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There is that moment they tell you that your so scared, the fight or flight moment, when you force yourself to act or run. This was so far beyond that, terror, the kind that locks all muscles tighter than a jar lid you can never open yourself.

Oopps I suppose we should do a little better into than that. Hi I'm Ben, a cat, just a simple black an white although some spots seem more like a cream on my under arms and legs also they say that I am a fairly well adjusted young man. I have a girlfriend now and she has been a friend to me for many years but its only been the past few months that we really started getting serious. I mean really kissed and well she has even had her hand down my pants and I felt up under her skirt last time but don't and I mean don't let her dad know! I also graduated recently pass the fourth tier with no real problem despite what I was told. You see my mother died just over a year ago and everyone expected me to have a great deal more trouble with everything that happened afterwards but with a little help... well a lot of help I have kept my life going in the way she would have wanted to even though I didn't know it at the time. You see mom and I fought a lot, and by fight I mean scream, hiss, and claws that dug into palms in an attempt to keep it civil.

We had had a rather nasty argument I was late for school and ran the whole way then decided to cut through the back street and jump the fence. The problem was even with the supposed cat reflex and land on your feet thing you can't really adjust for the slight mishaps that happen. Like the seem of your fairly new jeans getting caught on the top of the cyclone fence catching your leg and as you start to fall it tears you pants. I landed on my front paws and did a little flip over adjusted and landed on my paws and knees. Not that anyone saw me the buzzer had sounded several seconds before I reached the fence but the real damage had been done. A four inch rip along the seam of my jeans and it flopped some as I raced towards the building where my first classes were. Mom was gonna kill me.

I'm not sure if our fight was the beginning but I think that is were it really start or at least it should. She hissed, I screamed, I think she almost wanted to take a swipe when I tried to tell her that last night we should have gone home earlier so I could have gotten more sleep. I'm not what you call a sassy mouth or even usually have a bad attitude but when mom and I fight things come out that I never could come up with with out thinking for hours. It is funny at times when I think back how witty I seemed but only had such ability against my mother.

I had retreated to my room afterwards and she had stayed in the kitchen. The order was leave the pants on her bed and she would make them in to cut-offs. Not that I would ever wear them we both knew that, just as we both knew there would likely be arguments over them at a later date. It wasn't that I couldn't wear them but more the fact that she would never be caught dead wearing some home fixed item. New, nearly new, or slightly old and still stunning that was the only thing my mother ever wore. Even around the house she had on cloths that would fit for her work or out shopping. I mean I know she had nightgowns not that I had seen one on her in years but I would guess they would all be stunning. Mom never left the bedroom unless she was prepared to face the world and many time that had made the family late.

I startled at the loud clatter that came though the wall of my room. I thought I heard my mother call my name I wasn't quite sure but with a second heavy thump I was pretty sure she would want me to come clean up some mess. In the quiet that followed I was sure I heard my mother call again but I wasn't a yell to get my attention as a matter of fact if it hadn't been so quiet I likely would never have heard her voice at all. I was almost convinced she didn't want me after all she could easily make herself heard from outside if she wished but it was the silence that had me wondering. I mean 'bang, crash, thump' and nothing?

Was it curiosity or something else that had drawn me from my room flicking my tail as I crept through the living room and dining room to approach the kitchen unaware. The thing was I could have brought a marching band and no one but the neighbors would have known. Remember me talking of terror? Of not being able to do anything? Fear can hit you many ways and never is it what you expect no matter how hard you prepare. The only thing preparation can do is help you to act and I had none.

I just stared as my mom flopped and spasmed on the floor, tail slapping uselessly against the linoleum. I couldn't move, or talk, my mind screaming that this wasn't real. I tried talking to my mom opening my mouth, nothing. I tried harder, 'mew' a sound I would never be caught dead making in front of anyone slipped past my lips. It could have been a minute or twenty there was no concept for time as I stood there. Finally a thought to call for help finally crashed into my brain, the need to call gave my life purpose, I needed to do that now. I reached out for the phone on the wall above the counter, punching in numbers on the receiver that were listed on its back. The world seemed to slow while I worked the phone I could still hear the swish of fabric and the occasional bump behind me, two rings, three... click, "Blue Shore Fire District, do you have an emergency," I listened trying to speak the problem was it was now to quiet the kitchen and the voice seemed to shout out of the phone. "Hello Fire Department can I help you?"

"Mom she's on the floor and stopped and Gasp" I had been holding my breath with out realizing it and now felt lightheaded, my vision blurring at the edges as a sucked in several breaths.

"Sir I need to know where your are." the phone said.

After I had gathered my breath I was able to repeat my address. "Now sir. I know you need help and we're coming. But we need to know exactly what is wrong." It was a calm and steady voice probably the only reason I didn't just stop/breakdown/collapse to the floor.

"My mother she was on the floor shaking and now she isn't." I told the voice.

"Is she still breathing?" I was asked.

"I, I don't know." I was far to scared to turn around.

"Can you see her from where you are now?" There was the question that sent more fear into me building it back up to terror status.

"She's, behind me I... I can't" "Okay" the voice interrupted me "It's okay, I'm going to ask you to look, but if you can't it's alright." Again there was that terror creeping over me, can't move, speak, think, 'Mew' again that was all I could force past my lips.

"Alright relax now do you know if the front door is locked?" the voiced had paused for a full moment, "Your still there I can hear you breathe now try to answer is the door locked?"

"hhh I uh, it's" again the voice stopped me. "Listen to just me, try blocking out everything else." well that was easy listening was the only thing I seemed able to do. "Now take a breath and tell me your name."

Simple easy. "Ben"

"Now you last name Ben." the voice asked. "Kalson." I answered

"Now how about your age." "It's fourteen." Question, then Answer, this suddenly seemed like the easiest test in the world where the answers are littered on the ground like popcorn outside a circus tent.

That's why the thump behind me came as such a shock. "Ben did you hear me? Is someone there yet?"

"No, Mom moved, I think she moved." I said.

"You need to turn around and look, see if her eyes are open, or if her chest is moving, Maybe she's sitting up waiting for you." the voice urged.

I know that wasn't the case but at some point I was going to have to turn around, and at that moment it didn't seem quite so terrifying. I turned with hope, but no real belief, she was still laying on the floor. I watched as she moved not quite like a twitch, more like a little jitter that ran down her arm through her fur till I could actually see a finger move. I looked to her eyes definitely closed, her chest now more than half pressed to the floor seemed to just move under the rumpled blouse. "She is breathing." I told the phone.

"Is she awake?" He asked. "No."

"Can you try to wake her up call her name and shake her."

"No, the phone doesn't reach that far Mom, Mom doesn't let someone eat and talk on the phone it won't reach the table." The cord in question was the shortest she was able to find at barely three feet when it stretched out, it only allowed you to look around the corner in to the dining room and living room, to call out who the phone call was for. You even had to be careful passing it off otherwise it might snap back towards the holder.

Part of me I'm sure heard the siren while the rest of me was just staring watching the tiny slow breaths she was taking while trying to figure out what to do next. I guess I had froze again, "BEN! Are you still there!?"

".. yes." Was my weak response. "Listen to me." Again something that it suddenly seems I am good at. "You need to wait, someone is going to be there soon you just need to hang in there. It's gonna be okay." Ok, ok, ok it seemed like that was some special chant or prayer tat will eventually make life normal again.

Most of the afternoon and evening passed in a flash what little I can remember; people rushing through the house; my mom rolling out on a stretcher; more people; more talking; more blurs. I remember sitting on my bed with no clue who was around me or anything the voices were trying to tell me. I wasn't sure of anything till I realized I was being carefully almost cautiously hugged. Only the blue patterned skirt on the bed next to me seemed some what out of place.

"Shelly?" came out as more of a shocked gasp. She was the girl next door but more than that she was a friend I had known for years some one my mother always allow to play in the house or out back in our yards. One of my few friends that my mom had treated as an extra child or cousin but the one place she wasn't really allowed to be in was my room. She was still giving me a sideways hug as I heard my father speak across the room.

"There I figured that would at least get some response and wake you up." He was leaning against my desk near the door to my closet. "I was wondering if we had totally lost you."

I had tried to say 'Mom?' but still just the little mew started to come out ending in more of a squeak this time as I tried to cut it off staring as my father's jaw worked slowly up and down like he was chewing on his tongue. I'm sure he knew what I was trying to ask and was working out an answer to give me.

"They're not sure yet. She is having several tests done and there is a lot of work they need to do now so you have to be patient for a little while. She had a serious seizure and they are doing their best to help her out. I'm sure by tomorrow we'll know how things end up." Even before Dad had finished I had started trembling/shaking, I wasn't sure why and as the he kept speaking I couldn't seem to stop it.

Shelly gripped me tighter and tighter, "Ben, Ben come on. Hey!" She pulled me back as I had almost quaked myself off the end of the bed. It was a mixture of several things but most of all something inside was afraid again. I stared crying, no balling, grabbing on to Shelly and sobbing. My Mom had been unfair and hard on me the past few years but I loved her. So much of my life growing up had been good times and happy family memories, all the shouting matches and screaming arguments seemed like nothing at the moment. True I was supposed to be grown up but at that moment I didn't want my friend holding me I wanted my mother, I wanted her to be alright and safe.

As I cried the strongest memories and feelings were my mother holding me. When 'Brow' my favorite teddy had been accidentally tossed, when my training wheel on the bike had snapped and I ended up with stitches, even a few years back when I ended up trying to fight and older kid and lost. The worst moments of my life she had always been there making me feel safe and warm as she scratched my head and gently tweaked my ears waiting as I finished crying either curling into her lap or dozing off to sleep.

I woke up in bed, the light from the desk was on trying with a simple 45watt bulb to light up the room and failing. I groaned trying to sit up and also failing falling back to my pillow. It took only a short time to realize my head was pounding harder than my heart and everything seemed to ache.

Another migraine, likely brought on by stress this time, I had gotten many over the past year and a few more this year. It had taken only a few to have doctors tell me that sometime teens just get them for no reason or it could be simple chemical imbalances. Vitamins, less stress, and medication only when absolutely needed was what they said. It never really stopped the arguments with Mom...... ugh.

I pushed the covers off and rolled over so I could slowly sit up. Just that movement left me dizzy and thinking this must be the worst migraine ever. Sitting there I decided it was far more important to go to the bathroom now then to keep resting here. 4:40 flipped to 4:41 as I watched the glowing red from the alarm clock at my nightstand. Carefully standing upright I ended up using every ounce of my agility and balance to not topple forward or backwards on to the bed. My whole body felt sore and ached horribly like I had slept on the floor instead of my bed. With a paw out that hit the wall far sooner than I expected I slowly walked or was it stumbled along to the bathroom leaning heavily on the wall in the hall to make it there.

I pretty much dropped on to the toilet relieving myself. In near darkness with just a small glow echoing down the hall from my room and a dimmer gleam rippling through the frosted glass from the street lamp near the corner I tried to think of the place where my medication might be and how to get to the kitchen to search for it. I already knew it wasn't in the bathroom the medicine cabinet here never contained any actual medicine.

It wasn't till I startled away that the realization hit me I was sleeping on the toilet. I suddenly thought that it was a good thing I hadn't stayed standing to go otherwise I might have either made a mess or ended up with my head in the bowl. Rolling myself forward I tried straightening my legs while keeping a grip on the towel rack for an assist I got to my feet. I stayed as close to the wall as possible as I went to the living room. From there keeping my hands in front of me I traversed across the room making it to the far wall somehow with out hitting the coffee table or stumbling to my knees. From there I passed through the dining room and into the kitchen.

Gripping on to the counter under the phone I fumbled open the drawer hoping this was the place it had been returned to and not some where else. Thankfully it was easy to find even for my fumbling paw since the bottle was long and had a strange cap and I had to set myself the new task of prying that off. With pill in hand I moved across the kitchen pulling open the fridge only to almost fall back blasted by the appliance light. My head pounded even harder as I tried reaching for the carton of milk the only thing I seemed to be able to focus on since the rest of the fridge seemed blurry.

After pushing the pill past my lips I took several large chugs trying to swallow the rather large tablet with out it sticking in my throat. Remembering all the warnings I had each time I took one my hand groped across the shelf after replacing the milk until I found tinfoil and claimed a left over hot dog from days before. I don't really remember eating only that I closed the door and stumbled in the new darkness back across the kitchen. By the time I reached the doorway again there suddenly seemed to be a contest between my stomach and my head. Both call out for attention and both very upset.

With several swallows trying to force down bile that was rising I leaned over the counter and tried to fight the only battle I hoped I could win. With several more swallows I let my body lean across the counter until my head was actually resting on the cold metal of the stove top and tried with what little concentration I had to keep the hot dog, milk, and pill mix inside while my stomach tried to eject it.