FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

(Attempt at a more serious story. Special to me but it probably sucks, hope you enjoy it.)

Ztark fumbled as his leg gave out under him, his energy was gone. He had been on the move for what seemed like an eternity. It was dark and all he could see in front of him was the faint glittering light of the moon reflecting off the snowflakes falling. The blizzard had been raging for days now and the trees, barren of their leaves, provided no relief for him. As he hit the ground, the snow slight buffering his impact, his body sent out waves of pain.

A slight trickle of blood ran down his arm and onto the snow, staining it with a bright red. The fall had opened it and caused him great pain. Ztark's face turned in the deep snow. He watched as his blood ran down off his upper arm and onto the ground, slightly hypnotized by its rhythm.

A gash caused by a blade...

Ztark knew how it happened, but he didn't dare think about it. The snow began to pile on top of the wolf's back. Ztark's body was battered and weak and he didn't know if he could even continue. He didn't want to give up, he had come this far to survive, but his body wasn't the only thing that was injured. So were his mind and his heart. He had never felt such hatred from others. What's worse is it was people he cared for that had hurt this badly. As he lay there covered in snow his heart filled with sorrow.

He laid his paw on the wound in hopes to help stop the bleeding, but he almost didn't care. The snow was cold as it fell onto the drained wolf. His wound seared with pain. His attempt to stop the bleeding met with some success but his lack of energy prevented him from putting any large amount of pressure onto it.

Ztark knew that he would die if he did do something. He could feel his mind slipping and himself losing conscious. If he passed out in this barren snowfield, it would be all over. He steeled himself as tears formed in his eyes.

All he could feel was the pain of being despised, of people who hated him. If this was how things were going to be with others, then maybe it wasn't even worth going on. If being different caused such hatred towards him, then what was the point in living?

Heat formed in his face as tears began to roll down his face. He felt like he never asked for much, but never in his life did he feel such pain. He felt as though not a single bit of love existed in the universe for him. He resolved himself and staggered to his feet, the snow falling off his fur and leaving it soaked. He decided he would end up it. He knew that once he did that he would be free of his torment.

The battered wolf staggered along the tree line hoping to find something to help him find his relief he was searching for. His vision blurred with each step. He knew it would only be a matter of time before the elements took him, but he wanted to end it sooner. He didn't want to wait for it any longer. As he staggered his arm burned and his eyes grew weak, he had to find something fast.

In that moment he heard a familiar sound and something came into view. It was a river. The current was fast and the snow falling into almost made it look inviting. He knew the river would be well below freezing in this environment. The freezing water could be his way out. He was exhausted and knew that wouldn't last long at all in the temperature or the current. Ztark said on the bank of the river, his paw still covering the gash on his arm. He stared at the riven as cascaded down its narrow path. He could see his reflection. His face showed that of one that had been dealt a tough hand. He had a dreamy look in his eyes, most likely one caused by exhaustion.

The rest of his body didn't fare much better. His fur was matted on his arm, caused by the blood ever flowing. His coal black fur that remained was shaggy and looked to be soaked by the snow. He looked like hell, just like he felt.

As he stared down into the current he saw flakes of snow hit the water and vanish. Maybe he could do the same, he hoped. He readied himself and closed his eyes tight and felt himself losing consciousness. He let his body go limp and began to fall forward towards the river. He waited for the cold embrace of the river. It never came.

As his mind finally faded the last thing he could feel was something warm on his waist. Something had wrapped itself around his stomach and was holding him. His eyes flickered open for a second. He could barely make out the image of something in front of him before his mind escaped him.

He felt himself floating in a void of nothingness surrounded by black. It was an empty space that he had never seen before. In this space his body was normal. No wounds, no scars, and his fur were perfectly maintained. He didn't understand where he was or what happened. He thought maybe he had finally died and was free, but that didn't make sense...

Something had stopped his descent moments before.

Reality snapped him back hard. His eyes were heavy as he awoke, and Ztark found is difficult to maintain them. He opened them enough to enable to see where he was. He was lying in a bed of some kind with several blankets on top of him. The room was dim, lit only by a small fire burning in a pit created in the middle of the room. He didn't know where he was and tried to react. He motioned to move but he felt himself staggered. His body was weak and each movement caused him great pain. Someone had bandaged his wounds. The gash on his arm was covered by a small white cloth, it was slightly stained with red but it looked as if it had stopped the bleeding. His fur had been cleaned to help it dry better. The bloodied matted fur had been cut out and slightly bald spots were scattered on his arms. It looked as if someone had tried to clean it out but was unable to.

The wolf forced himself to move. Each movement sent a shiver down his spine and his limbs felt weak. All he could think is that he had to get up, the thought as to why never even entered his mind. Ztark shifted all the energy he could muster into his lower limbs. He was able to get both legs flat on the floor, but it took a great amount of energy and effort to do so. His body felt limp and weak, and he felt cold. The amount of strain on his body had taken its toll. Ztark forced himself up onto his legs and tried his best to stand.

It was too much for him.

His body tumbled to the ground; he felt the small amount of energy he mustered leave him. The impact sent a wave a pain up his body. He let out a pained howl as he lay there. He didn't understand anything anymore and in a way, didn't want to. His body felt distant and his mind felt empty. Ztark fumbled and attempted to regain his balance but to no avail. Finally, he was able to prop himself up against the bed that still sat behind him. It was then that he noticed the large figure sitting in the corner of the room staring at him. It appeared the creature had been asleep and the commotion caused by the wolf had awoken him.

Had this been what he had felt from before?

The creature rose and stood there for a minute. In the dim light, Ztark was unable to make out any discernible details. The large statue of a creature slowly moved toward him. Ztark felt as though he should have been terrified but he felt nothing. As the beast moved closer and closer, the dim light of the fire illuminated it and its features began to develop. The creature in front of him was a bear that created an intimidating aura. Its fur was solid brown with a slight spot on his chest that was pearl white. Its face was still and his motions were slow but fluid. The bear lumbered towards the downed wolf. Ztark was not sure how to feel at the moment, nor did he have time to really think about it. The creature had reached him.

Ztark looked up towards the bear, his back still against the edge of the bed. He was enormous, easily twice the size of himself. He was unsure of what to do or say. He didn't want to do anything rash or that would cause trouble, but he had no idea what was going on. Ztark was unable to get much more than that thought out before the bear was leaning in towards him. The bear had put his arms under the shoulders and knees of the wolf, easily picking him off the floor. It was at this moment that Ztark truly realized how tired he was. In the bears arms he felt almost... childlike.

The wolf was lifted back onto the bed and laid out. The creature checked the wolf's wounds to make sure they were healing alright. Ztark didn't understand why this person was helping him. He felt slight warmth emitting from within him. It was almost as if the creature cared about him. A person he had never met before and his injuries were being treated by him. After tending to the wolf, the bear sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. The bear finally spoke in a gruff voice.

"You need rest; you had a high fever when I found you."

Ztark turned his head and gazed at the wall beside him, his paw on his shoulder. His wound had pulsed and caused him discomfort.

"What happened to your arm?" The bear questioned, "It looks bad and should have been treated a long time ago."

Ztark continued staring and said nothing. It was topic he had no desire to talk about. He looked at the bandage itself, faint red, and bit his lip. After several minutes the bear leaned in towards him. The action took Ztark by surprise, what's more is what the creature did after. The bear had put the bottom of his paw on the wolf's forehead. After holding it there for several minutes a small smile ran across the bear's face.

"Your fever looks to have gone down a lot. You should get some rest."

His voice was rigid but almost calming in a way. He could hear sympathy in it. A small feeling shot the wolf's heart, a feeling he was unsure of. After a minute, the bear stood up and rearranged Ztark into the bed. The blankets were tucked back into him and created a cocoon around the ailing wolf. The warmth was refreshing. The wolf relaxed and his exhaustion caught up with him. His lids flickered in between each blink, longing to close. "What's your name?" The bear asked. "Ztark... The name's Ztark."

His eye's reached their limit and shut tight. He was warm and comfortable. His body ached but in that moment he felt nothing but warmth. His mind relaxed and his body was resting. He heard only one thing before falling into a deep slumber.

"My name's Atohn." All he could see was darkness. Endless darkness that stretched almost indefinitely, almost as if it stretched across the world. Ztark gazed in every direction, hoping to find something in the darkness to latch him onto. The darkness shot his nerves and scared him. If he could find something in this pit of black then he could rest a little easier. He glanced in every direction but to no avail. He couldn't find anything, only emptiness. The wolf looked down as despair crept into him. He didn't want to be there, wherever that was. It was then that something caught his eye. He looked and saw something that took his breath away.

It was himself.

Another version of himself was standing right in front of him. The look on the other's wolf face was vacant and showed no emotion. As he looked into the other wolf's glassy eyes he began to shake. He was terrified and he didn't understand why. It was impossible for there to be another him, but there it was. Ztark noticed something; in the right paw of the other wolf was a blade of some kind.

When Ztark's eyes hit the blade, his heart sank. The wolf collapsed on his knees. He gazed up into the eyes of the other wolf. Its eyes never moved. Ztark felt empty. He looked at the knife and remembered where he had seen it from. The wolf felt a swell of emotion in his chest, building up like a great wave. Then all at once, it crashed onto his mind. Ztark let out a great howl. A howl filled with a swell of emotions that he had felt over the course of all that had happened. The howl forced his eyes open.. It was only a dream....

Ztark sat up, still shaking from the ordeal. He looked around the room in a quick glance. It was the same room he had passed out in earlier. The room was windowless and looked more like a shack than part of anything else. He could see a ray of light jutting from in between the boards on the wall. It was light out.

How long had he been out? He could only remember the night at the river... "December 20th"

His eyes scanned the room and eventually landed on the bear, sitting on the other side of the bed near him. Atohn.... That was his name. He told him that before he passed out the night before. Ztark glanced at the bear. The wolf still felt weak. Regardless of how much rest he had obtained, he still felt awful. His body ached and his head was killing him.

Atohn was staring intently at the wolf. Ztark didn't know how long he had been there, but based on the look of concern on his face he must have been there a while. Ztark sat there for a while trying to regain control of his emotions. The bear must of noticed this, after a while he spoke up.

"You were tossing a lot in your sleep." Ztark said nothing.

"Your fever is gone for now it seems, but we need to be careful. You're still weak."

Ztark looked up after several minutes. He didn't want to say anything, but he had to know. Ztark finally spoke. "Why did you save me?" The wolf said looking down at his arm. "I found you about to fall into that river four days ago; I couldn't let someone die right in front of me. You were hurt... You needed help." The bear said in a low tone.

Ztark was stunned and quickly snapped. "Wait... Atohn, was your name right? What do you mean four days ago?" It couldn't possibly have been that long ago, Ztark thought to himself. Had he been asleep for that long?

"I found you four days ago on the 20th." Atohn started, "Like I said, you were about to fall into the river so I caught you. When I did, you had already passed out. You were injured so I carried you back to my place.

"But when I first woke up here...." Ztark started. "That was the first night." Atohn interjected, "You must have waked up and tried to move, since I found you on the floor. Naturally I put you back into bed and you passed out again."

"You've been asleep for four days since then."

Ztark couldn't believe it. Four days... he had been resting for that long, but he still felt awful. The wolf felt confused, his mind spun as he tried to make sense of things. He didn't have much luck. The only thing he remembers for certain was the night at the river. Ztark found he had more energy than before and steeled himself. He lifted himself onto his legs and stood. He managed to maintain his balance this time. He held fast for a moment and then found himself struggling. His legs were about to buckle... until he felt the weight on them being lightened. Atohn had snuck behind him and put the wolf's arm under his shoulder in an effort to support him. Ztark didn't like feeling helpless but was nonetheless grateful for the help.

"Thank you..." he muttered to the bear in a weak voice. He felt like he wanted to push the bear away from him. He felt disgusted in himself for feeling so weak, but part of him felt different. The support of Atohn didn't feel just physical, it felt like more. Ztark didn't know what it was but it felt... caring. Ztark's movements were scattered and far apart. He managed to maintain his balance on his own after several minutes. Atohn was always behind him, waiting just in case the wolf needed help. Eventually, Ztark managed to maintain his own balance. He spent the majority of the first hours awake making sure he could manage on his own. Atohn never strayed too far during the span. Ztark was happy to have someone around honestly, although he wasn't sure why.

After regain himself, Ztark sat on the bed and stared at the crack in the wall. The light was brighter than before, shining and slightly blinding him. He adjusted his gaze onto Atohn. He was standing near the other wall parallel to him, his eyes focused on Ztark. He stood there silently for a while; it looked like he was trying to get a grasp on what had happened to the wolf.

"What really happened to you?" Atohn stated with a look of resolve on his muzzle.

The bear had saved him... but Ztark still felt hesitant to explain anything. In the end though, he couldn't see how it would hurt anything more. That's what he felt he thought, but maybe he just didn't care anymore. "Fine..." Ztark started, "I'll tell you the truth... about everything."

Ztark had grown up in a large family of wolves. They had been together for generations. They had lived in the same area geographically for as long as he could remember. He had been born there, as had his parent's, and even before that. Things had developed into a tradition of sorts. Their traditions, in a way became what were considered what was right. He had always been different though, and he knew it from the beginning. He never enjoyed the same things that others did, most of the time this was just met with displeasure. But as Ztark grew up he knew he was special in a different way. The standard rites of spring brought about the rites of mating, where they were supposed to find a subtle mate to produce offspring, but that wasn't how it was for him. He had no desire for any such ritual. In fact his emotions differed greatly, and he found himself attracted to other male wolfs.

Ztark found it in his best interest to keep this to himself. It went against all lines of what they viewed as "right". But inside himself, Ztark knew that was him. That was part of his life, and no matter how hard he ever tried to deny it, it always came back. Eventually, he stopped trying to hold back those feelings inside himself and when he did, he felt more alive than ever. Ztark thought he managed to keep in under wraps, but things never seem to work out that way. He wasn't sure how or why it happened but that really didn't matter. It was out and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Things got out and like he thought, nothing good came of it. His family confronted him about it, and even then didn't make any attempt to understand it. It didn't matter how he felt, he was all wrong. There was nothing but contempt after that, thing would never be the same. He felt the world turn against him and felt his own feelings turn against him. He felt himself begin to lose interest in everything and even started to despise himself.

Eventually, he hated himself. He felt as though he had nothing. No friends, no family, and no one to care about him. When a soul feels like that, then something is wrong. He remembered when he first took that blade to himself. All he could feel as he drew his own blood was that he somehow deserved this. He deserved to feel pain, to suffer. In other ways, he felt as though it was the only way to deal with it. The negative emotions were swelling to an almost unbearable point. Then all he could think about was ending it all. He didn't have anything left to care about... or anyone. He remembers the breaking point.

He had been called, "Broken."

That was the last thing he could stand. He was deemed broken because of how he was. Nothing about him had changed anything except who he had feelings for. That word just echoed in his mind... and haunted him in his dreams. He didn't remember leaving that night... the only part he could remember from was the fall in the snow and on from there.

He caused the wound on his shoulder himself... He just didn't care anymore.

That was the gist of the story anyway. Ztark's mind had let things sink in for a minute when he realized that he tried to kill himself that night. He wondered how a soul would ever get that point, but after feeling how he did; he didn't feel like he could ever blame anyone else for feeling that way.

Ztark sat up straight and looked into Athon's eyes. Telling the story brought a feeling of loss in his heart but he felt it didn't really matter. Atohn sat there just the same as he did from the beginning.

"So there you go" Ztark muttered, "That's everything. It's really not your problem but it's what it is. You didn't have to save me, but thank you again." Ztark sat blankly staring at the bear. The bear just sat there for a long time, his expression didn't change. The only noise that could be heard was the breathing of the both of them.

Ten minutes passed...

Ztark had been looking at the floor for a while and snuck a glance at Atohn occasionally. He heard a creak and looked up. Atohn had stood up. Ztark figured he was getting ready to leave but that's not what happened. The wolf's gaze was still downward when he felt it. The bears arms... Atohn was putting his arms around him.

"What..." Ztark tried to say before his voice cut out.

Atohn wrapped himself around the wolf's body. He was... hugging him. Ztark felt puzzled as the bear's warm frame wrapped around his. He didn't understand what was happening, but he noticed his own arms were wrapped around the bear's back, almost as if he had no control of him. The bear was warm and his musk was charming. Ztark grabbed hold of Atohn and held as hard as he could. Had it been that long since he felt any kind emotion from someone? He felt himself grasp even harder onto the bear, unwilling to let go. He buried himself in the bear's chest. He didn't care why now; he just wanted to be closer to Atohn. He has saved him, someone had cared.

"Stay here with me" Atohn said while still holding Ztark, "You can stay with me... forever. I was tired of being alone... and you need someone to care for you."

"Just stay with me, ok?" Ztark looked up into Atohn's eyes. He had a smile of his face and looked back down into the wolf's eyes. Ztark didn't say anything but buried himself back into the bear's grasp.

"It's Christmas Eve... and all I wanted for Christmas... for anything really... was someone in my life. I just wanted a friend, best friends, or even someone I can care about. Atohn said bluntly.

Ztark didn't say anything. There was more to this story he knew, but for now he didn't care. He stayed in bear's warm embrace for hours. When night came it began to snow again. Ztark looked outside and watched it for several minutes. It was Christmas Eve, and felt happy again.

"Ztark, come sit with me." Atohn said with a warm smile on his face. Ztark shifted over to the bear and sat down beside him, leaning his head on his shoulder. There was something about the bear that was special, but he was happy with this for now. He would know things in time. Atohn put his arm around the wolf and held him close as they sat by the fire. Hours passed and the fire dimmed as the two fell into a deep slumber in each other's embrace.

Ztark wasn't sure about thing still, but the fact that this person made him happy, so happy and that was enough for him. He decided he would stay with him. He had saved him... and was kind to him when he felt as though he didn't have a single friend in world. Night passed and Ztark awoke to the bear's scent, Atohn had pulled the wolf in his grasp on his side. He felt warm and safe. He licked the bear on the face, he was still asleep. Ztark smiled and hugged the bear. He was so grateful for his new friend. All he wished for was someone in his life to care for him... to care about.

Ztark shifted himself and curled up into the bear's soft fur. He knew Atohn was special... and would be in his life for the rest of time.