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>Ah, Saturday.

>The last day of your very long week, a slightly more upbeat time for all the workers at RCA.

>And to make it even better, lunch!

>One hour of paid time to shoot the shit with men you'd known since you were in diapers.

>O'leary and Brickman were playing cards in the corner, like they did every Saturday since you'd started working here.

>The boss and his posse of floor managers were eating together as well.

>And your seat, as always, kept warm by everyone's little brother, Linus.

>Thompson and Vance were sitting with him, probably playfully riffing on his young romance again.

>"Move over, would you Linus?" You start. “That seat's still mine."

>"Aw, come on Mous, the poor kid's just trying to enjoy his lunch." Thomson said feigning protectiveness, reaching across the table to block you.

>"Yeah Mous, you're such a mean mentor." Vance piled on with a smirk.

>"I've been eating in this spot every day since I first started working, you know it, Vance knows it, and Linus of all people definitely knows it."

>"Ugh, fine." Thomson relented. “Linus, move for the big baby."

>"Aww, I like this spot." Linus called before moving over.

>"You like that spot every Saturday. What was it the bible said? Don't covet thy neighbors spot?" You asked.

>"Wife." Replied Thompson.

>"Eh, potato potahto."

>"Which reminds me, Linus." Thompson started. “When are you going to marry that girl?"

>"W-what girl?" Linus quickly denied.

>"Don't 'what girl' me, boy." He continued. “That one you never shut up about. You know, the one who's picture you keep in your locker."

>"How do you know about that!?" Linus yelped, stirring the bosses table, before shrinking into himself to hide from their only slightly miffed gazes.

>The three of you chuckled a bit at the sight.

>"I have keys to your locker, remember? Just because we all get along don't mean I ain't gotta search your lockers once in a while."

>"Who else could keep us rascals in check, eh Anon?" Vance said, leaning back in his chair.

>"God knows who could snoop better than ol' Tommy Thompson." you answer, taking a bite of your store bought sandwich.

>You would be lying if you said you didn't feel a pang of jealousy looking at the other men's meals.

>Always real food, made with real love and, god bless it, real cheese.

>Your mouth watered.

>You took another bite.

>"See that man there Linus?" Thompson pointed at you. “You don't want to end up like him. All wifeless and sad at his age."

>"Fuck off, Tommy." You groused, leaning back in your chair like Vance still was, nursing your now full stomach.

>"Yeah, yeah. Whatever happened with that week off? Word on the grapevine is your folks had a gal lined up for you."

>"Didn't work out." You reply.

>"'Didn't work out' how? Like, you took her out on a date and offended her didn't work out, or you took it to fast and her daddy caught you foolin' in your suburban didn't work out?"

>Vance chuckled, and Linus blushed.

>"God no, Tom. I was just too damn busy to go out on a date. And it's not like I can keep her happy being at work all the damn time."

>"Bullsquirt Mous. My wife is the happiest woman I know, and I work even more than you do."

>"Ginny is the only woman you know." Vance joked.

>"Can it, Rich." Thompson elbowed his side. “I know my mama too."

>"Either way, you can't go on living the way you do Anon. We have to care about you, us four have been through the shit and back. Hell, my wife asks me how you're doing every Sunday."

>"Him specifically?" Vance interjects.

>Tommy squints at the shorter man next to him.

>"What are you implying?"

>"Nothing, nothing." He reassures with a smug grin.

>"Right. On the subject of you, Vance; Ginny wants to know when you're going to get a decent car and stop parking that rust-bucket in front of our house at potlucks."

>"9th of never, probably just after 2 o'clock." He answers.

>Tom grumbles quietly.

>Vance chuckles, satisfied that he has thoroughly annoyed his boss.

>The table lulls.

>"Well Tommy," You start. “I may not be looking into a wife, but I just might be getting the next best thing if the tube is to be believed."

>"Oh yeah? You're getting one of those half naked french maids?"

>"Not quite. Were any of you guys watching CBS after work last night?" You asked the table.

>"Nope, my eldest has been obsessed with 'Nam recently. We were on ABC." Tom answered first, as was custom.

>"Not me, there was an important ball game on." Vance replied.

>"Important my foot! Braves and Phillies are the two worst teams playing today. What does it matter who wins between them?" Tommy sidelined.

>"That's what makes it important! You've got no clue who'll actually win." Vance answered, squinting with mock seriousness.

>Tom shook his head, looking down at his plate in disbelief.

>"That just leaves you, Linus." You smoothly interject, steering the conversation back on track.

>"Oh, uh." The apprentice stutters. “Yeah I did. They did a whole segment on the military, the robot nurse they were sending to the moon, and that kind of thing."

>"Do you remember the last bit?"

>"Where they turned the robot on and it was just like a real person? Of course I do! That was, like, the coolest part!

>"Exactly!" You agreed. “That's why I bought one."

>Everyone immediately looked at you.

>Even Vance, eternally nonplussed, looked shocked.

>"No way! You bought one of those maid robots?" Linus exclaimed.

>"Jesus, kid. Keep your voice down." Tommy said. “The whole factory doesn't need to know Anon's life story."

>"Sorry."

>The table quieted down again.

>"Maid robot, huh?" Tommy began. “Not one of those self-driving vacuum cleaners, but an actual walking talking homemaker?"

>"Yeah." You replied.

>"How much you pay for it?"

>"You don't want to know."

>"The base model was $1,200." Linus said.

>Tommy balked, and nearly spit his coffee right into your face.

>He just barely managed to control it.

>“I thought it was a bit much, but 'The bleeding edge ain't cheap!' that presenter guy said." Linus concluded.

>"'A bit much' is right! Anon, what the hell? Your suburban was half that at best!"

>"It was a hell of a lot less than half," You sheepishly replied. "I uh, didn't get the base model."

>"Good lord, Anon." Tom huffed, burying his face in his hands.

>"Ooh! Did you get the Secusuite? The Photodial?" Linus injected again.

>"I got all of it."

>"The Super Deluxe? No way man, no single person in this town could afford to drop that much on one thing." He flippantly rebuffed.

>"How much?" Tom said behind his hands.

>You coughed.

>"$3,500."

>"That's way more than the super deluxe. Did you buy half a robot worth of spare parts or something?" Linus asked.

>"About that. Also got a special waterproofing package and an extra charging stand."

>"You've never seemed to be the type to drop thousands of dollars at once to me, what gives?"

>"How do you think I got the thousands to drop?" You answered the younger man.

>"You're going to be paying off that loan for the rest of your days, you know." Tom said.

>"It wasn't a loan."

>"Pull your retirement then? Might as well be a loan."

>"No. All savings."

>Tom just rubbed his beard, his face a poster of complete disbelief.

>"Ginny probably won't like that. But it's better than just telling her nothing's changed, I suppose." He said, stirring the last bits of his meal before taking another bite.

>The table fell into its usual end of lunch silence, though this silence was a bit more uncomfortable than usual.

>There was one man who would never let an uncomfortable silence go to waste, however.

>"I'm taking bets on how long it takes before he starts trying to boink it." Vance blurted.

>"Shut up Vance!" You snapped, Linus shrinking in his seat next to you.

>Tom laughed, with only a little bit of concern slipping through.

+------------+

>Pulling onto your street you spot it, and your heart jumps in your chest.

>A Pioneer-Standard delivery truck! Parked right in front of your house!

>After weeks of waiting, your personal robot is finally here!

>You slip into your driveway and chirp your tires in your hurry to stop, jumping out of the wagon before it even has time to stop rocking.

>You'd had to wait even longer than you would've if you'd had a reasonable work schedule, they planned on delivering it midday on Wednesday, but you wouldn't have been there to receive it. Even if you were, it would've sat in the box until Saturday night anyway.

>You walked right up to the truck, climbed the drivers side step, and gave the window a tap.

>The deliveryman awoke with a start, clearly having fallen asleep waiting on you to come out and sign something.

>He cranked down his window and, with annoyance only thinly veiled by professionalism, beamed a customer service smile.

>"Hello Mr. Mous!" He asked, almost through his teeth. “Why didn't you answer the door?"

>"I wasn't actually home, I did write to be here at 6:00 sharp, didn't I?" You replied with your own thinly veiled annoyance.

>"You did? My boss told me to be here at 4:30." He said, confused.

>"Not on my instructions, he didn't. At least you got a good nap out of it, Eh?"

>"Suppose I did." He said, unclipping his seatbelt. “Let's get 'er unloaded and you on your way huh?"

>"Sounds good to me." You said before stepping down and waiting for him to lead you to the back.

>What followed was a fairly simple delivery, you and the deliveryman strapping a box the size of a small refrigerator to the business end of a dolly, stacking all the little extra goodies on top and rolling it down the ramp straight into your mudroom.

>The only real bothersome part was all the release forms and checklists you had to sign off.

>You'd expected a general release of liability just by the nature of the thing, but you almost considered calling your lawyer to make sure you weren't somehow selling your soul.

>If you were, you would at least have this fancy new piece of America's finest engineering to make it worth it.

>Speaking of, let's pop some boxes open!

>You started with some of the smaller ones, surely you would at least need to set up a charging stand before turning it on. Plus, you were curious what parts you were given with the “Enthusiast" replacements package.

>You flicked open your pocketknife and attacked the smallest first, opening it with the finesse ordering countless hobby parts as a kid gave you.

>It was just a few bags of bolts, fittings, and rubber gaskets.

>Probably quite useful, but not very interesting.

>Next up was a very dense box, with not much jingling around in it.

>Opening it revealed two identical boxes labeled O68 OPTIC and one labeled G67 GYRO

>So its eyes and something to keep it balanced then. Neat!

>Next, another small box labeled 'Accessory'.

>It contained, unsurprisingly, accessories.

>A car charger. Not one of those cheap cigarette lighter doohickeys, but a pack that hooked in right under the hood. Very useful for road trips, you were sure.

>There was a light green maid's uniform, a teal sundress, and a pair of overalls with a sky blue t-shirt. High quality outfits, for something you would've thought had clothes permanently attached.

>As you fished around the very bottom of the tightly packed parts box, you fished out something a bit odd.

>Some square patches of what appeared to be black and white fur.

>And next to them, what you could only describe as a bottle brush black tail, and pointy black cat's ears.

>Must be someone out from the funny-farm early working in their packaging department.

>In your excitement the find is immediately thrown out in favor of more interesting endeavors.

>You pack up the accessories and all the parts, and open up one of the two large charging stations.

>It's a fairly simple device, just a sturdy metal circle with two contacts sticking out of it. You guessed that she stepped into it and charged from her feet.

>You plug it in, and the stylized blue ring around the contraption lights up.

>I still got it. You think to yourself.

>Which just leaves the final, and most important box.

>You unhook the sturdy metal bands keeping it in shape, cutting the dotted line near the bottom, and lifted it up and over.

>The agonizing wait was over! It was…

>A white sheet. Covering the thing you actually wanted to see.

>You tugged at the white sheet.

>The excitement that had filled your chest dropped immediately into disbelief.

>Seems that the whole damn company belonged in the funny-farm.

>"What the hell!?"