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Part 20

For the next couple days I was stuck in my room recovering still too weak to get out much. But with each day my strength returned more and more so that by the third day I was finally able to walk under my own power. Though I kept my trident summoned at all times to provide that extra support just in case I needed it.

During my recovery Shadow never left my side for a moment except to run errands I asked of him. His help really got me thinking about how much I have come to rely on him without realizing it.

On day three of my recovery I decide that it is way past time I get out of our room. Staring at the same four walls is driving me crazy. I climb out of bed and summon my trident for stability and head for the door. I am half way there when Shadow is by my side grabbing my paw, "Where are you going love?"

Letting out a sigh I turn and look at him, "I am going to walk out of this room and go take a walk around the house and probably go outside. I am getting tired of being cooped up in here. It has been nearly a week since I was hurt." I lift my shirt showing the scar from the dagger which still hasn't grown back its fur though it is fully healed, "I am healed, just a tad weak at times. But I can sit down anywhere around here if I need to."

He smirks at me, "Well it's about time." He steps ahead of me and opens the door holding it open for me. I shake my head as I walk out the door with Shadow right behind me staying close still in nurse mode. He really is a wonderful mate.

Walking through the house I take a few minutes to just enjoy being out of my room. Eventually I find myself in the kitchen where Rosalie is busy working on fixing a large pot of stew. I pull up a stool and sit down as I watch her cook. When it seems clear that she hasn't heard us I speak up, "What kind of stew are you fixing?"

With a jump she spins around throwing her wooden spoon right at my head. I barely duck my head in time for the spoon to go flying by and hit the wall behind me. As Shadow and I look from the stew stain on the wall back to Rosalie she gets a sheepish look on her face, "Sorry Seeker, thought you were one of the other guys. They have been trying all morning to get in here and sample my stew before it was finished."

I look at the door and see several dents and splatters of what looks to be other thrown spoons. She grabs another wooden spoon as she continues talking, "Good to see you out of your room finally. I was beginning to wonder if you were being spoiled getting waited on all the time." Still on the alert for more flying spoons I say, "I got tired of seeing the same four walls all day. Who has been trying to get in your stew?"

She sets a lid on the pot and leans against the counter to look at me and Shadow, "Well let's see, Rick and Jasper tried first followed by Marcus and Luna and then Tabatha and Eve tried to get in here just a few minutes before you two showed up." She gestures at the door and wall where all the stew impacts are.

I let out a small chuckle, "Well that's what happens when you cook..." I take a sniff of the air, "...beef stew around a pack of wolves." She snorts, "How did you keep them out when you were cooking all the time?" I shrug, "Alphas orders to stay out. Plus I used the lock."

She looks at me with a mix of irritation and exasperation, "What lock?" I point at the top and bottom of the door where there are bolt locks attached to the back of it. She glares at the locks and then at me and says, "Well why didn't anyone bother to tell me about them?"

A chuckling comes from behind the door, "Because you didn't ask." The door opens to let in Tabatha. She nods at me, "Good to see you up Alpha." She ducks reflexively as a dish towel flies at her head along with Rosalie's raised voice, "And just what do you want? You're not getting any stew till it's done so don't even ask about that."

Ducking another rag Tabatha says, "Actually I came looking for these two. I went to see how Seeker was doing but he was out of his room." Rosalie snorts, "Well take them with you so I can lock the whole lot of you out of the kitchen while I work. You can't expect me to finish a meal with all of you constantly trying to sneak a taste."

With shooing motions Rosalie ushers the three of us out of the kitchen which she promptly locks behind us with a series of muffled curses. Shaking my head and smiling I turn to Tabatha asking, "What was it you wanted me for?" She looks at me and says, "Well it's actually about Shadows father. He is still asking to see you."

My grip tightens on my trident as my eye narrow as I look at Tabatha causing her to flinch a little. She takes a step back and looks down, "I was just passing on the message Alpha." I feel Shadow's paw settle on my shoulder and close my eyes. Letting out a long sigh I force myself to relax before saying, "Thank you Tabatha." With that I turn and head for the front door going outside leaving Tabatha staring after me and Shadow.

Once outside I start walking around the edge of the yard occasionally looking at the training area where Rick and Jasper are giving lessons to Aaron and Marcus, who I am happy to see is in his human form, and a few members of Wolfie's pack. Stopping in the shade of a large tree with Shadow I stand and watch the training session. Rick is doing basic hand to hand combat with Aaron helping him to build his strength and reflexes.

As I am watching Aaron makes several quick jabs at Ricks raised paws. Each punch results in a rather satisfying smack on his paws. Aaron takes a step back then starts to try and kick at Rick's right arm. His attack is slow and clumsy however resulting in its easy block.

After a few words of explanation and some posture correction Rick has Aaron throwing punches and kicks a lot faster and much more accurate. Standing there watching them train causes my mind to start wandering back through my memories to another day much like this one in this same yard.

Through my memories I see myself standing in the yard with two young wolves. Teenage versions of Rick and Jasper are sparring with each other as I move around them. I watch them throw punches and kicks at each other. Every few minutes I stop them to give them pointers and correct flaws that I see in their stances and fighting forms.

As I watch my actions from that day so many years before being echoed now by another generation I can't help but let a smile spread on my face.

Rick looks up from training Aaron and sees us watching them. He stands up and says something to Aaron causing him to nod and head over to where Jasper and Marcus are training with the others. After Aaron leaves Rick makes his way over to the tree where Shadow and I are standing.

As he approaches he says, "Good to see you out and about Alpha. I was beginning to wonder if we were going to have to smoke you out." I snort and shake my head, "It's good to be back out in the fresh air." I nod over to where Aaron is now learning to hold his training sword, "How's the training going?"

Rick crosses his arms and looks at Aaron, "He has potential, a bit gangly and uncoordinated at times though." I can't help but let out a bark of laughter causing him to look at me with raised eyebrows and ask, "What's so funny?"

With a smirk I answer, "I was just remembering a certain pair of brothers when they were teenagers first learning to fight. They were fairly gangly and uncoordinated as well if I remember correctly." Rick blushes under his fur as I continue, "But I must say they have become a rather fine pair of wolves and have made their Alpha very proud to have trained them."

Still blushing Rick starts scratching the back of his head as Shadow speaks up from where he is leaning against the tree, "Gangly huh? I would love to have seen that." That gets a short glare from Rick causing Shadow and I both to laugh.

After the laughs Rick looks at me, "Do you really mean that Seeker. That we make you proud?" I give him a gentle smile and place a hand on his shoulder, "Of course I mean it Rick. You and your brother are the closest thing I have to sons of my own. I have had the unique privilege of watching you two grow into the incredible wolves you are now. I can't wait to see what you accomplish in the future."

Rick looks at me with a confused look, "Is something going on Alpha?" I wave off his question saying, "Nothing's going on, I've just had a lot of time on my hands lately and it got me to thinking about things is all." He nods slowly not saying anything.

A shout comes from the training area drawing our attention back towards those training. Marcus is standing off to one side clutching his sides in pain. I let out a sigh as I watch him collapse to his knees and begin to shift forms until he is on all four panting as a wolf.

Without taking my gaze from him I ask, "Is he still having trouble controlling his shifting?" Shadow steps up beside me answering, "He has some control over it now, but if his emotions get to high he loses control and shifts."

As we watch Marcus gets to his feet shaking his head. He looks at his paws for a moment before putting them by his side and closing his eyes. He takes a few slow deep breaths and begins to shift back to his human form. After a few minutes he has finished his change and stands there drenched in sweat.

I let out a slow breath of air, "He is learning control that's good. But has he hurt anyone?" Shaking his head Rick says, "Not unless you count some sheets and a couple pillows. He has been working really hard to make sure he is careful around everyone."

With relief I say, "That's good. Getting used to his new life is hard enough I'm sure. He doesn't need the added guilt of hurting someone by accident."

The three of us stand there in the shade watching the training for a few more minutes before Rick heads back over to the others, "Glad to see your out and about again Seeker, but I need to get back to showing them how to hold a hammer." He picks up one of his larger war hammers along the way and all the training stops as he approaches.

I turn to Shadow and say, "Something tells me someone is coming in with a few bruises tonight, and it's not going to be him." Shaking his head Shadow just laughs as we both head back in to the house.

Once inside we head straight for the library where I settle down on a couch and lean back into it as Shadow stretches out on it and rests his head in my lap looking up at me. For several minutes we just sit there as I let my mind wrestle with an idea that has been forming for the last couple days.

Ever since the fight with Harandoom where I was able to make Shadow a fire guardian the idea has been forming. But it wasn't until the last three days while I was recuperating that it really took shape. There will be more guardians coming in the near future and they are going to be needing training and special attention that only I will be able to give them. I just have to figure out to balance out my responsibilities as Alpha with my new responsibilities to the guardians.

While I am sitting there putting my thoughts in order Shadow begins to relax in my lap as his eyelids begin to grow heavy. I am enjoying just sitting here thinking when a knock sounds from the door soon followed by the creak of it opening. Tabatha calls out, "Seeker are you in here?"

With a sigh I answer, "Yes Tabatha, can I help you?" She looks at me a bit nervous, "I wanted to apologize for upsetting you earlier, when I mentioned that Harandoom wanted to speak with you." I let out a sigh, "It's ok, you didn't do anything wrong. I let my anger get the better of me."

She nods and swallows, "Well he's asked again. He says that he really would like to explain if you will hear him out." Shadow sits up next to me but doesn't say anything. Letting out a long sigh I rub my eyes and say, "Very well, you can bring him in here in five minutes." She nods and ducks out.

Speaking up from beside me Shadow says, "Thank you for talking with him love. I know you have a lot of anger and hate towards him for what happened, but it wasn't really my father that did it. It was that thing inside him." I look at Shadow and see him looking at the ashes in the fire place. I ask, "Have you talked with him in the last few days?"

He shrugs, "Just a few words, not a long conversation. But those few words have been enough to convince me that he is not the same person as the one who attacked us." I follow his gaze to the cold fireplace, "I don't know Shadow. I have seen a lot of evil people before but what I faced in the village was unlike anything I have ever seen before."

For a few minutes we just sit there in silence looking at the cold ashes lost in our own thoughts. A knocking comes from the door causing us to look up as the door opens. In steps Tabatha and a brown wolf from Wolfie's pack that I haven't met yet. Both are armed with blades.

In between them steps in a black wolf with wisps of grey along his muzzle and ears. His left eye is missing, a thin white scar traces from above his eyebrow down the closed eyelid to his cheek. He stands a few inches shorter than me. His right eye is a soft silver similar to Shadows but with more age to it. There is also a sadness and regret in his eye. He keeps his gaze lowered and his shoulders down so as to minimize his profile as much as possible.

I sit there studying this wolf that I know is Harandoom despite the change to his appearance and size. For several moments I just stare at him not bothering to hide the look of displeasure on my face at being in his company.

Eventually I shift my gaze to Tabatha and the brown wolf, "You two may wait outside." My tone may have been a bit rougher than I intended as they both give a short nod and step outside without a word. Harandoom remains standing where they left without saying a word.

I slowly get to my feet and walk over to him. With each step my anger rises and I have to fight hard to keep from driving my trident deep into his chest. When I am a couple steps away from him I stop and look at him. He keeps his gaze down as I just stand there.

Eventually I ask in a barely controlled voice, "You asked to see me?" He nods and says in a quiet voice that is laced with sorrow but still commands power, "I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and my son. I offer no excuses for what I have done. I accept all the fault and blame you wish to put on me. If I had not been so weak as to be taken over by that... thing, none of this would have happened."

He drops to one knee and lowers his head even farther saying, "I am sorry for my crimes Alpha Seeker and submit to your judgment." I just stand there at a loss for words as my mind tries to process the actions of this Harandoom with the one who tried to kill me just over a week before.

Eventually I am able to start making coherent thoughts again and I gesture at a nearby chair, "Have a seat. I think we need to talk." I sit back down next to Shadow as Harandoom settles into the seat I pointed out. The whole time he keeps his gaze lowered constantly showing a submissive posture stance to both me and Shadow.

Several long silent minutes pass as I just sit there studying the wolf in front of me. I want to hate and attack him with everything I have but for some reason I can't make myself hate him. My confusion takes over and drives the desire to hate back. Eventually I lean forward in my seat and ask, "You aren't the one I fought are you?"

Apparently this isn't the question Harandoom had been expecting because he lifts his head up and looks at me with a wide eye before saying, "Uhm... No not really. I was there yes, but I wasn't the one in control of my body. I could see, hear, and feel everything that happened but I had no control over any of it. That thing was in complete control of me and had been for a long time."

He glances at Shadow and drops his gaze. For a moment I could swear I saw shame and regret in his eye. Without taking my eyes off of him I continue asking, "Just how long ago did it take control and what was it?"

He looks back towards me but keeps his gaze lowered, "I don't know what it was exactly, just that it was pure evil. It took control of me just after I became an adult. I had left my home pack to do some traveling and adventuring. One day during my travels I was going through a forest, not heading anywhere in particular, just traveling, when I felt a breeze against my neck and a voice whispered 'this one will do'. The next thing I knew I was in incredible pain as something began to claw at my mind. I tried to fight it but I wasn't any kind of a match for it."

He looks down at his hands which are folded in his lap, "In a matter of moments I was trapped inside my own mind. I could still see, hear, and feel the world around me but I couldn't interact with it or control my body. There was a dark presence that was constricting around my mind allowing me to see everything it did through me but preventing me from being able to do anything about it. At first I tried to fight back but every time I did it would cause me unending pain and torture. Eventually I just gave up, I wasn't strong enough to fight it and every time I did I only got weaker while it got stronger."

At this point Shadow speaks up, "You said that it took possession of you shortly after you became an adult. So that means that it had taken control of you before you, or it, had met my mother?" Harandoom nods, "That thing had been inside of me for years at that point. It had already changed my body to what you saw, though I didn't suffer the loss of my eye till that thing killed the former alpha of your birth pack and took over. "

Keeping his gaze turned down in shame he continues, "The creature took your mother as his mate when he realized she had magical abilities. Her father was supportive of the mating, he saw having the alpha of a pack as his son in law as a rather nice boost to his status, though I don't think he knew what his daughter was mating at the time. I think the thing inside me intended to create a more powerful host by combining her powers with its own. After you were born it killed your mother since it saw her as a threat."

Shadow looks at him with a slack jaw, "I was supposed to become the next host to that thing?" I reach over and place a paw it on Shadows shoulder trying to comfort him a little. Harandoom nods, "I don't know when it planned to possess you but when it came to light that you were gay its plans for you were discarded and your death was ordered."

I look over at Shadow to see him staring into the fireplace again. A moment of silence stretches out between the three of us. I look back to Harandoom and start to ask, "Do you know..."

At that moment Shadow interrupts me and asks without seeming to realize anyone else was speaking, "Did you ever care about my mother and me?"

The question catches Harandoom off guard causing him to look up fully for the first time since entering the library and looks straight at Shadow. His mouth hangs open for a moment in silence.

Eventually he finds his voice again as he gets over his surprise of the question. With a hard sigh he begins to speak, "Even though I wasn't in control of my actions I still found your mother very attractive and even came to love her as a mate should. Would we have still been together without that thing having possessed me and forced her to mate with him, us... I don't know. But I would like to think that we would have been."

He looks at Shadow with sorrow and what I think is love in his eye before he continues, "As for you Shadow, I have always cared for you as my own son. I would give my life to protect you if I could. I regret that we were never able to have the relationship that a father and son should have. But even though I was trapped inside my own body and only able to watch you grow from a distance I have always been proud of you and loved you as my son."

I notice the tears in Harandoom's eye as I sit there feeling a bit intrusive on this long overdue conversation between father and son. A long moment of silence stretches out between the three of us as I shift uneasily in my seat.

Eventually Shadow stands up and moves over to a window and looks out at the yard where Rick and Jasper are still training the others. He crosses his arms and stands there silently with a stony look on his face hiding his emotions. But I can tell from how stiffly he is holding his posture that he fighting a storm of emotions.

I turn back to look at Harandoom who is still watching Shadow with a sad look on his face. He lowers his gaze to look at his hands which are twisting in his lap. In a quite depressed voice he speaks to me, "I know that when you and Shadow look at me you see all the evil that was done. I see it every time I look in the mirror."

He looks up at me looking me in the eyes for the first time. In his eye and face I see pain, remorse, and self loathing the likes of which I could never have imagined. In the same depressed voice he asks, "Do you think it will ever be possible to earn forgiveness for what I have done? Will I ever be able to sleep at night and not see the faces of all those that died at my hands? I may not have been the one in charge of my body, but I still feel as though I caused all their deaths." He lowers his gaze and a single tear falls from his face to land on the carpet beneath him.

I lean back in my chair and study him in silence for a moment. Behind me I hear Shadows breathing as he keeps staring out the window not moving. I rub between my eyes with my right hand as I form the words to respond to Harandoom.

Taking a deep breath I lower my hand and look at him saying, "They say that time can heal all wounds but I have been walking this earth for over thirty centuries now and there are some wounds that never fully heal. Sure time will dull the pain and lessen the torture but it never really goes away. Taking the life of another is among the most traumatic experiences one can endure and unless you are truly evil it will cause a scar on your soul that will never fully heal."

Harandoom gives a small sniff as I continue, "Granted in your case you were not the one actually doing the killing, and I think that you would have prevented it had you been able to. So perhaps in your case you will be able to find forgiveness in time. It will be a very long, very hard road to travel but in time perhaps there will come a day when others tell you they forgive you and may even trust you again."

He looks up and through the tears and sorrow I see a faint flicker of hope in his eye, "You really think it's possible to earn forgiveness?" I nod slowly then say, "As for whether you will forgive yourself or not... I cannot say. That will be something that only you can answer when and if the time ever comes."

The sadness remains and the glow of hope dims in his eye, but it doesn't go out completely. He wipes at his eye and takes a moment to compose himself then asks, "How long did it take for you to forgive yourself?"

His question catches me completely off guard and is like a blow to the stomach stealing my breath away. From the window I hear Shadow take a deep sharp breath and I feel his gaze shift to rest on me but I don't turn to look at him.

I swallow hard and force myself to hold Harandoom's gaze. Somehow I know that his question is asking about more than just when I have been forced to kill another living person. I steady my voice before saying, "It took a long time... a very long time."

He looks at me for a moment then lets out a sigh and looks past me to Shadow. In a quivering voice he asks him, "Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me? Perhaps even call me father some day?"

Silence settles in the room again as I hear Shadow shift his weight slightly before he lets out a slow sigh and says in a soft voice that I can barely hear, "I don't know..."

I watch as Harandoom's face falls and his shoulders slouch taking a defeated look before he says, "Perhaps that's better than I deserve." He looks down at his hands before he gets to his feet saying, "Maybe I should return to my room for now and stay out of everyone's way for the time being."

I stand as well using my trident to steady myself, which had been leaning against the back of the couch I have been sitting on. Once we are both standing I hold out my paw to Harandoom. He looks at it for a moment before reaching out his own to shake.

As soon as our paws meet a tingling sensation comes from my tattoo and the world seems to freeze around us.

I look around at the room seeing everything frozen in a moment of time. As I pull my hand from Harandoom's grasp I hear a voice from behind me say, "There is something special about this wolf." I turn to see my father Anil and for the first time since the ring merged with me the other three masters as well.

Aidan, Terra, and Nerine are all standing around the room their gazes focused on Harandoom who is standing motionless his paw out stretched grasping air. My father steps up and studies Harandoom closely before saying, "He was possessed by the evil that destroyed Atlantis." He turns and looks at me before continuing, "The evil that destroyed us."

Aidan speaks up in a gruff voice from where he is standing, "He should be killed, or at the very least kept confined. He could still have something of that creature in him." Nerine steps forward and says in a softer voice, "Aidan you know as well as the rest of us that the wolf we see here is not the one responsible for what was done to us. Besides it is Seeker who must make the decision. We can only give advice."

Terra steps up beside my father and examines Harandoom as well, "Anil is right, there is something special about this wolf." She turns to me, "I think that his future is more entwined with yours and Shadows and that of the guardians than any of us realize." She then shifts and looks at my father again, "What do you think?"

He crosses his arms and studies Harandoom's eyes before answering, "My visions of the future never reached past the moment when Shadow became the first guardian of the new order. I don't know what may come now."

I speak up in a voice that was perhaps a bit louder and more laced with emotion than I intended because all the masters turned to me at once when I said, "What I decide to do with Harandoom at this time is my choice, not yours."

Seeing their shocked looks I take a calming breath and continue in a more even tone, "I don't mean to sound ungrateful for the advice and concerns that you have. But this is my life, my choice to make."

Master Aidan lets out a loud huff and says, "Your boy seems to have a bit of a problem with us Anil. I'm not sure he was worthy of becoming a master himself." Nerine steps up to him and places a hand on Aidan's shoulder, "Now Aidan, you can't really expect Seeker to be overly thrilled to have us popping in like this with no warning. It was rude and unexpected."

She turns to me and smiles, "I remember when you very first became a guardian. All that potential and enthusiasm in one so young." She grins a little then continues, "But now isn't the time for reminiscing. We came to you because we all feel that this Harandoom holds information about the evil that destroyed Atlantis."

I look at the frozen form of Harandoom standing in front of me, "You all think that he knows something he isn't telling me?" My father speaks up, "I don't believe that he isn't telling you because he is hiding it. More likely he doesn't realize what it is that he knows."

I look at Harandoom for a moment and say, "It could be possible that he learned more about the creature that possessed him for so long than he realizes. Perhaps he is even suppressing the knowledge out of fear or guilt perhaps." A smile spreads on my father's face, "That is what I was thinking as well. It might be a good idea to keep him close for the time being to see if anything comes to the surface now that he is free."

I look to my father, "I had no plans on banishing him now that I know the truth about him. To do so would certainly be signing his death warrant. I will allow him to stay here for now, under guard and under my supervision." My father nods as do the other three masters who fade away one at a time till only my father remains.

He looks at me and says, "I am sorry for our intrusion in this manner my son, but the need for us to be heard was great. We will only come when you call us or if there is a great need like today." I nod to him but say nothing. I am still a bit put off at the intrusion of the masters but I understand their reason for it.

When he realizes I have nothing more to say my father fades away as well and I find myself back in front of Harandoom grasping his paw as the world around us returns to motion.

Harandoom gives my paw a firm shake then releases it and heads for the door saying, "If either of you need me, you know where I will be." With that he opens the door to reveal Tabatha and the brown wolf standing guard at the door. When they see him they take up places on either side of him and escort him back to his room.

As the door slowly swings shut I stand there watching it lost in my thoughts about the conversation I just had with Harandoom, my father and the other masters, and of the events of the day. Eventually I turn and go to stand beside Shadow and look out the window at the others training outside.

For several long minutes we just stand there watching each of us lost in our own thoughts of the past, present, and future. Neither knowing what will happen but both feeling the changes that are coming ever closer.

Shadow says in a low voice, "You're going to let him stay aren't you." It wasn't a question but I nod just the same. He lets out a low sigh, "I know he isn't the same person who we fought and that to exile him would be the same as killing him and I would imagine that you think he knows more than he realizes about that thing that was in him."

I grin humorlessly at Shadow as he echoes the words my father had just said. In the same low voice I say, "It is possible, yes, that he knows more than he realizes. That knowledge may also prove useful in the time to come. There is another storm coming, another fight that will be much worse than the one we just went through. We will need every edge we can get if we hope to survive."

He nods and says, "I know, I can feel it coming as well." I wrap an arm around his shoulders and pull him close as he rests his head on my shoulder. Together we stand there watching the yard as Rick and Jasper call the training to an end as the sun begins to set casting a fiery orange glow over the world.

In the east storm clouds glow in the same burning light as lightning flashes within the clouds as they grow bigger and closer.