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Chapter 11: Reconnecting

Two days came and went in the lives of Erik and James. No mention was made of the events from earlier that week, and their lives went about as they usually did. Erik remained buried in his theatrical studies, while James toiled away in the weather labs on his latest project. Their only real interaction with each other would come at meal time or if they had just happened to catch a break at the end of the day. As another late November day came to an end, the two relaxed on the couch and shared a heated debate on college football and whether a playoff system should be adopted or not. The non-educational banter served as a nice change of pace from their busy lives, and before they knew it the clock was showing that it was almost midnight. With a couple of laughs, the two called it a day and went to their respective rooms for some much needed rest. While Erik immediately fell asleep, his roommate remained wide awake.

A lone light on the side dresser was gleaming in James' otherwise dark room. In his hands were a piece of paper with a hastily scribbled name and number and his cell phone. His eyes darted to his door to make sure that it was shut tight. He then looked to the left and saw the clock read 2:24am. There was a good reason why he decided to wait until Erik was asleep before making this particular phone call. His story from earlier that week needed to remain valid. 'Maybe it would be easier to just tell Erik I lied,' he thought as he stared at the paper. 'Then again, I wouldn't hear the end of it if I did...looks like I'm committed,' he sighed.

James took one more deep breath before beginning to dial the numbers on the paper. The page had seen better days in the years since it was first used. Wrinkles spread across the area and almost made it a chore to read the numbers as he pressed each number on the phone one by one. He was sure that he threw the paper away years ago, but as luck or fate would have it, he found it in one of the pockets of his computer bag. Once the tenth number was in, he anxiously waited for an answer as each dial tone came and went. The grip on his phone became tighter and tighter with each passing second before he finally received an answer from the other line. His mind blanked on what to say, causing his caller to wonder if he was there.

"Hey, it's James," he said. The voice on the other end didn't recognize him at first. "James Kitsune," he said again. A smile and a sigh of relief were his response once his caller finally remembered him. "I've been doing well," he said. "I'm working on my doctorate in meteorology, so that has been keeping me rather busy lately. What about you?" He listened to her abridged life's story from the last four years which featured traveling, studying, and a lot of writing. As she continued, he could see her in his mind as if she were right there in the room with him. Her cerulean eyes were as bright and vivid as he remembered, and her smile brought a calming feeling to him. Their time together was a long forgotten memory, cast in the shadow of his late wife until Erik's comments had them resurface.

Silence filled the air again, causing her to make sure he was still there for the second time. "Sorry," he said with a nervous laugh. "I guess my mind is a bit tired." Another pause occurred as he listened to a simple question. "It's a long story," he answered, "but basically I had to make sure that I was alone and that my roommate couldn't hear me." He looked at the clock again. "Speaking of which, why does it seem like you're whispering? I can barely hear you at times." The answer he received caused his eyes to shoot open. "Are you serious!? How long!?" he said loudly. He immediately covered his mouth and looked towards his door again. He waited a few seconds to see if he had accidentally awoken Erik. The silence in the apartment reassured him that he was safe for now. He got up and began to pace his room slowly.

"When were you going to tell me about that little detail?" he said sharply. "Isn't something like that noteworthy?" His inquisitive gaze turned into one of almost sadness as she explained her situation. "I'm so sorry," he said softly. "Do you have a plan of action or something?" His ears twitched as she explained what she was going to do about her current predicament. "So then why is he crashing on your couch?" Another pause, followed by another sigh. "Just because he insisted that he was sorry, doesn't mean that it's for real. You did break things off with him, right?" James closed his eyes and nodded as she confirmed his inquiry. This time, there was a pause on her end before admitting something to the fox. His eyes re-opened quickly. "Wait...you've wished he was me?" She answered with another yes. "If you had those kinds of thoughts, why didn't you just seek me out? You've had my number in your phone, right?"

A name was mentioned on her end that stopped James dead in his tracks: Lina. She decided to bring up his late wife as her reason for never getting in touch with him. James slowly sat back down on the bed. "She's not here. She died three years ago," he said solemnly. Apologies rained down from her end of the conversation. "It's all right," he continued. "I wouldn't have expected you to know. We lost touch four years ago." He paused as she apologized once more and then asked how it happened. "We were going to dinner one night, and we were t-boned by a drunk driver. Her side took the impact. She died on the way to the hospital." James took a couple of deep breaths while he received more sympathy from the other line. "Thank you," he said with a small smile. "I appreciate it."

A question arose from her end that immediately wiped the smile from James' face. "Have I ever wished that Lina was you?" he repeated. The inquiry blindsided James, and his mind couldn't come up with an answer quickly enough. Words of every kind became lumped in his throat. For the third time, his caller had to make sure he was still there. "Yeah...I'm here. I just didn't think you were going to be so point blank about that." He swallowed hard. "At first, yes, I did wish that she was you. By the time we were engaged, I didn't have those thoughts anymore. Since she's been gone, however, those little thoughts have been trying to come back. A few nights ago, they broke through." He paused for a moment. "After my roommate and I had a talk about his...um...recent escapades, I remembered the first time we made love." This time, it was her turn to stop dead in her tracks. "Once I remembered that, I knew I had to call you."

Silence arose once more between the two. The longer the gap in conversation grew, the more worried James became over confessing what went through his mind that night. "Hey...are you still there?" he asked cautiously. She answered after another second of silence. "I'm sorry if I caught you off guard with what I just said. I just felt like honesty would be the best policy at that moment." She assured him that there was nothing to worry about. Another personal confession was spilled from her side of the conversation, causing James to slowly smile once again. "It's funny you mentioned that," James said. "It happened to me too." He did his best to stifle a chuckle at her reaction. "I'm not joking. You were in my dream last night." He fell backwards onto his bed with a sigh. Their conversation went on several diversions as the two went back and forth between recent events and harmless confessions.

After about twenty more minutes, they both felt as if it were time to call it a night. "So that's why I reached out to you tonight," James confessed. "I know it was out of the blue and I'm probably the last person you'd expect to hear from, but that's it. I needed to call you again." A bemused chuckle could be heard on the other end. James listened to her comment and returned his own chuckle back at her. "You're right," he said. "After all these years, I guess we never really moved on." One more smile, a warmer one, crept across his face. "It's really good to hear your voice, you know that, right?" The woman giggled and returned his sentiment. "Will you call me tomorrow when he's gone for good? I'll help you out in any way that I can." He waited for an answer from her with a great deal of anticipation. Her answer was favorable, and his smile grew. "Great. Give me a call, all right? I'll see you later. Good night..."

James let his phone fall from his hand and next to him on the bed. His gaze remained fixated on the ceiling, but his mind wandered aimlessly through the night's events. As he went through the conversation with his old flame, a twinge of guilt overcame him. One little voice continued to tell him that what he was doing was wrong, despite a few others telling him that he was justified in reaching out to her. He closed his eyes, and his wife came to mind. Her smile, her voice, and her touch all came back to him. "I know you would want me to be happy," he said softly to himself, "and I will never forget you, Lina." His eyes re-opened in a concerned glare. "So why do I feel so damn guilty? Why do I feel like I am doing something horrible?" He let his head fall to the left, and his gaze caught the clock once more. With his eyelids getting heavier by the second, James' hand fumbled around for the lone light on the side table and clicked it off.

***

James was not the only one who was unable to get much sleep that night. Just down the hall, Erik stirred in his sleep before slowly opening his eyes. His vision was greeted with the sight of a nearly pitch black room with the exception of his own clock. The blue hue of the numbers read barely after 4am, eliciting a low groan of displeasure from the raccoon. "Not again," he mumbled. His arms helped push the rest of his body into a seated position before he got up for the second time that night. He sighed and stretched as he went to open the door. Erik slowly trundled to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. His eyes squinted at the bright light coming from the open refrigerator door. As he drank the cool water, his mind wandered. Halfway through his glass of water, he stopped abruptly.

His eyes opened quickly at the images that came to mind. They all centered around a common focal point: Holly. He swallowed the rest of his water harshly and placed the glass on the table. Another deep breath was taken, and his eye twitched slightly. "What the hell is going on with me?" he grumbled softly. He slowly paced the floor while trying not to make a sound. His breathing increased in pace as his mind continued to make heads or tails of itself. "I need to calm down," he said to himself. "This is ridiculous." Erik made his way to the couch and sat down. He rubbed his eyes and slumped back into the cushions. "There has to be a reason for all of this."

His head tilted to the side, and his eyes slowly began to shut again. Just as his eyes were about to allow him to fall asleep, they quickly opened again, and his head became upright once more. He yawned and stood up, but his legs didn't cooperate at first. He lost his balance and almost fell back onto the couch and took the lamp down with him. The fixture rattled around on the table, but Erik was just barely able to keep it from falling to the floor. His gaze immediately went to James' room. He anxiously waited to see if he had accidentally woke him up. Thankfully, his room remained dark and silent. Erik sighed and scratched his head. "Thank God," he murmured.

For a second time, Erik stood back up. This time, his feet did not fail him. Rather than risk another catastrophe, the raccoon made his way back over to his room and slowly closed the door. He sighed heavily and sat back down on his bed. The blue light of his alarm clock barely illuminated the room, but it was just enough for him to find the small lamp on his desk. Near the lamp was his cell phone, which Erik stared at for several minutes. "Should I?" he asked himself. "Should I call her?" He grabbed his phone and held it carefully. He scrolled through the contacts until one particular number came across his screen. His eyes squinted at the screen as he thought carefully about what he was doing. Slowly, he pressed the green button, and he listed to the dial tone. As he expected, he didn't receive an answer. 'Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can,' was the response he heard. After another second, he heard the familiar beep.

"Hey, it's Erik. I know it's late, but I wanted to at least let you know that I haven't been ignoring you. I hope you can forgive me. I'd...I'd like to meet up with you again sometime this weekend. Let me know if or when you're available. You still have my number, I suppose." He yawned once more. "I hope to hear back from you soon..." He ended the call and quickly fell back on his bed. So much had come into the light over the last week for Erik. His mind simply felt overwhelmed at the vast amount of opinions and information that were vying for supremacy.

"I hope to hear back from you soon..." he repeated softly before falling asleep.

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Next: Chapter 12 - Those Unforgettable Days