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"The Minstrel's Misery"

"Hmmmmmmm!" The Braxien hummed in perfect harmony with his lute as he leaned back against the old oak tree. It was such a beautiful day out that he couldn't bear to be stuck within the walls of some dreary kingdom. Even as lovely as the day was, the gated castle and its surrounding township seemed gray and tedious.

"Oh say what you would about the land at will, for I will speak of it true not ill, for if one man steps in Coralot..." His singing reached an abrupt ending as his mind trailed off to try and think of another line.

"One can easily say you're bored a lot!"

Another voice made the minstrel cringe, as it was made horribly off key and completely by surprise as he looked up to see a young Flareon girl hanging in the branches above him. Her wide green eyes stared down at him, her blond pigtailed hair dangling down past her head as she giggled at the man.

"I certainly will not use that line in my music, little girl." He said proudly. "There are some things that simply aren't in my vocabulary."

"So, why are you singing then if you're going to restrict an obvious rhyme."

The Braxien scoffed at the girl. "I am not trying to rhyme necessarily. A limerick doesn't have to."

"Sure it does if it fits." She said. "Why is it you're singing anyway?"

"I'm a minstrel, my dear. It's what I do." He said. "And I don't need to ask an opinion of a little girl, especially one who sticks her nose into the business of a complete stranger."

"I'm Ruby." She said. "What's your name?"

"It--it's Reinhard." He answered as his eyebrow lifted an inch or so.

Ruby beamed at him. "There, now we're not strangers anymore."

"Well that's a matter of opinion."

"Hey! That's a nice hat!" She exclaimed, reaching for the large, feathered corner hat on top of the Braxien's head, he clutched at it defensively, almost striking her with his instrument.

"Careful! Careful!" He said. "A man's hat is his pride and joy. You shouldn't try to snatch it away from him."

"You're a sensitive one." Ruby scoffed a bit. "What's the big deal, anyway? I've heard you play before, but you seem nervous."

"You have? Well... thank you, Ruby." Reinhard said with a bowing of his head. "I suppose I'm just a little nervous. I've been commissioned to come up with a song for the baron's birthday, you see." He strummed idly along the neck of his lute. "And I must say that being in such a significant presence is..." He paused. "A bit taxing I suppose."

Ruby smiled. "You'll do fine, I think." She said cheerfully as she unlatched her knees from the branch and dropped sternly to the ground in front of the Braxien. "Don't be so nervous. Do you got any ideas on what to sing about?"

"Well, a comic medley was given as the instruction, using several hilarious characters. So I've been working on that."

"Really? Can I hear some?"

Reinhard scoffed a bit. "But I don't even know you..."

"I told you. My name's Ruby." She answered proudly. "Well, actually it's Rubella, Rubella Neckebeard." She paused as a barely-audible chime sounded off in the distance. She turned her head toward it, her ears flicking from side to side. Reinhard heard it too. It chimed again and Ruby gasped. "Oh! I suppose I better be headed home, my uncle is calling." She said hurriedly as she reached forward and grasped the minstrel's hand. "Good luck with your concert, Mister Reinhard!" She said as she turned around and started jogging the other direction, leaving the minstrel to only wave after her.

"Thank you!" He shouted back as he leaned back into the chair. "Such a charming little girl. I should play for her whenever I get a chance then." He again brought his fingers along the strings, humming a hearty tune as he began to practice with the names he'd been given. He didn't know who it was that had commissioned him for this music, but he would make this his finest performance ever.

The sun was already setting as the braxien made his way back toward the kingdom, those drab, dreary walls made him frown as he crossed the familiar drawbridge into the small courtyard that made up the shopping district. Reinhard was familiar with many of the people and families of this community, but a great deal of them still lived outside the kingdom's gates while those that owned shops typically stayed there and settled in when the gates were sealed at dusk. Tonight however, was a special occassion. The baron's birthday was always a celebration which made the marketplace come alive, more vibrant colors seemed to fill the square as he made his way toward the gates at the center hub that blocked the common areas off from the areas of the inner castle.

They were open tonight, however. The baron taking in a flurry of commonfolk who merrily went about the castle grounds for the only time that non-royalty was allowed into all year long. Children rolled and played while the adults stuck to a few yards away to converse with each other about how much the kingdom had grown since Baron Nixis had come into the community. Reinhard simply slung his lute around to his back and made his way toward the castle, adjusting his hat and tipping it as he passed the people who appeared to be getting richer and richer the further he traveled along the grounds until he finally reached the gate that was still closed off to the public, two massive guards stood there and moved into place as Reinhard approached.

"Halt!" The both emitted at once, puffing up their already-massive bodies to try and take as much of the passage as possible. "What business have you here?"

"If you wish to pay the baron tribute, you may do so at the square fountain." The smaller of the two said.

"Oh, no. You see..." He brought his lute around in a showy-flashy fashion and strummed the keys. "I am Reinhard the Minstrel. His lordship is expecting me."

"Ah. Yes." The larger one spoke. "The musician. Please, enter but touch nothing. The baron will need his entertainment during his dinner. You will only speak when spoken to. Have you anything you need for your music?"

"Just an audience." The braxien snickered jokingly, which quickly dulled as the static faces of the guards gave him the look of confusion he would expect from them. He cleared his throat. "I jest. Of course."

"Of course." Both men said at once and stepped aside for Reinhard to step into the hall.

"Tonight..." Reinhard said as he stepped forward, a single spot light illuminated by a candle behind a great lense shined down on him. "We tell the tale of four of the most shameful, most disgraceful, most disturbing people in the history of our kingdom! So dare you now to avert your eyes, or cover your ears." He slowly drew his lute out to the dark crowded room as candles began to illuminate along the back of the room as he began to pluck a rather lively tune along his instrument. "For nothing is as pretty as the dimwits of Drier. "Ooooooohhhhh!" He sang aloud, his voice vibrating along his throat.

This is the tale of the dimwits four, a tale of Roderick, Helen, Jacob and Eleanor, for whom to them a simple journey down the roooooooooooad, marked for a baron's humble abode!

He pranced merrily around the room, tapping his paws, swishing his tail as he swung toward the audience.

First let me tell you about Roderick the sham, fresh from a trip to good ol' Siam, whose head was small as an apricot but his belly was as big as an entire garrison! He secretly plotted, he secretly waited, and no one knew exactly what he had baited, but what else on this road would have waiteeeed? But a bear ready to devour them!

"I say!" A voice called out from the crowd, an audible gasp could be heard. Reinhard had them riveted.

But thankfully for our foolish lot, sweet Helen was not forgot, her mouth could fit an entire apricot and her singing voice could shatter the mountain stooooone! When that bear stumbled onto the scene, our foolish queen let out a marveled scream that sent not only her cousins away, but also the wolves in the hills to bay.

"Brooow! AROOO!" Reinhard said as he increased the tempo.

The road beneath them shattered and broke as cracks caused clouds in the air for the bear to choke. He gagged and ran for the hiiiiiiiiiiills! And that's how the foolish Roderick's plot was lost.

"Wait... sire!" One of the guards tried to grab the braxien but he danced away.

Third of this lot was a man named Jake, who realized traveling with his plump sister was a huge mistake, for it was only an hour into their hike that she hopped on his shoulders and rode him like a biiiiiiiike! There was a smittering of laughter and screams of anguish at the same time. But it so happened when the bear appeared to strike, she too screamed and the pair went for a ride, toppling over the hill and down, down, doooooown. He deepened his voice. Down to the cold hard ground!

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" The baron roared with such indignity that two of the minstrel's strings popped open as a goblet of alcohol struck him in the face.

"Wh-what?" Reinhard could see the old man's hands trembling with so much rage that his entire body almost followed suit. "Milord, I..."

"THIS is what you've arranged for my entertainment? This debacle? This hideous, horrendous and downright vicious song against my family?

"Your... familyi?" Reinhard said resting his lute onto the floor. "Sire, I..."

"ENOUGH!" He roared again. "This is beyond insolence, this is beyond my capacity to tolerate! My cousins Eleanor and Jacob are currently recovering from severe injuries after their fall, Roderick is nowhere to be found and my SISTER Helen has not exited her chambers until this very night!" He pointed to a young woman dressed in purple sobbing in the dark. "This is an outrage!"

"Bu-but sire! I didn't create this song on my own, someone commissioned--"

"I will have no more of your excuses, devil tongue! SEIZE HIM! Place him under arrest!" Before the braxien could move he felt the cold touch of metal shackles clap around his wrists, causing him to drop his lute to the ground. The baron, a rather diminutive man rose from his seat and stomped from his table toward the minstrel. "You will suffer the stocks for this!" He exclaimed, snatching the hat off of Reinhard's head. "And then... I will think of a more suiting punishment for this--this treason!"

"Treason? Now just a minute, that was a song!" He exclaimed.

"Blasphemy! It is a blasphemy upon my family, upon my very house! What you have done in the last five minutes is nothing short of signing your own death warrant!" He scoffed angrily as he turned away, rather thoroughly crushing the brim of the hat in his fingers as he stormed off.

"Come on now! Please give me back my hat! Sire!" He was dragged away rather abruptly. "S-sire!"

The rains poured down the rest of that night and the following morning as Reinhard was restricted to the stocks. His hands clenched in the holes at either side as his head rested between them. The rain was cold, it was wet and it was getting under the lowest layers of his fur as he stood there almost completely exposed to the elements. The guards had left not too long ago, but he could still see the subtle glow of sunrise slowly making its way to ignite the skies behind the blanket of gray clouds that occasionally lit up their own bright white lightning. He groaned and lowered his head to try and rest it some. Standing, or rather standing crouched in these chains were likely the second most humiliating time of his life. He sighed and watched the raindrops bubble and float down his nose.

Soon, the rain turned to a light drizzle, and as the morning light came brighter, the rain had completely vanished. The villagers here were staying in today, such a muddy, disgustingly wet day.

"Hello!" An almost cheery voice turned Reinhard's attention to one of the baron's guards who bounded up toward him and leaned down, pressing his face almost entirely into the braxien's own. "You should count yourself lucky! You only have to put up with this for two days."

"Really?" Reinhard's tail swished in excitement, but it fell as the man pulled out a yellowed parchment on a scroll and began to read it.

"Yes, though it's partly due to the fact that our executioner is out of town. It is on this day, and due to the act of treason, that our reigning Baron Nixis has decreed that the minstrel Reinhard shall be parted of his hands, removed of thy devilish tongue, and then hanged by the neck until death!"

Reinhard's fingers and toes suddenly grew cold and numb. His expression dropped and his tail about fell into the mud he was standing in. "B-but don't I get a chance to explain?"

"I'm sorry, but the baron does not need your explanations." The guard said as he returned the parchment to his sleeve. "And he does not grant pardons."

As the guard trudged off, Reinhard's heart sank. "I am never getting out of here. Never... never... and without my hat even! I am less than half a man!"

"You and your silly hat!"

The familiar voice made Reinhard look up and sniffle his tears from his eyes as he spotted the familiar flareon walking toward him. His tail went rigid with excitement. "Ruby! You're here! You're here! You're.... wearing my hat?" He raised an eyebrow as he spotted the familiar feathered cap on top of the girl's head as it flopped about way too large for her. She stomped rather loudly into the muddy spots on the path as she approached him.

"So... mister minstrel, what'd you do to get in here? Did they not like how you didn't rhyme?"

"I'm currently facing three problems here, Rubella; firstly, someone has made a fool of me and made me deliver a message that insulted the baron so harshly that he's locked me up in these stocks. Second... this isn't even the worst of my punishment to come, I will soon be dead... and thirdly..." He broke down, beginning to sob. "I miss my hat!"

"Well..." Ruby pondered. "I can't really help with your first two problems; you got in that mess on your own. But I guess you can have this back!" She said, pulling the hat off her head and slapping it onto Reinhard's with a smile. "I found it in the waste pile behind the castle and cleaned it up."

It was indeed Reinhard's own hat he gave a happy smile. "Thank you, child! Thank you!"

Ruby shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Well I can always get it back after you've died... after all a dead man doesn't need a hat, right?"

"That's... incredibly morbid, Ruby." Reinhard pointed out.

"Now, now! Come on! This is preposterous! We've already decreed..." The baron was shoving the guard from earlier out of the way and he stomped up to the minstrel. "Sire!" The guard acted surprised and fell to his knees respectfully.

"Good news, minstrel!" He said. "You won't be dying in two days!"

"Really?" Reinhard's hopes were renewed.

"Nope. Our executioner Ketch has returned early from his journey!" He said, introducing with a wave of his hand to a linky blue cat standing behind him. He was dressed in dark robes, only his arms and head were exposed, but a grin stretched across his face. Again, Reinhard's hopes fell. "Now, let's get on with this!"

"Wait!" Reinhard cried, hoping to beg for time. "I--I have a last request!"

"What?" The baron was less than amused. "A last request? Why would I grant you something as silly as that?"

"Please... I beg of you sire! I just ask that I be allowed to wash up some, so I can die with some dignity to my face."

As the guards released him from the stock and grabbed his arm, he used his other hand to rub the wear mark from his neck. "Oh, I suppose a moment to collect yourself wouldn't hurt. After all, we don't want you to die with a dirty face, do we?" The group outside of Reinhard and Ruby laughed as they shoved him over to a trough. Taking his hat off to dip his face into the w water. Snatching three small pellets from the lining, he quickly swung around and threw them into the faces of the guards standing over him, a cloud of white spread among everyone, causing them all to start sneezing loudly. Grabbing Ruby by the arm and swinging her over his shoulder he bolted away from the mess and ran toward the city walls.

Swiftly, the braxien threw himself over the drawbridge before it could raise enough to stop him and he landed easily onto the road leading away from the city. Running hard, it didn't take long before he began to slow down. He had to make it at least to the forest, or else this escape would be for nothing, he couldn't help feeling Ruby laying her fangs into his shoulder, and into his back as he ran with her.

"OW! OW! OW!" Reinhard cried as he finally came to a stop a mile past the tree lining into the forest and he practically threw her down. "That hurt! Why are you biting me?"

"Because you were kidnapping me!" She shrieked. "Or something I don't even want to think of!"

"I'm not kidnapping you!" He said checking his bites to make sure he wasn't bleeding. "I was getting you away from that sneezing powder. Potent stuff that!" He explained. "You're free to go whenever you want!"

"Oh."

"And I didn't want you getting in trouble for helping me." He said. "It's all your fault I had to run your heavy butt out here, what do you weigh? A hundred pounds?"

"Hey!"

"Sorry..."

"So... what're you going to do now?" She asked.

"I've got friends I can stay with. The most important thing for now is to find out who had commissioned me to do that song. That caused all the problems." He smiled at her. "Maybe you can help me, you think you'd be up for the task?"

Ruby's tail swished back and forth and she beamed. "I'd love to." She said.

"But for now, let's part ways. Go on home, Ruby and tell no one about this, okay?"

"Okay." She said as she started down the road away from the braxien who started the other way. "Hey... Reinhard?"

"Yes?"

She smiled. "You've got a nice hat."

THE END