Family Days 27
#27 of Family Days
The night is finally over for all three furs now. Breakfast is being made, an odd but not terrible smell permeating throughout the house as Ben works up a small sweat in the kitchen. And for once Marion gets to know what it's like to relax and just let that happen. That if there was another figure in the house it wouldn't always be his job to cook, or clean, or do all those things--that he could depend on his partner now. Chris only smells the food however--what else is a pup to think of in the morning when he gets ups? Well, aside from the dreams of last night--though food is more pleasent!
Hey everyone! Well, it seems the weekend is moving on full-steam in the Silverfeild house-hold! Trying to get this chapter out pretty quick to make up for my bad posting time hahah....hope you all enjoy this one and all the ones to come!
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"What's that smell?" Chris asked, scratching at a spot behind his ear before moving to rub a bit more sleep from his eyes.
Marion paused and took in the scent. After a moment he shrugged his shoulders and looked back at Chris, "I have no idea..."
"Where's Ben?"
"Oh! The smell must be brunch. Ben is in the kitchen cooking us a brunch," Marion said and took another whiff, this time searching for that scent. It smelled: well, it smelled like something.
"Oh...OK, I guess I'll make myself a pizza then,"
Marion looked over at his son and cocked his head, "What? Why?"
"I don't want to intrude on you guys Dad...it's cool," Chris replied. He was a bit sad that he hadn't been invited to brunch, but he wasn't going to say that. Still, he'd never really thought that he'd be excluded so quickly--or at all really. The previous night he hadn't slept well at all, and even now he hadn't really wanted to get up. He'd had a dream about his mom and his dad--but it wasn't pleasant. Ben had been there too, but the bear was neutral in his mind; like a stimulus that didn't feel bad or good. He couldn't remember much of it, just that he didn't enjoy it. When he had awoken he stared at the ceiling and wondered what his mom would think of his life--which took up a few hours. He had remembered it very vividly upstairs, but as he walked down the dream became gradually less clear--then again, it wasn't like he ever remembered his dreams well.
At one point he'd even gotten up to go see his father, but he stopped at his door. With Ben here he couldn't do that; he was pushed to the side. Sure, his dad would've acted like it was ok, but would it have been? Would his dad really have been OK with him knocking on the door and wanting to talk to him--waking him away from his boyfriend who he was probably so comfortable with? And what would Ben think? The bear would probably be annoyed at him--he was a young wolf; he shouldn't need his father, right? Ben took him away. The only reason he didn't try to catch up on sleep was because he knew his dad was up now; he could see him again.
Marion stared at his son for a few moments then chuckled, "Son...he's making us all a brunch..."
Chris stared at his father for a few moments and then took another whiff of the scents in the air. Whatever it was, it did smell good; not as good as his dad's cooking though. Had he just misinterpreted his dad's words? Surely he hadn't thought Ben would leave him out of the family life? And why had he thought it like that? Why did he think it was Ben's choice? After all, the family was just himself and his father--Ben was the intruder.
At the thought of thinking of the bear as such Chris shook his head. He hadn't meant to classify the bear in such a way--he liked Ben. Well enough at least.
"Pup...come-here," Marion said and patted the couch.
Chris waited another few seconds before taking the first step to his father. He sat down next to the wolf and couldn't help but feel a bit comforted by his dad's smile. Even if he didn't want to feel better he did already. There was a strange scent added with his dad's; it was Ben's. Sadly that nullified his father's smile. Chris scowled a little and quickly tried to hide the fact that he didn't like the scent, but the fact he scooted away from it didn't really help. Well, it wasn't that he didn't enjoy the scent truthfully. He just wasn't sure he liked Ben's scent being mixed with his father's--not so quickly. Alone the two scents were OK; his father's nice, and Ben's being OK, but together, they were disturbing.
Marion didn't have to ask why his son scowled. He knew that from now on he'd make sure he didn't have any of Ben's scent on him--well, not as much as he probably had now. Through the entire weekend he'd been neglecting his son, or so it now seemed. Had he? The only thing he hadn't done that they did on a normal weekend was watch TV with his son for too long the night before--but they had gone to see a movie. Chris was mature for his age, but the pup was still just that; a pup. Even if his son told him he was fine he knew that if he wanted to be more than just a father, but a great father, to his son then he'd have to not just take what he said at face value. But what could he do besides ask and try his best?
"Umm...do you need anything?" Chris asked, feeling a bit antsy.
"Son...I'm sorry...I'm pushing all this on you, aren't I?" Marion asked, gesturing their living room and everything around.
Chris quickly looked away. Why did his dad have to always know the things to say that were spot on? He liked Ben, but there were things he didn't like too. He didn't like Ben holding his dad so that his dad would never hold him, he didn't like Ben's scent on his father, he didn't like it when Ben was the only person his dad noticed, he didn't like telling his dad about school only to end up talking about Ben, and he didn't like it when Ben made his father notice that he didn't like certain things Ben did. It wasn't like they only ever talked about Ben, or that his father couldn't' ask about his school life without asking about Ben, but sometimes it felt that way. Could his dad ever really ask him those sorts of things without meaning Ben too? An arm fell over him but Chris didn't move into his dad's arms. "I'm fine Dad..."
"Just tell me what's wrong Pup," Marion replied--frowning that his son nudged his arm away.
"It's nothing," Chris told his dad. "It's not fair to you if I don't allow you to be with someone else--I know that...don't worry,"
Marion's face contorted into a mixture of a frown and scowl at his son. Once again the maturity his son displayed didn't fit with what he knew his son was feeling. Sure, what the pup said was nice, let him have someone and not be alone emotionally, mate-wise. But there was a difference between tolerance and acceptance. He wanted his son to be mature, but with him he wanted his son to come to him first. If his son came to him complaining he wouldn't mind as much as if his son just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want Chris to 'act like it was ok' if he was uncomfortable. Maturity was nice, but if he would've much preffered Chris telling him how he felt--truly felt--instead of biting his tongue. He didn't want things to just boil under the surface, and he could tell something was under the surface now--otherwise Chris would've pushed the subject away with a laugh like he always did. "Pup, that is not what I care about,"
"I won't get in your way...it's OK,"
"Chris!" Marion exclaimed with an upset growl.
Chris jumped a little at the reprimanding voice. He avoided his dad's eyes but knew he'd just said too much. Despite how much he may have told himself that he was fine with it, at times like then he let his more selfish thoughts come to the surface.
"Chris, you need to tell me when you're upset,"
Chris rolled his eyes. He didn't know why but somehow it seemed that with Ben in the picture he wasn't going to be able to tell his dad anything. He'd been fine with Ben moving in though--hadn't he? After all, his dad had sat him down and they had a long talk about the entire thing; why was this happening now? For some reason the entire thing seemed terrible now; as if his dad was just pushing him away. Wasn't that already happening? Hadn't he been unable to see his father last night because the bear was in his father's room--not the bear's boyfriend's room, but his father's. It wasn't fair. It was just the night he told himself: the remnants were still with him.
"Do you think you could ever be in my way?"
"I--I..." Chris said and stopped. He looked away. The tone made things worse. If he could just forget about it; bury it away and never focus on the subject again. His dad was baiting him it felt like. And the wolf knew all too well how to do it. After all, his dad understood him, he could always tell--just like his mother. He wasn't sure if he was blessed to have observant parents or not; at least at times like this. His dad was this observant about him, but was the wolf this observant about Ben? Which did he pay more attention to? Chris shoved the bear away--of course his dad didn't love Ben as much as he did him, right?
"Chris," Marion said expectantly.
Chris scowled more and felt thoughts surge into his brain far too quickly. Why should he be more loved than Ben though? After all, his dad hadn't had a choice but to accept him, but he'd chosen Ben. He was the one hanging on--never having been linked to begin with. Chris felt his eyes water a little at the thought, even if he tried to tell himself it wasn't true.
"Well?" Marion asked quietly.
But it wasn't quiet to Chris. He heard the question entirely differently. It sounded agitated and exasperated, like he'd upset his father. The question wasn't one that should've been asked. Not when he had pondered it over and over again. How could he not? And it was all clear right now; the night did that too perhaps--made him realize how he was a burden. Still a pup. Never adding, only taking.
Taking his father's time. Taking his father's money. Patience. Love. Space. Everything.
"Chris...you don' think you're in my way do you?"
Worse. Much worse. Even if it sounded better--tone wise, syntax wise, and every other way--it hurt more when his father asked again, as if the answer was more dubious. It was a bad question. Even without Ben in the picture this was the question he dreaded all the time. In the way. A burden. A hassle--what else was a pup? Did he provide anything, did he pay any bills, did he make any contributions? No. And before his mother had passed away, his father hadn't even had to worry about such things.
"Chris," Marion said softly, trying to coax the pup to answer.
"I've always been in your way!" Chris suddenly shot at his father. "Mom died and I was dumped on you! You didn't care about me before then!" he said, adding on the later part that just added more fuel to his raging mind. And it was the largest part of it all; the thought that haunted him in the night. He'd always known he had a father--that somewhere out there his dad was there. But his dad? His dad had never known about him. It was something he hated--how no matter what he did, no matter how he thought about it--his father truly hadn't cared about him before then. His mind didn't care that the wolf hadn't even known he existed; it wasn't about being fair. Every logical part told him that it was obvious his father loved him but the circumstances of how they came together began to turn into a vile corruption of fate to him. Three years had passed, but right now he felt like the same pup that had just been dumped into his father's lap.
The sudden retort made Marion jump back. Before he could even open his muzzle to tell his son he was wrong the pup was on him again. This time Chris was yelling, no longer containing himself to a quiet tone. And even more, Chris seemed to jump to an entire new problem that he'd been hiding.
"Mom died and now you're just letting someone else take her place! How can you do that to me? How can you do that to her!? Why are you letting him do this?! I won't let him take Mom's place! Mom...Sh--It's not fair to her!" Chris yelled, pointing at the door Ben was hidden behind. "You never let her come around, you weren't there for her! But him? Why not my mom? Sh--"
"C--" Marion got out but there wasn't any time.
"If Social Services hadn't called you never would've thought about me! Ever since you learned about me I've just been in the way! Haven't I!? I'm your son but you didn't think of me as such until you knew I existed. I had to lose my mom to have a dad--that's not fair! And now? Now I'm just in the way again! You'll forget about me just like you forgot her! You'd be happier if you could just drop me off at some corner wouldn't you!? Then you wouldn't have to worry about anyone but yourself and your stupid boyfriend!"
Chris panted for a moment and shook his head, "I just want...I," he said, a whine echoing in the room as he shook his head back and forth--trying to think of the words, "I don't want to lose you too Dad! I j--It doesn't matter," he growled, not quite sure what he'd meant to say either. Even in his rage he knew it was just stupid to compare his mother and Ben, and especially rude to blame his dad about any of it. He looked at his father once more before running off up the stairs. He got to his room and slammed the door shut, causing the walls to rattle a little with his force. Instead of crying he found himself pacing back and forth and continuing to scream at his father in his mind. He wasn't telling his father anything, he was simply shouting and screaming at him. The fact of what he'd just done played over and over in his mind. It would only be a matter of time before his dad came up and told him to pack up.
His mom should've known about this. If his mother knew she shouldn't have let this happen. She told him that the wolf would be there for him, and now he was being put on the side-line. His mother obviously didn't understand him. Chris growled and shook his head furiously.
Why had his dad even asked if he felt like he was in the way? Of course he was--wasn't he? His father had been living a fine life without him in a big house. When he hadn't been around his dad could've gone out anytime he wanted, didn't have to pick him up or drop him off, didn't have to worry about feeding two mouths, or any of the burdens that came with children. There was no way he wasn't a burden to his dad.
Chris reached for the closest object and let it fly across the room. The sound of something shattering rang in his ears for a moment but it hardly mattered to him. After all, this was his dad's house and soon enough he wouldn't have any place here. It was hard to believe a week ago he'd told his dad that he didn't want to be alone and now he had just accused his father of never caring for him. A lone howl of anguish fell out of his muzzle, though he drowned it out with a sob that he didn't want to come out--just like all the emotions.
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A minute slowly passed, the clock was the only thing to make a sound in the room. Marion could feel each beat of his heart thumping in his chest but he wasn't sure if he wanted to even be alive right now. Nothing had felt so much like shock as the young wolf's yells about everything he felt. Had he not noticed any of that? Did Chris really think he'd be happier without him? How had he missed it? Was Chris serious? How could the pup think any of that?
Ben looked in from the kitchen and saw Marion staring off into space. He couldn't have helped but to hear everything. He slowly took a step forward but he doubted the wolf would've noticed him if he'd ran in with bells around his neck. "Marion..."
Marion didn't bother acknowledging the bear's presence. There was a crashing sound overhead and Marion could imagine Chris was releasing his anger in a more physical way now. Another moment passed and he heard a yowl, but it died off quickly enough.
Ben moved over to the couch and sat next to the wolf. He didn't do anything to comfort him though; he was exactly sure what to do right now. Obviously he was part of the problem--should he just leave? Chris had never seemed so volatile before; in fact, he'd always seen Chris as a very level headed fur. Still, thoughts came rushing back to him as he began to piece things together. Marion had told him that Chris's mother was dead--surely there was a problem there.
Marion shook his head and told himself he misheard the pup. That wasn't true though and he knew it. Everything he had just heard came straight from the pup's mouth. A paw on his shoulder finally brought him out of his own mind. He followed the paw and arrived at the eyes of Ben who was staring at him.
After a long minute Ben managed a gentle squeeze to the wolf's shoulders. He was halfway expecting Marion to tell him he should leave; it wouldn't be surprising given what he'd just heard. The next words that came out of Marion's muzzle were more surprising though.
"I...I guess I owe you an explanation,"
Ben cocked his head, "No...no Marion, you don't. I'm sorry for causing this...I should just leave a--"
"No Ben...not now," Marion said quickly, not wanting another fur to run off from him--even if he knew Ben's movements wouldn't be the same. Of course the bear would need to leave at some point but Ben had a right to know what the outburst had been about. That was part of it, but, he couldn't deny that he wanted Ben to be near him right now too--the words had hurt. He'd never told Ben about Nancy or really why he was a single father. The bear had only asked him once, and he could easily remember dodging the question; only telling Ben that Chris's mother had passed, nothing more. He guessed Ben had picked up on that, but now the bear deserved to know. Though his first instinct was to go to Chris he knew that would only make the pup more furious. The last thing the pup wanted was to be near anyone. If he really shared half his genes and half of Nancy's, then the pup would be just like them and not want any solace after such an outrage--not right now.
Ben waited for the wolf to speak but the words didn't come out for quite some time. It took a solid five minute before Marion looked him in the eyes.
"Chris's mother died about three years ago...her name was Nancy," Marion began and shook his head. "We were a couple back in high school, and on graduation night had a fling. It...It was just something we did. I mean, it was the first time we ever had sex, and the last. I moved out of town to go to school a month later--she never even told me about being pregnant. Even when we talked over the phone or video chatted she didn't tell me anything. After about five months we broke it off, and after that I never heard from her again. She had Chris and raised him all by herself--I never knew he existed,"
That explained why Chris still took on a different last name. Ben nodded and began to connect some of the pieces. He'd known the pup's surname was because of his mother and that Marion had just recently became a single parent. Grading Chris's papers was interesting--because sometimes it was Chris Judith, and other times it was Chris Silverfeild. He'd never pushed the topic though: with either of the wolves. After one of their first dates when Marion had told him the pup's mother had passed he'd buried the question away; knowing that when he was meant to know he would know. It was something between them, it had nothing to do with him. His first time asking had been enough of a precursor to know that Marion would tell him when he was ready.
"Nancy...awhile back, she got cancer...she survived for about a year before she was taken away from Chris though. He was right....he was right," Marion said, feeling his face drop.
"Marion..." Ben said tentatively, unsure if the wolf could truly believe that the pup was right about anything he'd screamed.
Marion looked up and shook his head, "He was right...before that day I didn't care about him--I didn't even want to accept I had a son. I was more worried about the fact that I had to take five hours to drive down to s--" he began before the bear stopped him.
Those words may have been true but Ben knew better than to allow Marion to wallow in such a concept, "You love him Marion...you love him with all your heart," he told the wolf, wondering why he had to state the obvious. The only reason he could think of was that the wolf was going to let himself be the bad-guy in this--even if there wasn't one. Well, if there was to be one, Ben knew it was himself; as he was the cause of the issue--or at least the boiling point for it.
Marion stared into space for a few moments. The pup had been right about that, but Chris wasn't right about everything else. There was no way he could've cared about a fur he didn't even know existed, but if he had known... He'd even told Chris he would've dropped everything to have been with him. "I...I had to go down and they ran a DNA test--though I guess you can say it wasn't too much of a surprise when it came back positive,"
"Did none of his family want to take him?" Ben asked after a moment, not minding the long pauses in the conversation.
"Some did...I wouldn't let them though. As a biological parent I had claim to him more than anyone else did. Nancy had written a note telling me that she wanted me to raise Chris and how I needed to be a part of his life. Honestly...I'm still pissed she said that but didn't let me in his life till she died; I don't think I'll ever forgive her for that,"
Ben didn't say anything. Right now it seemed the best thing he could do was the just listen to whatever Marion told him. Even if there were tons of questions he wanted to ask. Most prominently would've been what the hell Chris's mother had been thinking: perhaps in kinder terms, but something along those lines. It was easy to think that the wolf he'd come to love had just always been the Marion he knew, but he hadn't ever thought about how Marion was without Chris either. What would his boyfriend be like if he wasn't a parent? It just seemed like such an integral part of him. He would've liked to know why the wolf hadn't been near Chris for so long, but then again, he'd picked up that Marion didn't know why over their months dating.
"So...I took care of all the paper work and...and we came back here. I offered to move down so he could stay in his old home but he didn't want to. I moved him up here with me. It was strange at first. I didn't really want to like him sometimes, but even if I hadn't felt obligated I would've loved Chris. He's my son and every day I was with him I found myself becoming more and more attached to him,"
Marion smiled to himself a bit, "Of course he wasn't the same way. For the first four months he called me Marion or Mr. Judith. In fact I encouraged it; I wanted him to be comfortable. To be honest I loved him before he probably even wanted to think of me as his father,"
"And then...one day that all changed. Chris had a friend over and they decided to raid my study while I was gone...that was the day I met you," Marion added smiling a little, the warm thoughts running over him. It seemed so long ago, like it had been ages when he'd first walked through the doors to see his son.
"The ice pops..." Ben said, finally making sense of the wolf's memory now. It was still rather odd to him that the wolf had remembered their first encounter when he couldn't remember what grocery store it had even been in. Before it had just seemed odd that Marion would remember the act, but now it made sense, at least a bit.
"Yeah..." Marion said. "Well....I got home and his friend was on the floor, he had taken something that was about to kill him...I shoved some activated charcoal down his throat basically...when EMS arrived I explained everything and that was pretty much it...well aside from the hell I received from the board at work. Then I went and talked with Chris...I yelled at him and asked him what I was supposed to do if something had happened to him...then for the first time he called me dad; it felt so right,"
Ben listened intently and moved closer to the wolf. He chanced putting his arm around him and to his surprise Marion fell into his embrace.
"The next year was nice. We really became a family. When he started highschool I had to help him a lot...he hated Mr. Grefor..."
Ben asked, "I took his place at the school..."
Marion looked up at the bear, "Yeah...."
"Yeah...after I got fired from the other school I interviewed at Chris's school and got to take over his position in the science department,"
Marion smiled, "I...I guess it all worked out well,"
Ben nodded and looked down at the wolf, "Fate I guess,"
Marion chuckled and nodded, "Maybe..." he replied and then looked back up at the bear, "So...you know how we met and then how we got caught by Chris...and then how we went out...and...well...here we are,"
Ben smiled, "Here we are,"
Marion sighed, "You know I don't see him as a burden,"
"I know...and so does he Marion,"
"What am I supposed to do though?" Marion asked, looking up at Ben for guidance. He was supposed to be smart, to know what to do all the time. But he didn't.
Even if over the years it got easier he was still so terrified about so many things. Most parents had their child's entire life to figure it out, but he'd been given so much so quickly. Forget the financials, like starting up an account to save money for Chris going to college in the course of just about eight years, buying clothes for two people and having to remember that Chris so often needed to be told to bring his dirty clothes to the washing room, adding him to insurance, the terrifying inevitability of Chris learning to drive, the allowances, and everything of that nature: it was the emotional that drained him more. He'd never been a supporter before, he hadn't thought one day he'd be talking about 'the birds and bees' with his child, hiding all the troubles of his own day to make sure Chris was fine, putting any personal business on the back burner--happily--to take care of the pup: there was just so much they didn't tell you happened when parenthood hit. He knew his son wanted his mom back, and at times, he wished Nancy might pop through the door and give him some divine motherly guidance--after all, mothers were cheaters in the whole parenthood thing, right?
He still didn't know so many things--still needed to learn so much. The internet, the books on parenting, the talks with others: they had only told him a little of what he needed. And here he was, once more lost and without a clue what to do, hoping Ben could tell him something. The bear was a teacher after all--the bear had a bit of experience with children...
Ben frowned and tried to think. "Right now...this is where my parents would give me a few moments...and then they'd go up to my room and talk with me,"
"Should we do that?"
"No," Ben said. He looked down at Marion and kissed him on the cheek, "But you can do that...I'm not going to force my way into his life and you know that the only one who can let me in is him...it's not up to us if he likes me or not,"
Marion sighed, "Bu--"
"It's not my place. W--Would I like to be a part of Chris's life...yes,"
Marion felt a jump in his chest--but it was hardly powerful enough to overcome the shock of his son's proclamations. Still, the tiny spark of happiness reminded him that, even if his and Chris's relationship were to hit a rough spot, he did have Ben. And he had Chris. Sure, right now things weren't so great, but it'd all work out: it had to all work out.
"But Marion, I can't be a part if he doesn't want me to, and it would be unfair to force that on him. I see it all the time...a parent marries someone and the kid detests the...the 'intruder' I guess you might say. I get to hear just how much some of the kids at school hate their step-parents...I...I don't know if we're rushing this to him, or if it's because we're both guys, but......I don't want to upset Chris. Chris has every right to be angry--at least...that's how I feel about it. It did not make what he said true--nothing about you not loving him was true....but I guess I'm trying to say that I understand why he's angry. Forget the fact he's smart, forget about all that...I can at least say one generality about pups: they are still just pups...no matter how grown-up they act. It's never easy...and in our case, I think it may be even more difficult,"
"Ben..."
"Don't worry Marion...I love you and we both know it,"
"I love you too Ben,"
"And I know it...but right now the pup needs you. And you love him too,"
"Of course,"
"Then...don't worry. Because I need you, and I love you and can wait. Go take care of him," Ben said and pushed Marion off him. "As for myself...I'll get out of here so you two can be alone...OK?"
"O...Ok," Marion said. He stood up and smiled at Ben, "Sorry...this weekend started out pretty good..."
"It's OK babe...I'll call you tonight, OK?" Ben asked. He couldn't say it was the best ending, in fact, it was one of the worst scenarios. Still, it didn't seem that everything was for naught either. It seemed as though if Chris hadn't exploded then things wouldn't have a chance to get better. At least knowing that the pup was distraught let them know that things weren't perfect. Perhaps it shouldn't have been, but knowing that the two did have problems, made him feel slightly better--they weren't entirely picture perfect.
"OK," Marion replied and kissed the bear on the cheek. "I'll talk with you later...do you want me to see you out?"
"No...go talk with the pup,"
Marion nodded slowly. He quickly moved closer and gave Ben a solid kiss. For a moment he stayed there, just holding the kiss, but finally pulled back. When he did he just gave Ben his best smile and began to head up the stairs, leaving Ben to get his things together. He hadn't wanted this but there was nothing he could do about it. Marion walked to Chris's room and waited outside for a few moments. After a minute he knocked on the door, "Chris?"
"Go away!" the reply came instantly, the voice still obviously choked with tears.
"Please Chris..."
"No..." the pup cried.
Marion joggled the doorhandle and wished he could take back his 'locked doors' policy with the pup. He liked to give Chris his privacy--and did so because Chris never locked his door--but to be locked out like right now made him rethink that idea. "OK...I'll wait outside this door for you Chris,"
"I'm not coming out! I'm never coming out!"
"OK," Marion said. "I'm not leaving though,"
Inside the room Chris stared at the shadow that his father made under the door and shook his head. He wanted to run to the door and open it, but he couldn't see his father embracing him. Instead the only thing he saw in that scenario was his father throwing a suitcase at him and telling him to get out. A small yowl left his muzzle, but he tried to cover it.
"I'm sorry Chris..."
"I don't care!"
"That's OK...when you're ready to talk...I'll be right here,"