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Chapter 5: Remembrance and Reflection

"Whose child is this?" Marissa, the doctor, asked, her feline paws handling Silver's arm.

"Clarice's. I am Clarice's child..."

The feline doctor looked up at Sin. "You know I can't safely diagnose this young wolf without a sense of his genealogy."

"How is Silver so much different from the others?"

"Hatan claims he crushed the bones in the right forearm, right?" she queried, looking over a chart and pushing her round glasses further up on her nose. "And then you pulled him up by the same arm after a three day journey in a bumpy carriage. This poor pup, I believe he was mistreated to the point of questioning his genealogy."

"Why?"

"Because there is nothing physically wrong with him! There is barely a bruise left on his body!"

Sin sat down next to Silver on the pale gray examination table. "Are you sure?" he asked his mouth a gape and his eyes wide.

"Tell him how you feel Silver," Marissa instructed, smiling at her patient.

Silver looked down at the soft-carpeted room. The room was bright and seemed detached from the rest of the school. Everything in the castle was rough, sharp, and squared, in an old sense of Gothicism. This room was soft and round, as feminine as the castle was masculine. "I'm fine... really. This room is nice, I like it." Silver brushed brightly.

"Glad someone likes it." Marissa glared down Sin, waiting.

"He is the one Hatan brought from Clerone."

The cat's eyes opened widely at the information. Her gaze shifted uncomfortably from Sin to Silver. "This is 'that' child? But... how! What is he doing here!"

"Clife."

Marissa's eyes opened wider. Silver could see a look pass between them. A look of secrecy and meaning. Silence weighed heavily on the room to the point it was stifling. Suddenly Sin broke the silence, telling Silver to get dressed and then gave him directions to the dining room. Silver nodded and did as he was told, what reason did he have to resist. He pulled on the long sleeve black shirt and the long pants. They had both belonged to Sin, some years ago, and on the much larger wolf, they appeared as tight and constraining. They seemed to be made for summer. Silver did not care, he was grateful for everything Sin was providing for him. Love, companions, things that he would have to travel two miles on the road north to find.

*

"What are you planning to do with him? Are you going to use him? Send him off to die some miserable death in a war that means nothing anymore!"

Sin stayed silent. He had not wanted Marissa to find out. "I am giving him the chance to fulfill his destiny."

Marissa slapped him hard across the head. "Destiny! Was it his father's destiny to die saving me! Have you forgotten? He freed me, and the others, and then no one ever saw him again! You know why Clife is after his family? He seeks their destruction. By sending Silver off to fight in some war that means nothing is only hurrying the process along!"

Tears were falling from Marissa's emerald eyes.

"I will treat him as one of my students, which he is. I will follow the rules I wrote for this school. I will not falter, or fail. Silver's father was made of Ancients' blood, and as you saw, so is his son! The front lines are the only place for an animal blessed by the Ancients! Fighting makes him grow stronger, not weaker! He..."

"He is fragile! As are all of your students! Goddamn you Sin. You treat all your students as though they mean nothing, feel nothing! You use them and sell them off. The only one you ever paid for was Esca, last year! They are more than students and soldiers, they are living creatures, and they are made of fur and flesh and bone! They feel compassion and love for one another. Relationships are forming too early for them! None of them have had the time to experience life outside these walls! But the moment they step out, they die! Die for a cause not worth fighting for, not worth dying for! All your students are living, breathing creatures! Why can't you see that and stop treating them like tools!"

"My students are separated and can't form relations with the opposite gend..."

"You are so naïve! They sneak about, fueled by their lust and hormones pulsing through them. They mate before they know what it really means to be loved! I've had females asking me if they are pregnant! There are some that have already undergone mating rituals. They want nothing more than to settle down and have a family, to live the peaceful life! You aren't giving them a chance at living. You lock them away at night, and in the morning force instruction on fighting! They learn of the past through their teachers, but they need to learn about the future! The future is what they make! There cannot be a war if there are no soldiers to fight in that war! Stop sending them off to their deaths! Stop making them feel loss and pain!" Marissa cried, pounding her paw against the wall.

"Hypocrite."

*

The hall was dark; no windows throughout the entire length, and Silver stumbled through, heading toward the dinning room. The discussion Sin and the nurse were having did not interest Silver in the least. He knew it had something to do with him, but he was never the curious type. Silver was also not the type that fits in easily. Up ahead of him Silver could hear the rustling of fur, snapping of jaws, and the muttering of curses. The smell of food was thick on the air. Light began to flood the passage and as Silver turned the corner in the hall he was suddenly in a large dinning room with a high ceiling. There was a big table in the center, laden with breakfast foods, while off to the sides were smaller and less grand, round tables. He stopped at the entrance to the room. The dinning room at his school he thought was impressive, but this was something else to the young wolf. All the sounds of movement and eating, and talking suddenly ceased as eyes of all the inhabitants turned to Silver. Silver felt incredibly hot all of a sudden, and uneasy. His stomach did a turn and he felt his usual fear. It had been a few years, but he remembered clearly the last time he had felt the familiar ache. It was during the first day of formal school. The new students walked around in amazed, staring at the large walkways of the school. Silver had felt all alone except for Raine. Even with her he had felt as uncomfortable as he does now. He had stood motionless in the entrance to the school with the exact same feeling. There is a movement to his side and he feels an arm go about his shoulders. "Everyone! This is Silver!"

Silver turned his head to see Lazerous smiling at him. Conversation started again and the dinning room went back to the usual routine of eating and talking. Lazerous jabbed Silver in the ribs lightly, "All you had to do was introduce yourself and then they would have just gone back to what they were doing!"

He nodded and allowed Lazerous to guide him to the table in the corner. "See that empty seat next to Camio?"

Silver nodded, seeing the seat next to Camio, and was shocked to see the vixen that was clinging to his roommate. "Sit there."

He sat and the vixen looked at him. "You're the new face that everyone has been talking about aren't you? My name is Morgan and I'm Camio's mate. Too bad we chased Esca off, otherwise she could have met you. Probably would have jumped in your lap and taken you right there, but... anyhow it is certainly a pleasure to meat you Silver."

Silver was unsure what to say. He really did not understand what this strange vixen was talking about. He also wondered if he should mention that Esca had snuck into his bath to wash him. Shaking his head he decided it was better to not say. "Whatcha shakin' your 'ead for?" Moodna asked in his thick accent.

"Oh nothing... just somethings that been bugging me, that's all."

"What sort of things have been bugging you Silver? I haven't been doing anything to annoy you, have I?"

Silver looked sternly at Lazerous and answered, "All you've done for has been good. You helped me feel more at home here than I could back home... it's just I need some time to think about everything that's happened. Make it all make sense in my mind before I forget it all. Parts of it are already startin to fade from my memory."

"We got to go to the library after this Silver, so why don't you come along. It's generally quite in there and you can have a chance to think without people staring at you or... slobbering over you. Besides, you might find something in the library that's helpful," Camio suggested, peaking out from behind Morgan.

Silver nodded his head again. "Yeah, that will be fine..."

"You got to eat first!"

Silver felt his arm being pulled and in seconds he ended up next to Lazerous, in front of the large table. "So. What would you like?"

All Silver could do was stare at the unbelievable amount of food sprawled out across the mahogany table. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. The food spread out in front of him was more than he had ever seen in his entire life. Lazerous grabbed a plate and began filling it with different types of meat. Lamb, beef, chicken, rabbit, veal, and handed the plate to Silver. Silver was dragged back to the table in a daze. "What'cha tryin' ta do? Giv' 'im an 'eart attack?"

Lazerous smiled back at Moodna. "No, just trying to get some meat into him."

Moodna stared at the plate and sniffed. "What? Ya don't consider fish meat?"

"Fish taste fishy to anyone, but you."

"What would ya know fox? I never seen ya taste a piece of fish."

"Bad memories. I'd prefer to never see the stuff myself." Camio flicked a claw at the otter from across the table. "Besides. Meat is much better."

Moodna growled viciously as he continued to eat his fish. Silver stared at the plate, wondering if he even felt hungry. Lazerous scooted up beside him, "Not hungry?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen this much food my entire life. We never had much money..."

They all looked at Silver. Most of them had been at the orphanage for most of their life, and here was a country born wolf that lived a life in poverty. Something they had only experience for a short time. "It wasn't so bad. It was a self-supporting community. Only wolves. The school fed us the first two meals of the day and we went home for the last. I guess all this food, beauty, and the big castle are things I've always dreamed of having, but never thought I ever would..."

Silver stared at the chicken leg that was clasped in his claws and lightly sniffed. It's scent was good, something he had not have at home. Ten minutes later the plate was empty. "Wow..."

The four friends watch Silver sitting at the table grooming himself. It was such an odd sight, but then again, they had come from broken homes where they did not have parents who taught them such care. Showed them such care. "You don't know how lucky you were."

Silver paused in his grooming and looked at Camio. "You were raised in a loving home. You had a stable background. The rest of us." Camio nodded to the three surrounding the table. "Spent most of our lives here, with just each other. We were never shown by out parents how to groom ourselves. When we feel dirty we take a bath. We never grew up with the same type of care you were given. Some of us were taken off the streets at two seasons! I'm sorry if this sounded somewhat negative, I just... felt that you should know why we act different from you."

Silver nodded, understanding. Somehow he had known that his past was different from the others. It had to have been since they were here years before him. The years he had spent with his mother and father, they had spent here surrounded by friends, but still alone. Even the time he had spent when his father away and his mother sleeping with Clife, he still had Fayr to call his mother. But they had only each other. "Ready?"

Silver got up and followed Camio and Morgan through the dinning room. Lazerous watched as they left wishing he could be with Silver, the shoulder he could hold on to.

*

The walk through the hall had been awkward to Silver. Only ten minutes before Camio had his outburst and now Silver felt a bit apprehensive. He understood everything. He had grown up with a real family. There was a place he could call home where people cared for him. Camio, Lazerous and the others did not have such a place. As Silver watched Morgan clinging to Camio in front of him, he thought of Raine, and how much he wanted her to be there beside him. Silver followed in silence. Even if they had been forced to grow up without parents or a family, they had each other now. Isn't that all that matters. Shouldn't having love currently be better than not having anyone? Silver felt alone again. His heart felt empty and his throat was dry. Would he ever have anyone? Walking in a daze now Silver followed Camio's black tipped tail as it swished back and forth with the movements of his body.

The library was cold and quiet. Books lined the walls; it was domed at the ceiling, with scenes painted on the walls. Scenes very unfamiliar to Silver, who stopped at the entrance and looked up. He was still so unused to the grandness of this place. There was a stillness in the air and the smell of old books lingered. That familiar smell reminded Silver about how much Raine enjoyed old books so much. The scent they carried was a tale as well as the writing inside. Morgan headed through the stacks to a dark corner of the library. Silver stayed at the entrance, wondering. Wondering if he was allowed to enter such a grand place. Camio turned back to his roommate and asked, "You okay?"

Silver nodded as he listened to the question reverberated through the lofty room. "Remember, talk softly, don't want everyone to hear what you're thinking about," Camio whispered before following Morgan through the dark stacks that surrounded the reading area in the center.

Still feeling a bit uneasy about entering such a beautiful room, Silver stepped across the threshold and into the library. There was no sunlight, and no candles. The ceiling was lined with lamps, producing the only light in the library. Silver shivered in the pale twilight and walked through the rows of stacks reading the different titles:

The rows of stacks opened before him, leading him to the center of the library where he took a seat at one of the grand tables. In the dim light of the overhead lamps Silver stared at his paws. He counted on his claws the days that have past. "Five."

Five days have past since everything and Silver could still not understand what had happened. His mother had abandoned him, but not by her choice, Silver was sure of it. Silver had smelled a strange stench on Clife, and his mannerisms were loud enough to Silver. It was clear his mother was being controlled by Clife, and for some reason Clife wanted both him and his mother of the way. There also seemed to be a connection between Clife, Hatan, Sin, Raine's father, and his own.

Once the tears began there was no stopping them. Silver wept heavily into his paws. He cried for his mother and father; he cried for Fayr and Raine's father; most of all, he cried for Raine. 'How will she be able to live now?' Silver wondered, thinking about the wolf he wanted to see and protect; the she-wolf he doubted he would see again. The reddish tinge in her brown fur and her striking green eyes, all of which he would never see again. "Is it really that hard being here?" Silver heard and felt a paw on his shoulder.

Silver drew back from the unfamiliar pressure. His face was wet with salty tears. Through the tears in his eyes he watched a vixen sit down in the seat across from him. "Camio came here only a few years before you. Lived his early life on the streets of some city. He won't talk about it, not even to me. He came here against his will, claiming he'd been kidnapped. Of course no one believed him... who would, we all loved it here, better place than the place we left, even though most of us forgot about that place long before. Anyway Cam became resentful and jealous of us, because he had been left out in the world longer than anyone, and lived the worst possible childhood. All of us, except you, Cam, and Esca have been here since we were small, hell, Laz was practically born here. But you see what I'm getting at? Camio is nothing like he was when he came... the first time we met, truly met, we became mates, and things have been better for both of us. And I think that's what you need. You need to find someone who will make you feel like you're home."

Silver sniffed and answered, "I've met Esca..."

"Forget her, she would mate with you of course, just as she's done to every other male wolf in this school. When did you meet her? You've only been around a little while..."

"Bathing..." Silver blushed at the memory.

Morgan's jaw opened wide and closed a few times. Her face turned a deeper shade of red, "That bitch!"

Her words echoed throughout the library and she quickly covered her muzzle with her paw. Eyes turned to them, most of them seeing only him. Silver wiped the tears from his eyes, drying his wet, tear drenched face on his arms. Morgan began to giggle uncontrollably, her body shaking with laughter. His eyes watched her thinking about what she had said. 'Will a mate make me happy, make me forget the past? But what about Raine?' Silver was confused and the eyes stared at him, surrounding him with their dagger sharp pupils. He closed his lids tightly and grabbed his head roughly in his paws. Morgan's laughter ended in a scream for help as Silver fell to the floor of the library.

Camio threw the history book onto the shelf as he heard his mate call for help. Morgan was at Silver's side calling for help, but no one was moving. Camio watched as he ran, seeing the shadowed faces refusing to go down and help a stranger and a mated vixen. He knelt beside his mate and pulled her away from Silver. He pointed to the exit and whispered the words, "Get help."

*

'What is he doing here?' Marissa pondered the question in her mind, 'By what cruel fate drew his own son into this whole affair? Sure he has the Ancients' blood, but he doesn't know it. Why would Clife go after him by destroying his family?' Her head was swimming. The door opened interrupting her thinking. Lazerous had Silver on his back. "What happened?"

"He fainted or something in the library," Morgan called from behind Lazerous.

"Put him on the bed." She pointed to a cot underneath the window looking east.

Lazerous placed the gray body on the bed and looked at him. From the moment he first saw Silver, he knew he was in love. "Lazerous please step back," Marissa ordered, swinging her cat paw.

He backed away and Marissa took his place by his side. She placed a paw on his forehead, brushing the thick fur. Marissa looked back at the middle of the room. They were all there: Lazerous, Moodna, Camio, and Morgan. "Who was with him?" Morgan raised her paw. "You stay, Morgan, the rest of you leave."

Morgan shifted from foot paw to foot paw uncomfortably, her paws playing behind her back. Her eyes did not leave Marissa, who was busy looking over Silver. "What happened." It was more an order than a request, and Morgan told her what she and Silver had been talking about.

"Well," Marissa said, brushing a paw through Silver's forehead, "He will be alright, it was probably excitement and exhaustion. I think he will spend the night here, so tell the others not to expect him tonight. What he needs is some decent rest. So, don't worry about him anymore, you have your own mate to worry about, leave this wolf to his future one."

Morgan smiled and nodded, before turning and leaving the room. Marissa pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. She ran a paw across his body. 'So much like his father.'

*

The tears had been in her eyes for the last five days. Fayr found it near impossible to accept her mate's death. Everything about the events was a mystery. 'What had Hatan hoped to gain by killing him?' she wondered. For the past four days she had remained locked in their room. Although her snout was sensitive she did not mind the odor of her mate's decaying body. At times, when she was ruled by depression, she would lay on the bed, hugging his body to her and whispering indiscernible words. Later she would pick the maggots and other larvae out of her fur, and clean herself of any blood. It tasted like rot, but still sweet to her. A knock came at the door to the room, "Are you all right Mother?"

"Yes," she choked, now she will be living the same life as Clarice, and driving herself to degradation and her name to disgrace.

'Where is that book?' she question herself. She knew her mate had kept a journal, but it was gone. "Raine? Did you see your father's journal recently?"

Raine gulped and her throat dried up. When she spoke it was low and raspy, "I saw it five days ago..." Raine paused, considering how to continue. 'Should I tell her the truth? But if she knew the truth what good would it do? It would only do more harm?' "Hatan took it..." she finished.

"Oh..."

"Look, Mother, how long are you going to stay in there? You haven't eaten in days! You need to come out and eat, and rest!"

"Raine, when will you start going to school again? It's been a week at least? Silver's gone, but you have your other friends..."

Raine snapped her jaws together violently, "Fine! When you come out of there,

I'll go to school!"

She then stormed off. She did not hate school, but Silver would not be there, and the times and memories they had would still be there and haunt her.

Fayr lay back down beside her mate. "Good-bye, love," she whispered kissing his muzzle. She ran a paw over him one last time and felt the tightness of the stretched skin of a corpse. She looked at her paws and softly blew her lover's fur off the sharp claws, letting the five-day dead fur drop. She then left the room and locked the door again, throwing the key as far off into the horizon as she could.