Ander - Part 1: Subchapter 13
13
...boring into his back. He could feel them crawling all over, like the time he fell asleep on that anthill, but hers were the worst. The way she looked at him, her gaze had a weight to it, as if she knew her life rested on his decision. He didn't know if she could understand them or not - she hasn't said a single word since coming here, so probably not - but by the Cora it sure looked like she understood perfectly well what was going on. He just wished he could say the same of himself.
Why did his father have to pull him out all of a sudden? Why stick him with a decision that could influence the entire tribe? He didn't know what to do. Normally he would look to his brothers for guidance. It was one of them that would take over one day, after all, but Father didn't want that this time. And even if he could, it wouldn't make a difference. Banno wanted her dead; Ander wanted her alive. There's no way he could do both.
Hezzi felt torn, and the way that Fox was looking at him wasn't making things any easier.
Snap out of it, Hezzi! This is your chance to show Father you've not only got fast legs, but a fast head, too. Just look, think a bit, and then you'll know. Easy.
He started with her face. There was definitely something pretty about it, in an odd sort of way. Hezzi didn't know the word "exotic" but if he did, that's what he would have used to describe her. Maybe Ander was right. Maybe they should let her go. After all, this wasn't exactly the same thing as killing a stag. This was almost like killing a fellow Wolf (a small red one).
His gaze travelled down her body and came to rest on the gash in her ankle. He could smell her blood mixing with the rain, bittersweet in his nostrils. He could imagine himself biting into that wound, tearing it open to let even more of that sweet-smelling blood out. He could imagine it passing between his lips and flowing over his tongue. He would hold it in his mouth, savouring the taste as long as he could before swallowing, and then he would go back for more...
Maybe Banno was right. Killing her would be an experience unlike any other. The thought alone was enough to send his heart racing in his chest, as if he had run a lap around the whole village. Maybe Banno would let him hold her down, like he always did with the hunt. Maybe he'd -
But her eyes. Those weren't the black orbs of prey; those were the eyes of a living, breathing, intelligent creature. Any fool could see that. If he decided to kill her, there would be no going back. He would have to live with that decision for the rest of his life, and he didn't know if the ecstasy of the moment would be enough to justify the days of regret he would have to face after it was done.
But maybe there won't be any regret?
_But Ander would be sad. _
But Banno would be happy! He'd be proud! Maybe Father, too...
What about the Fox? She's not so different from you. What if you were in that cage right now? What if it was you who had to sit there and wait for whatever decision may come? Isn't this the kind of thing Ander has been trying to teach you about?
A disappointed Ander is better than an angry Banno.
"Hurry up, Hezzi!" Father roared. "I'd like to get out of the rain before I drown where I stand!"
"Y-Yes, Father..."
Hezzi tried one more time to look into her eyes, certain that he would find the answer there, but they were so sad, so frightened, he couldn't bare more than a glance. He lowered his face and looked at the ground instead. It was quickly turning to mud.
Maybe that was the answer, he thought. Maybe this is so difficult because - because if it was easy, then what would be the point? Maybe the fact that this is hard should be enough to tell you that the easy answer isn't the right one.
Hezzi clenched his teeth and lowered his ears. In an unconscious imitation of his brother, he even dug his claws into his palms, although not quite hard enough to draw blood. Why was this happening to him? All these thoughts didn't even make sense anymore. If only he knew what was right. If only he could just know -
That's when he saw it, the tip sticking out of a muddy brown puddle: the rock he had picked up... the rock Banno had thrown at the Fox... the rock Banno had almost used to strike down his own brother... the rock that used to have the Vixen's blood on it, now washed away by the rain.
And then he knew. Just like that.
"Father," he said, looking not at the Chieftain of the Wolves, but into the eyes of the Fox. "I think we should let her go."
This has been the thirteenth subchapter in my serial novel, "Ander". If you enjoyed it, please help keep my face un-mauled by irritable ostriches by dropping me a donation. Thank you! ^_^
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