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Chapter 83: Unveil

Roger had found himself wide awake on the wolf's bed, the wolf's arm around him as it usually was, the covers keeping them warm. In actuality, he had not slept very well, or even much at all the previous night. He was restless, and he dreaded what would come that day.

He had decided to hold off the confession until the end of the night, since by that time he would leave, and the wolf would not have to deal with him anymore that day.

He held onto that arm, savoring what he felt would be the last time he would be in that position. The tears in his eyes had dried, and luckily so did the pillow. Feeling the wolf hold him was soothing, but much more than that it was painful.

He wanted to rescind and retreat, but he did not. He was determined to fix things, but still, he wanted to enjoy what little close moments he had with the wolf.

He was grateful for the day, that they were still close, sitting pressed against each others' sides, the occasional hug. It was like a drugged knife, it calmed him and at the same time left a wound.

They continued on with their studying and a little bit of football practice. They had mostly stopped doing it since the wolf was back on the team and was able to play with his teammates.

It was an odd day for the fox. He was contemplative and silent, and the wolf noticed this. He had asked Roger why he was acting in such a way, and he merely responded that he would tell him later. It further reinforced his commitment.

Even in Hunter's room, the fox would glance at the bed every so often, and already he felt that he missed it. It was so simple to give something up, but it was not simple to let it go.

How many hours had passed? Only a few, Roger figured out. Where had the time gone, and why had it gone by so slowly at the same time? It slipped through his paws, the tiny grains, yet there it was: the dune that laid before him, the heavy weight and burden placed upon him. Had it really been so difficult?

His mouth was dry. He consistently required water, but he had been breathing so quickly that his mouth would just get dry again. He felt like he had run a million miles and he was exhausted. He wanted to sleep, but knew that any time he spent unconscious now would just be time wasted. Every second would be a regret that would fill him until he burst.

Hunter had become worried, and despite his efforts to extract an answer from the fox, it was to no avail. He assured the fox, though, that he would listen to whatever he had to say, and that things would be fine.

The fox had mentioned that while they were pleasing words, it would not be the case.

Another hour, and then another. They had a quiet lunch, and then a quiet dinner.

His day was wasted, but he treasured it. From nothing was something, and it was a memory he hoped to hold onto for the rest of his life, for it would never occur again.

Finally, he found himself once more sitting on the bed against the wolf. He looked over, saw the smiling face, and the wagging tail, and then scooted away. He said, "Hey Hunter, I... I have something to tell you."

The wolf nodded. "Is it about what's bothering you?"

Roger nodded and did not look at him. "Y-yeah. I... okay. I just, uh... I just want to apologize, first of all, okay? What I've done is, well, unforgivable."

Hunter gave him a puzzled look, but the fox did not see it. He asked, "You didn't do anything."

The fox gulped audibly. "Y... Yes I did. I did it to you and I'm so sorry. You know when I showed you how to, you know...." He made a gesture with his paw. "It was that. I shouldn't have done it, and I knew that, and I thought I knew better, but... I couldn't help myself."

There exhibited no response from the wolf, and Roger dreaded the worst. He felt heavy. "It's just, you didn't really know any better, and I really somehow convinced myself that I was helping, but that didn't need to be helped. You would've figured it out eventually, and... it wasn't my place. And then to see you do it... I should have refused. I should have shut my eyes, turned my head, something."

His voice began to crack and he grasped tightly at his legs of which his paws rested on. It hurt, but he was not paying attention to the physical pain.

"Please don't cry," the wolf said.

Roger felt his face. It was wet. He had not realized that tears had fallen, but it was too late to return. He had to press on. "It's... it's okay, I deserve it. I... took advantage of you, and I shouldn't have. I'm so, so sorry, but sorry isn't going to be enough, and it will never be enough."

"But... but you did it too, so that means I took advantage of you, too?" the wolf said. In his voice was confusion, and it was expected. Roger had prepared.

He responded, "No, you didn't. That was just me doing it again, because I had subjected you to such a thing. I'm just... I'm sorry. I'm such an awful... just an abomination. What kind of sick fuck am I?"

He gritted his teeth and scrunched up his eyes. "I had told you that that should only really be done by yourself or with someone you love, and I took that chance away from you. It's unforgiveable. You... you didn't take advantage of me at all, because I... I...."

He choked on the words. He glanced at the wolf, and he saw frustration, and he was sure that was not the only emotion. He finally continued, sniffling, "It's because I wanted... it. I wanted it to happen, deep down, and... it was right there, and I took it. It's something I've wanted for so long, and I couldn't control myself, and.... It's because I... I love you."

It was quiet for a moment, and then Hunter asked, "Is that bad? I love my mom and my brother and-"

Roger shook his head and said, "Not in that way." He looked directly at the wolf, but could not really see anything due to the tears in his eyes. "I love you like I should have loved Mary. I love you like... like I shouldn't. It's just wrong, and I... I'm sorry."

"So you mean..." the wolf started to ask, but the fox nodded.

Roger could only see a blurred movement, and then he shut his eyes. He clenched his paws and braced himself for a punch. It was as he imagined, and it went about as well.

And then it came.