Dreams: Chapter 2
Chapter 2.
Waking up with the need to piss, I found that Marcus was using my chest as a pillow and was sleeping on his stomach with one arm across my chest. I really didn't want to wake him up so I started to push him gently off of me. However that did not work to plan and he woke up immediately flattening his ears in embarrassment.
"Shit Lou I'm so sorry. I don't know how..."
"Shh Marcus, it's ok. I just needed to go to the bathroom."
"Lou I was practically sleeping on you."
"No you were sleeping on me, there is no doubting that. But seriously it is ok, don't worry about it."
With that I left him with eyes looking at the floor to make my way to the toilet. It's honestly funny that you truly never know how much you need to piss until you think about it, or you're bored enough to pay attention to your body's needs.
I closed the door behind me simply because I liked privacy in my own bathroom. In the locker rooms I could stand around all day naked with the guys and it wouldn't bother me one bit, but at home forget it. I took my what appeared to be straight 5 minute piss and thought to myself how to water level in the toilet doesn't change regardless of how much or long you go on for. Flushing the toilet and washing my paws out of habit I made my way back to the living room to find Marcus fast asleep on his side facing away from my area where I was laying.
Instead of laying back down I sat on the couch looking at him. I didn't matter how much I denied it to myself as well as him, I liked him. I liked him more than... more than a friend. Some part of me wanted him, and another part said it wasn't worth the risk. I leaned back into the couch and asked myself "Why, Why is this happening to me?" Not receiving an answer, or coming up with one on my own, I decided to go back to my spot and lay down next to Marcus. I also decided to get close and face him, putting my arm around his torso.
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I woke up to the sound of rumbling in the kitchen, and I noticed that Marcus was no longer in my grasp. I pointed an ear in the direction of the noise to try to figure out what was going on. I soon realized that I could not figure out what the exact sound was and already being this awake I decided to get up and investigate. I peeked my head around the kitchen door to find Marcus's back to me looking out the window eating cookies.
"I see you Lou. Good morning by the way"
The way he said that made it seem as if he was drained emotionally and the constant flicking of his tail was a definite sign that he was agitated about something.
"Hey Marcus, and good morning to you too" I replied not wanting to upset him further by prying into his business. When he was ready to talk he would, he always did. Fortunately it did not take long as he put the cookies down and walked up to face me with paws nervously in front of him.
"About last night..."
"Marcus it's fine, I promise. I didn't mind it and it's not like it meant anything. Plus you were asleep so would you even know you were doing it."
"Lou, no I lied. I did do it on purpose. I wanted to know... I wanted to know what it felt like to sleep with you."
"What!?"
"I'm sorry Lou. Please, please don't hate me. I'm so sorry!"
With that he hugged me and started sobbing on my shoulder. I was at a loss of what to do, so I just hugged him back. I placed my muzzle on his head and closed my eye honestly enjoying this moment of close contact. I moved my muzzle out of curiosity and took in his scent, and was immediately lost. I never realized just how good he smelt before until now, and it was amazing. No, it was more than amazing, it was Godly, intoxicating.
"Um Lou?"
I immediately broke out of my haze from his voice and realized I was hard and that he could feel it. Dozens of thoughts flew through me head all at once, some were excuses, some reasons, others explanations. The one that grabbed my attention was fear, recoil, and before I had a chance to think about my actions I was already acting upon them.
"Damn it!"
"Lou. Wait, no come back! We can... Damn it..."
Even though I heard him I was already up the stairs leaning against my locked door with paws on my head. I heard him come up to my door and try to turn the knob causing me to sink further into it.
"Lou come on, we can talk about it. It's not something to be scared of."
"I'm Sorry!" was the only thing I could think to cry out at the moment, and for once I really meant it.
"Lou I don't want you to be sorry, just open the door. We can talk about it, I mean I'm still a guy it's not like I don't understand."
I unlocked the door and sat down on the edge of my bed. Marcus came in with ears cocked in abnormal directions, expressing how different this was for him, as well as me too. He sat down on the bed next to me and looked the floor thinking of what to say.
"Lou, If you let me I can help you feel better about all of this."
"I'm not like that, I'm not gay. I don't..."
"Well, then maybe it was random chance than. It was sort of an emotional moment and wood does happen at very uncalled times. Maybe you were just thinking about something else without realizing it. Luckily I'm gay so I'm not going to beat you up or call you a fag."
"No... It wasn't chance, another thought, or even a mistake..."
It was when I said that sentence that all of that confusion, all of those weird feeling I get around Marc meant something. I had been lying to myself by dismissing them and they finally caught up to me. All the dreams I've had about holding Marc close, or living with him were my true feeling for him. I didn't feel like I was gay or straight, it just felt right.
"I'm not attracted to men Marcus. I am attracted to you... I'm sorry I don't know how to put it in better words. I like you I guess would be more of what I mean..."
"Lou..."
"I've tried to hide it, ignore it, push it away but nothing works. I love you damn it and nothing I have tried to do has made it go away. You're are my best friend and I never had the intention of falling in love with you. How can I just be attracted to you but not any other male? I just don't understand Marcus!"
"I... I know Lou. I've known for a while, but I wasn't sure. I noticed it a couple of months back, the look in your eyes and body language when I was around. I just didn't want to say anything because I always thought it might have been my imagination."
"I'm sorry, I didn't even realize that... Hell I don't even know how you feel about me admitting this to you."
"Well, I can't say that I was expecting it but honestly I'm not surprised. Plus I've always thought you would be a good mate, so I can say I feel pretty flattered. Never thought you would come on to me like you just did."
"Yea, well I guess I just did confess to you didn't I?"
"Heh, well it was definitely fool proof. I couldn't say no after that. So what do you want to do? I mean, we could 'try it'"
"Are you crazy Marc? What about our friendship, what we have now? I'm not willing to risk what we have built our entire lives just for the sex part! Plus, I don't even know how to..."
"What do you mean you don't know how? Haven't you ever been with a girl before?"
"It means exactly what I said, I'm a virgin."
"Well it's up to you, do you want to just stay friends or take the extra step?"
"I... I'm just not sure Marcus, It's just so new."
"Look Lou, I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable."
"I don't think it would, and I know some part of me really wants to, but is it worth a friendship? What if things get awkward?"
"Well, we could stop if you started feeling that way. Either way it's up to you Lou."
"I really don't want to risk what we have. You are my friend and even though we have feeling for each other to be more than that, if we don't like it we could ruin what we have now. I don't want years of work to be ruined just for the last part... I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry Lou, what you just said was very mature. Are you going to be alright though?"
"Yea, I think I'll be fine. We are still cool right?"
"Of course."
In the back of my mind I was trying to hold back one question, but I wanted to ask it so badly. I liked... No, I loved his touch. I loved the fact that we slept together last night, and the fact we can be so close to each other. It was just simply amazing, and mind consuming.
"Can we still... do stuff like last night? Cuddle, hold each other?"
"Absolutely! Also nice to know that you like it now."
With that we gave each other giant hugs and licks on the cheek. We were now open to each other and had no reason for not acting on what we wanted to do. Although we weren't dating or having sex we were much more comfortable with each other.
"Hey Lou, I've got to stop by my house real quick. Is it ok if I come back later? Oh I forgot to tell you, your parents left you a voicemail saying that they had an emergency company meeting and wouldn't be back until tomorrow night or the following morning."
"Oh? I guess that's why they haven't seemed like they were here."
"Yea, that corporate job stuffs got to be hard. Anyway I'll be back in a few hours. Later babe!"
"Later Marcus!"
As Marcus closed the door behind him I couldn't help but to feel somehow excluded from the world. I wanted nothing more than to go run after him, to throw open the door with enough force that it would never close again. For some reason thought I could not, like some sort of force was stopping me, telling me that I could never have that. I couldn't help but slide my back down against the door with my ears folded and let tears fall down my cheeks.
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I awoke to the sound of an airplane passing overhead and it half startled me. I didn't remember falling asleep or passing out but it must have been due to the overwhelming amount of emotions I was dealing with. For some reason I felt both angry and sad at the same time. I wanted to both punch a hole in a wall as hard as I could and go buy flowers from the local florist.
Regardless of how I felt I decided to do neither and just get some water from the fridge. I had truly no idea how long I was out for but from the aching of my head I guessed it was one of those 1 hour power naps. I didn't even make across the living room when something caught my nose. It was Marcus's overshirt hanging over the backrest of the couch. Even from 10 feet away I picked up its scent without even looking for it. It smelt so good, heavenly almost and without even thinking of it, it managed to cause a shift in my sheath.
I could help but to walk over to it and place a paw on it. "How can I feel this way over a guy... Aren't I suppose to feel like this over a chick, a young pretty fox or something?" I tightened my grip on the shirt and as much as I wanted to throw it across the room and rip it to shreds, I could not. At the same time I felt compelled to pick it up, hold it and observe it. I could not do that one either however and it left me very conflicted. All I could do was merely look at it, and just wonder.