really had the same taste in festive occasions either remembered Stan now. But he didn't care about that their difference probably had made Henrik drift away from Stan; he wanted to see him again at least once even if the last time wasn't going to be the last time. Stan had a deeply felt want, a want he had been feeling in a long time.

Stan entered to a room filled with standing people and in instant he noticed Henrik who stood up on some sort of tribune and was talking. He realized that Henrik was in the middle of his birthday speech. Something was hindering Stan to just run through the horde and get noticed by Henrik but instead he blend into the people unnoticed and walked slowly closer to Henrik.

"Why am I doing this again?" thought Stan and had both guilt and regret growing inside his bones "No! I want to do this!" Stan looked around and saw some of the remaining family he knew in the past: They had aged quite well. Many of the older ones didn't have much wrinkles and showed interest in the speech. He also saw new faces around. Then Stan sighed decided to listen what Henrik was saying:

"... I remember when I first met Helena..."

"No..." his unguarded heart got a thrust from unknown source.

"... She's beautiful as this paradise, beautiful as the dome of trees I've showed her..."

"Our dome? Our first special place?" His heart got hit hard from multiple sides. As Henrik spoke through his speech Stan got fatally devastated inside, left him in shards of broken glass. Now he was hoping that Henrik would notice his face and would be reminded that for him it wasn't over. But it didn't happen until...

As Henrik was about to finish his speech he noticed a very familiar face who went through the people towards the balcony that led down to the garden. He knew who it was and immediately stopped his doing, excused himself for the many people and went to the garden where the acquaintance was probably in grief. Henrik was right but he felt something uncomfortable about this; not because his former and first lover had turned up to his 30thbirthday but because he had left him in a state that he would never forgive himself for.

"Stan?" Henrik had walked down from the stairs of the balcony and now saw Stan who sat on one of the many benches in the garden.

Stan didn't reply but looked at the shimmering sunset. Henrik could see that Stan was shedding tears in silence but didn't sob.

"Stan... what are you doing here? I mean... it's my birthday but..." Henrik stopped and lost his track of words.

"Henrik... you probably know this but... I have had this deep want to be with you or at least see you again..."

Henrik didn't respond to this emotional sentence and began slowly to feel miserable as well.

There was a long moment of silence. Out of sudden one of the guests had yelled after Henrik but Henrik replied with a slightly unclear sentence and say they had to wait a bit.

"My old friend Henrik... why are you so shy? You are usually outgoing and clear in your ways" Stan's eyes were glimmering because of the tears and because of the sunset.

"I guess that you aren't the only one who had suffered from the consequences of my choice"

"Is that so?" questioned Stan sentimentally but he knew that Henrik was right.

"Of course, Stan, I knew that I went into something that I wasn't even clear of. I really thought that I could... we could make it work but it didn't... I know I left you with a false hope and made you devastated... but in the end it didn't work out so why... did you turn up to my birthday..."

"For me it isn't over, Henrik. For me you're still my beckon of light that guides me through the everyday... I guess... I couldn't let the only one I've truly had fallen in love with go. I mean you're so gravely important to me" Stan turned his head and made direct eye contact with Henrik "After I heard that you got married and turned 30th I guess... I wanted to see you again and confirm that you're still well... even after all these years, after our breakup"

"I know it's really hard but... you really need to let the past go, Stan, it doesn't fit even the slightest in the present. We thought he had something together but in the end we aren't able to pass the test..."

"YOU weren't able to pass the test... I loved you truly and you couldn't make it mutual" interrupted Stan heartbroken.

"Alright... I didn't pass it but so what? Sometimes it lasts but sometimes it hurts also and this... relationship we had... was one of the hurt ones" Henrik could clearly feel the destruction he had led to Stan his first lover and felt the guilt grow each second that went past at the moment. He walked over to Stan and sat beside him and finished "Realize it, Stan; it wouldn't work out no matter what but... I'm still sorry that I have caused this much pain"

Stan broke into crying and his face was frowning of sheer sadness and grief. He knew it was true but truth can hurt as well as much as a lie can do. Henrik reluctantly place his right arm over Stan's shoulder and caressed him to support him.

Stan's heart hadn't fallen apart but close to it and he needed this cry out to bear this information that Henrik had given again but this time more serious. It lasted several minutes and they sat together silently. Finally Stan broke the silence:

"Never mind it, Henrik. Maybe... I'll find someone like you" Stan started to have control over himself and his crying "But please, Henrik, please that you'll promise to not forget me" the last sentence was said with low voice but loud enough for Henrik to hear it. Henrik was reluctant to answer this but replied:

"I'll... try, Stan, I'll try..."

Stan stood up and continued "Whatever you've done to me I'll still wish the best for you no matter what. Note that, dear Henrik" he was more confident now and sounded more sure of his doing.

"I will my friend" responded Henrik a bit relieved.

"Maybe I'll never truly let go of the past because it's a part of who I am today but... I'll try and make most out of it"

For the first time in this conversation Henrik smiled a little "He's finally realizing it" he thought.

"I will not hold you more since you have a party to attend and... will we talk later?

"Perhaps when you've found someone worthy for you, Stan"

"If that is so... we'll talk when I've found someone like you but it might take a while because you're very special to me"

"Of course it'll take time"

And for the first time Stan made a little but true smile for the first time in years.

"See you later, old friend" ended Stan and walked through one of the path that led to the ferry.