FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Whew...sorry for the span of time in between lol. Some parts of the near story are foreign to me in just about everyway and I keep over thinking it perhaps. And of course I've taken some guilty pleasures of reading and watching too much TV. Also suffered a bit of writer's block (still getting through it...any suggestions?) and what not, but I think it's receeding! Oh well, should get it out much more quickly now!

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"Hello?" a deep voice asked.

"Hello?" Marion asked in return.

"Yes?"

"Hey...umm, is this Bernardus Vaughn?"

"Yes...may I ask who this is?"

"It...it's Marion," Marion choked out, feeling his heart try to break his rib cage, or so he would guess that was the intent.

"Oh, hey," Ben replied, feeling a smile creep up his muzzle. "Is my inhaler in...you said it would take a week,"

"No..." Marion managed to get out and took a shaky breath, "No, it's not," he reiterated, just to take up space in their conversation

"Cool," Ben replied, smiling even more now. Either his inhaler was in and he got to go get it, or it wasn't and that meant the wolf had wanted to call him; he won either way. This wasn't a business call it seemed, which was rare for the bear, "So...what's up?"

Marion felt his stomach flutter and he didn't know what to say. It had been so long since he'd made a call like this; it felt a bit strange honestly. How was it done today? This wasn't like picking up someone at a bar, or anything he quite remembered besides back in highschool. Of course even then he had started these type conversations by asking how classes were going. He stood there, in his living room, and felt his tongue glue itself to the roof of his mouth.

"Hello?"

"I'm here...sorry, just got distracted by something on TV," Marion lied. He had spent a lot of the week wondering about if he should call Ben or not. He made up tons of excuses not to, such as the fact that the bear had winked probably meant that Ben was too promiscuous. Of course he shot that down just because he knew that first impressions could easily mislead a person. After all, he kind of had made the first move by even mentioning a date with him--Ben was just being nice probably. The fact that the bear was being nice was a reason to call the bear. Another reason not to call involved the fact that he was really busy, or so he told himself, and he wouldn't even be able to date on weekdays. Of course he shot that one down because the weekends weren't too bad off.

"So...how is it going?"

"Not bad...not bad...umm, how is your asthma?" Marion asked, not sure what else to ask. He didn't know anything about the bear, and this was the best he could do. It was basically like asking the bear about school, but since he doubted Ben was still in school he had to ask the one thing he could think of. The question itself felt terrible the second it passed his lips; perhaps Ben would think it was insensitive.

"Good news; I haven't had to use the inhaler once yet...which is kind of a miracle...I usually have frequent attacks,"

"That's good..." Marion said, a mixture of relief that the bear hadn't taken offense, and more nervousness that the bear was still talking---that he was really speaking with someone again.

"Yeah...it may be the weather up here; it's healthier I guess,"

"Oh, you're not from around here?"

"No...I'm from Metropolis,"

"Like Superdog?"

Ben's laugh was natural and heavy; like you would expect from a lumberjack. Marion was unsure why he always associated the bear with that profession. It was just that the bear fit the bill so to speak.

"No...umm, you know the capital Nario state?" Ben said, after he got done laughing.

"Oh...wow, ok, so you're from a territory--I never learned the territories capitals,"

"I could tell," Ben said with a chuckle. "It's near there...a bit north. But the entire place is just smoggy..." he said and then there was a long silence. He felt his heart take a small plunge and he sucked in a breath of air. He'd like to ask the wolf before he had an attack; the build up wasn't good for him. "So...umm, can I assume you called for personal reasons?"

Marion swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. A second passed before he remembered he was on the phone, "Yes...umm...yeah..."

"Cool...I was kind of afraid I'd offended you,"

"No...you didn't," Marion said, giving a light chuckle. "It was...more like a surprise,"

Ben laughed a little, "Well...I didn't know if you were...well, interested or not...I'm not very good at guessing people,"

"I'm not either...I was kind of thinking you'd hit me after I asked for your number,"

"Oh I'm not the violent type," Ben said with a chuckle, "But...Umm...well, I wouldn't mind getting to know you...if I can be frank about it,"

Marion felt his face muscles twitch excitedly and realized that he was sweating. Over the phone? He was sweating because of that? Had it really been that long? "Yeah...uh, that sounds cool,"

"I'm not being too straight-forward am I?"

"Not too much...I mean...if you hadn't asked me out or anything I would've never got up the nerve. In truth...I think it's a good thing,"

"Well, you called me; that says a lot,"

Marion chuckled nervously again.

"Well, I'm not trying to pressure you or anything you know...how about we start with something simple...like a cup of coffee?"

Marion felt himself calm down a bit, no longer feeling like he was having to just jump into a relationship with the bear. Friends. He could have a good friend! "Yeah...that sounds nice,"

"Cool...umm, well, when do you want to meet?"

"When is good for you?"

"I'm good after four most days," Ben replied.

"Oh...ever for lunch?"

"No...I can't leave work for lunch," Ben said.

"OK...Well...what about now?" Marion asked.

"Right now right now?"

"Sure...I've got to go out to town anyway and...well, I mean, if you want to meet me that'd be nice,"

"Yeah...OK...that sounds good--umm, where do you want to meet?"

"Do you know where BeanCity is?" Marion asked.

"The one on main?"

"Yeah, that's the one,"

"OK..." Ben said and smiled, "When do you want to meet?"

"I can be there in about fifteen minutes,"

"Cool...I'll meet you there? It's not too far from where I am," Ben said, beginning to put away his papers and capping the pen so he didn't have any straymarks; they were already hard enough to read.

"Yeah...well...umm, I'll see you soon?"

"Sure," Ben replied.

Marion heard the phone line go dead and he let out a sigh of relief. He looked around and nodded, running over and grabbing his keys. Chris was actually helping with a school play, and he'd have to pick up the pup soon, but a cup of coffee would be nice. Still, could he really juggle any type of extra relationship and being a single parent?

The only thing Marion knew as he walked out the door was that the coffee would have to be decaf or he'd probably have a heart attack by the end of the day.

_____

Ben looked around the coffee shop nervously and put another packet of sugar into his cup of coffee. He stirred it vigorously for a minute and looked around again. The bell rang and his eyes darted towards the door where he saw the pitch black wolf coming in. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed it before, but the black wolf was extremely familiar. He didn't have time to make the connection before they caught one another's eye.

Marion looked around and smiled when he saw a paw waving at him. He waved back and walked quickly over, "Hey Ben,"

"Marion...hi,"

Ben stood up and smiled, "Can I get you a cup of coffee...something to eat?"

"Umm, coffee is fine--I can pa--"

"No, I'll pay; this is my treat," Ben said with a smile.

"Oh...well, OK--I won't say no to a free cup of coffee,"

Ben chuckled and went over with the wolf to buy another cup of coffee. He noted that the wolf got decaf, something he hadn't expected. His first impression of the wolf, what with Marion jumping up to greet him at the pharmacy and talking so quickly, was that the wolf was a coffee junkie. Still, he, like Marion, realized how easily first impressions could be off. Soon they were sitting at a table and both sipping from their cups. "So..."

Marion chuckled and smiled at the bear. Now that he was here his heart was beating at a surprisingly calm pace, "Well tell me...what made you decide to come here?"

"Oh...well, you told me to meet you here...." Ben replied, cocking his head a bit.

"No, no...I mean...you know, to the city?"

"Oh. Job opportunities," Ben said with a sigh. "It's getting terrible trying to find work,"

"Isn't it for everyone?" Marion asked with a small chuckle. It was more just something to say. He knew he had it good, a stable job, a great paycheck; it was everything he could want to support and take care of Chris.

"Ha...isn't that true?" Ben asked with a laugh.

"Umm, haven't you been here for a year or so though?"

"How did you know?"

"We met last year in the store...ice pops..." Marion said, trying to act like it was just simple knowledge and not freak the bear out.

"Oh...that's right," Ben replied, still wondering how he was supposed to remember that day. He couldn't remember the color of the shirt he'd worn yesterday; it was plaid, but besides that it might have been pink, or red, or blue, or something else.

Giving a sigh and taking a sip from his coffee he looked back at the wolf. Ben nodded--as if to clear his mind of the subject of clothing--and frowned, "I came down here with a promise for work and after the first year they let me off...but I have a temporary job for right now. But, if I can be honest, I think it might open up...I think it could be promising,"

"That's good...sorry to hear about your job,"

"Ehh, me too," Ben said with a shrug of his shoulders. "How about you...you're a pharmacist?" he asked, just to be nice. Because it was either Marion was a pharmacist or he'd just bought drugs from someone without a license.

"Yep," Marion said. He took a sip and grimaced.

"Bad?"

"Bitter...need som--"

"Sugar," Ben finished for the wolf and handed him a saucer that was filled with sugar.

Marion smiled and spooned some sugar into his coffee and took another sip from it. The taste was so much better now, "Oh...that's nice,"

"I put more than I usually do in mine...I'm more of a black guy, you know?"

"No, I much prefer my coffee to have some sugar and milk in it," Marion told the bear.

"You seem like the type that likes flavors too," Ben said, unsure if it was just a nervous thought or he was just rambling.

"Yeah, I'm still fooling around with them at home. I don't like some of the store-brand you can buy...doesn't taste the same as it does from a coffee shop. But I guess you don't like any flavor do you?"

"Oh, me?" Ben asked, as if it wasn't just him and Marion at the table. He shook his head quickly and swirled the liquid in his cup, "I'm just like it plain...best kind I think; really a kick start to my day...and then in the morning, and in the evening. Basically I go to sleep because I don't have coffee..." he said chuckling lightly.

"Wow, and I thought Mary had a caffeine addiction," Marion said with a chuckle. The rabbit was infamous for her addiction to sweet things; soda particularly. She chugged it down like it was water, and Marion thought it was something between a blessing and annoying that no matter how many sweets she ate she had the whitest teeth around.

"I'm pretty bad I guess," Ben admitted with a chuckle. "Not my fault...I'm up late some nights reading papers and everything,"

"For work?"

"Yeah. I work over at the s--"

Ben never got a chance to finish his statement before Marion's phone went off. It cut off whatever the bear had said and Marion wished he'd remembered to turn it on vibrate; it had completely ruined the ambience. Still, the second he saw Chris's name on the ID he gave a quick frown to Ben before pulling it up to his muzzle, "Hello?"

"Dad...we got out early,"

Glancing down at his watch Marion noticed that it was only four thirty and practice wasn't supposed to end for another half hour. "I'll say...are you waiting outside?" he asked, and gave Ben his best 'I'm sorry but I have to take care of this' look.

"Yeah. Sorry,"

"Don't be," Marion said quickly, "I'll be right there, OK? I'm already nearby,"

"OK...see you soon,"

"Yeah, be ready to go when I get there," Marion said and hung up. He looked over at Ben and frowned, "I'm sorry...I have to go,"

"It's fine..." Ben said, shrugging his shoulders. He'd wished he'd gotten more than perhaps ten minutes of talking with the wolf. They had literally just been able to drink a cup of coffee together. He'd wished for a bit more; quite a bit more.

"I really am. I'm having a good time; I mean it..."

"Hey, I believe you..." Ben replied, glad to see the wolf actually cared about having to leave so early; that was a good sign, right?

"I wish I could talk longer...it's been forever since I've been out like this..." Marion said and immediately grimaced at basically saying he was about as dry as a desert.

"Heheh....I'm not quite on the field myself with work. Between scheduling what comes next week and trying to impress my bosses so I get the job...well...." Ben said and shrugged his shoulders. It was kind of nice knowing Marion wasn't too popular in the dating world though; not for the fact that the wolf didn't date but the fact that the wolf understood life was busy. He stood up and smiled, "And...well...like I said, I do like you Marion. But, we don't have to rush anything either....if you're uncomfortable,"

Marion's ears twitched nervously and he frowned, "No, it's...Umm...well...." he said, his tail swishing back and forth behind him, "I'm not really sure; how about we're friends first...and if it moves from there...it moves,"

"OK," Ben said, stretching out his arm and smiling at the wolf, "Friends then,"

Marion clasped the paw and smiled back, "OK...I'll see you around," he said. He kept his paw in the bear's and both looked at one another. He could feel the warmth, and he couldn't deny a small look in Ben's eyes that he enjoyed. Sure, being a father was great, and he loved Chris; nothing was more important. But the companionship someone like Ben offered--even as a friend--was something he didn't realize he'd been missing. His tail twitched nervously behind him and Marion gave a small smile, "But...I do like you too Ben,"

Ben felt the wolf's paw recede from his touch but the words kept playing in his ears and it felt like instead of a cold sense from the lack of touch he became very heated. A grin popped over his muzzle as they walked to the door. They both turned in different direction and both looked back in surprise, obviously saddened that the other had parked in a different place. He put his paw in the air and gave one last smile, "I can call you?"

Marion's tongue glued itself to the roof of his mouth for a few moments. He stared at the bear for a moment and suddenly felt much better. Maybe it was the bear's continued approval of him, or that he really did like him, but a sense of calmness ran through him. He nodded surely, "I'll be expecting it,"

And with that Marion moved away, retreating down the sidewalk at a brisk pace, a bit with nervous excitement, and mostly with the worry that he was keeping Chris waiting. Of course, being so near it only took him a few minutes before he found himself driving up to the front of the school where his son was waiting for him. Chris picked up his backpack and quickly got in the car. "Why'd they let you guys out early again?"

"Mr. Brown was just making Claire and Jason...they're the two main actors for the play...repeat their lines over and over again...so Mr. Norris just let us out. I mean, if they weren't going to be using the pit then why should we be there?"

"You're in the pit?" Marion asked, unsure why he had assumed his son, who was helping in the school play by playing the piano, would be on stage.

"Well, yeah...better than being on stage making an idiot of myself," Chris replied with a chuckle.

"Hey, you might like acting...you never know,"

Chris shrugged his shoulders and leaned back into the seat, "Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah, it was slow as it gets though," Marion replied with a sigh. "It's the slow time of the month. About two weeks from now, when the social security checks come in though; then I'll be busy I guess...but, how is the play coming?"

"I'm beginning to regret getting dragged into it," Chris admitted after a moment. His friend, Bryan, when he'd learned he'd played the piano, had begged him to help out, but now it was beginning to take up most of his afternoons.

"You can quit anytime you want you know," Marion replied. He had been glad when Chris had taken up an extracurricular, but at the same time he didn't want his son to feel pressured into doing anything he didn't want.

Chris nodded after a moment and shrugged his shoulders. He knew he had it better than most of the furs in the pit in that his dad let him do what he wanted. He knew at least ten people who were playing in the play because their parents refused to allow them to quit, not that all of them wanted to quit. After another moment he looked over at his dad and gave a weak smile, "I mean, it's not all bad...there's times for fun, and I mean it isn't like I don't like playing the piano, but..."

"It's kind of boring playing the same thing over and over?" Marion asked after a moment.

"Y--Yeah," Chris said slowly, unsure how his dad knew that.

"Well...is there nothing you can do to improve?"

"It's simple music at the moment. I mean...I've got the notes down, along with the tempo; all I'm working on are the dynamics,"

"Which are?"

"Umm, dynamics are the indicators as to whether the music is loud and heavy, or light and airy...that kind of stuff..."

"Well, why don't you practice that?" Marion asked, trying his best to offer encouragement.

"Because I can't get into the music when the director cuts us off after ten seconds of playing..." Chris replied agitatedly.

"I'm sorry..." Marion said, unsure what else to say. He couldn't exactly keep up in a conversation with Chris about music, because he knew the pup got his musical side from his mother. Marion had 'two left ears' if it could be said that such a thing would imply terrible musical abilities.

"It's fine...once things pick up it'll get better I know," Chris replied surely.

___________________________________________

Marion sighed tiredly as he stirred the rice and chicken in the pan. His mind was hardly on the food. When they had gotten home his son had asked him if he'd had coffee--having smelt it on his breath. And with that small question Marion suddenly realized just what was happening.

The pup had no idea!

Chis, his son, had no idea his dad was gay. Marion shuddered again and tried his best to focus on cooking though it did very little good. Not only was Chris oblivious to the fact, Marion realized he was completely oblivious to the pup's views on it.

He had to tell the pup.

Marion nodded slowly to himself, surely.

No. No way. It wouldn't even take a feather to blow over his façade of security. Marion shuddered and was sure if he was any more worried he'd be sweating bullets. How could he be so stupid?! Letting out a growl of anger Marion tried his best to ignore the subject, but it was a very short lived reprieve.

"Dad?"

Marion's growl stopped instantly and he nearly spun around, hitting the handle of the pan and making it spin, some of the juice from the chicken being spun out and making a sizzling sound on the stove, though luckily that was the worst of it. He took the smallest fraction of a second he could to compose himself and smile at the pup, "Yeah?"

"You OK?"

"Me?" Marion asked, his eyes widening a little and wondering just what Chris knew. Reason quickly flooded in. There was no way the pup knew; it wasn't like he'd been speaking his fears out loud of course.

"Yeah...just came down...well...smells like supper is ready...." Chris said, wondering why his dad was acting so strangely. It had started quite suddenly. The moment they had gotten home it was like his dad was hiding something from him. At some points he was wondering if perhaps his father had accidently swallowed a pill or something.

"Yeah, yeah...it is," Marion replied quickly, and even more quickly reprimanded himself for the reactions he was giving. If he kept acting like this then it would be that much more difficult to tell the pup about himself. "Can you get the glasses ready please?"

OK...just tell him...he's your son, he'll love you either way Marion told himself as he began to dish out a bit of the stir fry onto plates. Or...well, he'll hate you...you know...that's certainly a possibility. Oh, shut-up will you? he thought in reply to his own thoughts.

The meal passed in that manner. Marion sometimes managed small chunks of conversation with the pup, but analyzed every little action. At one point he even found himself wondering if the pup's excessive use of salt was Chris's way of telling him to just let everything come out.

Coming out.

This shouldn't have been something a thirty-something-year-old wolf should be worrying about! The very fact was all the more difficult because Marion knew all too well, by a bit of simple logic, that gay furs didn't usually come out to their children---it wasn't exactly logical for a father who had a son to be gay...was it?

Ok do it...while he's drinking...that way he won't be able to reply quickly Marion told himself and a grimace broke out on his muzzle My God...I sound more like I'm planning a murder than to come out to him...ohh...this wasn't this difficult with my parents----was it?

"Hey Dad...can Jason come over this weekend?"

"Sure, sure," Marion replied dismissively.

Chris's ears flickered and he wondered what was going on. His dad was acting even more strangely now. Of course, he'd come to realize that his dad didn't act normal--though even the definition of 'normal' was odd to him. There were times his dad would want to hang out with him for instance. Apparently, at least from what he'd learned from his friends, most teens and parents don't hang out; well, not as much as he and his father did. Then again, Chris knew that he got along with his father better than most furs too.

The extreme oddity of his dad's last action though, made him even more curious. His dad never rolled over that simply about allowing anyone over. Ever since Will had come over and they'd raided his cabinet, he'd been on a short leash. Of course in that time he'd grown immeasurably closer with the wolf, but his dad had stayed true to his word in having to earn his trust back. The second time he'd invited a friend over, about six months after Will, his father hadn't even left them alone save for when they went to sleep. Even now his dad was always nearby when he had a friend over, and the room to his office was locked down tighter than the president's house.

Now now now now Marion's brain continued, each 'now' followed quickly by a no no no no no

"May I be excused?" Chris asked, cocking his head towards his father who seemed to be staring off at some far off corner. "Dad?" he asked again after a moment.

"Oh! Yes...sorry," Marion replied and nodded to the pup. He watched as Chris got up and smiled a little. The pup and him got along so well right now; could he really change all that? Would it really change? There, of course, was only one way to find out though. Mustering all his courage Marion stood up too and took in a deep breath.

"Chris..." Marion said, looking over at the pup and feeling his stomach flutter.

"Yeah?" Chris asked, looking back at his dad curiously. His dad had a strangely serious look, like he had when telling him how important it was to study or something.

"I'm...g--g--g--g--gonna need you to do the dishes tonight," Marion said quickly, the entire notion of admitting his sexuality to the pup seeming so ludicrous that beginning to say it was almost impossible. Or perhaps, that was just how he felt it to be.

"O...K," Chris said, his ears flickering a bit but not questioning the order. He began to gather the dishes and couldn't help but notice how quickly his father left the room, seeming a bit put off about something. Grabbing the cloth and turning on the water he wondered if he'd said something before, or if his dad was simply acting strange. It wasn't uncommon for his dad to be a bit odd...aren't all parents?

Marion moved up the stairs and into his office, locking the door behind him and giving a small sigh of relief. It all seemed a bit more complicated now. Before he'd embraced the idea of Ben's companionship, and he still did, but the matter seemed needlessly complicated. It wasn't helped by the fact that he was quite sure he was the very person making it needlessly complicated. After a moment he found his way over to his chair which he fell into with a plop and covered his face with a paw, giving yet another sigh, but this time filled with worry.

"Oh...what on earth am I going to do?" he asked himself. Being friends with Ben was an option, but not until it was established they couldn't be anything more. Of course, the problem with that was the fact that it was obvious that they both did like the other. They would both want to be 'together' for a bit, and--if they were compatible--he had no doubt that they'd want to continue the relationship and even grow closer.

The strange feeling of wanting such a relationship and being afraid of its repercussions soon ran through Marion, giving him an involuntary shiver. Perhaps the notion was made more intimidating by the fact that he had to worry and stress Chris's happiness. He couldn't think about just himself.

That itself was another issue to think on. If he did decide to take on a relationship with Ben then that would add yet another individual onto the list of people he would have to be thoughtful of. It wasn't that he didn't want to care for another person, but, what if Ben's and Chris's needs conflicted. Of course Chris would come first, but that would mean pushing back Ben, whom, if he developed feelings for, would be difficult too.

"Ugh...relationships.......this...this," Marion said, stressing it to himself and shaking his head, "Is why I studied for fifteen years and didn't date,"