Darkness and Starlight 22 - Heart of Anger

Story by Z-JAM-C on SoFurry

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#22 of Chronicles of FinalGamer 19 - Darkness and Starlight

James Campbell's mood turns worse despite his more active days, and Koopin's fears grow stronger at his boyfriend's sudden fits of anger and frustration for reasons he will not explain.

What dark secret burns within his heart that he refuses to show Koopin? One way or another, after a lot of consideration and testing his patience, he decides to make an ultimatum.

Super Mario Bros. copyrighted to Nintendo, FinalGamer to me


On the third month since James had begun his trips to Rogueport, the raptor wandered back home in a thick overcoat in the late evening, right around when the sky had turned dark. Opening the door with his spare key, he sighed and flumped his back against the door to close it behind him. He heard water running from the shower, peeking to see Koopin's shell placed nearby. He went to the bedroom, placing back his scissors discreetly in his cupboard, hidden beneath the thick jacket. The display case had now been left empty for a good while. Sitting down on the bed as he tried to empty his mind, he barely even registered Koopin's voice approaching, wearing his shell while rubbing his head with a cute white towel. "HEY! You're back!" "...mmhmm." "You could have said you were home, how long you been back?!" "Just arrived. Didn't wanna bother you in the shower." "You never bother me." He came close and kissed James on the head, the raptor unmoving. Koopin began to worry. "You okay?" "Yeah...just tired." "Long week?" "Yeah." "...you...wanna talk about it?" "...no." James said this with a stern gaze into Koopin's eyes, warning him off. Koopin knew that look, and he knew better than to pry into James' state of mind right now. Almost. "Alright...you want me to make you something?" "Not right now." "Okay...you seen the paper today?" "Yeah I read it." "The missing people?" "Yeah." "It's odd, normally there's never that many over such a short amount of time, even in place like Ro- "I know, look...can I be alone for a li'l bit?" "Alone? But you just got back, we haven't seen each other in a few days, an-" "I'd rather be alone right now." "...James, what's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong." "You're upset about something, I can tell. Come on, you can tell me anything you know that." "I'm alright Koopin." "Look, if you're worried about upsetting me with something, don't worry, you know I'll help you with anything tha-" "KOOPIN!" He stood up with snarling frustration, leering down on the koopa who flinched with worry. "For fuck's sake I just want to be alone for a little bit, is that so much to ask?!" "Wha-no, I-i was just-" "I don't NEED any help, okay?!" "Why are you acting like this, I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you!" "Look just...just...leave me alone." "...James, I'm sorry but there's no need to be like that, I was just asking-" "Whatever, fuck this I'm going for a walk." "Don't talk like that in front of me!" "Shut up!" "James wait, why are you-" "Just FUCK OFF!" James grabbed his coat and walked out of the door with furious steps, slamming it hard and leaving Koopin both confused and upset. Charlie barked from the backyard, woken up by the noise as the koopa sat on the bed where James had been. He was shaking hard, his mind thrown into disarray by such a reaction from him as he held his head in one hand. "What's wrong with him?!" he thought aloud. "What did I do, I-i was just asking...maybe he's...yeah m-maybe he's just stressed, he didn't wanna worry me...shouldn't have asked darnit, he'll come back home and we can make up."

But James didn't come home, at least not that night. He arrived the next day sometime in the afternoon, and Koopin had no choice but to go to work without even seeing him. Wracked by worry, he struggled through his day of filing paperwork and evaluating site safety for tours before returning home. He should have been glad that James was home waiting for him. Instead, he was upset. "There you are!" "Hey, listen-" "Wh-where the heck were you, you didn't come back last night!" "I...stayed at the toad house up the road, I needed some time to think." "And you didn't even tell me?! I was worried about you, I thought something might have happened to you! You could have left me SOMETHING, like a piece of paper on the door or-" "I was gonna," shrugged James, "but you had gone to work by then so what was the point?" "James...nnngh...what's wrong? You're not like this usually, you never go off a whole night and just waltz back without telling me anything! I was worried sick about you while at work." "I'm sorry, god, I would have left you a message but I came back too late, you had gone, it's not my fault!" "It IS your fault James, you stormed out last night without explaining anything to me, and you come back expecting me to welcome you and forget all about it!?" "Okay, look, I'm sorry alright? I really don't need this Koopin." "I don't need it either! Did you have a bad time at Rogueport? Did something happen to you?! D-did you make a bad deal and get chewed out by your boss, I'm here to let you lean on James, that's the point of a relationship!" "Woah woah hold the fucking phone doctor feelgood-" "Stop it." Koopin waved a finger threateningly at James, starting to get tired of his attitude. "Don't. Talk like that to me. You can argue and explain yourself perfectly fine without using that language on me." James slowly got up, already making his mind up on what he wanted to do with no reason to be polite. He leaned in closer to Koopin. "...and what...the fuck...are you gonna do about it?" The koopa said nothing, staring into James' strange eyes, trying to gauge his mood from them. He saw a frustration within them, followed by a clear sense of not even caring anymore. The raptor merely smiled and leaned back. "That's what I thought. Well, I see I'm not welcome here, again, so I'm going out...again." "No you're not." "Whatever." "James!" James walked right past him, heading towards the door, but Koopin stopped him by grabbing his right arm tightly. The raptor looked back at him, their stern eyes locking onto each other. "Let go of me Koopin." "No." "Koopin, you don't wanna do this." "And YOU don't wanna do this either, you are going to stay here and tell me why you've been acting like a jerk all of a sudden and you're NOT leaving until you do!" "Don't make me do something I'm gonna regret." "You already have, now stop being like this and tell me what's WRONG!" "It's none of your fucking business!" "DON'T talk to me like that!" "I'll talk any way I damn well WANT!" "Stop it!" "NO!" Finally he had enough, as he turned hard and grabbed Koopin's arm to make him let go. But in an almost automatic response, Koopin swiftly let go of him before grabbing at his other arm by the wrist, planting another hand on James' left shoulder. He resisted the urge to punch it, managing to fight against his martial artist's instincts. James was appalled, and insulted by this standstill. "...oh now you've done it." "Are you going to hit me?" "What do you think?" "You won't James, I know you never would. Now tell me what's wrong...and I'll let you go." "Why the hell do you care about this so much?" "Because you were all happy and cheerful last month! Then the moment you come back, you're a miserable angry jerk who won't even tell me anything!" "SO WHAT!? You ever had a bad day and didn't wanna talk to anyone!?" "Yeah but I don't make everyone else worry like YOU!" James decided to just make Koopin back off by shooting his face with water from his hand, the blue streak of nanos splashing out chemically-pure water onto him as he sputtered with surprise. Enough surprise that he weakened his grip on James' arm, giving him time to shove him back hard against the sofa before running out the door. Koopin spitted off some of the liquid as he ran to the door, wincing from his head hitting the hard part of the sofa armrest. "JAMES! JAMES!" Once again he had disappeared. It was as if a year had changed completely between them in the span of one month. What could possibly be causing James so much worry that he wouldn't even tell Koopin about it? He decided to call for help, someone he could trust to speak on such matters.

"-and then he just ran out the door, without a word, and then I couldn't find him anywhere! Then he came back the next day and I just didn't speak to him. That's when I told him that I was going to take a trip back home because you guys needed my help with something." "This is just awful," said Klair, "what could be causing such trouble in that boy's mind?" The two were seated opposite each other at Koopin's family home, the young koopa palming his beak with his hands as he tried to comprehend James' actions. Shelldon was busy washing up dishes nearby, his mother gently patting her son's shoulder as Koopin said: "Do you think you could talk to him? He listens to you a lot." "Oh no no, this is a problem between you and him, I know from personal experience that it is a bad idea to get involved in other people's affairs...even family." "I just wish I could make him sit down and just TELL me." "If you want my advice," said Shelldon nearby, "you need to do a li'l detective work. Did you ever find out what those trips to Rogueport were about by the way?" "Nah uh," said Koopin. "James just says they're for brewery meets with Roy's, trade exchanges and such, really boring stuff he says. The guys down at the bar don't say much on it either because they wanna keep trade secrets." "Are you sure it's just that?" "Wh-what?" "Did you even talk to the people at Roy's? Son, I don't wanna trouble you, but if your boyfriend is so wrapped in his own work that it bothers him that much, you should talk to the people he's working for. You'll have to do something." "But that's no excuse for him being like that!" said Klair. "I know dear, that's why we have to find out WHY he's acting like this. Now I've had some bad trades, and I've felt bad about them...but I never was in such a foul mood that I would not let your mom talk about it with me." "I know," murmured Koopin. "I just...the first time he went he was real happy! We had a great month, we were laughing, we were taking days off, but now it's like he's lost everything! ...I don't think this is to do with work." "Oh?" said Shelldon. "Why not?" "Because...I just...I have a feeling, is all. A gut feeling. Like something bad is about to happen. He's not even been acting like himself, he's been taking the newspaper every morning for the past few months, ever since he's been taking those jobs in Rogueport." "That doesn't sound unusual." "No, see, he NEVER reads the paper, he doesn't like...reading. Says he never got into it enough to wanna read anything, but now he keeps taking the paper after I'm done and says he'll recycle it later. He never did that before! ...maybe I'm just being paranoid." Klair understood, nodding sagely before asking: "Would you like a bit of advice dear?" "M-maybe." "I had a friend, she was having some problems in her relationship, and she knows someone who was able to help her through all their problems." "Really?" asked Koopin with hesitation. "But...I dunno mom, if I push him into anything just to get an answer from him then he gets all angry at me." "Let me put it this way. What's the point of the two of you having a relationship, if he won't even talk to you? He loves you, he takes care of you, but he won't even talk about whatever problems he's having. Now that's not a good sign of a relationship Koopin, and I think that's enough grounds to demand he open up. I'll get you the number so you can just make an appointment okay?" "A-alright...thanks mom. I just hope James will understand that too." "If he loves you enough then he will want to stay with you, and the only way he can is by opening himself up to you. Now either he can do it, or he has to make a stranger do it for him. We're all worried about him, I'M worried about him." "I am too," said Shelldon, "normally he always likes to come up here and talk with us, we love having him here. Go make an appointment, and if you need anything, you call us." "Thanks dad," said Koopin smiling. "I'll...yeah, you know what, give me that number. I'll just keep it on me after I've asked around about what James is up to. If he hasn't changed in the next few weeks, then I'm calling. I'll give him some time, see if it isn't some bad mood or not...I really hope it's that."

For the remainder of the next two weeks, Koopin kept out of James' way as he stifled his thoughts anywhere. James barely spoke to Koopin, but still went through his own duties of work, looking after the chomp Charlie, and feeding himself. Koopin however made his way towards Roy's on one of James' days off and walked up towards Yonny, looking as hale and hearty as usual. The atmosphere was jovial as always, various males and the occasional female couple sharing drinks with each other. Koopin felt a pang of envy before the yoshi greeted him. "Heeeey Koopin, not seen you in a while, how are you?" "Not bad Yonny. Listen, I need to ask something." "Oh?" "First, you have to promise me that you never tell James I was here." "...oookay, I promise. Why?" "James has been acting really weird lately. Last month he was really happy with the whole Rogueport trip he's been doing for you guys, but now he's been acting like a jerk. He keeps pushing me away, he doesn't even wanna talk to me any more, he looks at me with this...shame in him. What's happening to him?" "...well Koopin I may be a bartender and therefore a psychologist for the free, but this ain't my problem." "It IS your problem, you're the ones who make him go on these trips and he comes back all miserable. First month, he was all nervous as heck after coming back. Second month, he was so happy that we even made love, for the first time in months. Now, third month, he's all aggressive and keeping himself all locked up from me. What is he doing on these trips Yonny?" "Didn't he tell you? We do some inventory, he makes deals with other bars, trade exchanges, breweries, all very boring and financial stuff. But James, he got a good way with people, kinda acts like our ambassador of sorts." "...I don't believe you." "Why not?" asked Yonny curiously. "Because that's not the kinda thing that would make him worry so much. I know him better than that, he doesn't care about money like other people do, he'd love going to Rogueport and back! I know something else has happened, something during that trip before that's causing him to turn miserable." "I can't divulge any trade information or secrets Koopin." "You don't have to, because it's nothing to do with that! It can't be! Is your bar in trouble?!" "No!" "Is it losing money?" "No, it's doing fine!" "Then tell me what's happening to him!" "I DUNNO, IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!"

The bar turned quiet for a minute at Yonny's outburst, the yoshi nodding apologetically as everyone returned back to their partners. Koopin blinked curiously. "...what?" "I don't...know. ...I shouldn't have agreed to this, I knew you would come down at some point if he kept acting like this." "Agreed to what?" "...James has been going to Rogueport on his own. It's nothing to do with the bar, he makes some overtime to pay off for his days, hops a boat to Rogueport, spends a day there and hops back. I dunno what he's been doing." "Wha...what?" "I'm sorry Koopin. I wish I could help." "W-well," stammered Koopin, "maybe you can, what was he like when he got back?" "When he got back this month, he had this haunted look in his eyes. He actually got back around noon on that day, drank himself deep and stayed here before vomiting up outside around evening. ...I heard him saying stuff." "What...kinda stuff?" "He kept saying he was...a monster. Some kinda wretched worthless monster who didn't deserve to live after...then he started beating his head against the back wall crying to himself and I just decided not to listen anymore. You don't stand there and listen to a grown man cry on his own." "...oh my stars...what happened to him?" "I don't know." "Well I know what I'm gonna do." "Yeah?" "...I'm gonna stop this monster." Koopin stood up and left the bar, heading back home with a plan already in effect. Once everything was set, all he had to do was wait for James to come home on another day. The raptor found himself wandering back from Roy's after a mild day at work, his mood firmly embedded within his mind of utmost apathy. Sluggishly opening the door, he saw Koopin waiting for him on the couch, watching TV. The moment James entered however, Koopin turned it off, greeting him with a neutral: "Hello." "Hey." "...I need to tell you something." "...what?" James felt ready to leave again in case of another conflict, but Koopin did not move from his seat, not even looking at him. "...I've made an appointment to see a psychiatrist." "W-wait...what? ...shit, what's wrong with you?"

He hurried towards Koopin's side, hastily sitting next to him with an arm around his shell. "It's not for me. It's for you...for us." "What do you mean us?" "I mean...that this isn't working for us. The past week since you got back from Rogueport, you've been nothing but rude, abrasive and angry towards everyone, even me." "Not everyone." "Who?" "...Charlie?" "Doesn't matter, everyone I talk to is worried about you. I'm worried about you, mom and dad are worried about you, Yonny's even-" "Wait wait, you talked to Yonny?" "Yes." "...the fuck did he say to you?" "Nothing...why?" Koopin decided not to incriminate Yonny's breach of the truth, making James feel instead that he perhaps incriminated himself as he murmured: "No reason...but, wait, you seriously want me, the both of us, to go see a psychiatrist?" "There's something wrong with you James. Something wrong in your head, and I know you're suffering. You've not been yourself, you barely sleep and maybe eat now and again, you don't even talk to me anymore. What happened to you James? What happened to that wonderful guy I spent last month in bed with?" The moment Koopin tried to stroke James' cheek, he shivered and slightly moved away. An inch or two away from Koopin felt like a chasm was breaking through his heart. "I...I can't tell you," said James. "Just, please let me do this." "No. You can't do this on your own, whatever's causing you this pain I want to help-" "I don't NEED help." "Yes you do! You can't do this on your own, if you could, you wouldn't be acting like this for so long!" "Look, trust me, you can't do this for me, I am the only one who can do this on my-" "NO!" Koopin's scream was so sudden that James flinched slightly. "NO JAMES! ...I can't do this anymore! I can't just watch you, miserable and angry and NOT help you! Do you think I spent all those months, walking all over the world getting my butt kicked because I enjoyed it?! I made myself stronger for you! I made myself stronger to help YOU the same way you help ME! You're suffering right now, and I am NOT gonna sit by and let you fall beneath the weight of your own agony, whatever the heck it is!" "Koopin, this isn't something you can fight!" "YES IT IS!" "IT FUCKING ISN'T! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!" "THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!" "NO!" "...fine."

And just like that, Koopin's voice went down to a whimper, turning away from James with a heavy heart. "I gave you a chance. I gave you the chance to explain yourself, and you still won't let me help you, because you don't trust me." "It's not that I don't trust you, it's jus-" "Just go." "...fine." "Go and take your things...and leave." "...wait what?" James was about to walk out from the couch when he heard Koopin's ultimatum. "What's the point of having a relationship if the two of us don't even talk to each other anymore?" "W-wait, no, Koopin, hold on that's stupid." "What is?" "Are you SERIOUSLY suggesting we break up just because I'm grouchy for a few fucking weeks?" "No. I'm suggesting this because if you can't even bring yourself to open up to me, and you are causing both pain and misery to the both of us just by being here, then you can just leave. I own this house, I have every right to kick you out if I want to. And believe me, I don't want to." "...you are fucking kidding me." "No. I'm not. How much do you love me James?" "...I would die for you." "I know. So why is THIS worse?" "Because..." James started to panic, hesitation coursed through his veins as he shook with frustration to have this spring on him. "B-b-because I don't know what to do. I don't...I don't know how I can, you don't want to be involved with this." "I do, James. You saved my life, I will not forget that, and I want to help you in any way I can." "Koopin...you don't want to go through my hell." "If I can still have you at the end of it...I will." The look in Koopin's eyes was steel-cold determination. James was surprised to see him of all people have such a look. Even when facing against the world warriors of before, Koopin had never looked so forceful. With this voice of authority, Koopin gave him a choice. "You have two choices. Either come with me to the psychiatrist, and we all unravel this pain inside of you if you can't think I'll handle it alone...or you can take all your stuff, give me your key...and never...n-never..." At that point, Koopin broke down. He couldn't even bring himself to threaten James with it one more time. His heart was tearing up inside, his tears hiccuping into sobs as he cupped his face within his hands. James' mind was torn between two choices. He realised what Mortimer had told him before, and it was all turning out to be too much even for him. He wasn't prepared to deal with this. His thoughts burned silently inside him as Koopin wept. I'm sorry Koopin...I can't do this. I can't open up to you like this...it doesn't matter how strong you are, or how much you wanna help me, I can't put you in danger like this. This is for your own good. It's not you I don't trust...it's me. But...I don't want to lose you. You're the only one I have now who'll even try to help me, the only one who even wants to be with me now. ...I can't do this. One of his hands twitched towards the doorknob.