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Silnis

*****

"Silnis, please come out dear! You haven't gone to school in three days! I'm worried about you...," My mom knocked on my door a few more times before giving up, hearing her sigh depressingly before going back downstairs. Here I was, lying in bed with the curtains closed tight and the blanket wrapped around me. Ever since that fateful day, I had been a complete wreck over the past few days. I slowly drowned in the sea of depression and had lost the will to speak to anyone. I rarely ate and kept myself locked in my room in total isolation.

I didn't mind being alone. After all...what can a heart do after being cut open twice and left to bleed? The damage had been done and nothing would be able to repair it. I'm afraid this was going to be the last of my love life.

My journal was on my nightstand, several new pages having just been written in the past days. You could probably guess what the subjects were about. While writing, I avoided using Markus' name. Just hearing, speaking, or thinking about his name made me drown a little more in the sea.

From what my mother told me, Garrett and a few others from the club had come over to check if I was okay, but they quickly left, though they left me some letters that they slipped under my door. I read them silently to myself sometimes and everyone had figured out why I had been gone. From what their letters told me, Markus still came to school, though he wasn't himself any more. He had also slipped into depression, being gloomy and all, but he wouldn't stop talking and sobbing about me. Some students had taken it upon themselves to punish Markus as they saw him as guilty, vandalizing his locker with harsh words and just plain bullying him. He didn't take them so seriously though, and just ignored them.

Back then, I would have cared. But now it meant almost nothing to me. So what if Markus is suffering? Why do I care about him? He was the one who hurt me more than he hurt himself. What he did can never be forgiven. For all I care, he can stay like that for as long as he wants to. I can still remember my words to him before leaving that night: "I...will...never...love...you...again."

I reached for my remote and switched on my stereo system, tuning it to my favorite radio station. I felt like a little music might take my mind off these things, if only for a few short moments. The previous song had just ended and the next one was steadily fading in, making me recognize the song.

(Remember When-Avril Lavigne)

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times

I told you everything, you know my feelings

It never crossed my mind that there would be a time

For us to say goodbye, what a big surprise

_ _

But I'm not lost, I'm not gone

I haven't forgot

_ _

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

_ _

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when

Oh Avril...why do you have songs that have to match every love situation? She seems to have experienced it all. I wondered what she did to overcome them all....

I remember when it was 'Together till the end'

Now I'm alone again, where do I begin?

I cried a little bit, you died a little bit

Please say there's no regrets, and say you won't forget

I listened to the rest of the song, only sighing as I remembered Markus making a similar promise so many times that, at the time, it seemed believable. I fail to realize how much of an idiot I was to him. Believing every word he said and taking it as a promise that would be kept forever. But nothing lasts forever...even love must die at some point.

Markus

*****

He wasn't here again.... But I shouldn't expect it. He must hate me that much to not want to come to school anymore. Touching my bruised muzzle, I could still remember those sharp words that hurt more than the punch he threw at me: "I...will...never...love...you...again."

I sat alone during lunch most days now. Kelly had relocated to another table; no doubt she hated me too along with everyone else. A ball of paper landed in front of me, but I didn't have to open it to know what it was going to say. Bits of food also stuck to the back of my head fur, but I just ignored that too. How can a few harsh words and bullying compare to Silnis proclaiming that he would never love me again? I thought those words would never come out of him, that our love would stay strong forever. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough to strengthen our relationship.

I stared down at the crescent moon bracelet that Silnis had given me just after he had accepted and opened up to me. I could never forget the day I saw the real him come out: sweet, innocent, and loving. Now...I just drew him back into his shell...probably worse. I don't deserve to be his mate. Not after what I did to him. The best thing for him is for me to leave him and never come back. He would be better off without me and could probably find someone else to make him happy.

*****

The day had ended quickly, just like every day after what happened, and I was about to head to work when I saw a familiar tiger waiting for me by my car.

"Hey Luke...," I greeted him, unlocking my car and about to get in when he blocked my way.

"I want to talk to you," he said, not a hint of anger in his voice.

"Luke...I really don't want to right now...," I told him, not wanting to discuss what happened between Silnis and I.

"Just shut up and listen, okay?" he softly demanded, crossing his arms and sighing deeply, "I know what you're going through. You made the same mistake like I did and ended up ruining your relationship with Silnis. I've been there and I've done that. I also went through depression like you are and just wanted to give up on Silnis. But...after I did some thinking...I got back on my feet and went after Silnis again, hoping he could find it in his heart to forgive me. He never did until later on when he met you. I admit, I was jealous that you easily won his heart, but now...I'm glad that you had him. I probably would have repeated the same mistake again and gave up on Silnis for good. But just looking at and knowing you, I don't think you're the type to give up so easily."

"Luke...what are you saying?" I asked him, a little confused.

"Markus...what I'm trying to say is that you should forgive yourself first for doing whatever you did, and then ask Silnis for his forgiveness. It's what I did...well...tried to do...but do you get what I'm saying?" he clarified.

"Luke...I appreciate what you're trying to tell me...but I don't think Silnis will ever forgive me...," I told him, my head hung low. That's when I felt a blow to my face, staggering back and seeing Luke with an irritated look.

"Markus! Are you seriously just going to do nothing and forget about Silnis!? How are you going to know that he won't forgive if you don't try at least?! Where is that determination that you had when you first wanted him?" We stood silent for a moment before I pushed him out of my way, starting my car and driving off. His punch to my muzzle didn't leave me bleeding, though it stung. I'm sorry Luke, but losing Silnis was my own fault. There's nothing I can do to get him back.

Silnis

*****

I was sipping a bowl of soup that my mom had insisted that I should eat. My mom was a great cook, but it was flavorless to me. Setting the bowl aside, I lay back down on my bed and just gazed up at my ceiling. I just wanted to sleep. But sleep would not come to me. When I slept, I entered my dream world, the same one with my dream lover, but no one was there but me. I sat alone on the hill under the black night with the full moon. I walked alone on beach with the sunset and rolling waves. Loneliness...it felt good at the moment.

I stared at my ceiling for a few more moments before a thought popped into my head: "A walk sounds nice about now." Getting out of my bed and getting dressed, I left a note on the dinner table that I had gone out for walk since no one was home. Locking the front door behind me, I decided a walk around town will do me some good. I wanted to avoid the park for obvious reasons. There were just too many memories there that I would rather forget about.

Walking through town, I spotted the theater where I had taken shelter in the day a storm came in and scared me to death. Markus was there with me that day and he had gone looking for me. I remembered feeling so scared that the fear paralyzed me. I couldn't move and cowered in the darkness of the theater. Markus had found me and comforted me. That was when he told me he loved me, and that's when I opened up to him. He made me feel safe and warm that time...something I probably wouldn't feel for the rest of my life.

I continued walking through time, reminiscing about all the precious times Markus and I had spent together. I recalled the time Markus had come to my rescue after Josh had sexually assaulted me, our vacation together in Hawaii, and our passionate nights of love. Coming back from my thoughts, I found myself standing in front of the Cinnabon where Markus had first seen my phobia to thunder. He was the only one there that I could cling on to. He was the only one that soothed me. He was my knight who saved me from peril.

Sitting down at where we had sat before, I started to cry a little. Not enough to make me bawl into my hands, but enough to make tears dampen the fur around my eyes. Why was I crying? Did I miss Markus? But how could I after he betrayed me? Could some part of me still want him even after what he did? I shook my head to dismiss the thought. No...I was only crying because I was thinking about all these painful memories. I should probably get back home now....

Markus

*****

Work was slow today. Only a few customers came and went while I tried to put on my best smile, it didn't help cover my gloomy atmosphere though. My co-workers had already known why I was so depressed since I told them a while back about my relationship and bragged a bit on how amazing it was. These days they would give me some space or cheer me up with some words of encouragement. I appreciated their effort, but it just wouldn't do.

"Hey, Markus, cheer up man. Not all relationships work out. You'll probably find someone new and get back on your feet in no time," one of my co-workers, Reis, tried to cheer me up.

"Thanks Reis...but Silnis was the one for me. We had something specialand I just went ahead and blew our relationship away. I just chased away the guy I could have spent the rest of my life with. He doesn't deserve me after what I did...," I said, leaning down on the counter with my head down.

"I don't want to be the next person telling you this Markus but...if you keep talking about him so much...why don't you just go back to him and ask him for his forgiveness? From what you tell me, he can be stubborn, but he's not unreasonable. Just talk to him and ask him if he can forgive you. You'll never know if you don't at least try. Who knows...he just might want you back and doesn't want to admit it?" he illuminated. I thought about this.... Could he be right? I had just jumped to conclusions after that night but...what if Silnis really did want me back? What if he was just too depressed and hurt to say it to me?

My heart started to beat faster as the thought of making it up with Silnis and getting him back excited me. Silnis and I...we had a special bond together that just made me think that we were made for each other. If I just let him slip through my fingers...then I will never know if he wanted a second chance with me. Reis and Luke were right...I needed to at least try. I needed to try and ask Silnis for his forgiveness. Only then will I know if we were truly made for each other.

Pulling out my phone, I checked my calendar to see what day the school party was on. It was two days from now and that would be the perfect time to talk to him. All I needed now was one thing that would just have to make him come back to me. And that thing was sitting in my room at home on my desk. I knew that this was little too early for that thing, but it would be the only way to save our relationship.

"Hey, isn't that your mate right there?" I heard Reis point out. Looking outside, I saw Silnis sitting at one of the tables, exactly at the one where we had sat at the first time. He stared at the seat across from him with a distant look, seemingly remembering the time we spent together here. He got up, glancing back at the table before leaving.

I could have gone outside and asked for his forgiveness right there, but something told me to hold back. I had a feeling that if I had done it now, I'd just slim my chances of getting him back later. Silnis...just hold on to hope for a little longer and I'll bring you back from your shell. I promise I'll make things better for the both of us. I have to....