Ander - Part 2: Subchapter 37
37
Something was happening to her. Something bad. The sound she was following kept fading in and out, and she had no way of knowing whether it was the sound itself or her own ears at fault.
The latter seemed more likely. Everything else was failing, after all.
Blood now flowed freely from the corner of her mouth in a steady stream. She could feel it dribble past her jaw, mingle with the rain, and drip from her chin. She couldn't even be bothered to spit it out anymore because she knew it would just be a matter of moments before her mouth filled up again. Spitting took too much energy anyway.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe. The blood in her throat didn't make things easy, no, but it was more than that. She felt like what little air she could suck in didn't have any effect. It just swirled uselessly in her lungs before being blown back out. No matter how heavy she breathed, the burning in her lungs simply could not be slaked.
Even worse was the burning in her loins. She's had to adjust her stride, making her steps shorter and shorter to prevent that pain from flaring up inside of her, moving slowly just to keep it to a manageable throb.
Before tonight, Sarah would have considered this the worst pain imaginable, but it was nothing compared to what she could see herself doing in the future.
The cries were getting louder again, clearer. So close. She could make out the words now...
"Nooo! Whyyyy!?"
So much pain...
"Why did this have to happen!?"
So much sorrow...
"She was just... She didn't do anything to deserve this! Neither of them did!"
She knew that voice. She thought she'd never hear it again.
"What am I supposed to tell her when she wakes up!? If she even wakes up!?"
Sarah pushed her way through a thicket of ferns, their leaves slippery with rain, and came out in a small clearing, dominated in the centre by a giant beech tree, larger than any she has seen before. That much was clear, even in this thick darkness. Its branches rose up and up, swaying slightly with the wind, making it look like it was breathing.
"Answer me!!"
That voice... it was coming from the base of that tree. It was coming from...
"... Kadai?"
He didn't hear her, which was no surprise. Her voice was little more than a faint rasp, quickly ripped away by the wind. She went closer, each step a gamble in her weakened condition, and as she closed the distance, as the shadows receded, she came to see what was happening in the black shadow of that giant tree.
Kadai was on his knees, looking up into the branches as if they knew all the answers, but were too cruel to give even one.
There were... no, it couldn't be. She has never seen Kadai cry, not even once. Those must be raindrops on his face.
Sarah stepped beneath the reaching branches, and it was as if the whole atmosphere suddenly changed. The raindrops became fewer, but larger, dripping down from the leaves above. Even the wind seemed different; less extreme, less piercing. Even so, the partial sanctuary this tree provided could do nothing to warm Sarah's heart, for she knew this was the place she would have to say goodbye.
To them both.
"Kadai?"
He turned his head just as another flash of lightning tore through the sky, throwing stark spotlights through the gaps in the branches, and what they revealed stopped her dead in her tracks.
Blood. Blood on his hands, blood all the way up to his elbows, thick and tacky in his fur. The rain was carving clean trenches through the slick coating, dripping to the ground. The mud by his knees was black with it. But... why couldn't she see any wounds on his arms? If that blood wasn't his... then, whose?
"Sarah? Is - Is that you?" he breathed, getting to his feet. He stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth agape. Sarah couldn't tell whether he wanted to embrace her or run away as fast as he could. The way his eyes darted over her body, the way his chest rose and fell with his rapid breathing, he looked absolutely terrified. "By the Cora, what _happened_to you?"
"Kadai, I..." Sarah didn't know how to answer his question. How was she supposed to explain that he now had a second son? That the child she held in her arms was nearly murdered by his own grandfather? That he would never be accepted as a Wolf in a world of Foxes? That he had nowhere else to go? How was she supposed to explain all that when seeing Kadai's face was enough to bring tears to her eyes, both of happiness and sorrow? How was she supposed to do any of that when it hurt just to live?
"Sarah?" He came closer, his gait hesitant, like one destined for the gallows.
She held Andrew out to him without a word, watching as fat drops of rain pelted the towel and seeped into the fabric, slowly turning it from white to gray, one spot at a time.
Kadai stopped, raised one shaking, blood-soaked finger and pointed at the bundle in her hands. "What is that?"
Sarah wanted to answer him, she really did, but the pain... it was getting worse.
"Sarah, what is that!?"
In barely more than a whisper, Sarah said, "This is your son..."
Kadai slowly shook his head, his lips silently forming the word "no," over and over again. He reached up and grabbed a handful of his hair, as if he intended to rip it out.
"Kadai?"
"How? This... this isn't possible. This can't be happening."
"Kadai, please... he's heavy..."
Perhaps noticing the way her arms were shaking, Kadai rushed forward and carefully took Andrew from her grasp, smearing the towel with his bloody handprints.
She didn't want to know whose blood that was. She didn't want to know why he was covered in it. To think on those things would mean thinking on the life she was thrusting her child into, a life of blood and tears.
"Sarah, what happened?" Kadai pleaded, awkwardly holding his son in his big hands. "Just, please talk to me!"
Sarah couldn't. She just couldn't. Seeing Kadai again was a torture even worse than the long road she had to walk to get here. Seeing him holding her child, her little Andrew... she just... she couldn't.
"Sarah?"
She slowly walked backwards, trying her best to fight back her tears, but failing miserably. She felt them overflow her eyes and run down her cheeks just as she left the shadow of the great tree and stepped back into the pouring rain. Standing here, in this downpour, her tears might as well not exist at all outside of her own mind, which is exactly where she intended to keep them. Forever.
Lightning cut through the sky, a burning wound of jagged white lines in the night, searing in its intensity. It gave Sarah one last look at the Wolves she would always love; Kadai, so scared and confused, and her brave little boy in his father's bloody hands. He would never see his mother again.
"His name is Andrew..." Sarah said, thunder rumbling overhead. Before the pain proved too much, before her heart could break completely, she turned her back and walked into the wind, her head bowed against the rain, back into the shadows of her life as it once was.
"Sarah! Wait!" Kadai shouted after her, but she ignored him. "Sarah!"
She expected him to come after her, but he didn't. She expected to feel his hand on her shoulder at any moment, just like that time in the pass, but his touch never came. She didn't want to look back. She's suffered enough this night. Looking back would only tear her apart, seeing her son so far away, knowing she would never hold him in her arms again, knowing she would never feel his warmth, knowing that no matter how much she came to love him in the few short hours they were together, she would never be able to feel it returned. Andrew...
The realization struck her like a stone to the face, hard enough to double her over, making her stomach roil with nausea.
Andrew... she never said goodbye to her baby!
Sarah turned around, not caring how badly her throat burned, not caring how difficult it was to breathe. She would shout over the thunder if she had to!
But they were gone. Without a trace.
She desperately searched the area beneath the tree with her eyes, hoping for a flicker of movement, a shifting shadow in the dark, anything.
But there was nothing. Just the giant beech tree, a black hulk in the night, rhythmically swaying with the wind, as if breathing.
As if it had swallowed them whole.
"Andrew... I'm so sorry..." she cried. "I had no choice..."
With the wind blowing right through her, with the freezing rain pelting against her body, with blood dripping from the hem of her dress, Sarah started on her way back. Back to her home. Back to her family.
Back to her life.
*
Standing at the riverbank, watching the brown, muddy water sluice against the sides, throwing up cloudy waves of foam against the rocks, Sarah knew she could go no farther.
Oh, it hasn't been raining that long. The water was only a foot or two higher than it was a while ago. Anyone could just wade right through with nothing but soaked clothes to pay.
But Sarah couldn't. She could barely stand, let alone fight a swift current such as this. She could feel her whole body going numb, and it was becoming difficult to see straight. Every time she took a step, the whole world shifted beneath her feet, as if it was purposefully trying to knock her down.
Maybe... maybe she could just walk along the bank for a while? Maybe she could find a safer place to cross downstream. Yes, that's what she'd do. She'll just walk... until...
She barely even felt the root against her foot, was hardly even aware of the fact that she was falling. One moment she was still thinking of walking... walking... and the next she was crashing to the soggy ground, throwing up a splash of dead leaves and rainwater.
Pain.
It cut through every part of her body, every thought in her mind. It blotted out everything around and inside her until there was nothing else.
Too weak to scream, too tired to get back up, Sarah lay on the ground, in the mud, motionless. The rain fell on her from above and the wind pushed against her from the side, and to Sarah, nothing existed anymore. Only the cold and the pain.
And the growing darkness.
At least Andrew was safe now. Her baby was safe. That's all that mattered.
Sarah could see her hand in the dark, splattered with mud. The rain was washing it clean, and every now and then a drop would hit in just the right spot to make a tuft of fur jitter to the left or right. She knew that beyond her hand lay the Cora, and beyond that her village of Grovenglen. Her home.
But it was too dark to see.
That's because it's night time, Sarah. You should be in bed.
Bed... that would be nice. She was so, so tired...
You've had a long day. It's time to rest now.
A part of her knew she shouldn't close her eyes. The other parts didn't care.
She just wanted the pain to go away. She just wanted... to rest... just... for a little while...
"Andrew..."
Maybe she would see him again someday. When she's had time to rest. Maybe... maybe...
These were the thoughts that drifted through her mind as she closed her eyes and left the waking world, thoughts of her son and the life they could have had.
She suddenly didn't feel so cold anymore.
It was night time...
Time to...
...rest.
If you enjoy my story, please help keep my face un-mauled by irritable ostriches by dropping me a donation.
Thank you! ^_^
Paypal: [email protected]
Donation Progress
$29.34 / $100 (Unlock Sunday update)
First: https://www.sofurry.com/view/517235
Previous: https://www.sofurry.com/view/580272
Next: https://www.sofurry.com/view/582553
How and Why: The Story behind "Ander" (Journal): https://www.sofurry.com/view/517234
Special thanks go out to the following furs for helping me keep this project afloat with their generous donations. I couldn't do it without your support.
The mystery fur strikes again with a second donation! If you'd like to be credited, drop me a PM with your username. :3
PyrePup has also donated twice.
Thank you! You guys are the best! ^_^