You Could Be Happy
A/N: After posting my first story, "Raine's Comfort", I had often wondered what happened to Brandyn after James sent him away, and this is what I came up with. Written to Snow Patrol's song, "You Could Be Happy". It seemed to fit.
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'You could be happy and I won't know.
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go.'
Brandyn sat, staring at the wall, on the bed he had once shared with his mate, Raine, tears of sorrow, regret, and agreat many other emotions he had no wish to analyze flowing down the sides of his face, matting the fur there, showing a yellowing bruise on his cheek before falling to his shirt, wetting it. It had been over a month since he had watched Raine walk out the front door and into the life of another male, all because of a stupid descision he had made on the spur of a moment.
'And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head.'
He kept replaying that day in his head over and again, as much as he didn't want to. The shock of Raine walking in on him and his co-worker there on the couch, and the look he knew that he had given him, Brandyn was sure, was probably what had broken Raine's heart the most. Thinking of that last one sent him spiralling further into his depression, so far that he didn't think he would be coming back from it.
'Is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not of our last days of silence, screaming, blur.'
What was worse was trying to go and talk to Raine. He had met that raccoon, the one that Raine had gone to, James. And instead of reacting with sorrow and remorse, he had shown anger, without even knowing why. From the first day he had met him, Brandyn had taken a instant liking to him, knowing that he was a good fur and would be a good friend to Raine, if anything, he should have been angry with himself. But that fog that had covered his mind since Raine had left denied all reason, so he lashed out. As a result, James had sent him away, violently. Brandyn still bore the bruise. "This isn't over." had been Brandyn's last words to him, though he knew it was. Both the conflict with James and hisown relationship with Raine. He wouldn't be seeing Raine again, not after what he had done.
'Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out that door.'
He he thought back on the life he had shared with Raine, Brandyn, for the life of him, couldn't see why he had made the mistake of sleeping with that female in the first place. He hardly even knew her. He and Raine had been so happy. They had everything they wanted, a house of their own, decent-paying jobs, and a mutual love that had made them both happier than he could believe. And Brandyn had destroyed it with a single mistake. They had met over four years ago, two years before Raine had met James. Both had been 20 at the time. They met in a small club on the other side of they city. Brandyn had been a bartender there. When Raine walked in the door and took a seat at the bar, Brandyn knew he had fallen for the other feline. They got to talking, and Brandyn found that Raine was smitten with him as well. After a while, they started dating, and before Brandyn knew it, they were in a committed relationship.
'You could be happy, I hope you are.
You made me happier than I'd been by far.'
Brandyn reflected on all this as he stood up and walked over to the dresser on the opposite side of the room. It seemed that Raine had come back to the house while Brandyn had been at work the other week and had taken with him most of his belongings. He could understand why Raine didn't want too see him, but he wished that he could have at least talked to him one last time.
'Somehow everything I own smells of you,
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true.'
From the top drawer of the dresser, Brandyn pulled a .22 Colt Daimondback revolver that was underneath some shirts along with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, then walked back to the bed and layed down, lit a cigarette, took a drag, coughed, took another, then tossed both the pack and the lighter into a far corner of the room, then settled back against the headboard, contemplating the revolver. He could still smell Raine's scent on the sheets and pillows, even over the haze of cigarette smoke, and it made Brandyn's eyes well up again as he made his descision. He recalled a line he had read somewhere, something like "There are other worlds than these."
'Do all of the things you always wanted to.
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do.'
In his mind, Brandyn wished Raine and James the best life they could have, filled with happiness and love, stubbed the cigarette out on the bedside table and placed the barrel of the revolver to his temple, taking one final breath of the air of this world, wondering briefly of what was waiting for him in the next, and pulled the trigger.
'More than anything I want to see you, girl,
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world.'