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It was always getting closer, and the sound of his heart was like that of a tympani drum in his ears. A part of him wondered why it was like this--what had he done to deserve such anxiety? Perhaps a bit of catapres would help, or maybe some konoplin? Would Mr. Jameson, who always came in on the first Wednesday of the month, really realize he was one pill short on his anxiety medication? Did the alligator really need it as much as Marion did right now?

His fingers drummed busily on the counter-top as he let out a sound mixed between a groan and grumble of annoyance. He had promised Ben he would tell Chris this week--and it was more than that, he wanted to! Really, he did! He wanted to tell Chris that he was dating someone who made him smile, and for Chris to be happy for him. He wanted to stop hiding this last little fact from his son.

But.

What if?

Another agitated sigh escaped him.

"Ahh...busy night last night I see," a voice said.

Marion glanced over at his co-worker, "Humph,"

"Oh? Looks like someone could use the homemade remedy for hangovers," Mary said with an inquisitive tone.

That was probably one of the few things that could've roused the wolf from his thoughts, even if just a little. He glared over at the rabbit and shook his head, "You. Are. Not. Helping,"

"O....k..." Mary replied, a bit taken back by the wolf's glare and third-degree treatment.

Marion stared at the rabbit for a few more moments before shaking his head, "I'm just really over-worked Mary," he said, his tone not changed at all. He knew he should try to be more pleasant but it wasn't working. It was one of those days where, even if he tried to sound nice and pleasant his foul mood could be seen underneath. As far as he could tell--and only noticing because he wanted to distract himself--the only times he came out of his funk was when he spoke or was near Ben or Chris. That held a bit of sweet irony, as they were the ones causing all the trouble.

OK, perhaps that was an outright lie. It was his own lack of ability to just come out and--well, come-out to his son. Ben wasn't the problem at all--the bear was so incredibly kind and understanding and smart and--Oh God...I'm doing it... Marion thought to himself before shaking his head. Ben was a good guy--leave it at that.

Even if more could be said.

Much more.

Once more Marion shook his head.

Maybe if he'd taken the time and told Chris that he was gay and gotten this out in the air so many years ago things would've been fine. Think about it Marion. What could you have done? Just kind of thrown it in there. Maybe as you two were really getting close.

"Chris, I'm gay,"

"OK Mr. Judith,"

No, Marion thought quickly, shaking his head once more--by now probably looking like he had a nervous twitch to others, That would've been too strange. If I had told him right after Nancy passed away he wouldn't...but...maybe it would've been better if he hadn't cared. But what if he had cared and........Oh come-on, it doesn't matter now!

*Ring* *Ring*

Marion's head shot up and he put on a happy smile. The reptile in front of him had a cane and a warm smile despite his cold blood, "Hello Mr. Jameson, how are you doing today?"

"Well enough," the alligator replied, pulling out his wallet and preparing the usuals. Much like with all the regulars he had a pattern worked out. He knew their names, and a bit about what was going on in their lives--as much as could be gained in a few minutes. Mr. Jameson's son was going to be coming home soon for winter; to stay with him for a few months.

Marion nodded in reply, but couldn't help but wonder if his smile was OK. He knew he himself was stressed out, that he was ready to just get it out in the open. Of course, a larger part of him knew he wouldn't do it; not today. No matter how much he wanted it wasn't something he would do--if only because he knew he was just too scared.

After mentally shaking himself of the issue Marion looked up and smiled at the alligator, "OK Mr. Jameson, I'll be right back; I'm gaying your medicine,"

"Excu--"

"Getting! I'm going to be getting your medicine Mr. Jameson," Marion replied as quickly as he could, feeling heat run over his features. Great...I'll probably just come out to Chris by accident if things continue like this! he thought as he moved off quickly to get the alligator's medication.

Work went by with no other great instances. Despite his best attempts, he couldn't seem to warm up to Mary. They shared a relatively tentative lunch--with him telling her he was just under a lot of stress and her giving him a relatively cold shoulder. It didn't bother him much--he was far too worried to truly care about worrying about yet another fur's opinion of him.

Soon enough he was in the car, sitting in a line with who-knows-how-many-other furs as he waited to pick up his son. It was a routine he was more than used to, but today it felt slightly different. Perhaps it was because everything was about to change? Or was anything really about to change? Maybe Chris wouldn't mind--maybe the pup would have no reaction at all.

For some reason, that seemed the worst possible case. He wasn't sure why, but the idea of Chris not caring that he was gay--the pup showing absolutely no interest--was almost crushing. But he didn't want the pup to react negatively either. I guess I just want him to jump up and down giddy with excitement that daddy's gay Marion thought with a roll of his eyes, letting his foot off the break as the line began to move.

Marion let out a slight mix between a groan of annoyance and a sigh at the sight ahead of him as he rounded a corner to the car-loop area. The teachers alternated with car-loop duty as they called--so that there were, at least, always some eyes on the students. And of course, as if fate wasn't pushing him enough, the fur on duty today was Ben. A part of him was happy to see the bear, and another part of him felt unease, if only because it incited more feelings inside of him.

Did he want Ben to notice him? Did it matter? No. Not really, because all too soon the bear's eyes feel through the windshield and fell on him.

Marion smiled shyly at the bear. Ben knew what he was going through--much better than anyone else out there. After all the bear was the one who listened to his worries, fears, concerns, and all those annoyances he felt; yet Ben never seemed to mind. The bear cast a small smile his way, and an almost not so subtle nod in his direction before returning to his duties.

He passed by the bear--his paws shaking a bit as he did. The thought of rolling up his window occurred to him, but then he didn't want to appear too jittery, but he could always say he was cold, but he had the window down to look for Chris, and he always had the window down, but then again----it didn't matter after a moment as the door opened and a pup jumped in.

"Hey," Chris said absently, pulling the seatbelt over himself and buckling in.

"Hi," Marion replied, looking in his rearview to catch Ben's glance one last time. He brought his paw up to wave but quickly placed it down on the wheel again and began to drive off. After a moment he looked over at the pup, "How was your day?"

"Good...I'm going to have to stay later tomorrow,"

"O--Oh?" Marion asked, a frown beginning to etch itself into his features.

"Yeah, but don't worry. Mrs. Silver can give me a lift...it's a project for social studies and me and my group are going to work on it--James is in it,"

"Oh, well....umm...I..." Marion began to say he'd wanted to talk with the pup, but he didn't want to say that, did he? Did he want to tell Chris about the talk? After a second he shook his head and pulled onto a different road, "I guess that's fine then...when can I expect you back home?"

Chris dug around in his backpack for a few moments before pulling out a bit of paper and handing it over to the wolf.

"Can't look at it right now pup..."

"Oh, it's just the syllabus for the project. I've got time-era and historical events that happened within fifty years of the event,"

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad," Marion said, casting as a quick a glance as he dared over at the paper and seeing a few bullet points and a doodle off to the side by his son.

"No, it isn't...actually I got the best part...not too much work required on my part," Chris said with a small laugh. He then let out a small sigh of discontent though, "But....with all group projects...that means I'm letting someone else take care of another part,"

"You're hoping they do it is what you mean," Marion said with a small laugh, "In college I had a group project once...spent six hours in the library doing another girl's part of the work and citing sources because of other peoples' laziness..."

"Ouch..."

"But you have a good group I hope, right?"

"Yeah, we got to pick our groups...so it's not like we got a bad person to work with,"

"Good, good," Marion replied with a smile. For the rest of the ride there was a bit of small talk, and despite knowing what he had to do he felt calmer. But that was just the way it was. Chris and Ben--the two guys in his life who could cause him strife and at the same time make it all feel that much better.

Pulling into the drive way he let out a small chuckling-sigh at the irony--well, at least that's what he felt it was--of it all. Looking over at the pup he smirked a bit, "How about we do steak tonight?"

"Really?" Chris asked, remembering the left-over vegetable soup in the fridge--something he was more than fine to let go to waste honestly.

"Yeah, I'll even do some asparagus and something with the shallots we got last week at the grocery store, OK?"

"That sounds great," Chris said, his tail giving a slight thump behind him at the knowledge that there would be no evil vegetable soup tonight. His dad could make nearly anything taste good--almost. It wasn't his father's fault though, there was just no way nothing but vegetables could taste good. But then again, he liked salad. Of course, that could have meat. "Do you need any help?"

"No, I think I'll be OK," Marion replied with a small smile. And a part of him was sure that was true--after all, whenever he was cooking he felt calmer.

_____________________________________________

Soon enough the day had come. Well, it was only one day he felt, but it was a restless day. Marion wasn't sure he'd slept the previous night, nor exactly what had happened throughout the majority of the day. He felt tired, but far too amped up to relax. Even though he knew he'd spent hours in consciousness he couldn't exactly recall anything.

Dinner had gone well, but without any real occurrence. At one point he'd thought about asking Chris if there was anyone at school he liked, but it felt a bit forced because of where he had wanted it to lead. And besides, the more important point was to make sure his son was ok with him--he knew he'd be OK with any choice the pup made.

The last thing he truly remembered was having hugged Chris goodnight yesterday, and then talking with Ben for a bit before going to sleep. Of course, he didn't remember closing his eyes. His heart was beating again, well, not like it ever stopped. But it was pounding violently in his chest, and in the silence of the room he was sure he could make out the sound.

Or maybe it was just that he felt it that much? Did it matter? He had to tell Chris.

Chris.

The pup he'd come to love and treasured so much. And another part of him couldn't help but wonder if he really cared for Chris as much as he said why he hadn't come out to him sooner. And another part of him knew that it wouldn't have really been on his mind--he hadn't thought about his attractions till he met Ben really. Still, he wished he had brought it up at some point, just seen what the pup thought.

It wouldn't be long now.

Almost as soon as the thought ran into his mind there was a knock on the door, which he nearly jumped out of his skin to--only barely managing not to yelp in surprise. His eyes flew to the door and he began to walk towards it; smoothing down his fur and letting out a troubled sigh. Maybe it was Mrs. Silver, maybe it was finally time. He opened the door and felt his heart skip a few more beats, "Ben..."

"Hey," Ben said, smiling oddly and looking around a little.

"What are you d--"

"I know Chris is at the school--heard him over talking about it in chemistry...and...well, I just wanted to see you; you sounded pretty upset last night," Ben replied, shrugging his shoulders a bit. He gave his best smile before pulling a small rose from behind his back, but he was nearly wincing when he held it out. Flowers are good! They are. Who doesn't like flowers? And...well, I mean...oh god, it's not too gay is it? I mean, yeah, he's my boyfriend and everything, but...it's not...oh come-on! He'll like it, right? Right!?

Marion looked between Ben and the rose a few times, letting out the happiest sound he had all day--even if it was just a small, gruff laugh. He reached out and took the bear's paw, pulling Ben inside and closing the door behind them, "Thank you Ben...it's nice,"

Ben was still wincing, but he did feel better. He shuffled a little and looked away, "I wans't sure...I mean...I wanted to get you something but at the same time I was afraid you might think flowers were a bit.....uhh, well, flamboyant maybe?" he admitted, scratching nervously at his chin.

"I like it Ben...I never hate flowers..." Marion replied, finally taking the plant and bringing it up to his nose. The scent was calming and natural. Some companies actually sprayed their flowers with a perfume--which he always felt destroyed the purpose of a flower. Still, his paw was shaking, and that was much more visible with the flower in his grip.

"Are you OK?" Ben asked, carefully extending his paw and taking Marion's into his own.

"I.......God, Ben...I'm terrified," Marion admitted with a sorrowful, hallow laugh.

Ben bit the inside of his cheek and looked away, wondering what he was supposed to say. Even after a minute the only thing that happened was a small squeeze to the canine's paw. He let his other paw move over to the wolf, along the wolf's chest.

Marion let out a sigh as the bear's paw moved up his chest, then to his neck; where he was sure Ben would continue to cup his cheek. That didn't happen though. The paw stopped at his neck and he felt two fingers press into his neck. For a few moments they stayed there and he cocked his head and looked back up at the bear.

"You need to try and calm down Marion," Ben said, worried the wolf was throwing the entire thing out of proportion. When he had come out to his family it hadn't been hard at all. He'd brought home a guy--a fox--and introduced him as his date. The only complaint was that it was a fox--someone small, they were worried he'd crush him. Then again, that had been highschool and so long ago.

Perhaps it was a story for another day, but for now, he knew what he didn't need to do. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, but he knew Marion didn't truly want to hear about his past, nor would the wolf want to hear about yet another ex. He moved his paw up the wolf's neck, to Marion's cheek, and cupped it, "You'll feel better after,"

Marion looked up at the bear, leaning his head against the paw a bit noting it didn't feel quite as comforting as it generally did. But the bear was right. He let out a slow sigh, "I...I really hope I will..."

"Hey...you couldn't look much wors--" Ben said before catching the wolf's stare and following and combination between embarrassment and a laugh.

Marion frowned at the bear and looked away.

"Hey, hey...I'm sorry," Ben told the wolf, stroking a finger over his boyfriend' s muzzle, "I didn't mean it like that,"

Marion let out a light chuckle and rolled his eyes.

"You're just...I mean, Marion, you don't look like you've slept in a few days. You're fur is ruffled, you're eyes are completely bloodshot, and y--and.......God, I need to shut up, don't I?" Ben asked, throwing his other paw over his eyes.

Marion looked up at the bear, unable to help feeling too angry or upset with Ben when the bear seemed so embarrassed. And after all, the bear was probably more than right. He placed his paw over the bear's and shook his head, "I guess that might not be a terrible idea...otherwise I'll feel even worse if you're going against me too,"

Leaning forward Ben gave the wolf a quick kiss between his eyes, "I'm not against you at all Marion...I'm all there for you--al......." Always will be? No, no that's far too much. If I say that he'll probably get freaked out...I mean, well...oh...I don't know. As things are, I don' see anything that would deter me from staying with him--but...I'm not thinking about taking him on as a mate, am I? Would he see it that way? Well, that's why we're dating right? Both of us are looking for someone...and...Marion's a great c--

"I don't guess you're going to complete that sentence, are you?" Marion asked, seeing the blank look on the bear's face as if he'd slipped into some deep area of thought. Still, at the sound of his voice Ben seemed to snap from it and stare quickly back down at him.

"Already...I'm already there for you...right?" Ben asked, trying to at least recover a bit from his word choice. He slowly moved his paw down from the wolf's cheek and to his shoulder, where it stayed for a few moments. There was hesitation, in his own body, but only for a few moments. Sliding his paw over the wolf he began to pull Marion forward and was amazed how easily the wolf slipped into the embrace.

And like that he found himself holding onto the wolf. He didn't know how long it lasted or what exactly he was supposed to do even still. After a minute he had his other paw firmly around the wolf and was sure he was supporting Marion entirely. That was something he wanted to be able to do; support the wolf. Not just physically.

"Don't worry Marion...it'll all be alright,"

"I...hope so," Marion said, taking in a deep breath and holding it. He held it. And he held it some more. Slowly he let it out and shook his head, "I feel like I'm about to throw-up..."

"Are you going to?" Ben asked, his grip loosening a little.

"N--No...I'm really OK...physically...well...umm...if I don't get a heart attack," Marion said with a nervous chuckle.

"Marion,"

"Ye--Mmm,"

Ben kissed the wolf slowly, cupping one of the wolf's cheeks with his paw and holding him still. He could feel the thump of the wolf's erratic heart when he placed his paw over Marion's chest, each time seeming to portray his fear. But it was slowing. He began to pull back, and stroked the wolf's cheek again, "It'll be alright," he mumbled before leaning back into the kiss.

Marion let out a light sigh and tried his best to relax his tense body--a difficult task. Still, Ben helped. Perhaps in some ways he felt more nervous though. Kissing the bear was nice, and it was encouraging too, but with that came having to worry about Ben. He wanted Ben to be happy, to smile and laugh with him. When the bear pulled back again he let out a sigh and nodded lightly, "I hope you're right,"

Ben nudged their muzzles together and let out a sigh, enjoying the feeling of their breaths comingling between the space left between them. He could smell something sweet on the wolf's tongue, he had tasted it too; maybe a fruit or something? Did it matter? For a few more moments he stayed as he was, before slowly beginning to pull back. He didn't get very far before a pair of arms wrapped around him and lips latched back onto his own.

It was much different from any of their previous kisses. It was much more supportive. Sure, it was a kiss, and it was fun, but he could tell by the wolf's actions that it was just as much about support as it was the physical act itself.

"M-mm," Marion let out, opening his eyes and staring up at the bear who was looking down at him in reply. He tightened his grip around his boyfriend and relaxed; closing his eyes and telling himself to simply enjoy the moment for now. A second or more passed before the bear's paws on his waist pulled him closer, closing the final bit of distance between them. A slight grunt escaped him as he was held against the larger male. He pulled back and nuzzled Ben roughly, "Ben..."

"I'm here for you Marion," Ben said before leaning in to continue the kiss the wolf had started--happy there was no resistance. After a minute he growled softly into the wolf's muzzle, deciding it was a simple enough act to let out.

A soft moan fell away from Marion's lips, one he decided to not hide. He wrapped his arms around the bear tightly, just letting the worries slip away. A part of him relished the feeling; and he couldn't help but slightly chuckle into the kiss to think that in a few hours he might feel like this the rest of the time. For some reason, kissing the bear made him think of how things would be if everything was right; if he didn't have any worries.

And it was encouraging. Having someone to hold and to know wanted to be close to him. Knowing Ben was there for him and that he could open up to the bear only made the feeling swell. He didn't think about things going wrong. Instead he thought about how it would be to tell Chris he was going on a date, or to walk down the street with a stupid grin on his muzzle if only because he had nothing left to hide and was proud to admit he had a great guy like Ben.

Of course, at the root of it, all he enjoyed the kiss itself for the pure physical delight such an act brought. A part of him was sure he was intending to make up for all his missed out years in college and up till he'd met the bear when it came to kissing. There was a lot to make up for, but that didn't matter; it just meant more fun--even if he made a slight mental note to not overdo it for the bear's sake: if there was a thing such as over-kissing.

Neither the two furs noticed the gentle click of the door knob being turned. Neither noticed the fur walking in and closing the door--so well kept and oiled that it didn't even make a sound. They didn't even catch the gasp of surprise. Chris caught it all though. He wasn't sure what he was seeing though.

Instead both continued their pace, Marion letting out a happy sigh as he did. He even still kept the rose clasped in a paw as he held onto the bear, still lightly catching its scent every few moments--though Ben's was much more prevalent: much more calming. That all faded quickly enough, at the sound of something being dropped behind him. He jumped away from Ben and spun around to see the pup.

Chris stared for a few moments, unsure what he'd just seen. Of course it was a lie, he knew exactly what he'd just seen; what he was seeing. But that didn't make any sense. He blinked a few times, as if to get any left-over images from school out of his mind. That had to be it. He had been at school all day, even staying after to work on a project: he was just having school-based hallucinations obviously. And yet he still saw it--he still saw an all too familiar ursine with his father: not one ounce of their contact was professional.

"Dad!?" Chris nearly yelled and looked away. He couldn't help but look back at the same time and his jaw fell open. If it weren't for the fact that it was part of his muzzle he was sure it would've fallen straight to the ground, "M...Mr. Vaughn?"

Marion pushed away from the bear and looked at his son, as if to explain it wordlessly to him. The explanation didn't come, but he couldn't help but wonder why Chris was home. Sure, he knew the answer--Mrs. Silver had dropped him off, but that didn't make his current predicament any less strange. No words came out though, he was more than stunned by being caught. This was not supposed to be how it happened. Chris was supposed to come home and they were going to have a one-on-one talk and....

"Wh--What are you doing?" Chris nearly yelled.

Marion opened his mouth to explain, "Son..."

"What are you doing with my Dad?" Chris yelled, looking at the bear now, growling as best he could.

"Chris..." Ben said, feeling his face fall. His eyes darted quickly to a clock; it was nearly six--had he come so late? No, should he have come at all? He could feel his chest tightening on him.

Chris shook his head and looked at his dad accusingly, "What are you doing kissing my teacher?"

Marion felt his face drop even more, "Son...I can explain..."

"Explain? How?" Chris asked, still the same look of shock and anger on his features. They went away for a few moments when the pup closed his eyes, as if to think, but when he looked back up those emotions seemed enhanced many times over. "What are you doing?" he growled.

"Son...I...it's...." Marion began and looked over at Ben. He heard shuffling steps and looked to see his son running up the stairs, "Chris! Wait...Son!" he yelled and heard a wheezing sound behind him. And even in his own eyes he could feel tears beginning to run down.