Post Holiday Blues VI

Story by Arktisk Raev on SoFurry

, , , ,

#7 of Holiday Blues


I'm not entirely sure it's long enough, but I've finally gotten around to finishing the Chapter!

Work's been a bitch, but at least I've gotten this one out. Hope you enjoy!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The city was beautiful; easily the nicest looking place I had ever visited.

It had a massive hotel that looked like a castle, a old fort that was in perfect condition, and even a large fortified wall that surrounded the aptly named 'Old City'.

I loved wandering around the Old City looking at the dozens of pubs, old architecture, and seemingly endless amounts of furs laughing and going about their evening without a care in the world.

That was what made me unique among the crowds. I was neither laughing, nor going about my business without a care.

My heart was heavy, and my head was throbbing with the after effects of the amount of vodka I had ingested at the club.

I hadn't intended to get as drunk as I was, but when you're in a brand new club in a brand new city with an old bout of social anxiety, well... Let's just say my first order was three shots of tequila.

I had dressed nice for it; a soft pink dress shirt that hugged my slender frame, a dark grey jacket that matched my pants, and a nice pair of dress shoes. It was how I liked to dress, but tonight I had felt like it was too much.

Two hours I had spent in that beautiful club. Two hours I had self consciously sat by the wall, sipping at my double rum-and-cokes, too afraid to join in on the dancing that was going on on the floor before me.

I might have been getting looks, but I never saw anything, and I certainly hadn't been in a position to initiate anything with the others considering I was in a French city and I couldn't speak more than a cursory greeting. Everyone else had seemed to be getting along just fine, but they all had a confidence I never even imagined I could ever muster.

And now here I was; walking as straight as I could heading back to my hotel.

One night stands were never a big deal for me. When one came around I enjoyed it simply because I had the chance to fall asleep with someone, which is what I had been hoping for tonight.

An empty bed was all I was getting though, and while I could make peace with that, it didn't take away from the pain.

I don't recall getting into my room, and I certainly didn't remember stopping by McDonald's on the way back, but I wasn't about to complain as I sat on the edge of my bed and dug in.

Normally I'd have felt bad about myself after eating such 'food', but I was already at a low point, so I didn't care. I slumped back onto the bed, letting the now empty bag of processed goo fall to the ground, forgotten.

I felt something strange as I wrapped myself in the warm blankets of the bed; it almost felt as though a phantom pair of arms were wrapped around me. While I tried to shake the feeling off, I closed my blurry eyes, eager to embrace the absolute nothingness of sleep.

When I closed my eyes, however, I woke up instead.

I certainly wasn't in my hotel room... I wasn't even in my own room.

Chris.

I was in Chris's room, with the wolf's arms wrapped tightly around me.

His grip was too tight for me to wiggle out of, not that I think I could do it without waking him in any case; my head was still swimming from the drinks I had downed the night before. Luckily at least, I hadn't woken my companion up, which gave me some time to just gaze around his room.

The curtains were closed, but they let in just enough of the morning light for me to see that the walls were painted a dark green, despite my thought that they had been blue when had last been here. I didn't blame myself for mistaking the colour considering how distracted I was back then.

A number of shelves lined the walls, covered end to end in books and rather interesting book ends, two of which appeared to be themed off of the game Portal, as it was half a stick figure running out of one side of the row of books, with its legs running into the other.

In spite of my self, my mood brightened, if only slightly.

From the position I was in, I couldn't really turn my head any further to see much else in the room, but from what I could see, I could tell Chris was a bit of a neat freak. I couldn't see much in the way of clutter on the ground or on the computer desk past the foot of the bed, but there were several pens or pencils lined neatly alongside the keyboard, as well as a four tier shelf full of small paint pots.

I couldn't see anything else, but that wasn't a big issue considering the fact that the memories from the night before suddenly began rushing back to me through the haze of my hangover.

I could have died, or at the very least wound up in the hospital.

It had been absolutely frigid outside once I had left the horse's house, and I had been wandering for nearly an hour with only my increasingly depressed thoughts to keep me company before I finally shut down and sat on that park bench.

Did I fall asleep? Pass out? Or did I really just finally reach the breaking point and given up?

That thought sent a chill down my spine. Looks like I won't be enjoying a drink for a good long while if that's the low that I'm sinking to now.

My thoughts were scattered as Chris shuffled behind me, giving me one last unconscious squeeze before rolling onto his back, allowing me the perfect chance to escape.

I couldn't remember what we had talked about once he had gotten me home, but I knew it had something to do with the way he had found me, and with a seven in the morning hangover, I truly didn't want to face that guilt.

Much like the last time I had been here, I stealthily crawled out of the bed and stepped ever so gingerly over to my neatly folded clothes.

I picked up my underwear, only to notice the large white discolouration that was my previous 'hosts' seed, having escaped from my abused tailhole during my walk. I sighed as those particular memories resurfaced.

The odd thing was, it got me aroused.

Sure I had left in a worse emotional state than when I went in, but being used like I had been was a turn on no matter what apparently. Who knew, maybe after I got out of this house I could text the horse, get another round of that oh so desperately needed sense of belonging.

As I pulled on my stained underwear I began thinking that I had a perfectly sexy and caring wolf lying in bed just a few feet away. He wanted me to belong, but why the hell did the thought of it scare me so much?

I had just finished buttoning up my pants when I heard a throat clear behind me.

"Don't tell me you're about to run off again." Chris's voice was lined with a trace of hurt that made my ears sink in shame.

I stood in silence for a moment, unable to fathom even the weakest of excuses, then sat down on the edge of his bed, my head hung low while a deep blush covered my face.

"Look, I'd like it if you at least stayed for breakfast." The wolf said. I could feel his hand hovering just above my shoulder, as if he thought I'd snap at him or break down if he touched me.

"I wasn't lying when I said thank you." I said, much to Chris's surprise, and to my own. How did those words manage to formulate themselves and escape my muzzle without my knowledge?

That's when his hand fell gently on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze that made me feel every good kind of warm. Without even thinking I fell to my side, my legs hanging off the edge of the bed while my back rested mere inches from the wolf's chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm just... not used to anyone being... well, into me." I said. What the hell? Were my vocal chords and brain working in sync without my conscious mind picking up on it?

Chris sighed, but let out a soft chuckle right after as he pulled me back against him. I couldn't stifle a moan of pleasure as I felt his strong arms wrap around me, but that fear was still gnawing at the back of my mind.

At least I was comfortable. Hell, I was even bordering on the edge of actual happiness.

"I can see how that would be a little scary." Chris said as he nuzzled into the fur between my ears. "I mean, I felt the same way when I first started talking to you. I'm just... really sorry that I decided to kick things off between us with something purely physical. You're the kind of guy that deserves to be courted properly."

"Nah. I-I'm not that special." I tried to bury half my face into the pillow my head was resting on.

"You're too hard on yourself." His voice cooed.

"You have no idea..." I replied.

Thankfully he didn't comment on that. Instead, he swiftly adjusted himself so that he could pull me onto my back and press his muzzle against my own.

Part of me wanted to run, fuelled by my fear of emotional attachments. Another part of me was jumping for joy, screaming with a happiness that I hadn't felt for so long.

Of course there was that smaller part that was swooning and getting incredibly aroused.

The kiss lasted for a few minutes. Or was it a few seconds? I couldn't really tell anymore. He pulled away from me with a smile, clearly taking great pleasure in the dreamy dumfounded expression on my face.

"Stick around for breakfast?" He asked with a smile.

"I think I'll need something to cure this hangover." Well, clearly my brain didn't need me to be present for any of these conversations. I figured I'd distract myself with images of models in their underwear, but before I had the chance to conjure up the first image, I was grabbing onto Chris's hand as he pulled me up from the bed.

I rested against his chest for a moment before my embarrassment got the better of me and I reached over for my shirt. Chris only chuckled before moving over to his dresser to grab pants, obscuring that tantalizing view of his baggy boxers and what I knew lay beneath. Then he moved to his closet and pulled on a red and yellow polo shirt that hugged the curves of his muscles quite nicely.

With our clothes on, the wolf led me downstairs to the kitchen, and I was hit with a wave of near nausea when I spotted the empty mug Chris had filled with hot chocolate after saving me. The memories slowed down their assault however when I heard him ask what I'd like in my omelet.

I asked for the typical cheese, bacon, and green pepper that I had always enjoyed, thankful that all of the ingredients were on hand. I offered to help, but Chris shooed me away from the stove, leaving me little choice but to sit at the table and wait.

I sat as far away from the empty mug as possible, and I made sure not to let my eyes wander over it, lest I ruin the somewhat amicable mood I found myself in.

"Did you at least sleep comfortably?" Chris asked while he skillfully slipped the omelet currently in the pan; a trick I seemed to have no luck at all in learning. I always wound up just having plain old scrambled eggs.

"Really comfortably." I admitted with a blush.

My mind was taking stock of everything that had happened over the past couple of days, and it was churning out the most logical solution to counter the depression that I had been dealing with for so long;

Roll with it.

It seemed incredibly simple, and for any other fur it might have been, but I didn't know how to just 'roll with' anything outside of work.

At least... At least I could admit that Chris seemed like the right guy to try at a relationship with.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a plate being set down in front of me, with a wonderfully smelling omelet steaming on it. Chris sat in the chair next to me with his own, which had considerably more vegetables in it than my own.

Man I space out easily...

"So about last night..." Chris began as we both dug into our delicious breakfasts. I cringed at the mention of it and nearly choked on a green pepper.

"I don't want you to think that I feel any differently about you, even after what happened." I felt my stomach twist, but I couldn't hear anything but honesty in the wolf's voice. "If anything, the things you did and said make me want to be with you more. We're both broken, just in different ways, and, well, I figured we could try to fix each other."

In spite of the fresh spike of uncertainty, my tail began wagging slowly.

"I... I've never been in a relationship before, Chris." I said as I pushed around small chunks of omelet on my plate. "I have no idea what I'd need to do, what to say, how to act... Then there's my job. I'm trying to get transferred to full time, which means I'll likely have to move away... I don't want to get myself invested and... commit to anything if it's all just going to be taken away from me."

I could feel my eyes watering as I made my last ditch effort to escape a possible relationship. Unfortunately, or fortunately since my mind couldn't seem to decide which one was the best fit, Chris pressed on, calm as ever.

"Jason, there's always risks involved with getting into a relationship." The wolf said as he rested a hand on my leg and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Things may not work out between us, things may evolve into something more, and if that's the case, you having to move won't be a problem. All I ask is that you let both me, and yourself, have a chance to make each other happy. Whether it's for a week, a month, or a year."

Why did thinking have to hurt so much...

He's sexy, smart, kind, and apparently has a thing for me. This is a no brainer. Right?

"I'm up for it." God damnit voice! I mean, I'm confident I would have said yes anyways, but it would have been nice for some communication between brain and heart to come to that decision!

Chris's tail was wagging so much now that it was smacking against my own. Somehow that put me in an even better mood, causing my own tail to wag even more.

His chair scooted closer to mine so that it sat right next to me, and I felt him lean against me. With a bashful look I turned my head to look into his eyes.

Not a good move. My confidence level at this stage was low enough that locking my hazel eyes with his deep brown ones forced every fear to the front of my mind.

Those eyes had nothing but kindness in them, showing me that he was really happy with my decision, but seeing that made me worry that I wouldn't be able to keep him happy, that I'd end up breaking his heart.

I broke eye contact within two seconds of initially making it, a burning blush spreading over me that I'm sure turned my white fur pink. That's when Chris took over.

He grabbed my muzzle ever so gently and turned my head to look at him again. Of course I kept my eyes averted and let out a weak chuckle in an attempt to show that I wasn't going mad on the inside.

That's when he kissed me again. This one was slow and gentle, and it almost, _almost_shut the ever present dark voice in my mind down.

In spite of that evil voice rhyming off all the ways I could screw this up and wind up hurting this wolf or myself, a quieter voice played around in the background, barely noticeable through the haze I had been living in for so long.

_"You belong."_It whispered.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah.... Bit of mushyness to the ending, but I figured I could allow it. Hopefully it did the trick for you readers =)