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"I'm so sorry, Shall, I promise I tried to keep it a secret." Ivan's expression was pained as he stood in the shadow of my mother. His ears were held back, tail tucked, trying to show how bad he felt, but it was second place to the woman standing there with her eyes fixed on me. "She's been bugging me for days..."

"You could have come to my meet." I whispered softly, and felt a hand touch the small of my back, the light brush of the fingers made me draw in a steadying breath.

Why hadn't she come to my meet? She knew where I went to school, Jonty could have told her when the meet was or she could have asked him. She hadn't shown up, she hadn't even bothered contacting me when she knew when I arrived at school and when I went home. It set my ears up and I took strength from the fact CJ was coming onto the porch with me. Her others went towards CJ and narrowed slightly, not enough that the others would see, but enough that I knew she disapproved of him. Most predators disapproved of omnivores, but I had never seen my mother show that hint of distaste before. It made me stiffen in defense of my friend and her gaze swung back at me, the dark amber making me shift uncomfortably.

"I couldn't have." She murmured softly and glanced to the side. "Ivan, you don't have to stay here. Thank you for showing me where he was."

"Umm, I'm sorry ma'am, I really think I should stay." The wolf looked over at me, the worry plain in his eyes.

"C'mon, ya wanna have a soda?" CJ shifted beside me, turning his head to glance at me, his dark eyes back towards me curiously. "You okay on your own out here, kid?"

"Yeah, I guess so.." I swallowed, I wasn't afraid of my mother. She had always been the safe one in the house, she'd always been the one I could run to when I was in pain, when I was hurt. "I mean, I'll be fine."

"Shall, I can stay..." Ivan looked worried, I wondered if he knew what my mother wanted to bring up, what had been so important that she had pushed the wolf into telling her where I was. Did he know?

"It's okay.." I tried to sound confident. Confidence wasn't my strong suit, it never had been, but I must have managed it alright because he relaxed a touch. "Go on."

CJ didn't linger, though he gave my mother another look, it was tinged with pity. That look made her harden and lift her chin up as she watched him, my mother wouldn't take his pity. She had never been that sort of woman, she had always felt more comfortable standing on her own two paws. Most people knew what my father did, but she wouldn't let them pity her, she would show more fire at that than she ever would to my father. It made me sad for her, because it showed me that she had been strong, was still strong in some ways, could still be strong if she just could walk away from him. It was that note I took with me as she gestured towards the porch steps and I dropped down to sit, letting her settle down next to me. She held her purse in her lap, 3er fingers gripping it with just the tips of her claws slipping out. She was as tense as I was and it made me pin my ears back flat and draw my legs up closer to my chest.

"So..." I started, my voice sounded unnaturally high as I spoke and I swallowed, trying to calm down the beating of my heart.

"I'm sorry I didn't make your game." Her voice was so soft, and she turned to look at me with her brows furrowed slightly. "I didn't forget you played, not at all. I asked Ivan after it, I wanted to know that you'd done well, but I couldn't come. Your... father would not have been happy if he found out that I'd gone."

"You could have just not told him." I let some of the hurt slip out, I'd never had a track meet where she'd not been there. She might not be there for all of it, but she'd be there as long as she could, it had been jarring to stand on the field alone.

"Jonty would have told him." There was a slight hitch to her voice and she gave her head a short shake, as if she were throwing away whatever had come to mind. "I came here because your father wanted me to, he nearly came himself, but Ivan refused to tell him where you were. His father had to intervene when Honsi grew too... persistent."

It was a delicate way of putting it, but I could read between the lines. Father had likely been drunk and been rattling Ivan, threatening to hurt him. "So he sent you." I tried to keep any hint of emotion from escaping my lips, I didn't succeed that well.

"Your... Honsi.." She amended and moved to open up her purse, the large bag that had always fascinated me as a child. It was always a mess, and seemed as if it had to be larger on the inside than it was on the outside. "He went to the courts. He... doesn't want you as a son, Shall." She stumbled over the words and drew in a steadying breath as she pulled out a folded piece of paper. "He disowned you, legally with the help of the Pride Foundation."

I took the papers automatically, my mind numbing as the packet was thick, at least ten to fifteen pages worth and neatly stapled onto thick blue cardstock embossed with the state seal. I felt.... Nothing as I opened it and revealed the neat script, the title familiar enough. "Predator Acclimation Committee" or "PAC". It was supposed to be the people that represented us to the city and state, but mostly they just took over the day to day running of housing situations, crime rates, wall violations and also dealt with the family units. It wasn't unheard of for a male to go a bit feral where modern society was handled, there were even a few cub killers in the city that had to be removed from the population. They all, it seemed, dealt with other matters entirely. I read the first few lines with my brow furrowed, it was legalese, I didn't quite understand it, but I did see one word that I understood completely. "Emancipated"

The word made my shoulders loosen, my body relaxed and for one moment I felt a rush of joy. Emancipated. I was an emancipated minor. He had given me my freedom, I no longer had to fear that the state might find out I had left home while underage. I didn't have to fear he could drag me back legally, he had released me. But then I saw what was after it and I blinked a few times. "The minor, here to for referred to as Shallon Doe, has no legal obligations, rights, privileges, inheritance connected to the Nakintha Family line. Jonty Nakintha will, from this day on, be noted as the eldest and only child of Honsi and Arinna Nakintha." Those words struck me. My last name had been eradicated, legally, my parents had taken it away and I'd been tagged with the default last name of "Doe". My identity had been removed and erased, they hadn't just emancipated me, they had done more than disown me, they had removed my familial ties entirely.

Disown had always brought with it the idea of a parent fighting, telling their offspring to get out, but not this far, never this far. I'd never heard of anyone being so thoroughly disowned that their names had been changed and it had gone on record. It was an extreme move, one that showed me just what my father thought of me. He was done. I was no longer his son, I was no longer welcome to even use his name. Outcast. My eyes flicked through the paper work, and at the bottom, there on four lines were the signatures of those involved. My father's, my mother's, my brother's and a witness. My mind wasn't working, the thoughts weren't going too fast, they were stilled as I carefully folded the piece of paper and drew in a breath.

"You disowned me." I spoke the words softly, and turned to see my mother watching me, her eyes flickering over my face as if she were looking for a specific reaction. What sort of reaction did she think I'd have?! "You and D... Honsi both." He wasn't my father, I'd never call him father again.

"He wouldn't be talked down to letting you come home again." She drew in a breath, her eyes turning away, embarrassed. "I tried to tell him you didn't mean it, or that you had just meant to try and get away, but he didn't want to hear it. He refused to even have you on our property again. He wanted his name taken from you."

"And you agreed." I wasn't hurt that he had flung me away, it was a relief, but my mother had done it. She had signed her name, she had agreed I was no longer her son. That hurt, that stung and made my stomach tense. I didn't know if it was with anger or sorrow.

"Yes. I agreed." She confirmed and turned on the stairs so her back was braced on the railing, she didn't look away. "I agreed entirely and completely. Bec-"

"I see." I interrupted, and horribly I could hear my father's snarl in my voice as I snapped at her, the anger winning over the sorrow. I started to stand, but she reached out and caught my shoulder.

"I agreed because you needed to be free, you needed to be out. You needed to get away from him." Her voice was low and earnest as she spoke, refusing to let me stand up or shrug her paw away from me. "When I came home and saw you'd hit him, I feared you were dead. I had hoped you would come home, that he would forget or learn caution, but you never came home. I couldn't even persuade him to let you if you had, but you didn't. You left with your head up, and I knew that you needed to be free. There is no possible way that you could return with me and to our family. When he wanted to disown you, I saw a way that you could finally be free and not just of him. You could finally be your own person, you wouldn't have to be afraid..."

She trailed off, her paw still holding my shoulder while I looked at her, my ears flicking slightly as I tried to struggle through my emotions. She watched me, her eyes willing me to understand what she was saying, but all I felt was confusion. I had no real last name, I had no real family, I had no mother, no father, I was essentially an orphan and she had done it for me. Honsi had thrown me away like a bit of trash, he had tried to find me, and I could only imagine what he would have done if he had found me to tell me I was no longer his son. And she had given me up.

"What about you and Jonty?" I spoke softly, trying to think rationally, not simply emotionally like I wanted too. "You are both still stuck."

"Jonty.." There was a little jump in her voice at my brothers name. "Jonty has been spending more time with your fa... Honsi. He wants groom him up to be a proper male, they've been going out hunting more often and I think that he's going to drop out of school. Or at least, that's the impression I'm getting. He has even... been distant about the subject of you. I think he mimics his father too well. I wonder how long until he begins fall into drinking.."

"He won't do that." I protested, Jonty enjoyed sports too much to take up drinking. I knew he'd had a couple, but he'd always felt the way I did, disgusted by our father's habits.

"Perhaps not." She conceded, but not as if she believed me. "But he is safe... Honsi is proud of him. I know you took the brunt of his anger."

"He was never proud of me." I almost growled the words, my ears going back down again. I knew what he thought of me, I'd heard it often enough. "Why can't you just leave? You could be free too. PAC doesn't give annulments often, but surely you could push for one. Jonty is almost grown, he won't need you there all the time..."

I didn't want to stop being her son. I loved her. She was my mother, we were so much alike and she had always been the solid foundation that had given me strength. She was the one that had taught me how to cook, who had praised me the first time I really made a meal, she was the one that had taken me out with her so I could see the shops. She was the one that had let me visit the parks and once, memorably, an amusement park. She had been there to dry my tears for me, to tend my wounds, she was my mother. It had been her strength that had kept my father from fully breaking me, it had been her gentle paws that had made the nightmares seem far away. When I was younger she had always seemed so strong, and now all I could see was the age to her. The faint edge of white to her whiskers, the lines under her eyes, the way that she held herself as if she hurt beneath her clothes. She was always hurt, he used her like a punching bag.

Would that change with me gone? Would he leave her alone since I wasn't there as a glaring disappointment, or would she only be hurt worse because he had no one else to take it out on. It left a bitter taste in my mouth as she shook her head slowly, and moved her paw away from my shoulder. There was no spark of realization in her eyes that she might escape, only the same resignation that she had always displayed when she talked about her husband and their marriage.

"I can't do that." She responded, exactly as I knew she would. I made a frustrated sound in my throat, pushing up from the steps to stand up and look down at her.

She was strong, I knew she was, I had seen her stand up a few times and there was a quiet strength deep in her soul that could have stood up to Honsi. She could have stopped him, she could have stopped anyone. I could recall the one time when Jonty had been little more than a cub and I was a little older and we'd gone to the park. One of the hyena packs that hung out there had started to pick on us, mocking and yipping, laughing as I had tried to hide behind her. They were always touchy about lions, we'd been fighting for centuries and the modern age hadn't stopped old biases. They had been terrifying to my young eyes, their large teeth and one of them had even had a knife that he played with, making sure a saw. One of the females had grabbed my tail and yanked hard enough that it hurt and I had squalled out. And that's when I had seen what my mother could be.

My gentle sweet mother had turned into a demon, striking hard and fast with her lips curled back to show her own teeth. I had seen her rage and anger, heard the snarl in her voice and throat. She had seemed so much larger than my father, more powerful and not at all terrifying to me. She had been my protection, and they had left, a few with their tails tucked low as she had threatened them. I couldn't remember what she said, I could only remember the sight of her standing between me and those strange scary creatures. That had been before my father had truly started going at us, and now... Now I saw her sitting small and quiet on the steps, no fire to her eyes, no power. I knew she had it in her, I had seen it, why couldn't she simply tap into it again?! It was a question I had asked many times when things had been horrible at home, and this time it bubbled up from my throat and out of my muzzle.

"Why not?!" I snapped, my voice rising. "Leave the bastard! He doesn't love you, he hurts you, he hurts us! There absolutely no reason to stay with him when you can walk away from it all. I did, and you can too!"

"It's not as simple as that." She spoke in the same reasonable tone that she had used when I was little, but it didn't stop the anger.

"Yes it is! Don't go home, we'll find a place for you to stay, you can move in with me when I get an apartment, we don't have to deal with him. We can try and get Jonty out, talk him away." I gestured as I spoke, my passion rising with my subject. "You don't ever have to go back. You don't have to let him hurt you!"

She watched me, her eyes closing briefly before she stood up. She looked as if something hurt, perhaps he'd hit her again, perhaps it was just the fact that I knew she had several breaks that had never seen the doctor. It made my anger surge and my tail began to lash behind me, snapping and hitting against the ground as I lost control of it. How could that... creature hit her so often that I didn't even know if she was in old pain or new pain?

"It seems that easy, yes." She admitted, looking at me for a long moment and then giving her head a slow shake. "But it is never that easy. There are other factors to consider that keep me with him."

"What factors? What is so important that you have to stay there and be hurt?" I pushed, my breathing coming a little faster. I wanted her out of that place, the idea of her alone and unprotected once Jonty left twisted my stomach in knots.

"He didn't always hurt me, once he was... a good male. He was even kind. He used to be an awkward and sweet young lion and I did love him." She spoke softly, sadly, as if she were speaking of someone who had long since passed away. "He used to love me back, and tell me often I was the loveliest girl he'd ever met. Our first date he took me to a dance and bought me daisies because he knew I liked them, it took all his pocket money, but he was so pleased to give them to me."

"He's not that person anymore!" I persisted, my voice sounding strained, but she only shook her head back and forth.

"He was once, I loved him so very much. He swept me up when I was young and I couldn't say no. It was so good, so wonderful to be loved by him." Her voice came to a stop, a hint of tears to them. "We would go out hunting together, many times we'd just make love under the stars and not care for the prey we went after. Just like the world was new..."

"But not anymore!" I asserted, stiffening a little and her eyes shifted to me. A world of sorrow was in them, grief lurked just under the surface, as if there was so much she would drown in it if she let it loose. I had never seen this person in Honsi, I'd never seen him bring her flowers or take my mother out to anything except the stupid Pride Foundation events.

"I loved him once, some part of me still does. Perhaps it's been too long, perhaps I've simply been so caught up that I don't see how I can ever leave him." She turned her head away, looking down at the porch. "Perhaps I am stupid and silly, I think he might change again, but sometimes I see the male I fell in love with. Glimpses in his eyes, when he comes to me in the early morning and says he's sorry, tries to tell me why he gets so angry and how he'll try to stop drinking."

"I've never heard him apologize." I growled, she wouldn't look at me, she was staring at the porch and avoiding my eyes. "I've rarely heard him say even a kind word to you."

"He does, when he is sober, when he remembers who he is. He holds me and sometimes he cries, begging me to just try and stay away when he's drunk. He remembers and I remember I love him still." She spoke in almost a whisper, a hint of tears. "I want him to get help, I want him to be who he used to be again, I don't know if he can, but I hope that he will... I can't leave him, Shallan, I can only be happy that you are free and safe once again."

I gaped at her, I didn't know what to say. He'd never cried and apologized to me, I'd never seen that part of him, only the monster. I'd never heard him saying he was sorry to her, only his yelling and the clap of his paw on her. I bristled and lowered my head a little, half remembering times when I was young and he had built a little fake jungle with bushes in our back yard for me to stalk in. Or when he'd let me ride in the back of the truck, laughing as I tried to hang over the edge. They were dull memories, so dim I could barely recall them, and I didn't want to remember them. That wasn't who he was, and I knew it. I knew the reality of him. I knew he was a monster. I had lived it. Why couldn't my mother see who he was? I growled low in my throat and my mother jerked her head up to look at me, tears dampening her cheeks before she wiped them away and gave her head a shake.

"You may not understand, but..." She trailed off and tipped her ears back, her expression almost looking pained. "I loved him once, maybe some part of me still does. Perhaps he just needs to remember that part of him again, perhaps not. I just know I can't leave him. I have thought of doing it in the past, once or twice I even did... Packed my bags, but something always stopped me. I could never leave." The last words were soft, defeated and tired.

"Please... Mom, please." I pled, the words soft as I swallowed. "He'll kill you one day, you can't let him do that, you can't-"

"I'm not leaving him." When she spoke, the words didn't ring with conviction and belief that things would change as they said, she spoke them grimly as if she had said them so often that was all she had left. "It is enough I know that you won't be hurt any longer, that... You stood up to him, when I should have. I always..."

"You tried." I asserted and felt a pang of guilt for what I had been thinking earlier. "You interceded a lot, it's not your fault."

She didn't look as if she believed me, she looked raw, emotions that she had hinted at exposed to the light and air and it hurt to have them there. Before my eyes I watched her gather herself together, rebuilding her expression, pulling up walls to hide away what lay there. I had my pain, my hatred of my father, my confusion, my mish mashed understanding of what and who I was, but the depth of her pain made mine almost feel shallow. She had loved him, truly loved him once, she had adored him and some part of her still saw him there where I didn't. She still hoped he'd be there again. I had never truly loved my fath--Honsi--I had respected him, I had feared him, I had wanted his approval, but I couldn't recall warmth and love except small early memories that didn't match up with what and who he was now.

She drew her purse in front of her, shaking her head as she became more normal, more whole and put together, the mother I had always known. I had never seen the raw pain there before, the exposure to a hurt that I had only just begun to fathom. It made me wonder what else she was hiding beneath the surface. She didn't even look up as she struggled to pull out an envelope from the mass of her purse, a thick manila one that was barely able to close. Before I could react she pushed it into my hands and I was startled by the fact it was nearly the size of a small book.

"It's your ID card, birth certificate... y-you'll have to change it now, but you can go down town to do that. But everything is there, even your medical records." She said the last a bit more softly. "All of them, and your prescriptions, you'll be off my health care now, but I included some numbers that can help."

"Thanks." It sounded awkward as I said it, to thank her for disowning me. I tried to smile and she returned it, a sad strained smile.

"There's money too, I hid it from Honsi." She rubbed her damp cheeks a little, fluffing the fur as she spoke. "It's not much, but enough to help you get started, I know you don't have much. It's all I could do to help you..."

"Mom!" I started to protest. She worked hard, harder than I ever had, oftentimes pulling back to back shifts. I reached into the envelope, fumbling until I found the smaller envelope, shocked to feel the thick stack of bills. "No, you need it, and-"

"No!" She denied fiercely and pulled her head up. "I can't give you a safe home, I couldn't give you what you should have had as a cub, all I can do is this. Use it for your own place, or college, you would do well in there. You were always so smart, you still are."

"B-but..." I started and swallowed, looking down at the envelope in my paw. "Thank you." I finally said softly. "You gave me everything you could, Mom."

She caught me, her arms wrapped around my waist tightly and she pulled me into a hug, I barely had time to catch her, my arms going over her shoulders as she pressed in close. Her cheek pressed against my own and I held her tight feeling, for the first time, just how much I'd grown. She felt almost small in my arms as she squeezed tightly and I felt her muzzle press against my shoulder, I did the same, drawing in the warm familiar scent that had always comforted me. I wanted to take her away, to protect her, to find some place where she would never know fear or anger or hatred again. And I couldn't, I couldn't save her, she had to save herself, no matter how much I wished it were otherwise. I held her as I had when I was small and innocent, when she had been the whole of my world.

"I'm so proud of you, Shall. So proud of who you, who you will be." She murmured softly in my ear, I could hear the smile on her lips as she spoke. "No matter what, never forget, I'll always love you. Always."

"I love you." I whispered fiercely against her shoulder, tears pricking my eyes as I clutched her close. "You'll always be my mother. Always and forever."